u/Jannellenyblessy

I finally left my abusive ex. Who has bpd bipolar and ied mental health isn’t an excuse for this behavior is it ?

He’s not medicated and hasn’t been in therepy for years but since he’s on p.o I think he’ll be in some therapy program
To see the msgs go to my page I have it in other communities I can’t put them here

(In the screen shots where my messages were green that was when we got back together after the pepper spray incident he wanted me to let him do it back to me.

then when he called me a btch for linking cs when I was single and we broke up I smoked with smb but told him the truth when we got back tg but I told him how him saying he’s gonna violate me if I don’t do smth to make up for it scares me in a way but he didn’t care, he also said spend I have to spend large amount of money on him to make up for what I did when I was single and broken up with him but these were months ago btw

The rest of the msgs were recently he will switch to being insulting then will be sexual and expect me to match his sexual energy and when I didn’t it was an attack on him)

START READING FROM HERE \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*I’m 17 and I recently broke up with my 21-year-old ex. I am posting this to hold myself accountable to the reality of the situation and break the trauma bond.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*In the beginning, when I was vulnerable and in love, he would purposefully ignore and "stonewall" me when he would get in moods. He admitted he did this just to see if I would chase him and beg for his attention. He trained me to believe it was my job to lift his mood and fix his "bad" days. He claimed he wanted to know if I was the right person for him.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Early on, he found a text in my phone to a boy I used to talk to—where I explicitly told the boy I was in a relationship—but he didn't care. He used it as an excuse to get violent, throwing clothes at me and hitting me with pillows. This set the tone that any excuse would justify his aggression.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Recently, when I was telling him constantly that we were done, he threatened to kill me, kick my door down, or slice my throat.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He put his hand around my neck, pushed me off the bed onto the floor on my butt one time, and one time he threw a travel bag with items in it at my head. This happened because I mentioned police after he put his hands around my neck because I pulled his pants down—but I only did it because he did it to me first jokingly. The difference is his penis came out, which I did not intend to happen. We were in his bedroom.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He purposefully said things to make me feel insecure, like telling me he didn't want to be with someone who had just given birth, just to tear me down. During arguments, he would call me slurs (B-word, W-word, S-word), tell me to kill myself, and claim I was nothing without him. He told me I’m worthless and he can get any bad b he wants.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He is still best friends with a guy who openly disrespected me, told him to take me to the gym, and even made a rape joke about me. He defended me a little and only told him to stop, but he didn’t care and knew he was disrespectful and continues to prioritize that friendship\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He would look at other women online and lied one time when confronted and said I was making things up as a way to leave the relationship, then said he only said that because he didn’t want to talk about it at that moment.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*When I defended myself (once with pepper spray after he followed me as I was leaving his house with a water bottle in his hands; he dumped it on me and I assumed he would hit me), he used that as an excuse to claim I was the one who traumatized him, and he demanded "revenge." When we got back together after that incident, he demanded he gets to spray me back or do something to me.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He was unemployed for a year while I paid for most of my travel and for us to have food or weed every week. I only had an Uber driver job and I would do it on foot almost every day.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*One time I saw his TikTok history and saw he was looking at other girls. I wanted to leave his house, but I got really upset. I pulled the covers off him and a bowl fell off the table. Long story short, he was hovering over me, looking in my phone to make sure I wasn’t texting my family that I wanted to leave. He wasn’t allowing me to leave until I helped him clean his room. He demanded I clean his room before I was "allowed" to leave his house, and his elderly dad watched the whole thing and didn't tell him "no, I need to leave."\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He would be incredibly cruel one minute, and then instantly switch to being "kind" or, more often, start texting me sexually. If I didn't match his "horny" energy, he would get angry and turn it into a major problem, acting like my lack of interest was an insult or a threat.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*He struggled with Bipolar, BPD, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He had deep-seated "mother wounds" that made him view any boundary I set—even simple things like not wanting to be sexual when he did—as a personal threat or an act of abandonment. He couldn't distinguish between a boundary and an attack, which made healthy communication impossible. Even times I ask for a break, he looks at it as me wanting to mess with other guys or that I don't love him or want to see him.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*I am currently pregnant by him. He came in me and didn’t tell me until after he already did it, which makes the trauma bond incredibly harder to break. And he said an abortion is just an appointment, then claimed he didn’t remember saying that.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

