u/Interesting-Ride5431

Hope this teaches you I'm not sure if your local with me but maybe we are let's talk

It's been real and it's been fun but it has not been real fun..fuck you reddit and all the ups and downs you have given me through everyone fucking lives fuck this I'm out I've got my own life to live again and it's not on here anymore 🫵🖕😎💪☘️

Wtf is wrong with you why did you do this to me!! Huh!?

I should have known when you said once a person gets into the sex trade they almost never get out...

But nope I wanted to believe you I wanted to think you wanted better and actually loved me..

What a fucking load of shit that was you never gave a fuck and you where never my gf or fiance in your mind.

Cheating all the time for $ or just dick..

There was nothing special with us for you only me and my dumb ass for believing your lies..

All of them even the ones of how much I hurt you and caused you such resentments and trauma..

None of that shit is true cause for that to happen you would have to actually be invested emotionally to someone and you where not at all just fucking acted like it playing me as a dummy fucking everyone behind my back... Snake ass evil shit..

Then blaming me for what happened that it's my fault we broke up cause I'm a pos because of my thoughts I had feelings I had.. imagine that I wonder why I had them now huh!! Yet I took it all on me the guilt shame and regret it's all my fault... Fts!! What's wrong with you and the you

Tell all these dudes it's my fault and who knows what you tell them..

Have them follow me watch me all the time gang stalking me they do for you probably cause you fuckem they some old ass burnt outs who just live that pussy you got..so ya they do what you want and pay you for what huh so you can fuck with my head all the time let me hear you fucking at night where I live and I can't do. Shot about it feeling like I'm

Getting pulled out all the time causing me to not focus so I can move forward with life..

TF I don't deserve that shit..fuck you have your many porn names on the Internet have you sex trade business going on idc at all just stay away from me my fucking daughter harmony tried to kill herself a couple weeks ago almost fucking succeeded no lie she needs me my daughter mickey she needs me we talk a lot yey you and you cliets want to derail me and go to prison fuck..not gonna happen I'm done giving any energy towards you after what I've had to find out about.. because your a coward who can't tell the truth on things you want to play your narcissistic games and get off from this well you get no reaction anymore idc what you do where you do it idc what you do your fucking soulless definitely have no idea why you have a Bible verse on you when that heart is not a heart for Jesus but a heart of darkness stop trying to bring me into your darkness you can't. Have me God revealed everything and I can have some peace and I'm not even gonna. Hold hate or anger about it I want peace from this crazy waste of my life I spent giving someone myself who never even was real I don't know you at all all I know is an actress who acted as a cast member in my life and never cared about me at all..figures your a pornstar/actress sex worker all you do Is act... Take your act elsewhere praying for you that's it...be safe gb S.I.N

Where you making adult movies the entire time...damn...well get yours take care gb S.

From someone you toyed with mentally

Let me start by saying that you're not my person if you were my perso her name is shantel your name's not Shantel I'm sure of it so I will say this I've been locked up most of my life ever since I was about the age of 10 okay

I've always wanted to fit in I've always wanted validation I've always needed it ever since I was a child.

I never got it so I thought okay.. I will look towards

t the older men the other guy for those figures in my life. modelers models my bigger Brothers to show me these validations tell me I was doing good id right..

you know what when they told me I was doing good and I was doing right that's where I got my validation from okay.

From committing crimes using drugs and being locked up ..

That's where I got my love from okay a bunch of criminal drugg addicts and when I would.. need a woman when I would get with onee.

I got attached why did I get attached why did everything like that happen

.. you know I don't use any of that stuff p as an excuse.

