u/MyChickenSucks

Currently 4 months sober, out of IOP, Dr has me on Campral. Does it work? Really hard to quantify since I'm doing so much mental work on myself.

Anyhow, Dr keeps suggesting Vivitrol. I've taken Nal before, but it makes me so sick and stoned feeling (tried a few times, tapering up) I just said no thanks.

If TSM is meant to teach your brain it won't get the dopamine from alcohol, will be be effective against the random drink if I should slip up? She mentioned "with the holidays coming up, just want to make sure you're going to be ok."

I'm also thinking about next year when I have planned a Castles and Whisky tour of Scotland for my 50th. Obviously I whacked most distilleries off the list, but would be a shame to not visit a handful having traveled that far. I know, I know - slippery slope. These are just thoughts as I work through my relationship with alcohol.

This is stupid. But.

I used to have a chapstick addiction. Bad. Always had a tube with me, with backups, and would literally go into a panic at night if I didn't have some on my nightstand. Took a long time to break that habit, physically and mentally. Today I'm in moderation with my chapstick use, but I prefer my days of easy abstinence; I still keep a tube in my pocket 95% of the time, just in case.

Makes me wonder about the science of addiction. Anyhow, 4 months tomorrow. Longest stint in decades.

Meeting last night: talking about the 4th Edition and it has some significant changes over my 3rd edition. Ordering it now. Also see this "Learn Smart Insideout FAST" participant handbook. What's that about? Good supplement to the main Handbook?

Friday funday

IOP is done. 2 months of going somewhere and thinking about sobriety was probably more impactful than their syllabus. They referred me to a addiction doc who's got me medicated and I really think it helps. Much easier to talk to them than my GP!

Called my AA sponsor and said "Thanks for your time". Took too much effort to deconstruct from being raised evangelical, and can't do the gymnastics to make AA work. "We Agnostics" was the final straw.

Back in my old SMART meeting from covid times. Found a new SMART in-person which I've done my first meeting with them. Did a LifeRing last night which was a dud: I appreciate meetings with a gentle time limit on shares when the share is a run-on sentence of woes.

110 days sober. Right now I am not worried about relapsing. I feel fucking great for the first time in a decade.

See you all around!

Honest review: I don't know if it's really working, or more psychosomatic, hard to quantify, but I'm doing really well with cravings. Maybe 2-3x a week, for less than 20 seconds. This is combined with coming out of daily outpatient, and attending SMART and AA meetings on the regular.

Dr started me off light, 333mg 2x daily. Last 6 weeks 666mg 2x daily. A little gastro problems at first. We decided to move up in dose just to see if it made a difference, since I was tolerating the low dose well. I would say it did! But again, maybe it's just a mind trick, combined with putting in solid sober time.

Dr had suggested Naltrexone, but I've got a mostly full expired bottle already. I could not get over the nausea. We may try the Vivitrol shot in the future, she says it's much better tolerated in respects to nausea.

Well kids, I THINK this might be my longest run in a decade. At least a very close 2nd. But this time I'm in outpatient, attending some AA and SMART meetings, and medicated with Campral (anti craving drug). Looking into secular AA too.

I honestly think the combo of drugs and daily outpatient so I was actively in "I'm getting sober this time" mindset helped. White knuckle sober promises to my wife fell flat as fuck everytime

Feel fucking decent all around. Anxiety is way down. Patience is way up - especially at work. Being annoyed by work shit was a very prominent trigger to start drinking.... 9am? Annoyed = have a drink.

Cheers to the sub. Raise a sparkling seltzer to ya.

Just thinking about the annoying picture posts with the corny text. Not advocating for anything or any changes, but got me to thinking about the state of the sub.

Of the 3 mods: one's account suspended, one hasn't posted on reddit in 9 months, and the other fella is an active redditor, pretty active over in CA. Do ya think they'd like some help, or is everything good enough as is?

Saw "The Invite" last night. Funny and intense and full of interpersonal drama. At one point they're all putting back shots of tequila. The plot moves on and I 100% was annoyed/thinking "This is so intense, they really should have more tequila. That'll smooth it out a little!" Alcoholic thinking 101.

63 days sober, anyway.

This one was completely unexpected. What a great hiding place! Even I forgot it was there (empty of course, probably why I forgot). Glad I found it before anyone else, not that there are any secrets left since I’m in outpatient rehab, but it carries some shame.

43 days sober, outpatient and AA. Wife wants more answers, and I'm just not in her good graces to explain very well. "Why did you drink this entire bottle and fill it with water." "Because I'm an alcoholic." "You just can't say that and think it explains anything!"

Stuff like that. I could ask the alanon peeps, but I know my wife wouldn't be thrilled with higher powers, etc... I can take her to my bigger weekend meeting, and maybe hearing other people tell their stories will help her start to reframe.

Just want to offer some outside perspective that not clouded by her suspicion and mistrust of me. 43 days I'm still early early early working on myself