**I’m 17 and I recently broke up with my 21-year-old ex. I am posting this to hold myself accountable to the reality of the situation and break the trauma bond.**

The screen shots are js certain things he say

**In the beginning, when I was vulnerable and in love, he would purposefully ignore and "stonewall" me when he would get in moods. He admitted he did this just to see if I would chase him and beg for his attention. He trained me to believe it was my job to lift his mood and fix his "bad" days. He claimed he wanted to know if I was the right person for him.**

**Early on, he found a text in my phone to a boy I used to talk to—where I explicitly told the boy I was in a relationship—but he didn't care. He used it as an excuse to get violent, throwing clothes at me and hitting me with pillows. This set the tone that any excuse would justify his aggression.**

**Recently, when I was telling him constantly that we were done, he threatened to kill me, kick my door down, or slice my throat.**

**He put his hand around my neck, pushed me off the bed onto the floor on my butt one time, and one time he threw a travel bag with items in it at my head. This happened because I mentioned police after he put his hands around my neck because I pulled his pants down—but I only did it because he did it to me first jokingly. The difference is his penis came out, which I did not intend to happen. We were in his bedroom.**

**He purposefully said things to make me feel insecure, like telling me he didn't want to be with someone who had just given birth, just to tear me down. During arguments, he would call me slurs (B-word, W-word, S-word), tell me to kill myself, and claim I was nothing without him. He told me I’m worthless and he can get any bad b he wants.**

**He is still best friends with a guy who openly disrespected me, told him to take me to the gym, and even made a rape joke about me. He defended me a little and only told him to stop, but he didn’t care and knew he was disrespectful and continues to prioritize that friendship**

**He would look at other women online and lied one time when confronted and said I was making things up as a way to leave the relationship, then said he only said that because he didn’t want to talk about it at that moment.**

**When I defended myself (once with pepper spray after he followed me as I was leaving his house with a water bottle in his hands; he dumped it on me and I assumed he would hit me), he used that as an excuse to claim I was the one who traumatized him, and he demanded "revenge." When we got back together after that incident, he demanded he gets to spray me back or do something to me.**

**He was unemployed for a year while I paid for most of my travel and for us to have food or weed every week. I only had an Uber driver job and I would do it on foot almost every day.**

**One time I saw his TikTok history and saw he was looking at other girls. I wanted to leave his house, but I got really upset. I pulled the covers off him and a bowl fell off the table. Long story short, he was hovering over me, looking in my phone to make sure I wasn’t texting my family that I wanted to leave. He wasn’t allowing me to leave until I helped him clean his room. He demanded I clean his room before I was "allowed" to leave his house, and his elderly dad watched the whole thing and didn't tell him "no, I need to leave."**

**He would be incredibly cruel one minute, and then instantly switch to being "kind" or, more often, start texting me sexually. If I didn't match his "horny" energy, he would get angry and turn it into a major problem, acting like my lack of interest was an insult or a threat.**

**He struggled with Bipolar, BPD, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He had deep-seated "mother wounds" that made him view any boundary I set—even simple things like not wanting to be sexual when he did—as a personal threat or an act of abandonment. He couldn't distinguish between a boundary and an attack, which made healthy communication impossible. Even times I ask for a break, he looks at it as me wanting to mess with other guys or that I don't love him or want to see him.**

**I am currently pregnant by him. He came in me and didn’t tell me until after he already did it, which makes the trauma bond incredibly harder to break. And he said an abortion is just an appointment, then claimed he didn’t remember saying that.**

**I’m 17 and I recently broke up with my 21-year-old ex. I am posting this to hold myself accountable to the reality of the situation and break the trauma bond.**

