u/Lower_Basis4344

What do you do when your truthfully an extrovert but the fact is people just dont like you?

Im turning 35 in a few months, everyone i love is dead. Nobody i like really gives a shit about having me around. Most people i encounter on any level or in any random circumstances seem to dislike me off the hop to the point im developing an agoraphobia issue so strong i don't even want to sign into Facebook.. it almost just feels humiliating to be seen. For the most part, it's definitely bin like this my entire life. Just severely intensifies more and more every 5 year duration. I figure its time to accept it, adjust, and try to find peace if I cant find happiness?

More specifically, is there a term for/ is it a symptom of something when a person that previously valued intense music and good movies etc whos obviously surviving alot if trauma and misfortunes begins to avoid things they previously enjoyed due to the intensity of the emotions they might trigger? REGARDLESS ****... if these emotions are happy or sad? That parts important lol

Never changes direction... never pauses or pivets.. never drops his toy.

Just round and round and round and round.

He did this for over 11 minutes straight today and my little dogs legs are so short I only throw her toy like 25 feet away.

I try to throw his toy too...

But he seems really content with what hes doing.

So, im not gonna get into alot of unnecessary context because the content idea is have isnt based around feminism or advocating for abuse awareness yadda yadda...

But long story short ive got a bit under 6 months left of summer/fall weather and have bin rotting in a low quality abusive living situation. All my belongings have bin in storage for a year and I have 2 dogs. Im a middle aged female.. not a barbie by any means but pretty easy on the eyes if that matters from a marketing perspective.

Ive seen successful content creators base their pages on homeless life, homestead development and survivalism, stealth camping... and various aspects of graveyard based content varying from cleaning old headstones, to urban exploration to using the spirit box app etc.

Recently I came across a hidden gem of a sanctuary for anyone experiencing housing insecurity like me.

A big, old, well maintained graveyard in a vacant area on the outer rim of town most people have never even bin aware of.

Although this graveyard features a newly built garages at the front suitable for storing riding lawnmowers etc etc...

Theres an abandoned and blocked off service road hearses used decades and decades ago to access the graveyard from the furthest corner in the back for funerals etc. The entrance to this road is hidden amongst the oldest stones with no living relatives still alive and it runs behind the graveyard leading to main road but blocked access is tightly hidden between the driveways of 2 houses. If you can find it, it will take you through the trees that grow all down the hill behind the graveyard past a breathtaking veiw of an industrial type plant of some sort and a small, cubic solid concrete and cast iron 1800's mosoleum left unlocked.

Not visible in the summer seasons is a 4 wheeler path running down the hill from the back of the graveyard directly to the mosoleum thats also not visible from the hilltop until mid fall. At the top of the hill concealed by a brand new corner of proper wooden fence panels is a well maintained outhouse.

Im considering building camp next to the mosoleum as I couldn't burn anything on it due to lack if ventilation, but its still tremendously useful for keeping things dry, acts as a giant safe for valuables or to keep animals out, or a cool place to relax if its a hot day/blocks wind during chilly summer nights. My 2 dogs would come, id only be there 2-3 months.....

And I can keep my house plant collection with me by placing them at the 1800's Graves... theres alot of ones for infants :)

(Who's gonna bitch about a flower being left at a babies grave.. or steal from a dead baby?)

Am I on to something? Homeless stealth camping for horror or paranormal fanatics? With a bit of urban exploration lovers mixed in?

(Yes id go to all necessary lengths to protect the location etc)

I like doing cool stuff but dont have friends to do it with anymore. (People die, life sucks). I do have an agenda of hidden gems to share though.

I literally haven't even owned a TV in over a decade and am stuck in a temporary living situation im complete isolation with my things in storage preventing me from continuing any of my usual productive daily activities and hobbies etc etc etc..

Years ago i binged on breaking bad, the walking dead, most of sons of anarchy, even LOST.. try to aim for tasteful horror like the village or silent hill instead of gorey stuff like house of 100 corpses

Im a young woman in southern Ontario (quinte west area) thats facing the approaching reality of moving into a tent alone like many of us and im wondering if theres any subreddits for homeless people to connect and create some sense of local community / share and swap resources or even if theres just anyone else in my position nearby whos afraid to camp in the dark alone 😔

Dont get me wrong, theres tons of things i like to do from arts and crafts to walking dogs in graveyards,..

