u/Life_Blacksmith9688

I’m planning to have a serious conversation with my boyfriend and I’m trying to figure out whether we’re genuinely compatible long-term or if we’re forcing something that isn’t working.

For context, we recently went through a difficult week and it made me realize that love alone isn’t enough. I think compatibility, communication, accountability, emotional availability, and the ability to work through conflict matter just as much.

My goal isn’t to convince either of us to stay. My goal is clarity.

I have an anxious/preoccupied attachment style and he leans avoidant, so I’m trying to approach this conversation in a mature way instead of just arguing about what happened.

These are the questions I’ve written down for both of us to answer:

Do you actually want this relationship and want to work on it? Why?

What do you think happened this week?

What responsibility do you take?

What needs of yours are not being met?

What would have to change for this relationship to become healthy?

Are you willing to actually do those things? (Wanting a relationship and being capable of one are different.)

What happens the next time we have conflict? What are the rules when we’re hurt, angry, overwhelmed, or in crisis?

What does a healthy relationship look like to you?

What happens when one of us is hurt?

What would make you end this relationship?

If nothing changed and we were exactly like this six months from now, would you still want this relationship?

When I tell you I’m hurt, what do you think I’m looking for from you?

What do you need from me in order to feel loved, supported, and understood?

During the conversation I’m paying attention to:

Accountability
Effort
Emotional availability
Respect
Ability to communicate during conflict
Willingness to grow
I don’t expect perfection. I expect effort.

My question is:

If you were trying to decide whether a relationship was worth continuing, what questions would you ask?
Are any of these questions missing something important?
And for those of you who have been in long-term healthy relationships, what answers or behaviors would you consider green flags vs red flags during this conversation?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I recently went through a difficult period that made me question our compatibility. Instead of immediately ending the relationship, I’m planning a serious conversation focused on accountability, communication, emotional availability, and whether we’re actually capable of meeting each other’s needs. I’ve written a list of questions and I’m looking for feedback on what questions I’m missing and what green flags vs red flags people would watch for during that conversation.

Title: Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend after my abortion?

I’m looking for honest outside perspectives because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if my feelings make sense.

For privacy, I’m changing some details.

I’m in my mid-20s and recently had an abortion. My boyfriend and I have been together for several months. We live in the same state but several hours apart because of work. He works in a public safety/government-type job, so he doesn’t have a lot of flexibility with taking time off.

When I found out I was pregnant, we both agreed we weren’t ready for a child. Financially and practically, it wasn’t the right time. I ultimately decided to have an abortion.

The issue isn’t the abortion itself. It’s how alone I’ve felt through the entire process.

My boyfriend has called, texted, checked in, and repeatedly told me he’s here for me. I don’t think he’s a bad person and I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to hurt me. But I’ve started realizing that there can be a huge difference between saying you’re there for someone and actually showing up for them.

Before the abortion happened, he had plans to go out of state for a baseball game. These plans were already made, so it’s not like he booked the trip after the fact. However, even after everything happened, he still decided to go.

What hurts is that while I was recovering, bleeding, nauseous, emotional, and dealing with all of this mostly alone, he was getting on a plane to go to a baseball game.

To make things more confusing, I was originally supposed to go on this trip with him. He invited me multiple times beforehand and I said yes every time. Then when it came time to actually make plans, he told me he couldn’t afford to bring me and that he was just going to go by himself for a couple of days and come back.

He told me money was tight, which I can understand. But at the same time, he still found a way to make the trip happen for himself. He’s staying with a friend and gets significant travel discounts through work, but it still left me wondering why there seemed to be money for a baseball trip but no discussion whatsoever about helping with the abortion.

For additional context, I paid for the abortion myself.

2 weeks go when I found out he did ask me how much it was I told him it was $600. He said he didn’t have it right now but would help me once he got paid.

But since then he has not asked how much it was.

The abortion was yesterday and He still has not offered to help pay for any of it.

He never asked if I needed groceries, food, medication, or anything else while recovering.

Even if he couldn’t afford half, I think what hurts is that there wasn’t even an attempt.

I would’ve appreciated almost anything that showed initiative. Offering to send me dinner. Asking if I needed supplies. Asking what the procedure cost. Asking how he could make things easier. Something.

Instead, I felt like I handled everything myself.

There have also been a few comments throughout this experience that have rubbed me the wrong way. At one point he joked, “At least I got you pregnant,” as if it was some kind of accomplishment. Maybe he meant it playfully, but considering everything that happened afterward, it landed badly.

What’s making this difficult is that I do believe he loves me. I don’t think he’s malicious. I don’t think he’s trying to avoid responsibility. I honestly think he’s immature and doesn’t always understand what being a supportive partner looks like.

He’s the kind of person who says all the right things. When I tell him how I feel, he usually says he understands and needs to do better. But I’m starting to realize that words don’t always translate into action.

My main question is: how would you handle this situation moving forward?

For people who have been through something similar, what level of support would you expect from a partner during and after an abortion?

Does this sound like a communication issue that can be worked through, or does it sound like we may have fundamentally different expectations of what partnership looks like?

I’m a 26F in a newer but very serious relationship with a 27M that I genuinely see a future with. We’ve known each other for years and recently became romantic. We both openly talk about marriage, kids, moving in together, etc.

Years ago during COVID I briefly made OF content with an ex. It became more public than I expected and honestly left me with a lot of anxiety and shame afterward, so over the years I mostly moved away from it. At this point I only do occasional faceless solo content and don’t really treat it like a career.

When my current boyfriend and I started seriously talking, I told him everything upfront because I didn’t want him finding out later. He already somewhat knew about my past and told me it didn’t change how he felt about me. He also admitted he has his own past and that he’s at a point in life where he wants to settle down seriously.

Recently, we were approached with an opportunity to make content together that could become very financially successful. It would ONLY be:
• solo content
• content with each other
• no outside people involved

My boyfriend says he’s okay with it and even open to participating, but he’s nervous about exposure and long term consequences. His face wouldn’t be shown.

Now I’m spiraling because I genuinely love him and care more about our future than money. My fear is that some people think they’re emotionally okay with something in the moment, but later resentment/insecurity/regret builds over time.

I guess my questions are:
How do couples navigate conversations like this maturely?

What boundaries should we discuss BEFORE making any decisions?

And has anyone been in a situation where something felt okay at first but slowly damaged trust, respect, or emotional security later on?

Hi everyone. I’m around 6 weeks pregnant and I’ve decided I need to get an abortion so I can continue on with my normal life. I’ve been researching both the abortion pill and vacuum/surgical abortion, but I’m honestly really anxious and overwhelmed.

My biggest concerns are:

• Which option usually has the quickest and easiest physical recovery?
• Which one tends to have less bleeding overall?
• Which one would most likely allow me to get back to normal activities/work/sex sooner?
• Which one is considered better for future fertility, or are they considered equally safe?
• Has anyone had issues getting pregnant later after either option?
• For people who did vacuum aspiration early (around 6 weeks), how was the recovery honestly?

I’ve heard mixed stories. One friend told me she bled for months after a vacuum abortion which scared me, but I’ve also heard the pill can involve longer bleeding/cramping overall.

I already have the NuvaRing and I’m wondering how soon after the abortion I should start birth control again. Did anyone start birth control immediately after and was it okay?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences, especially from people who prioritized:
• preserving fertility
• quickest recovery
• getting back to normal physically/emotionally as fast as possible

Please no judgment. I’m just trying to make the safest and best decision for myself.