u/Jokeminder42

Tony peers over the edge, and sees a large pile of manure. So Tony says to Mario, "Hey, how about I jump first into the manure, and then I yell up to tell you how deep it is, to make sure it's safe."

Mario agrees, and Tony jumps. A few seconds later Mario hears, "OK, it's only knee deep, come on down!"

So Mario jumps, and the manure quickly engulfs him up to his neck.

Mario yells, "Tony, I thought you said the manure was only knee deep?!"

And Tony says, "Well I didn't know you were gonna jump feet first!"

"What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly slob I see every morning outside your house?"

"That's right," says the first guy.

"Jesus," says his buddy. "Why would Bob the mailman want to fuck that?"

"I can't figure it out, doc. My testicles are turning blue," says the husband.

The doctor examines him and confirms the unusual condition. He then asks the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm I prescribed?"

"Yes." she says.

"And what kind of jelly are you using?" the doctor asks.

And the wife says, "Grape."

They are both a bunch of silly characters yapping at each other with someone else’s hand up their asses.

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

The FBI estimates that as many as nine people may have been killed.

Genghis Kahn’s dad.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

Chicken: To prove to the possum that it can be done.

Friedrich Nietzsche: If you gaze long enough across the road, the road gazes back.

Ernest Hemingway: To die, slowly, in the rain.

Neo: There is no chicken.

The guy at the craps table really means it.

And the older partner says, "What are you worried about? We're both here."

Because they don’t want to be mistaken for lesbians.

"HEY JUDE!"

"Why the short face?"

After he has changed lenses for like the tenth time, Hilda says "Why he keeps changing the lens?"

Olga says "He wants to focus."

And Hilda says "One at a time, or both of us together?"

The guy says, "I got the words 'jacuzzi' and 'yakuza' mixed up."

"So?" asks the bartender.

And the guy says, "Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia."

When you take her to her favorite restaurant, and she barely takes a picture of her favorite food.

"Nothing," mumbles the guy.

"Listen to me, you liar!" she shouts. "It's either me or the goddamn bar. Which is it?"

And the guy says, "It's you. I can tell by the voice."

"What happened?" his buddy asks. "Did she listen?"

And the guy says, "Nope. She's digging in her heels."

"How did you get along?" asks her friend.

And the girl says, "It was incredible. We just clicked."

One remarked to the second, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."