The screen shots are js certain things he say

**In the beginning, when I was vulnerable and in love, he would purposefully ignore and "stonewall" me when he would get in moods. He admitted he did this just to see if I would chase him and beg for his attention. He trained me to believe it was my job to lift his mood and fix his "bad" days. He claimed he wanted to know if I was the right person for him.**

**Early on, he found a text in my phone to a boy I used to talk to—where I explicitly told the boy I was in a relationship—but he didn't care. He used it as an excuse to get violent, throwing clothes at me and hitting me with pillows. This set the tone that any excuse would justify his aggression.**

**Recently, when I was telling him constantly that we were done, he threatened to kill me, kick my door down, or slice my throat.**

**He put his hand around my neck, pushed me off the bed onto the floor on my butt one time, and one time he threw a travel bag with items in it at my head. This happened because I mentioned police after he put his hands around my neck because I pulled his pants down—but I only did it because he did it to me first jokingly. The difference is his penis came out, which I did not intend to happen. We were in his bedroom.**

**He purposefully said things to make me feel insecure, like telling me he didn't want to be with someone who had just given birth, just to tear me down. During arguments, he would call me slurs (B-word, W-word, S-word), tell me to kill myself, and claim I was nothing without him. He told me I’m worthless and he can get any bad b he wants.**

**He is still best friends with a guy who openly disrespected me, told him to take me to the gym, and even made a rape joke about me. He defended me a little and only told him to stop, but he didn’t care and knew he was disrespectful and continues to prioritize that friendship**

**He would look at other women online and lied one time when confronted and said I was making things up as a way to leave the relationship, then said he only said that because he didn’t want to talk about it at that moment.**

**When I defended myself (once with pepper spray after he followed me as I was leaving his house with a water bottle in his hands; he dumped it on me and I assumed he would hit me), he used that as an excuse to claim I was the one who traumatized him, and he demanded "revenge." When we got back together after that incident, he demanded he gets to spray me back or do something to me.**

**He was unemployed for a year while I paid for most of my travel and for us to have food or weed every week. I only had an Uber driver job and I would do it on foot almost every day.**

**One time I saw his TikTok history and saw he was looking at other girls. I wanted to leave his house, but I got really upset. I pulled the covers off him and a bowl fell off the table. Long story short, he was hovering over me, looking in my phone to make sure I wasn’t texting my family that I wanted to leave. He wasn’t allowing me to leave until I helped him clean his room. He demanded I clean his room before I was "allowed" to leave his house, and his elderly dad watched the whole thing and didn't tell him "no, I need to leave."**

**He would be incredibly cruel one minute, and then instantly switch to being "kind" or, more often, start texting me sexually. If I didn't match his "horny" energy, he would get angry and turn it into a major problem, acting like my lack of interest was an insult or a threat.**

**He struggled with Bipolar, BPD, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He had deep-seated "mother wounds" that made him view any boundary I set—even simple things like not wanting to be sexual when he did—as a personal threat or an act of abandonment. He couldn't distinguish between a boundary and an attack, which made healthy communication impossible. Even times I ask for a break, he looks at it as me wanting to mess with other guys or that I don't love him or want to see him.**

**I am currently pregnant by him. He came in me and didn’t tell me until after he already did it, which makes the trauma bond incredibly harder to break. And he said an abortion is just an appointment, then claimed he didn’t remember saying that.**

I’m 17 and I recently broke up with my 21-year-old ex. I am posting this to hold myself accountable to the reality of the situation and break the trauma bond.

In the beginning, when I was vulnerable and in love, he would purposefully ignore and "stonewall" me when he would get in moods. He admitted he did this just to see if I would chase him and beg for his attention. He trained me to believe it was my job to lift his mood and fix his "bad" days. He claimed he wanted to know if I was the right person for him.

Early on, he found a text in my phone to a boy I used to talk to—where I explicitly told the boy I was in a relationship—but he didn't care. He used it as an excuse to get violent, throwing clothes at me and hitting me with pillows. This set the tone that any excuse would justify his aggression.

