u/More-Cancel-8477

I’m a FTM to a lovely 4-month-old baby boy. He sleeps through the night, enjoys being around people, and is generally a very happy, smiley baby. I know that compared to a lot of parents, I have it easier in many ways, and I truly am grateful for that.
But lately I’ve been feeling like I’m not allowed to complain because of it.
Even an “easy” baby still needs constant care. My son barely naps during the day, mostly short catnaps only when he’s absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he just wants to interact, talk, be entertained, be held, and engage constantly. He’s usually smiling and cooing while doing it, which somehow makes me feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed.
But my back hurts all the time, both my hands, especially my thumbs, hurt, my hair is falling out, and I feel like I never get time for anything else. And if I do get a break from baby duties, there’s always some housework waiting for me. I get migraines because I am so tired.
I am on maternity leave and my husband works from the office but he does share baby care and household responsibilities when he’s home, and I appreciate that. But I’m still tired. Really tired.

I think people sometimes forget that even babies who are “easy” are still a huge amount of work, and comments like “well at least he sleeps” and “you should be grateful and not complaining.. people have it worse” end up making me feel bad for struggling.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this post. Maybe just to vent. Maybe to hear from other parents who felt exhausted even when things looked easier from the outside.

Hi everyone,
I’m a new mom(15 weeks PP FTM) and I’m really struggling emotionally and don’t know if I’m overreacting or if something more is going on with me.
Tonight I had a really intense breakdown. My husband and mom were joking about me and criticizing my reading/watching choices saying I am all negative and angry because I read murder mysteries and watch true crime. I told them 3 times directly that I didn’t like it and tried to change the subject, but it kept going. I could feel myself getting more and more overwhelmed and angry.
They were ignoring it so I tried to leave the situation because I felt myself about to lose control. My husband laughed and tried to stop me, and in that moment I completely snapped and pushed him. After that I broke down crying. I feel really ashamed that it got physical and I hate that it happened.
Now I feel completely overwhelmed and guilty. My crying also woke my baby up, and I feel like I’m failing as a mother and at everything right now.
My husband says I’m overreacting and that everyone is tired and doing their best, and that I should see a doctor. They also say it was “just jokes,” but I did clearly say I didn’t like it multiple times. He said I’ve also joked in the past and it was never an issue. He is right we used to joke with each other a lot but right now everything feels different for me emotionally since having my baby.
But another part of me feels hurt and unheard. I feel like when I say something bothers me, it’s not taken seriously until I completely explode. I feel like I’m constantly on edge, exhausted, and not like myself anymore since having my baby. My tear hasn’t fully healed even after 3 months of delivery. Peeing and pooping hurts. I couldn’t sit because there was pain of my stitches opening due to infection so I had to stop breastfeeding which I always wanted. My back hurts me, my thumb hurts me plus I hate seeing myself in the mirror. I look so ugly and unfit. I am not eating right because I just don’t have the bandwidth to eat healthy. All of this is bothering me.
My mom and husband asked me to go see a doctor because they feel I overreacted. They didn’t give me the baby when I wanted to soothe him.. they said I would not have reacted that way and woken him up if I cared.
I also feel horrible that my crying woke my baby up, and now I feel like I’m failing at everything.I want to disappear and not feel anything. It feels like my only identity is of being a mother. I am lost somewhere and nobody cares about that version of me anymore.
I don’t know if this is postpartum depression, anxiety, rage, or just me being unable to cope. Has anyone else gone through something like this? Did you get help? Did it get better? I was always a very happy and content person so part of me does feel like I am overreacting.
Any kind responses would really mean a lot right now.

P.s: both of them help me with childcare and household stuff.

My baby is 13 weeks old and has been a pretty good night sleeper since around 3 weeks old. He usually sleeps about 11–12 hours overnight (although he hates day naps.. I can’t get more than 2-2.5 hours of naps in a day so gets super cranky and tired by evening until we do bedtime around 8 )
Until recently he would wake every 4–5 hours for a feed. The feeds were very easy, he'd barely wake up, drink his bottle half-asleep, and immediately go back to sleep. I never had to rock, soothe, or resettle him. The whole thing took maybe 20 minutes, so I didn't mind at all.
Over the past week, he has started doing 7–8 hour stretches instead. While that sounds great, he now wakes up absolutely starving: screaming, red face crying, and clearly very distressed. As soon as I feed him, he calms down and goes right back to sleep like before.
My question is: should I be waking him up a bit earlier for a feed so he doesn't get to the point of being that hungry and upset? Or is this just normal as babies start sleeping longer stretches, and I should let him sleep until he wakes on his own? Or should I increase his day feeds? He seems very content, happy and playful for a good part of the day so I'm not sure about that tbh. I don’t want to irritate him with overfeeding.
He's formula-fed, if that makes any difference.
Would love to hear others' experiences!

