u/LostinParadise4748

I have asked around and gotten mixed answers on if we do standard 20% or how we are calculating tip portion??

What would YOU tip on a $400 service??

(wash, cut, base color, lightening color, blowout)

I have long and thick hair.

I've read comments that the AUS organizers sort of barred entry to people without resources but HOW SPECIFICALLY?

How does Raygun end up the best out of the bunch. Why didn't more break dancers try out?

How did other countries hold try outs to get actual qualified people?

I understand she was the best "that participated" but why didn't more qualified people try out? Other countries had no issues getting real break dancers.

Did Australia just not take it seriously?

Did other countries use ballroom organizations to coordinate their try outs or was this just the way Australia handled it?

ETA - reading through comments here and other threads the following has been suggested

1. The organization that ran the qualifier required the applicants to register with 3 different organizations making it difficult for outsiders to just 'sign up' and making it easier for it to be from their own pool of organizational affiliated dancers.

2. Applicants were required to have a passport (many from poorer districts likely wouldn't have one or couldn't get one on short notice)

3. The tryout announcement vs tryout date window was extremely short not providing ample notice for break dancers to coordinate/ financially plan for travel especially if they work.

4. There's not a large breakdancing community in Australia in general

5. The GOOD break dancers are underground and wouldn't have been part of any structured organization (i don't understand why this is the case here and not in other countries who were able to get them)

6. The husband was on the selection committee and kept voting for his wife (nobody can confirm a source for this so likely untrue) however he was her coach and kept saying she was doing great! No matter how bad which fueled her false ego.

7. The head coach (lowe) likely realized the mistake that was made and walked away from actually coaching her but still sent her anyway for his 5 minutes of fame since he organized the try outs

This morning I stopped by for coffee on my way to work.

Its one of the few activities I can tolerate with my BPDmom as its short & sweet with a fixed end time (Well I better get going, rush hour traffic is a nightmare as you know!)

Mom started talking to me about a much younger cousin I have (her favorite sisters daughter). The favorite sister is all about peace and low stress.... she seeks alot of holistic therapies and guidance.... none of this really jives with mom's way of life but most importantly, that sister has MONEY. She never had to work and spends most days shopping and planning her families next vacation. There is nothing like someone with money for her to put them on a pedestal and everything they do is golden by association.

Mom also has another sister. That sister is in a troubled marriage. Her husband is for lack of a better word... an asshole. That sister is always going above and beyond to please her kids (who as a result can be selfish) even at her own expense. There is a brokenness I recognize in that sister striking me as yearning for love and affection. The same brokenness that causes my mother to have disdain for anyone vulnerable (I don't know why her self esteem is so low! - familiar words uttered about me as well).

Mom and her favorite sister frequently indulge in their favorite activity - critiquing what's wrong with sister #3 and how the both of them could never live like her.

Back to this morning....mom was telling me favorite sisters daughter (my cousin) has been asked to move in with her boyfriend but of course she is refusing without the commitment of a ring".

I asked why she thought my cousin was insisting on a ring as gateway to marriage when sometimes you can learn more about a person and their marriage potential by living with them first.

Mom scoffed and said "those kids were raised right! Your cousin knows how important it is to respect herself, not like the other set (there it was, the inevitable dig at her other sister).

Now we have an interesting opportunity for discussion. Mom is praising how favorite sister raised her kids to know that commitment to marriage is necessary in order to do things "right". Her other sisters kids don't believe in that....and neither did we.

So I call it out. "I mean... your own kids (me and my sibling) didn't follow that path either?"

I see her eyes narrow, the double standard hitting too close to home....dangerously close to a direct critique on HER parenting and HER kids turning out more similar to undesirable broken sisters kids. I almost basked at the blatant undeniable hypocrisy.

Finally she snaps "I TRIED, but you kids didn't want to listen! You just did whatever the hell you wanted. Things I am ashamed of! When the kids aren't receptive to nurturing and guidance there's nothing the parent can do! I don't need to be blamed for anything, you made your own choices!"