did it get so intense because all my mind told me was this is going to end soon and I'm going back to fucking prison and it's over and I didn't want to lose it I clung on and do it clung onto it like a leach I would get jealous I would get insecure and it was all going to leave and begone anyways.. then guess what I would go to prison it would be gone I have to sit in there with all my feelings and everything and nothing would ever have closer or nothing because that's just how it was that was my life I never fucking grew up and got to learn how to be a man or how to help you got to learn how to be a woman or anything like that I didn't live on this on the streets out here like everybody else I lived in prison in juvenile delinquent I grew up there and it's not like out here and you don't get caught the same things you don't get to learn the same type of responsive behaviors that other people got to learn that were healthy I just navigated it solo dolo and yeah but this last person that I was with last woman that I I was with I was clean I was sober I had my life together for the first time ever in my life I had a car I had my license back I had everything going and I was on my way becoming a counselor for drug and alcohol I was attractive I knew I was attractive and I met you and no matter what you say you want to let you want to convince yourself of you changed my fucking world upside down that I can't explain to me and did I handle it well until I treat you well did I do anything did I do anything fucking great positive to fucking make it last fuck Noah birthday burnt it down because well I'm honest this man and sentence downward departure I've got three months left on probation and I continually think I'm going to prison and all this shit's gone anyway I self-sabotage I fuck shit up and I did that to us fucking broke the first thing in my life that was actually something meaningful to me something that freaking made me want to be better I've got children that love me to death I've never been their dad I was always in prison or high on drugs and doing stuff because I didn't know how to be there when I was doing my best to be there for you and I fucked it up you know what I'm sorry I can't take it back the words that I said things because that was my fear in my insecurities coming out and puke on you because of how I've been treating the past from one other relationship that I had okay and then everything else not knowing how to deal with shit came into effect I'm not a fucking piece of shit I'm not a low-life motherfucker okay yeah you know what thank you for helping me learn what I can really fucking learn here and I will find somebody else and I will be fucking happy but I rather be happy with you I'd rather have you in my fucking life I'd rather have taken this moment of our fucking brokenness and hurtness that we that I caused us and everything else that's been going on and build from it into something that nobody's ever fucking seen before they can't separate us but you don't fucking see it that way you just see oh this fucking guy s the piece of fucking shit you didn't fucking love me fuck you okay yeah I did and I still do so fuck off right 143SIN ☘️🤡🙏😡 I love you beyond anything anyone could explain.. but everything I fucking read about what you say about me is just how much the fucking child I'm just a fucking boy I'm just a fucking man so I'm just a fucking not yeah okay cuz I was taught fucking raised like you motherfuckers I wasn't I don't know how to regulate my emotions I don't know how to do some of these things but I'm learning them I'm learning them and trust and Believe in that person you got the next person is not going to get but you could have you already fucking moved on me else and if it's true I think it is fucking love music same thing checks out you're not going to punk me out with some other fucking people I know!! Fucking get with the homies the ones I call friends my fucking friends and shit like that they're not going to punk me out eitherthats all disrespectful yo and has to have repercussions fro. It kind of like you all are putting me through really depressions karma right karma bet😎☘️

Let me start by saying that you're not my person if you were my perso her name is shantel your name's not Shantel I'm sure of it so I will say this I've been locked up most of my life ever since I was about the age of 10 okay

I've always wanted to fit in I've always wanted validation I've always needed it ever since I was a child.

I never got it so I thought okay.. I will look towards

t the older men the other guy for those figures in my life. modelers models my bigger Brothers to show me these validations tell me I was doing good id right..

you know what when they told me I was doing good and I was doing right that's where I got my validation from okay.

From committing crimes using drugs and being locked up ..

That's where I got my love from okay a bunch of criminal drugg addicts and when I would.. need a woman when I would get with onee.

I got attached why did I get attached why did everything like that happen

.. you know I don't use any of that stuff p as an excuse.

