u/NegativeResearcher51

I am shaking right now it’s 5 am where I am, my best friend is sleeping I have no one to talk to. He is away this week for a work trip. In general we haven’t been doing great but I was doing a conscious effort to talk with him a bit more and be more sweet. We haven been 10 years together. Our communication was very scarce. Anyways we spoke last night, he called me and told me that he will stay for the weekend ( he has planned this months ago, his BF was supposed to go but cancelled because of family matters) anyways he told me he might go to another city by train and spend 1 night there. He has not been communicating much. I called him today at 1334 and he told me he was at a work thing and didn’t pick up and told me he will take the train later this evening. I send him a couple of messages and asked him when does he arrive and he told me that they arrived at 21:49. It’s not 6 am where I live I couldn’t sleep all night for no reason, I was just doom scrolling for hours but something suddenly itched inside me. I found his iPad and charged it cause it had no battery. He has no apps on his iPad but I synced the photos. I saw a photo from a train station today at 1200pm o clock and found an email from uber earlier to a a train station. I also saw a photo at 2030 of food with a table with two wine glasses, a phone that had a girly phone case and a woman’s hand with tattoos. I am in shock. We have been together 10,5 years. I don’t know how to handle it

Photo just to be able to post . Sorry if this is messy I am shaking

Hey! Does anyone know from which year this Fendi is? Also what do you think of the bag? ✨

Some context: 10 years together. He wants children, I am not sure I want to have a family due to many reasons(trauma,mental health reasons, extreme fear of pregnancy, the patriarchy etc etc). We split everything 50-50.

The lighting in our kitchen is genuinely terrible. The extractor hood light is broken, so if I cook after 5pm, I have to prop my phone in the cabinets above the counter and use the flashlight. And no matter where I stand, the light is behind me, so I’m always working in my own shadow.
I love baking and making savory pies from scratch, rolling out phyllo by hand, all of it, and my boyfriend genuinely enjoys everything I make. But it’s been months, literally months, since I first asked him to fix the kitchen lighting. Put on a LED strip, a new lamp, i don’t know he should figure it I out. I’ve reminded him more than five times. He keeps agreeing to do it and then doing absolutely nothing. 2 weeks ago i mentioned it again and he said he looked into it but isn’t sure. I mentioned he should ask a friend of ours who has many ideas. He said ok. Of course he never asked.
Three days ago I broke down crying, telling him I can’t handle how he agrees to things, promises he’ll follow through, and then just doesn’t. I was sobbing, completely vulnerable. I was genuinely asking why is he doing this to me and he said he just doesn’t see this as a priority. He said he’d try to be better.

But honestly, even if he finally fixes the lights, is this how it’s always going to go? Do I have to get pushed to the edge of a breakdown and cry before he takes action? Because if I get angry and raise my voice instead, he just gets defensive and asks why I’m shouting.

And that’s just one example. Our sex life has also been struggling, and when we talked about it during a trip two months ago, I suggested he get his testosterone checked. He seemed receptive at the time. He’s done nothing since, even though I’ve brought it up more than once, and I don’t think he will.

This is just who he is. I’m so emotionally drained and don’t know what to do anymore. He’s the most stable person I’ve ever known, he makes me feel emotionally safe, and I trust he’d never cheat on me, he’s the complete opposite of my father in that way. He’s very sweet and soft, and the way he touches me makes me feel so loved. But I can’t get past how he doesn’t follow through on things.

Tired girl dinner is cheese pie and scrambled eggs.

I made these blondies last night for the first time, with dark chocolate, almonds and walnuts. I left them in the fridge overnight and the texture is more like biscotti.. they are still very tasty but not a blondie per se. Where did I go wrong? Did I overbake them?

Hello from Athens!

Was sick this week and didn’t reach my goal of 10k steps for 4 days.. i was so sick that for two days in a row I had only 150 steps… Also, I left home today at a very bad mental state,at the verge of a breakdown and within an hour of walking I felt that I regulated myself. It is my coping mechanism right now. I also ended up at a tattoo convention that I came across by accident and had an amazing hot dog. 😂