I calmly replied to calm down, that I wasn't blaming her for anything, merely pointing out that an engagement ultimatum by my cousin wasn't the only path to marriage.

::Fire off another cannon:: "You have always been so jealous of your cousin! As a matter of fact your a jealous person in general! Anyone doing better than you is a threat, I don't know why your self confidence is so low! That therapy you do isn't helping yet you keep wasting your money!"

Welp.... now it was time to go.

Anytime I disagree with the path someone takes that she is praising I'm jealous... anyone else?

So give it to me straight with this option... is it always the Chelsea tower??

I need a room for a weekend in September and selecting the tower in advance jumps the price $200 more.

I am assuming they give you the worst room (I've heard terrible things about Chelsea tower starting with how FAR it is from everything)

I've stayed in North, South, and Havana tower which would all be fine with me.

Is anyone familiar with this option to provide insight?

I'm in a 2009 Honda with 160,000 miles.. no bluetooth, no cameras, no safety features outside of a standard seatbelt/airbag.

I see alot of peeps driving 2020+ cars on the road and many times those are SUVS or AWD/4WD vehicles.

How is everyone affording this on top of extronomical insurance costs in the area?

Is everyone paying cash? Just trading in as quickly as possible before the car gets alittle old?? Lease?

I have had zero car payment for a longggg time but am preparing for the reality that my car can crap out in in the next 6 months or 6 years. Either way having a car payment on top of needing to bump up insurance coverage for a financed car has me GAGGED.

How are ya'll doing it?? Those with kids especially. Did we give up on putting anything into savings?

Having a car that's fully paid off has really been the only way I've been able to scrap together any kind of savings and even that's not much.

I just finished the episode(s) where Aviva and Carole are going head to head over the ghostwriter comments.

Didn't it come out years later that Aviva was right in some capacity or am I imagining that?

I think Aviva is hyper sensitive and goes nuclear when she feels offended (which isn't hard to do when she is a professional victim) HOWEVER I think this is very similar to when Luanne offended Bethenny with "will there be rerouching?" for the magazine shoot and Heather saying she is an *actual* businesswoman in the Sonja toaster oven debacle.

Is it me or is there some kind of hyper sensitivity with the women who have made careers out of the things the others are "trying their hand at" and needing to make it clear that they aren't on their level by giving digs??

I DO think Carole could have been more supportive and all Aviva did was send back the same exact question Carole asked her which she found equally offensive (fully aware Carole has made a career out of writing but that doesnt mean you don't congratulate and support your friend whose trying something new even if you know from experience it will be a flop).

If Aviva says the words flow out of her ass like diarrhea akin to "writing an email" then good for her...Carole should know quality vs quantity as an established writer and I think she should have just chuckled and kept it moving. Aviva is like a dog with a bone, once Carole went off on her Aviva took it to the next level with spewing gossip.

I also didn't like how Carole strategically wanted to make up with Luanne at the BBQ, the apology didn't even seem sincere and she was struggling to get the words out.

While Aviva is bat shit crazy I do think Carole wasnt supportive and I agree with whoever said Heather is like her watchdog.

P.S. does anyone else cringe at Heather's "mama's" when she is going in on Amanda?

I (38F) come from a divorced family. My dad married his mistress when I was 8.

My dads mistress had 3 kids of her own from a previous marriage and since the beginning she has always made sure they were taken care of while we came secondary.

I blame my dad for ALLOWING the favoritsm. I've talked to him about my issues and he makes excuses or yeses me to death then never changed anything.

Now there are grandchildren involved and its gotten worse.

My stepmoms kids are older and her kids had children 10 years prior to my sibling (I don't have kids).

Over the years my dad and stepmom have paid for countless summer camps, back to school shopping trips, and vacations with HER grandchildren.

They have even opened bank accounts for the kids futures.

As a result of the 10 year age gap the other grandkids have a pretty hefty amount in their accounts.

Yesterday my dad and stepmom told me with retirement around the corner they wouldn't be able to put very much into my siblings kids accounts.

