u/LeaveNo7723

I’m a 32 M and search for a bride in AM has been going on since a couple of years now. But it hasn’t been successful so far. I come from a middle class family with not so much family wealth. I am myself not a super ambitious person and currently work as an HR earning 11 LPA. So we have been looking for brides also from similar backgrounds.

Recently I had attended a function with my family and one of the guest aunty there just got talking to my mom and it came up that she has a daughter living in London, 29 years old and looking for a groom. Aunty was actually really nice and they were not as demanding as some of the families we had met. They just wanted someone who is nice, treats their daughter well and is supportive of her ambitions. Apparently their search has been hard because a lot of guys and their families want her to move in with them (not have a separate house) or completely uproot her life in London to move to the place where the guy is, or just have a lot of domestic expectations from the girl.

I talked to the girl and I was shocked to learn that she works in investment banking making over 100k GBP. She is also not ugly at all and takes care of herself really well physically and is active too. She explained her struggle of coming from two worlds and that as the reason why she has been struggling to find a partner. They had restriction on caste and that is why she has not gone the dating route. But when she found someone in her current life situation, they would struggle to understand and relate with her background (humble middle class family from India) and hence things haven’t moved forward.

She says she doesn’t have any problem if the guy is initially dependent on her but want him to find a career for himself atleast in a few years there. But important thing is someone who is understanding of her and supportive of her ambitions while also supporting her family.

I am explaining all of this, for you all to see any red flags I am being blind to right now. Because in my view this seems too good to be true and perfect for me but I want to move cautiously. But in last 4-5 long conversations we have had, I did not see any ego or too much arrogance from her side.

But I also know that it is not usual for a guy to move to where the girl is and be dependent on her financially initially, so I’m being a bit hesitant to pursue this further.

We are a small family of 3 (34,32, 2) living in Germany since last 10 years. I am a citizen here with an OCI card but my partner has retained their Indian citizenship. Our child is just 2 years old now.

Both of us are doing well in our careers. I work in a big company in the energy sector here but in innovation in digital technologies department was just promoted to a year lead position a few months go. My partner works in a traditional german automotive company, but in the electric drive department.

Unfortunately, my father has been diagnosed with cancer and now we are thinking of moving back to be with him during this time. But as selfish as we are, it has been hard to think of giving up the life we have built so far here. My partner I especially worried of not finding an opportunity in India soon because of their area of work.

I am definitely moving back no matter what, but if I quit my job, we will have to downsize quite a bit since we wouldn’t be able yo afford our mortgage anymore. Plus we are not sure where our kid will be during this time. The life here can be sustained only with two people. But it is very selfish of me to ask my partner to give up their career at its peak and move back.

We are so confused on what to do and how to handle this situation. So, to the good people here: Do you have any suggestions for us?

We are a small family of 3 (34,32, 2) living in Germany since last 10 years. I am a citizen here with an OCI card but my partner has retained their Indian citizenship. Our child is just 2 years old now.

Both of us are doing well in our careers. I work in a big company in the energy sector here but in innovation in digital technologies department was just promoted to a year lead position a few months go. My partner works in a traditional german automotive company, but in the electric drive department.

Unfortunately, my father has been diagnosed with cancer and now we are thinking of moving back to be with him during this time. But as selfish as we are, it has been hard to think of giving up the life we have built so far here. My partner I especially worried of not finding an opportunity in India soon because of their area of work.

I am definitely moving back no matter what, but if I quit my job, we will have to downsize quite a bit since we wouldn’t be able yo afford our mortgage anymore. Plus we are not sure where our kid will be during this time. The life here can be sustained only with two people. But it is very selfish of me to ask my partner to give up their career at its peak and move back.

We are so confused on what to do and how to handle this situation. So, to the good people here: Do you have any suggestions for us?

My partner is a fan of breakfast at Zimt and Zucker. We were planning to head there tomorrow to celebrate our anniversary. But unfortunately it is closed on Mondays :(

Do you have any recommendations with a similar breakfast spread?

My brother just finished his 12th recently and he studied in Science stream. Unfortunately his JEE and CET rankings are really bad to get a seat in a good engineering college without shelling out 10s of lakhs.

When he was pursuing his 12th, engineering was probably the only thing he could see as his path. Everybody in the family has also not chosen anything else other than engineering, so we are totally oblivious to what other realistic path can exist, especially if someone is thinking of settling abroad long term.

I do know B.Sc is another option. But in this age, does it even make sense to choose this?

He is considering B.Com too and I know you can make a fantastic career as a CA or in finance or in consulting with this. But it’s also super important to choose the right university. Does anybody know good unis for this in Karnataka?

Would highly appreciate any suggestions and stories from those who have pursued anything other than engineering.

Hi zusammen,
Hat jemand Empfehlungen für gute Gyms/Kurse/Massagen etc, die mit Wellpass in Essen Holsterhausen/Rüttenscheid zugänglich sind?

I swear that I attribute my success to my girlfriend who was smarter than me, more successful than me initially, which drove me and motivated me to do better.

Everytime I told people that my partner is this-that, they automatically assumed that I am also as driven as her and helped me/guided me to resources that would push me to be in a better place too.

Edit: I am talking only about career progression here. That ofcourse doesn’t define whole success for life. A lot of people around me assume that having a SAHF would help them in giving more time to advance themselves. But my observation was the opposite.

I (28F) have finally hit my late 20s and the pressure to get married from family keeps increasing every day.