Recently, when I was telling him constantly that we were done, he threatened to kill me, kick my door down, or slice my throat.
He put his hand around my neck, pushed me off the bed onto the floor on my butt one time, and one time he threw a travel bag with items in it at my head. This happened because I mentioned police after he put his hands around my neck because I pulled his pants down—but I only did it because he did it to me first jokingly. The difference is his penis came out, which I did not intend to happen. We were in his bedroom.

He purposefully said things to make me feel insecure, like telling me he didn't want to be with someone who had just given birth, just to tear me down. During arguments, he would call me slurs (B-word, W-word, S-word), tell me to kill myself, and claim I was nothing without him. He told me I’m worthless and he can get any bad girl he wants.

He is still best friends with a guy who openly disrespected me, told him to take me to the gym, and even made a rape joke about me. He defended me a little and only told him to stop, but he didn’t care and knew he was disrespectful and continues to prioritize that friendship.

He would look at other women online and lied one time when confronted and said I was making things up as a way to leave the relationship, then said he only said that because he didn’t want to talk about it at that moment.

When I defended myself (once with pepper spray after he followed me as I was leaving his house with a water bottle in his hands; he dumped it on me and I assumed he would hit me), he used that as an excuse to claim I was the one who traumatized him, and he demanded "revenge." When we got back together after that incident, he demanded he gets to spray me back or do something to me.

He was unemployed for a year while I paid for most of my travel and for us to have food or weed every week. I only had an Uber driver job and I would do it on foot almost every day.

Regarding his controlling behavior
One time I saw his TikTok history and saw he was looking at other girls. I wanted to leave his house, but I got really upset. I pulled the covers off him and a bowl fell off the table. Long story short, he was hovering over me, looking in my phone to make sure I wasn’t texting my family that I wanted to leave. He wasn’t allowing me to leave until I helped him clean his room. He demanded I clean his room before I was "allowed" to leave his house, and his elderly dad watched the whole thing and didn't tell him "no, I need to leave."

: He would be incredibly cruel one minute, and then instantly switch to being "kind" or, more often, start texting me sexually. If I didn't match his "horny" energy, he would get angry and turn it into a major problem, acting like my lack of interest was an insult or a threat

His Mental Health & Boundaries
He struggled with Bipolar, BPD, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He had deep-seated "mother wounds" that made him view any boundary I set—even simple things like not wanting to be sexual when he did—as a personal threat or an act of abandonment. He couldn't distinguish between a boundary and an attack, which made healthy communication impossible. Even times I ask for a break, he looks at it as me wanting to mess with other guys or that I don't love him or want to see him.

I am currently pregnant by him. He came in me and didn’t tell me until after he already did it, which makes the trauma bond incredibly harder to break. And he said an abortion is just an appointment, then claimed he didn’t remember saying that.

I’m 17 and I recently broke up with my 21-year-old ex. I am posting this to hold myself accountable to the reality of the situation and break the trauma bond.

In the beginning, when I was vulnerable and in love, he would purposefully ignore and "stonewall" me when he would get in moods . He admitted he did this just to see if I would chase him and beg for his attention. He trained me to believe it was my job to lift his mood and fix his "bad" days. Claimed he wanted to know if I was the right person for him

Early on, he found a text in my phone to a boy I used to talk to—where I explicitly told the boy I was in a relationship—but he didn't care. He used it as an excuse to get violent, throwing clothes at me and hitting me with pillows. This set the tone that any excuse would justify his aggression.

recently when I was telling him constantly where done , he threatened to kill me, kick my door down, or slice my throat.

Etc He put his hand around my neck, pushed me off the bed onto the floor on my butt one time and this one time threw a travel bag with items in it at my head one time bc I mentioned police after he put his hands around my neck bc I pulled his pants down but only bc he did it to me first jokingly but the different is his penis came out to which I did not intent to happen we were in his bed room

He purposefully said things to make me feel insecure like telling me he didn't want to be with someone who had just given birth just to tear me down. During arguments, he would call me slurs (bitch, whore, slut), tell me to kill myself, and claim I was nothing without him. And I’m worthless and he can get any bad bitch he wants.