I immediately thought to myself why not cap the older child's account to help the other accounts "catch up" and make it more fair.

That's when I got the "equity not equality" speech from them.

That my sister and her husband have excellent jobs and therefore don't *need* the extra help with things like summer camp and clothes. That this money would just be bonus money for my sisters kids whereas the other kids going to college depends on it.

It all sounded like a bunch of BS to justify the favoritism going on.

I told my fiance about how unfair I thought this was and was even more dissapointed by his reaction.

He had a very "life is unfair" response and told me i needed to stop letting it upset me because nothing would change. That my sister should be grateful for what she IS getting and both of us should stop looking at the negative because we would continue to be disappointed if we continued.

I started getting upset at his lack of empathy. This inequality and favoritism has been a source of pain for many years even through years of therapy. I told him this and he asked me when i was going to let it go because I'm only upsetting myself. That his parents never helped him with anything and so he doesn't expect it and doesn't get why I think we are owed equality.

I said that while he feels that way, it doesn't make it right.

I know nothing will change my dad because I've tried but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt when a fresh situation arises.

Am i overreacting?

This is my second job sitting in a walled off office area that has not a single window.

All of the exterior walls with windows have been partitioned off for private upper management offices.

Except for my desktop weather app...i have no idea unless i physically leave the building if it's sunny, snowing, raining.... nothing.

There is one tiny porthole window at the end of a hallway near the bathroom and you can literally see people hanging out around it on break like a damn fishbowl.

Here's an idea...put the people already making big bucks in the MIDDLE of the facility with no windows and let us have some friggin NATURAL LIGHT.

I feel like access to windows and natural light ties into mental health.

Anyone else?

I (38F) am engaged to my partner (42M). We have been together for 4 years, engaged 6 months.

My partner comes from a family that struggles with alcoholism. His parents were both alcoholics (father has passed, his mother is still alive and drinking).

He has 3 other siblings. One doesnt drink at all, one drinks pretty frequently, and the other drinks socially.

Now into my family... my father's parents were alcoholics. As a result my father RARELY drinks and never kept alcohol in the house. My mother is a social drinker and usually has wine available for when guests come over.

Me and my sister are social drinkers who never really drink when home hanging out but will indulge at social events.

My partner was a frequent drinker when I met him. He also had a high tolerance and he was a heavy smoker (2 packs a day).

When he expressed interest in dating me I told him for me to consider anything serious the drinking and smoking had to go.

I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. I used to smoke cigarettes back in my 20s but quit and again I drink very socially 1 or 2 drinks at weddings, birthday parties, etc.

He quit smoking and drastically reduced his drinking.

But every so often (maybe 3-4 times a month) when he wants to "enjoy a drink at home" I personally feel that he drinks excessively and I'm worried about it becoming a slippery slope.

Last night it erupted into a fight. He had to do some painting on a home project and wanted to grab a 6 pack since it was going to take a while on a Saturday night.

He got started around 8pm and at 11pm I was getting ready for bed when I noticed 4 empty beer bottles already in the trash. I politely asked if he planned on continuing to drink and his response was a nasty "why? What's the problem?" I said "nothing, ok do what you want".

This morning there were 5 empty beer bottles in the trash which meant he drank yet another almost finishing the 6 pack by himself in one night.

This morning i very calmly said "listen, it worried me a bit that you almost polished off a 6 pack by yourself last night, I don't care that you have a beer or two while home working on stuff but I just think 5 in one sitting is a bit excessive"

His reply was: I'm not getting into this with you. I did nothing wrong.

I kept trying to explain that I think there is some heavy influence and differences between how he grew up and what was "normal" for him vs myself. But he wasn't really listening and kept shutting me down with "yup. Ok. Whatever you say".

I think he feels that as long as he maintains his job and keeps to himself....its not an issue. Maybe that is true.

The stonewalling in communication and the fact that alcoholism is a spectrum with no clear definition of what is excessive is making it really difficult for me to gauge if I'm overreacting or not. He gets very defensive when I bring up his familys alcoholism and I really try not to but I know its tied in to his view on alcohol.