I had not considered arranged marriage as a prospect for me at all. I always wanted to meet my partner organically and take forward from there. I am currently living in Europe. I did have a partner (1.5 years) when I was in India but after I moved here, there was no prospect of us staying in the same location in future and hence decided to part ways.

After that life just got incredibly busy with the stress of getting a degree, managing household, earning living via part-time jobs. So relationships probably vanished from the priority list somewhere.

I am finally in a place where I feel l am a little financially secure, and mentally free. I studied mechanical engineering, so I have made many guy friends during the journey. They are all also on the same boat and a couple of them met their partners through AM set up from India and are happily married now.

This makes me want to listen to my parents and atleast give it a try. But in my PoV guys in AM usually look for a traditional woman as their partner and I wouldn’t consider myself suitable which might just lead to frustration with the process.

Are there people in AM setup who are kind of in ‘date-to-marry’ situation, willing to spend time to get to know the other person, understand each other completely and then get married?

Or is it still let the guy and the girl meet a couple of times and then we finalise the engagement kind of set up?

Ich wohne in einer gemischten Wohngemeinschaft. Bisher habe ich immer nur mit weiblichen Mitbewohnerinnen zusammengelebt und habe mich zu Hause ohne BH wohlgefühlt. Aber jetzt, wo sich auch Männer im Gemeinschaftsbereich aufhalten, bin ich mir nicht sicher, ob ich einen tragen muss. Wir haben auch Mitbewohner aus verschiedenen Ländern.

Wie würdet ihr damit umgehen?

Hi guys, I’m having some friends and colleagues coming to visit me in Mysore. I haven’t been to Ooru in 3 years and don’t know of any fancy restaurants from my time there.

Can you recommend some restaurants with goodcontinental/italian or any European food? More authentic- the better.

I am taking time to enough Indian places during their one month stay here. Also want them to offer some safe options when they feel a bit homesick!

I have never had an explicitly racist experience in Germany since I’ve moved here but an incident from last week has been bothering me slightly.

There is an Italian restauran+cocktail bar I frequent in the city I live in (a relatively big one in the south). I have been to this place over 5-6 times since few months now, 2 times within May. My experience had been pleasant so far, nothing extraordinary. I always ensure to tip at the end of the meal too (5-10 EUR on 40-50 EUR bill) and I always talk and order in either german or Italian (have learnt basic of the language). So far most of the visits have been with other Asian or brown looking friends.

Last weekend I made plans to meet a german friend and when we got there, I felt like the treatment was much better generally? They got your menu quickly, explained specials more in detail, checked on us a couple of times during dining, even got a candle to our table, and in the end gave us both a free shot. Even when we went to pay, he was much nicer to my friend than me.

I felt a little uncomfortable, especially considering I’m more of a regular to the place than my friend and they had not been this nice during my previous visits.

When I explained this to other friend, he also mentioned how the waiters are snarky when they go with other brown friends but not so much when there is a European looking person in the group. Has this been your experience before?

I obviously rejected the apartment but wanted to share a story of a potential bad roommate.

I have been looking for a room in a shared apartment since I got tired of living in the university dorm. I contacted an ad and got response from the girl who is vacating her room in a couple of days. My main ask for the apartment that it is cozy and clean, somewhere I could feel at home. She mentioned that the roommates are all working women and living there since years, so they are also looking for someone who’d treat it like their own home and not a dorm room.

I loved the apartment a lot and agreed to the earliest possible appointment, which was today! The girl I talked with (one who is vacating) was going to be in office today and wouldn’t be there for the meeting. But since the other two work in shifts, the only other possible date where all three of them would be there was 2 weeks later. Hence she asked me to go ahead to meet the roommates and if I had any questions, I could meet her after work and finalize the details.

The public transportation has been a bit fucked up in our city since last couple of weeks and they have reduced the frequency to one train every 30 mins. I had planned to take the one which would make me reach their place 20 mins earlier than the agreed time. But what do you know, the train was cancelled. The next one would make me reach 15 mins late. I texted her immediately and got a response 20 mins later, with her roommates number and that it’s okay.

When I reached their place, the vibe was so off!! I took a friend with me. One of the girls was super nice, showed me the apartment, we had a short conversation. But the other one was so stand-offish. She kept asking if my friend was my partner and that I’m not allowed to bring any guests over at all. (For info: It is legally not allowed to restrict guests for overnight stay in our country of living for upto 6 weeks). She kept repeating again and again it’s not a party apartment blah blah. I just got the vibe that she doesn’t like me. After the visit I felt uncomfortable with how she talked to be, so I called the girl whose room it was and explained her what happened.

She was like ‘Argh she’s being her again. I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to them after the visit but I’ll….’ And she got a call from the nice roommate and she merged our calls. The nice roommate started apologising for the other’s behaviour and explained that she literally fought with her 10 mins before my arrival. Because the grumpy one was making it a huge deal that I was late, and wouldn’t understand the reason and wanted to reject me from the beginning. She had an issue with the girl whose room leaving that she would bring her partner in couple of nights a week, although she would also go to her partners place 2-3 nights. It was never an issue before because the other girl was a lesbian and her partner were always women. She had a problem with bringing in male friends/partner in the house. Both of them explained that she hadn’t told this before they moved in and they wouldn’t have moved in at all if they knew she was that problematic. They both apologised for how she reacted.

Now we three are planning to catch up for drinks 😆