But I miss the friends you could do nothing with too.. sometimes the most 💚

No bias on age etc

Im many missing teeth past ever believing my ex is capable of becoming any form of functional boyfriend, accepted the fact theres no haply ending for us in this life etc.. he was dangerous to a life threatening extent and I had pets suffer for it so its not even an option really.

But what do you do when you have NO support system and a choice between completely isolated or just in the company of more humiliating abusers...

At the same time as coping with housing insecurity meaning I dont have the privacy stability or comfort to even recuperate and heal..

And NNNOOOBODY to talk to.. yes ive encountered kind souls via online but its just not normal for a human being to live in complete social isolation aside from the occasional pen pal chat from the other side of the equater 😰 I just wanna talk to someone I know so bad, hes the closest thing I have a best friend

Is there no place people without family can go to find it in eachother :/

Over 5 years every aspect of my life has bin shit and when my misfortunes finally reach rock bottom my dead fiances dog whom I fucking worship abandons me for my abusers and treats me like a disease even when bribed with treats.

Ive had enough of my shit fucking life.

This fucking mutt has never KNOWN suffering or even minor discomfort.

And when the rest of my life is trying to kill me she decides shed rather side with the winner cuz its just easier that way for her?

If im wrong feel free to tell me what you need for a reading before I leave this fucking thing outside a Walmart or just jump a cliff all together

Im ready to loose my mind struggling with housing insecurity and every time I start communicating with a landlord the thread of emails mysteriously just vanishes from my inbox... yes, ive used keywords and emails to search for them in all different folders etc too?

My beautiful little dog sparkles was a gift left behind by my best friend before he died. I literally worship her and dont even yell at her unless its to quit barking the odd blue moon. Ive bin forced to stay at my moms the past 9 months looking for a new place and dont understand why my dog acts like my mom is God's greatest gift to mankind, even more then her own 2 dogs, but my dog will literally run to underneath a bed or even out to the backyard under the pool if I call her name... even tempting her with treats and a walk barely works...

I need her so bad right now, ive spent my whole life believing no matter what happened in life your dog would always need you but mine fuckin hates me and Its killing me 😞😰

Something more intense, advanced, or specific to the problem then just usual salt sprinkling, candles and smudging..

Highly unlikely to be due to any form of ancestral ties, not believed to be imposed by another practitioner.

34 yr old life long coffee drinker whos well experienced in every form of "upper" classified narcotic just had my first 2 cups after going a month without almost 12 hrs ago and my heart is still pounding so far out of my chest you'd think I just smoked an ounce of Crack.

Does this kill people? 🤨🤔

Would be cool to apply my effort into online conversations with people that could potentially cross paths with you someday in life too, not everyone wants to live life on their phone... right..? :/

Im almost 35 and sometime around turning 30... all the patterns of my life changed without effort, cause or events to blame... parents and family members that were unconditionally supportive turned against me, absent ones became involved only at opportunitys to sabbatoge me, parentals that never abused me as a child now treat their dogs drastically more humane. Boyfriends with no history in domestic violence all the sudden strangled me, pumbled me, destroyed my apartment... yet I was NEVER prone to such relationships. Dating apps i had periodically used for years and years to meet new people were all the sudden peppering me with hurtful or traumatic experiences.. everyone i socialize with from my favorite friends for years to brand new people literally can't stand me and storm out on me or explode in other ways over the most minor things like if I say I dont understand what they meant etc... or, they died very young and unforseen in their sleep due to various aspects of bad health, or in random horrific accidents :/

Even in professional settings.... 5 neighbors and a room mate witnessed a man punching me multiple times but the responding officer refuses to press charges accusing me of beimg a junky? 🤨 911 operators are talking to their coworkers in the background while a dog is attacking me, a prescription ive refilled for 10 years is accidentally erased by a pharmacist who refuses to help replace it in any way, the family doctor ive waited years for SCREAMS at me with the door open and a waiting room full of people less then 10 feet away as if it offended him I was in distress over this prescription. Strangers I go out of my way to be kind to react to me like im a disgusting slob that will steal their wallet...

I've never bin Mrs popular, or had as many friends as Id like to have...

But this is a tom hanks level of desserted on a tropical island isolation....

This isnt normal, typical or healthy, not for me as an individual, or just any person in general.

The most common solution to what people believe to be curses is changing their patterns to change the outcome they get from the world....

If my patterns didn't change, why did all the patterns around me?