I hate that we aren't on the same page with the drinking standard, I think bc his parents were the classic explosive volatile type of drinkers he thinks that's where the standard for "too much" is and that I'm equating him to them.

How much of deal breaker is this?

I (39F) have a friend named Kristy (42F).

Me and Kristy met 10 years ago in a local Facebook group for single women looking to make friends.

From the moment I met her Kristy made it very clear she wanted to get married and have a family.

I almost felt like she was methodical about it..does he have a job? Check. Does he want to be a father? Check.

The requirements were very little and she didn't really have a "type". She was always very vocal to me about her biological clock ticking.

She ended up meeting her husband 5 years ago and they moved in together fast, got engaged fast, and ultimately married, bought a house, and got pregnant.

Check. Check. Check.

Fast forward to today she has two children ages 3 and 5.

Her and her husband both work full time, with her husband doing alot of overtime on weekends. Kids go to daycare as help from the families is limited.

As a result i haven't been able to see her as much and often long stretches of time go by before we get together.

We usually do dinner and drinks since she's not much into the live band/ music scene. She prefers not to hangout at her house since the kids are noisy and distracting and says its not a true "break" for her.

She also has told me she gets satisfaction leaving the kids with her husband so he can "see what she deals with most days".

I don't think Kristy is particularly happy. I think the stress of family life and being alone with the kids majority of the time has left her resentful of her husband. I also get the impression... they don't have much in common or alignment. (Tbh I am not surprised because of her checklist attitude when dating him but that's not my business).

She tells me they fight constantly... over money, bills, priorities, raising the kids, goals, etc.

They are not on the same page with Financials (her words).

She has also told me she wouldn't be against divorce if it came to it as some of the fights have gotten nasty.

Kristy has a very "matter of fact" attitude towards things. If she doesnt agree with something she will straight say it whereas i am more of a "know your audience" type.

If i vent to her about my partner she will FIRMLY say things like...thats unacceptable, NO. He can't do that, PERIOD.

Whereas when she vents to me about her husband I'll support her but also say high level things like "that's crazy" "what an ass" etc.

I learned a long time ago not to be too involved when it comes to friends marriages after a friend stopped talking to me because she said I was overstepping in my opinions.

When asked directly for my opinion I will absolutely give it but I'm just not going to "butt in unsolicited" anymore.

I'll also soften the blow if I think my opinion can hurt someone's feelings. I don't like making people upset but that's not to say I won't establish boundaries when necessary and I do have a limit before I get angry and you'll absolutely know when I hit that point.

I've texted Kristy three times now over the past few weeks to tell her i miss her, make plans, and even sent some suggestions on social media for new happy hour spots...she keeps telling me she will check with her husband on scheduling and get back to me but she hasn't. I told her ill make sure I'm free whatever day works better for her since she's got kids and I'm child free.

Then today (Friday night) I saw her post that she was out with a new mom friend (no kids, they went to a winery).

I honestly got alittle upset. I don't understand how she's making time for this new person but I've BEEN asking and nothing? And I know for a fact this person is a new friend. Kristy has not had many friends in the years I've known her. Which I'm glad she has someone new but.... where do i fit in now??

Once friends turn into mom's do they just prefer to hangout with other moms? (Ofc I clicked on this girls profile tag and saw she has 3 kids listed in her bio).

I guess she has struggles i can't relate to even though I ALWAYS ask how the kids are, their milestones, etc. I have even offered to meet her at local parks with coffee so the kids can play if she prefers.

Is it time to let this friendship go?

Adult children not acknowledging they have great parents.....its just NORMAL to them. Why would they think its "lucky" when it should be NORMAL for parents to treat adult children with respect continuing to make them feel loved and wanted as a family.

I see peers in their 40s traveling with retired parents who finally have the time. And I can see the LOVE through the pictures/ videos. The ENJOYMENT of each other's company. A new type of experience where its not the parents taking their children on vacation but the adult children bringing their parents because they WANT them there and the parents want to BE there.