Husband(40 M) and I(37 F)had a huge fight today and I genuinely want outside perspective on whether I’m overreacting here.
I’m currently on maternity leave, so I take care of our baby during the day while my husband works. We have a system that mostly works for us. I usually sleep around 2 am after feeding the baby and putting him down. Baby wakes around 5:30- 6 am and my husband handles that feed before getting ready for work. Around 8 am, he gives the baby to my mom, who watches him until I wake up around 9:30.
After that, I’m with the baby the entire day. My mom is older and helps a lot with the kitchen and sometimes with the baby too, but she also needs rest and sleeps from 3 to 6 pm, and I never disturb her during that time. I deal with the breakfast every morning and usually wrap up the kitchen at night as well.
My husband comes home around 6:30-7 pm and helps however he can, sometimes with the 8 pm feed too. Overall, I do appreciate that he helps and I know he’s involved.
Today though, the baby was extremely fussy. I had been walking around with him for almost 2 hours trying to calm him down. My stitches still haven’t fully healed, I’m on my period, and my back was killing me.
My husband usually leaves work around 5:20 pm. Instead of calling him, I checked his location because we both share locations with each other. I saw he’d been sitting at a cafe near home(2-3 mins drive) for around 25 minutes, so I called him. He said he needed some “me time.”
Honestly, that irritated me. Not because he wanted alone time, but because I don’t really get to just disappear for “me time” without coordinating with everyone else first. If I need time, I have to think about the baby, my mom, feeds, naps, basically the overall schedule of everyone.
I told him I was struggling and that the baby had been really difficult today. He said he’d come in 10 minutes, but he ended up coming home almost an hour later because he still wanted time for himself.
What upset me most is that he didn’t tell me beforehand or even really discuss it after I called. If he had texted or called and said, “Hey, rough day, I need 45 minutes to decompress before coming home,” I honestly would’ve said okay. I’ve never stopped him from doing things like that.
His argument is that he usually comes home around that same time anyway, so technically it shouldn’t matter what he’s doing during that time. My argument is that when you have a partner and a baby at home, especially when your partner is already overwhelmed, it’s respectful to communicate.
Now he thinks I’m overreacting and says he did nothing wrong because he is back at the time he was supposed to be back.
Am I the asshole here?

My mom(71 F) loves me(35 F) deeply and helps a lot with the baby and other aspects of my life to make things easier for me. My father passed away when my brother and I were very young, and since then, she has been extremely protective of us. She never really had the chance to grieve his loss and had to leave her home overnight with nothing. Despite everything, she has always remained strong for us.
Even when my father was alive, he did not take much responsibility for her or for us, and was more focused on his own family. Where my brother and I are in life today is entirely because of her sacrifices. I truly believe that. She has dedicated her entire life to raising us.
However, the problem is that, for various reasons, she has become very bitter toward the world. Even when someone does something kind, she tends to assume they have ulterior motives. She can be quick to insult people. Earlier, this did not affect us much because we stayed out of it, but now it is impacting our married lives.
She often argues with and insults our partners. My husband is generally very understanding, but he has been under a lot of stress at work lately and is no longer able to tolerate this behavior. She does not acknowledge his efforts, even when he goes out of his way to help her or accommodate her, sometimes unreasonable, demands.
My husband(37 M) is understandably upset with me because I am still allowing her to live with us. I have tried talking to my mom about this, but she believes that he is only pretending to be nice in front of me and that she understands him better. Whenever I bring this up, she feels deeply hurt because her whole life has revolved around her children and she has sacrificed everything for us.
I feel torn. I do not want to hurt her, but I also do not want this to damage my relationship with my husband.
Currently, she is not very good healthy wise so she alternates between staying with my brother and me. However, wherever she stays, that household begins to experience conflict. My brother and his wife also end up having frequent arguments, similar to what is happening in my marriage.
I have tried discussing this with her and even suggested therapy, but she dismisses it and feels hurt that I am questioning her or not trusting her.
I do not know what to do.

TL;DR: My widowed mom sacrificed everything for us but has become very bitter and frequently insults my husband. She refuses to acknowledge the issue, and it’s now seriously affecting my marriage. I feel torn between not hurting her and protecting my relationship.

Update : I’ve read most of your responses and will try to address the main points.
Yes, parents are supposed to raise their children, but my mom went far beyond that. She didn’t even grieve my father’s death. When I say she didn’t grieve, I mean she didn’t cry even once(she loved him a lot.. even now after so many years, I sometimes catch her look at his pictures when she is alone). She stayed strong for us throughout. She worked two jobs and, despite being sleepless and exhausted, never took it out on us. She had been very loving and supportive throughout. She supported us in our studies, and I was able to complete two master’s degrees because she took extra shifts and even took out loans for me.
Even today, when she is unwell, she continues to do things for my brother and me to make our lives easier even if it’s hurting her physically(this happens a lot). She is also helping me with my baby. I didn’t have a very difficult postpartum period, and my baby is now 2.5 months old, largely because she took care of everything from baby work to housework.. even making lunches for my husband. She sometimes makes two lunches to accommodate his taste.
I have stood up to her many times for my husband. The problem is that these confrontations affect her health. Her blood pressure and glucose levels spike, and she sometimes needs medical attention. She has very valid reasons to not trust the world and be bitter because she has faced a very toxic world herself. She made it her life’s mission to protect her children.
What she really needs is therapy to process her trauma, but she is too proud to accept that. As I said, I have defended my husband before, but this time I want to handle the situation in a more decisive way, ideally without hurting anyone, or at least minimizing the hurt. My husband does not deserve to be on the receiving end of her bitterness.
To clarify, when I refer to my father’s family, I mean his father, brothers, and sisters. They treated her very badly. She even lost her first child because of them. My father always sided with his family publicly. After his death, she had to leave the house overnight with nothing but her children.
Coming to my husband, he has generally been very understanding. He has tried to resolve things with her directly and often goes out of his way to do things she prefers, just to keep her happy. At times, this helps and she softens, but then after a while, she spirals again and stops trusting him.
He understands where she is coming from and has reassured me repeatedly that it doesn’t usually bother him. However, with the stress of a new baby and increased pressure at work, he is no longer able to cope the same way. I don’t want him to suffer, especially because he has been so patient and supportive. This is why I want to take some concrete measures now.