u/KiwitheBirdNOTAFruit

And I’m tired! I’m just so tired of waiting. First it was waiting for all the appointments and tests. Then waiting for surgery. Now waiting for final pathology and what further treatment will be required, and what those options look like. And waiting for my body to heal up from the surgery so my muscles can start loosening up and things can start to look and feel as normal as they ever will again. I feel like I haven’t even fully processed what’s happening because I’m constantly waiting for the whole story, the big picture. The end result. I don’t know if that makes sense. I tried to explain it to my husband, but he just shook his head and told me to be patient and that we will get there.

I’ve spent the last 2 months eagerly awaiting surgery and the next steps in order to start healing, but now that it’s less than 24 hours away I have a looming sense of dread. I’ve had general anesthesia before, but it was to cut out my wisdom teeth and that seems so much less invasive than having a breast cut open. I realize I’m scared to be put under and that loss of control, but I’m also scared for the healing process. I’m scared to not feel like myself, I’m scared to not have the energy to do things I love. I’m also scared because I know that it will all hit hard and make everything real, it’s just been like floating through a bad dream up until now! It’s so weird to feel absolutely fine, but know you’re not fine and that this is all absolutely necessary.

I also worry about my child (6y/o) even though I know he will be in great hands with his grandparents and dad while I’m healing up.