u/InternationalEnmu

i was emotionally/psychologically abused by close family and bullied since i was really young until around 16-17. due to this, growing up i only knew self hatred and low self esteem. even though ive escaped the abuse, that self hatred is still there. it feels impossible for me to like myself for who i am. i'm always so harsh on myself with my flaws, because that's how my family was to me growing up.

how do i start to unlearn all of this? i don't want to hate myself anymore, but it's so deep that i really can't find a way to heal

i feel like my fatigue has been getting worse and worse to the point where i can spend only an hour or two upright before i have to lay down again. i'm trying to be better about hydration but i don't notice any substantial difference yet. i really need advice on what to do because i feel like i'm wasting my life stuck in bed and it makes me so stressed and anxious

does anyone get scared in the car but only when you're driving? i have the worst fear of driving ever and i avoid it like the plague but when someone else drives me i'm totally fine. so im just scared of driving. is this the norm or are ppl with bvd scared of being in the car in general?

i really hope that this is a bvd thing because i genuinely cannot get over my fear of driving. exposure therapy doesn't help, nor do meds. and i really want to drive but i'm just so scared

hello everyone. i've suspected i had bvd since the beginning of this year. i resonate with all the symptoms and experiences people talk about. i've had a history of lazy eye but i never needed treatment for it because it wasn't serious. I also have adhd which made me consider getting tested for bvd in the first place.

today i went to an eye doctor. he was a standard eye doctor but I did bring up BVD. he did the test where he covered one eye and then the other. he said i had "pretty normal eye alignment" and that there was not any misalignment in my face. he also dismissed my double vision and other symptoms i explained as "normal" and not a big enough concern to be serious because there was no eye misalignment.

but something still feels off. so i was wondering, can you still have BVD without a physical misalignment? is it still possible? or is it true that I don't have it and my concerns are normal?

I did get diagnosed with astigmatism in one eye though, which i'm pretty sure I didn't have corrective lenses for before. So i'm going to try my new glasses when they come and see if my vision improves.

sometimes i'll need to lay down right after i'm done eating due to previous activities before eating that caused a flare up. and i know it's bad to lay down right after eating but you cannot keep me from my bed when i have a chance to lay down lmao my stomach will just have to deal with it

does anyone else get emotional flashbacks where you don't remember any past events but instead you just feel the emotions past trauma gave you? how do you deal with this bc i'm going through it rn and i have to go to work soon and idk how i'll survive the day without breaking down crying lol

is this a chronic illness thing? i deal with chronic fatigue from pots 24/7 that gets worse if i'm out and about. my (able bodied) friends and family tell me to just sit down or lay down if i get an episode of really bad fatigue when i'm out in the middle of an event or something. but that doesn't help. in order for my worse fatigue to go away i need to be fully laying down or napping in my dark room for a few hours. my family doesn't understand that rest on a couch or chair or in a quiet room can't recharge me at all and can even make my fatigue worse. does anyone else feel this way? i think able bodied rest is different from chronic illness rest.

every day i feel guilt. almost 24/7. and it can be from anything relating to my trauma to just small unimportant things like forgetting something. i feel guilty for being alive. i feel guilty for doing anything, i feel guilty for doing nothing. i feel guilty for enjoying myself, i feel guilty for not enjoying anything. i feel like i owe everyone i've ever met something. i feel guilty for existing. this guilt lives in the back of my head and never quiets.

does anyone else feel the same way? how do you stop feeling guilty

trying to upgrade my drawing tablet but i also want a screenless mode for when my neck hurts. which versions have that mode?

i have low blood sugar episodes almost everyday. if i eat something my blood sugar will get back to normal for about 30 minutes to an hour and then go back down. I think the only thing that helps is large meals but I rarely have the appetite for those. i doubt this is normal but I bet it's likely because of ARFID and avoiding a lot of healthy foods. I should probably go to the doctor but I don't want to go just for them to tell me it's a diet issue, because I'm already trying to fix ARFID.

Does anyone else get low blood sugar episodes because of their eating habits?

this started with my cardiologist stating that pots can be "outgrown" or you can go into remission. which i know is true but usually the time frame for that is a few years and it's not 100% certain. it's already been 6 years for me and there's no end in sight. but my parents and other family keep saying i'll grow out of it as if i'll magically wake up tomorrow feeling fine. which is a bit frustrating because it seems like they're dismissing my problems because they believe my condition is 100% without a doubt going to go away. it's frustrating

Due to many health issues + not eating enough i get hypoglycemia so i need to eat more frequently. but i do not have any energy to prep or cook most things bc of chronic illness, which definitely hinders my ability to eat properly or more often.

Do you guys have any favorite low effort meals that dont take a lot of energy to make? Preferably healthy ones. Thanks :)

i know a strong sense of justice is a common feeling in autism. i'm currently going through feeling this and I don't know how to feel. i've just been hearing and seeing so much shit going on in the world and how justice rarely gets served towards the perpetrators, and it sickens me. from the most depraved stuff going on in the world to small instances of ableism that I see online I just can't fathom how people are so evil. why?? how do i carry on?? its so hard to believe people are fundamentally good. i'm so exhausted seeing all the injustices in the world, more specifically because they don't get justice or punishment.

if anyone has any advice on how to just not be so angry that it impacts my life, id appreciate it

i get fatigued every day especially after exertion. i'm considering the possibility of comorbid MECFS but i also know this fatigue is connected to pots because i always get the classic pots symptoms along with it during a flare up - brain fog, high HR, shortness of breath, dizziness, etc.

do you guys also have debilitating fatigue? it's easily my worst symptom along with blood pooling.