I always felt frustration that the peers with those parents weren't openly GRATEFUL. That they didn't know how LUCKY they were in that sense. But they shouldn't, what they have been raised with is NORMAL for them. It should be NORMAL for everyone. Its the bare minimum.

I will never know that and it makes me sad. THAT'S the true frustration.

My mom is the queen type. Everything revolves around her emotions that day. How she's feeling. What she feels like doing. If she's going to show up for you or cancel at the last second and you just need to suck it up. If she's going to crap all over everything that day including you. If she doesn't like the restaurant you picked everyone is going to know it and she will refuse to eat. Embarass you? That's your problem. You have a real problem, you are just too sensitive. That therapy isn't working, you are wasting your money she has said to me on more than one occasion. Brutal honesty to the point of meanness is her M.O.

I will never forget 3 years ago my adult cousins planning a family cruise. Everyone in the family was invited...or so they said. That included me, my sister, and bpd mom.

I had just started a new job and couldn't take off time and my sister wasnt sure she would have the money to go. Mom said she was very interested in going (although she says that one day and then 24 hours later shes blowing it off saying she doesnt like cruises and doesnt understand why they picked this activity in the first place)

That's when my cousin pulled my sister aside and said "listen, in order for your mom to come - you or your sister MUST come. I will not be managing your mother".

(Is it weird that even though I know my mom can be a nightmare i felt defensive? Maybe I'm defensive over the idea of a mother I'll never have. There is a certain level of love there by default even if i don't particularly LIKE her)

That same cousins mom is so easy going (anyone is compared to mine who also expects you to read her mind and pass her little tests). My aunt is down for whatever, grateful for the opportunity to spend time with her daughter... ready to enjoy. A loving, kind, caring mother. Trust my mother has said my aunt is a fool for "letting her kids take advantage" (spoiler: they don't, my aunt just likes to help her adult children where she can like a NORMAL parent). My mom keeps score of all the "favors" she does for you and she cashes in. There is no free lunch with her.

I got frustrated that my cousin had no idea how easy she has it. I got angry at how quick she was to point the finger at my mom and say "I'm not dealing with THAT".

And beneath my anger (jealousy?) I know she shouldn't have to. She shouldn't ever know what THAT feels like let alone SEE it from a distance.

Nobody should know what THAT type of mother feels like.

I had made a post not too long ago that Perez was interacting alot with Gen Z on tik tok and playing the "I'm a friendly celebrity interviewer!" role.

I expressed my skepticism that I didnt believe he changed but rather "learned the new no bully rules" of social media after getting banned once before and BEGGING for his account back.

But I remember how terrible he was to celebrities in the early 2000s often exploiting them at their worst/lowest.

Anyone else?

I don't wish harm on anyone, but I do find it interesting how things seem to have come full circle for him.

Hopefully he is getting the help he needs.

ETA for people who say he changed and that the media was just as bad back then:

the media was a collective group hiding behind Tabloids and Magazine logos.

Perez proudly signed his face and name to his bullying.

Yeah it was part of the same beast but Perez took it that much further by proudly making his identity "a bully who makes people want to terminate thelmselves"... that's a whole different level of cruelty.

Like I said I don't believe he changed, I think the media world evolved and he had to mask better in order to fit in. He was suspended from tik tok multiple times in 2019 and ultimately banned in 2020 for bullying and harassment. That's a changed person?

For years he begged and appealed tik tok for his account back and finally got an account again in April 2026 until this latest situation. In my opinion, he is someone who has a very sick relationship with media and likely should have never been allowed back. There are other ways to make income, a job OUT of the limelight. For the sake of his children if anything.

I (39F) have been friends with Danielle (37F) for 15 years.

Last night Danielle was involved in a car accident.

The photos looked pretty bad with damage all along the driver side of the vehicle including the front and end bumpers.

This morning when I called to check on her she told me that she "doesnt remember anything but just knows she was hit by a large SUV that took off".

