u/MegazordForce

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so i stumbled upon a school reel, although it was a funny one, yet i was instantly taken back to my the guy i used to have a solid crush on during my school days and the things that i have done for him, i'm 22F and it's been so many years since school got over but that one guy never left my mind. We follow each other on instagram, and neither of us posts that much, and i am not even aware of much about his life, we connected on instagram but never texted or talked to each other there are things that i wanna say to this guy but i can't so i will just write it all here.

I have had crushes before i have had people i had gotten head over heels for but none like him. Initially, i did think of this as attraction or a temporary crush, but now when i look back, how much time has passed, but my heart still skips a beat when i hear his name, his thought never left my mind. At least once a day, i get a thought of him. It's like he has been imprinted on my soul, and it is almost impossible to get him out of my system now.

I still have his pictures from school days. The songs that remind me of him are still there in my playlist, the things that he touched (he used to borrow stationary from me) i have kept them all safe in my drawer, i still remember the way he smelled the last time i sat next to him, i remember his face, the glow of his skin, the sound of his voice, all so vividly. it's like i almost captured him with all my senses. I miss you A. and i have always loved you all these years, and you still live in my rent free, i kinda don't even wanna let you get out of my head, your memories are aesthetically pleasing to my mind to my heart, even though this nostalgia kills me. I have 2-3 diaries full of the letters I've written for you that i will probably never send. I wish we could talk for once, but my love doesn't demand you to be mine however much my heart yearns for it.

You're just a memory of a sweet love. You're forever in my heart A, i didn't know whom to say this to but it was weighing down on my heart so i spilled it here.

Okay, so i am a non-Muslim and don't know much about moharram, but i have seen tazia and people in spiritual trance during moharram. So there is one dargah near where i live and some people with tazia were passing by, i was standing in a corner and watching, one of the guy's who was in spiritual trance directed his hand towards me, i was quite confused since he was in spiritual trance but he was directing towards me to hand me 3 makhana.

Then another guy took it from him and handed it over to me. Since, i am a very spiritual person but i don't know much about moharram and spiritual trance during moharram, i was wondering why that guy chose specifically me, to give those makhana.

Can anyone give me insights on it? Does it have anything to do with my spiritual nature?

Also, my intention of writing this is completely respectful. I'm sorry if any of the terms used here are inappropriate or offensive, i don't know what terms to use to describe this specific thing that happened with me, it made me quite curioustho that out of all the people there he chose me on his own to hand those makhanas to me.

And then they say don't generalize!!! I asked a simple question about sexual intimacy in marriage and asked for their pov on it but they just called me stupid and showed me so much hateee downvoted all my commnents and posts called me senseless and vague just because i thought that even inside a marriage you have to get mentally and emotionally ready to indulge in sexual intimacy.

But all the men there believed that get married itself is the sign that you're gonna have to have sex and if you ain't then you were not emotional ready for marriage in the first place i mean how does gettinf married is equal to having sex

Marriage is built on trust love values and respect but for them marriage jyst means sex and no concept like "emotional readiness" exists

Whenever you ask a simple question on these askmen or askindianmen sub instead of simply answering to the question they start bring shady and hateful, they start calling you stupid because you are a woman.

They twist the question in a way so that it becomes an excuse for them to show hate. Even if i have a genuine question, i think twice before posting it on men's sub because all they do is show hate and bully you there instead of just answering the question.

I got called stupid and vague and senseless for simply asking for their pov on sexualy intimacy in a marriage. I mean marriage isn't just about sex right, but all the men there bullied me for thinking that emotional readiness to build up to indulge in sexual intimacy is stupid, they said don't get married if you aren't emotionally ready to have sex and all of them said that they prefer sex on the first date only and I'm stupid.

They bullied me to the point i had to delete the post

So i asked a simple question around sexual intimacy in marriage on askmen sub and asked for men's pov on it.

I just asked "when do men start to expect sexual intimacy in a marriage do they like to wait a lil bit for emotional readiness (around sexual intimacy) to build up or do they prefer going for it as soon as they are married (like wedding night)"

Men there started calling me stupid and vague and started saying "that don't marry in the first place if you are not emotionally ready, if u are getting married then ofc you will have sex, your question is confusing and makes no sense"

I mean, marriage is a lot more than just having sex, indulging in sexual intimacy takes time and mental readiness, i just wanted to know men's pov on this but they just started hating me for it

So today, some of my school friends posted their pictures together, they always hang out together it is just that they do not speak to me or invite me to hang out with them ever since school got over. Even in school, they used to make me feel left out oftentimes, but they are the people my school memories are associated with so i cannot get them out of my mind.

I miss them so much and i wish had someone from school to talk about my school memories with, but they have all ditched me for no reason now i don't think we can go back to being friends again however much i miss them.

I try to tell myself that it is okay school was a phase of life and so were the friends, now they are gone and i cannot force them to involve me, invite me, if they don't miss me i can't do anything about it but this does not ease my sadness, i feel heartbroken because school friends are something else, they are cherished in our hearts forever.

Do you guys miss your school friends?

I am thinking of buying minimalist skincare, i have used a few products before and they were good yet i want to know from you all as well.

I already struggle with a dysregulated nervous system, i have bee trying breathing exercises but nothing is making me relax, i did not rest at al yesterday and studied for whole day in order to get tired so that i could sleep but it did not work either.

And i have been anxious for a few days now, because a friend of mine ghosted me and started ignoring me out of nowhere when i asked him what happened and if everything is fine, he told me that he was just pulling away because he was getting attached to me and he has attachment issues so he did not want to get attached to me and that's why he started ghosting me to become distant.

This hurt me deeply because i did not expect this from him, because i have always been there for him.

Anyways my concern is that i have been unable to sleep for a few days now, cannot even take a nap. Suggest some somatic techniques or anything that has worked for you that can help me.

Guys i have a startup idea, i am from tech background but i do not have anyone to start with and i don't even have any knowledge about business. Can you please guide me on how to start and how to gain knowledge and how can i start from home alone?