He is still best friends with a guy who openly disrespected me told him to take me to the gym, and even made a rape joke about me. He**
**defended me alittle and only told him to stop but he didn’t care and knew he was disrespectful and continues to prioritize that friendship.

He would look at other women online and lied one time when confronted and said I was making things up as a way to leave the rls then said he only said that cs he didn’t wanan talk abt it at that moment.

When I defended myself (once with pepper spray after he followed me as I was leaving his house with a water bottle in his hands he dumped it on me and I assumed he would hit me ), he used that as an excuse to claim I was the one who traumatized him, and he demanded "revenge.
When we got back tg after that incident he demanded he gets to spray me back or do smth

He was unemployed for a year while I paid for most my travel and us to have food or weed every week and I only had a Uber driver work and I would do it on feet almost every day ,

His controlling behavior

one time I seen his tiktok history seen he was looking at other girls and I wanted to leave his house but I did get rlly upset I pulled the covers off him and a bowel fell off the table but long story short He was hovering over me, looking In my phone to make sure I wasn’t texting my family that I wanted to leave and he wasn’t allowing me to untill I helped him clean his room up and demand I clean his room before I was "allowed" to leave his house and his dad his elderly dad watched the whole thing and didn’t tell him no I need to leave

He would be incredibly cruel one minute, and then instantly switch to being "kind" or, more often, start texting me sexually. If I didn't match his "horny" energy, he would get angry and turn it into a major problem, acting like my lack of interest was an insult or a threat.

His Mental Health & Boundaries

He struggled with Bipolar, BPD, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He had deep-seated "mother wounds" that made him view any boundary I set—even simple things like not wanting to be sexual when he did—as a personal threat or an act of abandonment. He couldn't distinguish between a boundary and an attack, which made healthy communication impossible.**
Even times I ask for a brake he looks at it as me wanting to fw other guys or don’t love or wanna see him

I am currently pregnant by him he came in me and didn’t tell me till after he alr did it which makes the trauma bond incredibly harder to break.**
**And he said an abortion is just a appointment then claimed he didn’t rmb saying that