I was puzzled that she couldn't tell me if she was stopped or in motion when she got hit or a single other detail.

I know Danielle was out drinking at a bar earlier that night because she had invited me but i declined.

I asked what the local cops said but she told me she drove home and THEN called the cops in her own township to file the report which struck me as very odd.

Its now the following the day and she is just now going to the hospital to get checked. I found that very interesting because logically any alcohol that would have been in her system would be gone by now. Usually you call the police from the scene of the accident and would go to the hospital directly from there rather than go home for 12 hours.

Something about the situation just doesn't seem right so I said are you sure you didn't have one too many where maybe you were the one who hit something else?

She didn't answer my question but immediately redirected the conversation to how long the wait at the hospital was and how upset she was at the damage.

Idk why but its bothering me that I strongly suspect she is lying to me.

Furthermore if she hit someone else's car or property and if she was the one to take off from the scene I would feel horrible for whoever is now stuck with the damage.

My fiance thinks I need to stop harping on this and let it go. But part of me doesnt understand the lying?

It actually offends me that she is lying to my face.

I'm not perfect and I've done some messed up things in the past but I'm always honest if nothing else.

I feel like friendships should be based on mutual respect for the truth.

Eta- I feel it important to add that Danielle is not usually a heavy drinker. I don't think she's an alcoholic but I do think she was under the influence last night and doesnt want to admit it.

I (39F) have been with my partner (43M) for 5 years.

A source of ongoing contention has been my mother. My partner has ADHD and is very quick to "zone out" of conversations, not realize when people are directing conversations toward him, or just be in his own world when we are in a social situation and not participate in basic pleasantries like "what's new with you" "how have you been" etc.

I've mentioned this to him and he admits it but I've asked that he work on it because my family is getting the impression he's rude. I've explained to my family also his ADHD and they try to be patient but it doesnt get much better.

Today again we were in the car heading to breakfast with my mother and she was talking to him, very clearly looking at him trying to make eye contact as he's staring out the window zoning out. Repeatedly my mother went Tom??? TOM?? after periods of silence where he wouldn't answer only for him to finally snap back in answer her question then go right back to looking out the window.

I gently nudged him quickly and privately out of sight and said please try to be a bit more present in our conversation.... he immediately scoffed and rolled his eyes.

The rest of the breakfast he did better but I was really hurt he scoffed at me and we had a huge argument with him yelling at me how he feels like his natural self just isn't accepted as good enough and he is forever trying to change who he is to meet their social standard.

I'm really hurt. I don't know if I'm asking too much?

He is also a 40 year old man I feel like I'm trying to teach a grown adult about basic conversational respect and social cues. A person who doesnt want to learn.

I (39F) have been with my partner (43M) for 5 years.

A source of ongoing contention has been my mother. My partner has ADHD and is very quick to "zone out" of conversations, not realize when people are directing conversations toward him, or just be in his own world when we are in a social situation and not participate in basic pleasantries like "what's new with you" "how have you been" etc.

I've mentioned this to him and he admits it but I've asked that he work on it because my family is getting the impression he's rude. I've explained to my family also his ADHD and they try to be patient but it doesnt get much better.

Today again we were in the car heading to breakfast with my mother and she was talking to him, very clearly looking at him trying to make eye contact as he's staring out the window zoning out. Repeatedly my mother went Tom??? TOM?? after periods of silence where he wouldn't answer only for him to finally snap back in answer her question then go right back to looking out the window.

I gently nudged him quickly and privately out of sight and said please try to be a bit more present in our conversation.... he immediately scoffed and rolled his eyes.

The rest of the breakfast he did better but I was really hurt he scoffed at me and we had a huge argument with him yelling at me how he feels like his natural self just isn't accepted as good enough and he is forever trying to change who he is to meet their social standard.

I'm really hurt. I don't know if I'm asking too much?

He is also a 40 year old man I feel like I'm trying to teach a teenager about basic conversational respect and social cues. A teenager who doesnt want to learn.