did it get so intense because all my mind told me was this is going to end soon and I'm going back to fucking prison and it's over and I didn't want to lose it I clung on and do it clung onto it like a leach I would get jealous I would get insecure and it was all going to leave and begone anyways.. then guess what I would go to prison it would be gone I have to sit in there with all my feelings and everything and nothing would ever have closer or nothing because that's just how it was that was my life I never fucking grew up and got to learn how to be a man or how to help you got to learn how to be a woman or anything like that I didn't live on this on the streets out here like everybody else I lived in prison in juvenile delinquent I grew up there and it's not like out here and you don't get caught the same things you don't get to learn the same type of responsive behaviors that other people got to learn that were healthy I just navigated it solo dolo and yeah but this last person that I was with last woman that I I was with I was clean I was sober I had my life together for the first time ever in my life I had a car I had my license back I had everything going and I was on my way becoming a counselor for drug and alcohol I was attractive I knew I was attractive and I met you and no matter what you say you want to let you want to convince yourself of you changed my fucking world upside down that I can't explain to me and did I handle it well until I treat you well did I do anything did I do anything fucking great positive to fucking make it last fuck Noah birthday burnt it down because well I'm honest this man and sentence downward departure I've got three months left on probation and I continually think I'm going to prison and all this shit's gone anyway I self-sabotage I fuck shit up and I did that to us fucking broke the first thing in my life that was actually something meaningful to me something that freaking made me want to be better I've got children that love me to death I've never been their dad I was always in prison or high on drugs and doing stuff because I didn't know how to be there when I was doing my best to be there for you and I fucked it up you know what I'm sorry I can't take it back the words that I said things because that was my fear in my insecurities coming out and puke on you because of how I've been treating the past from one other relationship that I had okay and then everything else not knowing how to deal with shit came into effect I'm not a fucking piece of shit I'm not a low-life motherfucker okay yeah you know what thank you for helping me learn what I can really fucking learn here and I will find somebody else and I will be fucking happy but I rather be happy with you I'd rather have you in my fucking life I'd rather have taken this moment of our fucking brokenness and hurtness that we that I caused us and everything else that's been going on and build from it into something that nobody's ever fucking seen before they can't separate us but you don't fucking see it that way you just see oh this fucking guy s the piece of fucking shit you didn't fucking love me fuck you okay yeah I did and I still do so fuck off right 143SIN ☘️🤡🙏😡 I love you beyond anything anyone could explain.. but everything I fucking read about what you say about me is just how much the fucking child I'm just a fucking boy I'm just a fucking man so I'm just a fucking not yeah okay cuz I was taught fucking raised like you motherfuckers I wasn't I don't know how to regulate my emotions I don't know how to do some of these things but I'm learning them I'm learning them and trust and Believe in that person you got the next person is not going to get but you could have you already fucking moved on me else and if it's true I think it is fucking love music same thing checks out you're not going to punk me out with some other fucking people I know!! Fucking get with the homies the ones I call friends my fucking friends and shit like that they're not going to punk me out eitherthats all disrespectful yo and has to have repercussions fro. It kind of like you all are putting me through really depressions karma right karma bet😎☘️

So I know now it's you following me around..

And I'm gonna see you again and. We gonna talk or we won't and either way we gettin it the fuck in fr..snake ass dude.. supposed be my friend nope you and her are definitely anything it's fucked up you sneaking behind my back to fuck I loved that bitch I hate you fuckers so much for playing me as fool putting it all on me doing things to make me feel crazy so I would fuck and be the one to blame for it ending sick ass people yo see you around buster ☘️

Swain ass punk

I tell myself I'm getting off here fuck reddit yet honestly reading all these posts others have written that sound like our story or just sounds like you reaching out it feels good... I love you and I still believe we can but thata just me that's not you please call me

Ok I hav no idea if it was you I dm'd..I'm so so damn fearful I'm going to arrive and you will not be there or will be and tell me I need to leave fml I'm taking the risk if I had a boom box I would be packing it with me

has hurt woman who I say I love so many times... it's a patter I have continued since falling in love with a woman in 2015 and was a my very first love that I've ever well felt as I did for someone but....

it was a very much drug fueled time in life and I was introduced to my trauma from that time from being with her..

every person after her I hurt I turned every next relationship I got into as if it was going to end like it did with my first one and still actively using to cope with life it's all I knew and I was a fucked up unhealthy person that never should have been with anyone..I did not realize how hurt I was from my fist love ..and well I've another love my last love who I can honestly say was the realist love I've ever had because I was sober she was sober we built a life we shared as something I've never had till her it was amazing and....

then I was a fucking monster I destroyed what we had I fucking puked on her with vicious attacks ...why...

because I was scared afraid ..I had my trauma not healed or seen by me from my past I traumatized her more she did not deserve this from me..

I fucked up bad with her I fucking hate that part of me so much and I was such a puke so many hidden things from her well not now like she has all my info in so many ways I've know she can see what I do on my phone the whole time... I did everything wrong I ran away avoided and lied to her..

I'm full of shame I've never felt so shameful before I want to tell her all my wrongs without saying after words I did because of this or that I never physically slept with her or her but..

but fuck that shit I might as well have because weather I physically cheated or not it was cheating on her it was not ok.. I'm disgusted with myself so much tonight like it's bn over a year now she's all I think of yet here I am on fucking adult dating sites porn sites fucking like wtf thomas fr I hate all the sites I've visited and she knows like I want to delete all of it somehow..and just not search for attention at all from any of that or from any female at all right now.. I'm not ok with myself and who I am inside I allowed myself to show her who I was who she fell in love with that was me that man he was real but he also had a darkness in him unknowingly who was scared and could not believe anyone loved me how she did and I ficking broke it apart in a fuckwd messy way and she deserved none of that from a person who should have kept her safe.. was supposed to keep her safe..and not abandon her... I abandoned her she never wanted to be but I did in the worst way.. I don't get closer I don't get that person back I don't get to be allowed into her life..