(I only put am I over reacting so I can post this on here lol ik I’m not)! Just want reassurance
I was in a relationship with a guy who was 20. I was 16. I broke up with him when I was 17 and he was 21. He has disorders like BPD, bipolar, anger issues, intermittent explosive disorder. He lacks self-control. Does things out of emotion. And is very explosive and likes to yell. He will slam doors. He is very verbally abusive to me. Told me things like kill yourself, nobody would care one time in an argument. He would say things to devalue me, make me feel less than, make him feel above. He had a high ego. He would tell me I'm nothing, I'm worthless, I won't be nothing without him. He's gonna leave me in the trenches. Bitch, hoe, slut thot He told me I was ugly, talked about my vagina, talked about my body. Told me he's gonna kill me. He's gonna slice my face. Gonna kick my door down. He's gonna snuff me when I wanted to break up with him. Told me he would shoot me, etc. Told me that I'm gonna look at him on top of a pedestal one day wishing I could get next to him. He was mentally and emotionally abusive in the beginning a lot. When I was very vulnerable and in love with him when I first met him, he would ignore me and stonewall so I could constantly text him and beg for his attention and his love cuz it made him feel good. Times he would be upset or in a mood or whatever, he would purposely ignore me so I can chase after him. And he admitted to doing it because he just wanted to see if I was a good girlfriend and if I was, you know, a good individual for him. And it's fucked up. He was a little bit physically abusive. He put his hands around my neck one time because I pulled his pants down and his penis came out. But he did it to me first. He pulled my pants down first. But my underwear was still showing. So when I pulled his pants down, I expected his boxers to show, but his penis came down too, which was my mistake. And I apologized to him, but he still didn't care. And we were in his bedroom. And he had blinds open. But I'm pretty sure nobody saw him cuz it was for a split secoundand we were upstairs, two-story. So after that he insulted me and stuff. That's when he told me to kill myself. I never act shocked or surprised when he says crazy things cuz I'm kind of used to it by now. He said the cruelest things you can say. And another time he pushed me off the bed to the floor on my butt . another time he threw a bag at my head because I threatened police after he put his hands around my neck that same incident. And he locked the doors every time I unlocked it to try to leave as I was crying and everything. Another incident was leaving his house and he followed after me with a water bottle and dumped the water on me. I defended myself. And he's also the type of individual who would just make it seem like he could be verbally abusing me and I have to endure it and talk to him with kindness and make him feel better so he can stop, which is I think is not fair. Recently, when he's been going through the bad breakup phase, he still be calling me no caller ID Because we would get back together and then just break up. Because my emotions and everything is all over the place because I'm pregnant for the second time by him. He came in me and didn't tell me until after he came in me. He didn't have any money. He didn't have a job for basically a whole year in the relationship. I've been paying $40, $20 there and back to go see him every weekend myself for a whole year straight. While I'd be still trying to make sure we both have food and weed when we're around each other. Yeah, he would help too, but it would be mostly me. So me being pregnant made my emotions and made me have a lot of anger towards him and have no tolerance for him. So it caused me to break up with him plenty of times and stuff. But then I felt like we had a bad trauma bond and it made me come back every time. When I first broke up with him, he pleaded to me and told me he would change and this and that. He would stop being so verbally abusive, but blame it on me. He said I gave him trauma with the incident where I defended myself. I pepper sprayed him after he followed me out his house with a water bottle because I thought he would hit me as well because I called him a name. I called him a pedophile and I thought he would hit me. So I did defend myself and pepper spray him, which he made me feel guilty about every time after that and told me he would get me back out of retaliation for that. And when we did get back together after that situation, because that incident, we kind of broke up again around that time because I originally, it was originally because I found him, I saw him looking at another girl on TikTok or whatever. And this is something that he's constantly doing. So he lied about it and stuff and as I was leaving his house, it made him mad that I was leaving and then that I called him a pedo. So he dropped the dump border on me and I thought he was going to hit me as well. So we broke up and after that, he wanted me to let him pepper spray me back or just do something so he can feel like he got his revenge. ETC. It was just a lot in the relationship. He had low temper. This one time the water was too hot on his head and he screamed at me and I just started crying. He got annoyed when I would cry. One time I cried because I just wanted to leave his house and he was making it a big deal because he didn't want me to leave. He was hovering over me, checking my phone and he was demanding I clean his room before I leave. But I didn't want to go upstairs alone with him. So I began to cry from feeling overwhelmed and he told me I'm always trying to manipulate. I felt trapped so many times and I'm glad I'm out because it was a lot. He also had a friend who didn't have no respect for me. His friend disrespected me. Told him he needs to take me to the gym. I was never fat, by the way. I was only like 160 pounds, but I was not fat and I'm tall. So I was not fat. My ex would smoke every day when we first got together and so it made me start smoking. Now I'm skinnier and I'm around 135 pounds and he would say things to me like I look cracked out or smoked out and it would make me feel insecure. He would say that a lot of times. He would try to purposefully make me insecure. He admitted to it so I can go to the gym and work out more.

