u/KiwitheBirdNOTAFruit

So I had my surgery on April 30th (single mastectomy with reconstruction), and everything has been smooth sailing. I feel blessed for that. Well, I just got my pathology back, and a call from the oncologist. They want to open me back up to remove more lymph nodes from my armpit. I guess 3 out of 8 lymph nodes test positive for cancer is less than ideal. They said if it was just the two in my breast they would have left it and just done radiation, but since it was two in the breast and one in the armpit, and based on my age (38) they feel the best course of action is to remove the lymph nodes from my armpit. I was literally just having a discussion about potentially going back to work in the next week or two! Now it’s prepare for surgery on June 15. My head hurts and my world is spinning. I have been trying to remain somewhat positive throughout this whole experience, but every time I get news it’s less than ideal news.

And who or what that spirit might be. I have been catching glimpses in the corner of my eye a lot lately! I definitely feel something is there. I just can’t tell if it’s my grandpa and his dog (I have personally seen him, and have been told by a few before that he and his poodle are my spirit guides), one of my husband’s relatives, or my crazy ex. It’s a weird energy that I feel when I catch these glimpses, and I’m low-key afraid it’s my crazy ex. I’m going through some health related stuff right now and I wouldn’t put it passed then to be here just to gawk and laugh.

And I’m tired! I’m just so tired of waiting. First it was waiting for all the appointments and tests. Then waiting for surgery. Now waiting for final pathology and what further treatment will be required, and what those options look like. And waiting for my body to heal up from the surgery so my muscles can start loosening up and things can start to look and feel as normal as they ever will again. I feel like I haven’t even fully processed what’s happening because I’m constantly waiting for the whole story, the big picture. The end result. I don’t know if that makes sense. I tried to explain it to my husband, but he just shook his head and told me to be patient and that we will get there.