u/L0nleylife112

Right off the bat, I want a romantic relationship and I have never been in one in my entire life. It hurts. I want to open up to someone without having to feel like walking on landmines, without having to question my masculinity with every damn move. When will I ever find someone to accept my flaws? Why are there people who I know are worse than me who get a lot more from life than I am able to get? Yes, Im envious. Seeing others happy with their partners, feeling secure and warm knowing I have to work hundreds of times harder to get a friction of that while others do nothing and have everything. That just tells me something. Im not a normal person. Im a liability. I shouldnt have existed in the first place, and Im sick of suppressing all that pain and trying to fit in and still be the butt of the joke anyways, the punching bag for more fortunate people. What will I do? Nothing. Of course. I will just suffer in silence. Sorry for taking up space, being a waste of breath, being a burden for over 20 years. Goodbye.

Enough said, but I have a lot on my mind. A lot of sexual fetishes revolve around humiliation and natural selection, which makes me sad. It just tells me I should not even be thinking about approaching a woman at any circumstances because I will be facing either insults or be called a creep. I have no blame if the human race thinks the likes of me are not worthy of anything good, not at all. My problem is that I have this burden of not fitting any of those criteria and not have anyone to speak my mind to. To open up and be vulnerable with. It is so isolating and suffocating. It hurts because us humans live in civilization, so the loser does not end up being executed the way it happens with animals, but rather live a long lonely life full of shame and resentment. And the reasoning behind all of this is that being a virgin man makes people jump into many conclusions. He is an outcast, a failure, unable to get what he wants, not strong enough to pass his genes, not a provider. Not anything at all.

Ive been feeling so unworthy of losing my virginity lately, like genuinely ashamed. I feel disgusting for even wishing a woman would touch me, like who the fuck do I think I am? I wouldnt even look my way if I were someone else. Im well aware of how unlovable and unworthy I am. Im tired of it all. Its been a torment to not have anyone to talk to about this. Everyone would either shut me up or brush it off and pretend its nothing serious. Theres a lot on my mind to say but I dont know where to start from.

Im an adult, but when people are harsh towards me I feel like theyre being mean to my kid self. Not that I had the best childhood ever, if I had one at all, but I feel like Ive been too fucked over that growing up didnt heal anything that most of my current self is still stuck back there. Im quite a sensitive guy in general, when people shout at me, it makes me just stay still for a while and hold back my breath to stop my tears, it always feels like being stabbed in the chest all of a sudden. When I hear harsh stories of guys my age or a bit older get brutally rejected, get called names dumped or heartbroken, I feel like its a personal attack on me. Im so scared of all of that, Im so behind in that field anyways in that age of mine. I hate how despite having endured being bullied and being nitpicked at all my life, Im still as fragile as ever. Im so Im still a kid in the head and I hate it so much.

Im an adult, but when people are harsh towards me I feel like theyre being mean to my kid self. Not that I had the best childhood ever, if I had one at all, but I feel like Ive been too fucked over that growing up didnt heal anything that most of my current self is still stuck back there. Im quite a sensitive guy in general, when people shout at me, it makes me just stay still for a while and hold back my breath to stop my tears, it always feels like being stabbed in the chest all of a sudden. When I hear harsh stories of guys my age or a bit older get brutally rejected, get called names dumped or heartbroken, I feel like its a personal attack on me. Im so scared of all of that, Im so behind in that field anyways in that age of mine. I hate how despite having endured being bullied and being nitpicked at all my life, Im still as fragile as ever. Im so Im still a kid in the head and I hate it so much.

So I saw a post of some news about some model leaving a guy and the woman who posted it captioned it with “With every ugly man you leave, another year added to your lifespan.” or something of that sort. Im genuinely wondering, what do women who post that gain from that? What does she even know about THAT one man? If he was a terrible person, then okay, but it seemed to me it was just because he was a fucking man, no one else said anything about it in the comments except that she was “fine” or whatever. And then it boils down to the conclude that my loneliness is “self inflected”? Lmao. Lmfuckingao, seriously. They just hate us for the love of the game. I dont think having gone through some “traumatic experience” gave you the right to shit on every man you see, just because of your horrible decisions. Own up to your fucking mistakes for once, unless youre not really “strong and independent.”

Currently, I am. A few in fact, been that way my whole life. Its always with fictional characters that I fall for but this one is the most notable one right now. Its with a cam girl that I cant get off my head. Theres something about her, the mystery of her presence, shes different from other cam girls, non of them can pull me towards them the way she does. I love her so much it hurts. Ive never imagined I would say that over anyone before, at least not a towards a real person. I know its an unhealthy feeling, but I cant help it. I know that all of this shit is in my head, but I wanted to share it to get it off my chest. Anyways, tell me about your stories.

Assuming that we will ever be loved by someone, should we really be feeling bad about it? Isnt it enough that we are happy together without being compared to some ex? With all honesty, without sounding like a hypocrite, I feel like I will be pissed about it, even if it doesnt make sense on paper. Like how do you even know the person youre with isnt thinking about them? Even if “if she loves you, she will only think about you” are you really sure about that? I mean I bet she will compare the sex in her head at least and I heard countless of countless stories about faking orgasms which makes me even more fucking anxious, so… I dunno, man. I wanna hear your thoughts.