I know you see these I know you post things to me you do a lot on your end to abuse me now mentally on here in many ways with many others I know this because I can read between lines I know what's happening everyday...

Im apologizing here I'm confessing and I'm also saying I'm done with all the trickery all the spying or checking on you I. leaving Reddit and those dating sites we will not cross paths on you can stop making fake accounts to trick me with as we both know you have I see you as well sweetheart I always do... no matter how your profiles look I can recognize you...and I hate that so I can't erase all that dumb ass shit on sites Im on bur I can erase any way of getting on them and taking myself away from that toxic shit ..I'm giving attention to things that broke us apart I'm so tired of this pattern I have I'm so sorry I caused you things as I have..

I need to be alone focused on God with all this and pray over you..take care shantelle be safe wherever your at I pray always for you to be safe🙏 I love you... and I'm sorry

SIN?it's me T... I know all those words that you write and all those thoughts you have yeah I can see how you feel that way and see how you can view that about me.... it wasn't me purposely being dishonest or untrustworthy...it was me not knowing how to deal with the thoughts that were attacking me over you that were attacking me with red flags...

I didn't know how to talk about when I first thought I thought them up or they came into my mind...I would say after about three times down the line of those thought of red flags coming into my head... it would come out as puke I would literally puke on you with my thoughts and insecurities and trauma because I was acared and afraid letting fear rule over me and my actions would come out...when that happens I I run away I avoid and I I would drink I started getting high again running to what I knew best numbing myself to ...to what I numbed myself to something not true but what my head said was.. I gave up so fast.. my sobriety gone tossed out I feel shitty I can't believe didn't this is happening then I'm going through this to whatever my head is telling me at the time and then afterwards I fucking hate myself and I run back because I truly was not what I wanted to happen or what I meant to happen I never meant to do any of that to you purposely intentionally but I did and it came out in a very fucking horrible sickening way so then I get high and I can catastrophize things thinking it's fucking done it's over..

like I fucking just wreck it bad and when I finally kind of come to you and have a little bit of sense in my head and kind of thinking clearly I hate myself and regret things I say and wish I hadn't made choices I made because on the end that's because I don't want to be alone but I always feel like I'm always going to be alone because then I always thought this was to good too ..

to be true it's fake and not real in my mind couldn't accept that it was real and authentic i'm so sorry that you had to experience this from me but at the same time reading how much growth you've had from it and everything else and how much I've actually been able to learn and heal and understand and grow from as well that's a big win and a big loss I wish you would just talk to me and give me a chance to just talk or let me listen I don't know let me listen just go for a walk and not say a damn word because regardless of anything I still hold you in my heart still miss you and I love you and life's not the same because of all the plans and everything we had yeah I still want all that with you I try to freaking talk to people I tried to be on dating sites all that and it's just fucking draining it's demeaning to me and myself and who I know I am cuz I don't need to be on those but I try to not be alone even though I'm alone in my room all the time but then when it comes to going outside I'm always looking for your face I swear I see you at times chased after it once or twice till you were still you're the woman I prayed for and if God really wanted to give you to me in my life to learn from and for you to learn from me and he's going to bring you back into my life I don't know anybody will and I have faith in that and I hold on to hopeo even if I shouldn't my best friend and my person and nobody else is ever going to know me better than you fuck even if we came together after this like not a damn person probably never be able to understand me like you do S....

It's me T. Is this my S cause those dreams are still alive with me and I reach out I do even scared and afraid to I do..

because those plans we had could still have and I know how I feel how I think on all of it and I see two people who could beat all odds all dought all the shit that could happen if we let each other have a long hug..

we know what is gonna come from suck a thing such a commitment towards us ya it might get said by some as rediculous and won't work but believe it'll be what make sus stronger together in so many ways support comfort understanding excepting and being present for ourselves and each other.. I would not alow you to endure who you met at the end again even if I never get a chance to hold you that trauma will not be seen by anyone again.. except my therapist lol he gets fucking dumped on... I can be that consistent person now... 143