I was in a relationship with a guy who was 20. I was 16. I broke up with him when I was 17 and he was 21. He has disorders like BPD, bipolar, anger issues, intermittent explosive disorder. He lacks self-control. Does things out of emotion. And is very explosive and likes to yell. He will slam doors. He is very verbally abusive to me. Told me things like kill yourself, nobody would care one time in an argument. He would say things to devalue me, make me feel less than, make him feel above. He had a high ego. He would tell me I'm nothing, I'm worthless, I won't be nothing without him. He's gonna leave me in the trenches. Bitch, hoe, slut thot He told me I was ugly, talked about my vagina, talked about my body. Told me he's gonna kill me. He's gonna slice my face. Gonna kick my door down. He's gonna snuff me when I wanted to break up with him. Told me he would shoot me, etc. Told me that I'm gonna look at him on top of a pedestal one day wishing I could get next to him. He was mentally and emotionally abusive in the beginning a lot. When I was very vulnerable and in love with him when I first met him, he would ignore me and stonewall so I could constantly text him and beg for his attention and his love cuz it made him feel good. Times he would be upset or in a mood or whatever, he would purposely ignore me so I can chase after him. And he admitted to doing it because he just wanted to see if I was a good girlfriend and if I was, you know, a good individual for him. And it's fucked up. He was a little bit physically abusive. He put his hands around my neck one time because I pulled his pants down and his penis came out. But he did it to me first. He pulled my pants down first. But my underwear was still showing. So when I pulled his pants down, I expected his boxers to show, but his penis came down too, which was my mistake. And I apologized to him, but he still didn't care. And we were in his bedroom. And he had blinds open. But I'm pretty sure nobody saw him cuz it was for a split secoundand we were upstairs, two-story. So after that he insulted me and stuff. That's when he told me to kill myself. I never act shocked or surprised when he says crazy things cuz I'm kind of used to it by now. He said the cruelest things you can say. And another time he pushed me off the bed to the floor on my butt . another time he threw a bag at my head because I threatened police after he put his hands around my neck that same incident. And he locked the doors every time I unlocked it to try to leave as I was crying and everything. Another incident was leaving his house and he followed after me with a water bottle and dumped the water on me. I defended myself. And he's also the type of individual who would just make it seem like he could be verbally abusing me and I have to endure it and talk to him with kindness and make him feel better so he can stop, which is I think is not fair. Recently, when he's been going through the bad breakup phase, he still be calling me no caller ID Because we would get back together and then just break up. Because my emotions and everything is all over the place because I'm pregnant for the second time by him. He came in me and didn't tell me until after he came in me. He didn't have any money. He didn't have a job for basically a whole year in the relationship. I've been paying $40, $20 there and back to go see him every weekend myself for a whole year straight. While I'd be still trying to make sure we both have food and weed when we're around each other. Yeah, he would help too, but it would be mostly me. So me being pregnant made my emotions and made me have a lot of anger towards him and have no tolerance for him. So it caused me to break up with him plenty of times and stuff. But then I felt like we had a bad trauma bond and it made me come back every time. When I first broke up with him, he pleaded to me and told me he would change and this and that. He would stop being so verbally abusive, but blame it on me. He said I gave him trauma with the incident where I defended myself. I pepper sprayed him after he followed me out his house with a water bottle because I thought he would hit me as well because I called him a name. I called him a pedophile and I thought he would hit me. So I did defend myself and pepper spray him, which he made me feel guilty about every time after that and told me he would get me back out of retaliation for that. And when we did get back together after that situation, because that incident, we kind of broke up again around that time because I originally, it was originally because I found him, I saw him looking at another girl on TikTok or whatever. And this is something that he's constantly doing. So he lied about it and stuff and as I was leaving his house, it made him mad that I was leaving and then that I called him a pedo. So he dropped the dump border on me and I thought he was going to hit me as well. So we broke up and after that, he wanted me to let him pepper spray me back or just do something so he can feel like he got his revenge. ETC. It was just a lot in the relationship. He had low temper. This one time the water was too hot on his head and he screamed at me and I just started crying. He got annoyed when I would cry. One time I cried because I just wanted to leave his house and he was making it a big deal because he didn't want me to leave. He was hovering over me, checking my phone and he was demanding I clean his room before I leave. But I didn't want to go upstairs alone with him. So I began to cry from feeling overwhelmed and he told me I'm always trying to manipulate. I felt trapped so many times and I'm glad I'm out because it was a lot. He also had a friend who didn't have no respect for me. His friend disrespected me. Told him he needs to take me to the gym. I was never fat, by the way. I was only like 160 pounds, but I was not fat and I'm tall. So I was not fat. My ex would smoke every day when we first got together and so it made me start smoking. Now I'm skinnier and I'm around 135 pounds and he would say things to me like I look cracked out or smoked out and it would make me feel insecure. He would say that a lot of times. He would try to purposefully make me insecure. He admitted to it so I can go to the gym and work out more.