u/No-Friendship9355

guy or girl idc

aged 15-18 (im 16)

lives in the same place as me or maybe a nearby city preferably. Medium distance is ok but long distance might be a bit much i cant even maintain long distance friendships ngl

is understanding and open minded

isnt a bigot and doesnt have bigoted friends (unfortunately people i know of claim to be not racist then hangout with people who say the n word proudly as non black people)

understands my OCD and anxiety and that i struggle with going to school

preferably doesnt smoke but i dont mind if they do

any height idc

similar music taste

idk man thats all im not really looking for relationships but thats all i would look for if i were going to be in one

That scent for me is patchouli, it seems like people either hate it like its the most rancid thing ever to them and absolutely despise it and then there are the ones who love it so much and its their favouritr and its like so amazing to them and i just feel completely neutral about it?? Its an interesting scent for sure and i get loving AND hating it but its not something im amazed by, its nice and i dont mind wearing it or smelling it but its not something id wear everyday either its just a nice sometimes scent when i want something a little different I guess? Havent really worn it mych cos i just got a bottle of that patchouli oil from those hippie shops😅

Seriously where are they? How do u abandon a sub like this that attracts alot of weirdos?
theres so many weird posts and weirdos trying to trick teenage girls into playing into their weird fantasies or whatever its fucking gross. There is literally no safe space for children online especially teenagers

Uh thats it. Just what the title says, do you notice symptoms going down? i upped my dosage last night of the ssris im taking and notice a large increase in visual snow, afterimages and palinopsia :/

i hope it calms down to where i can tolerate it atleast. When i first starting taking these ssris at beginner dose my vss got worse tben before but then i got use to it but now this sucks even more!! how do i even get use to it? It feels like itll be this bad forever :(

Idk if this is is just me or not, but have u ever listened to a subliminal years ago and got results years later??

I kind of always used screens as a way to cope with the world around me like yk watching tv and getting myself sucked into fictional worlds and all that

but i find that my screen time is so high because i dont notice my VSS at all while staring at a screen. i mean other then other disorders causing a screen addiction i start to feel a bit insane if i sit with the VSS symptoms too long. Im an unemployed teenager so this is why i can kind of be on a screen all day. Do screens make it worse though?

I just bought some patchouli oil and to me it smells kind of gross and not in a good way, i was thinking wait this kind of smells like bunnings but i cant tell why…. And then i was like OH i know. It smells like COW MANURE (or plant fertiliser) but my mum complimented me saying i smelt like a hippie shop and that she loved it, my sister (who hates literally any perfume i buy, i buy perfumes that usually well likeable and inoffensive) said i smelt nice. What!? i dont know if i should wear it because it smells nice ish in the bottle, but on my skin like manure (atleast to me) so…

Im unsure if i call it internalised homophobia or biphobia but i guess its more related to the homo side of my sexuality, i am 16F and bisexual and i struggle with accepting my attraction to girls is real. The thing is this would make total sense if it was a “straight” girl who realised she wasnt straight but actually bisexual but i actually came to like girls first - or so i think. Ive been having alot of doubts of my attraction as i decided i was lesbian before i was even double digits. not even in a “eww boys have cooties” way more so that like i guess it felt right? I didnt really like boys and i would pick the boys i had “crushes” on just to answer my friends questions when they would be like “come on!! You have to like atleast ONE boy..!!! Wdym you dont have ANY crushes?” And id just pick a boy who which i did not like at all. Or if it wasnt a social thing id just pick a boy to label as my crush for whatever reason.

i dont know. Maybe i was just a kid who wasnt feeling attraction yet and was just trying to fit in socially rather then somebody who didnt have attraction to the other sex. Ive never really looked at a woman and thought of her sexually like i have had with a man but when ive had experiences with girls i like it?? i dont know why. I keep trying to test myself if i still have attraction to women. my family still thinks im lesbian when i came out in grade 7 as one but i think ever since growing up ive realised i did like boys i just wasnt super crazy over them or anything and didnt notice it but idk.

now writing this i doubt my attraction to women alot. Ive had crushes on girls but only when we were close friends whilst with guys i can just crush on them when i see them. I have thought of a girl sexually and enjoyed it but i dont know i hate how i feel so much less attraction to women it feels like such a joke i ever considered myself a lesbian. I guess i could still be bisexual with a larger attraction to men and whilst ive never dated a guy or had experiences with them and keep friendships with guys at a far distance and never being close with them or having best friends that were guys. I also have this weird thing where i blush anytime i just look into the eyes of ANY guy but idk i guess cos like i said i dont keep friendships with them

and the other thing too i feel SO SO weirded out about heteronormativity. Another thing that made me think i didnt like guys, when i DID have actual friendships with guys people would assume i liked him because people assume a girl and guy can never just be friends and thats always been drilled into me all my life, i absolutely hate seeing anything sexualising men or anything like on tv and a family member will assume im watching it for a personal interest of that specific thing if that makes sense. I think its just alot of insecurity i had about heteronormativity rather then the abscence of attraction. I dont know but it makes me said if i am straight, not because its bad or anything theres nothing wrong with it but i really wish i could just love women. Not in a quirky way like i mean it feels like my attraction isnt enough or something to actually love women.

Ive had this addiction as soon as i was handed a device and discovered the wonders of the internet as a child and is now affecting me as i near adulthood as a teenager.
i fear that ive fucked up my sexuality in a way or something and that ill never be able to be sexual normally or something. i was actually doing good, lessening my porn consumption until i got hit with many taboo OCD themes all at once (pocd, zocd etc) where i feared as if my sexuality was different from something i thought it was and got into watching porn again as a “test” compulsion to check i was still into human adults. Of course i am but ive fucked everything up now becoming addicted again and i also sometimes fear that my past consumption habits of porn of fucked up things as a younger teenager messed me up or something.

it seems like any perfume i wear that isnt super weak my sister hates i think shes very sensitive to perfumes and i love to give myself some extra sprays so 😅

i had just put on some DKNY be delicious i love that perfume and i may have oversprayed a little and my sister said “EW, whats that smell it smells like toilet cleaning products, like you just dipped yourself in a toilet!” 😭😭

its unfortunate cos i just got myself the whole bottle too </3

do fresh scents really remind people of cleaning products that much?? I love them😭

like can u feel like at times ur strictly gay or strictly straight even tho u clearly arent as you have had varying attractions all ur life

but at some point it feels like ur even disinterested in the other gender for some time? Can it be that way?

I dont think ill ever make peace with this disorder

all this time spent ruminating, checking, analysing, avoiding Etc

what is it all for? Just so i can stay convinced that this certain thing i am obsessing over is a danger to me

or to convince MYSELF i am a DANGER to people and other living beings. And that i am a horrible person??? Why?? Why?? What the HELL is it for. How do you even live with this stupid disorder this stupid disorder rhat is convincing me i am a horrible human being and i want to do horrible things and that i am attracted to things i never would be for WHAT? What am i getting out of this?? What is THIS disorder getting iut of it?? Its like a fucking parasite a monster in my brain i cant shut it off because its ME i am my brain and i have a DISORDERED brain.

I hate this disorder and i feel so much remorse for all sufferers.

Not somebody you had bad blood with but just somebody where your schedules got in the way and life happening and so you drifted apart but you use too hang out alot before. I recently texted that person and then started crying and then i said wait help i hope i dont make u feel bad but i just cried a bit thinking about like how long its been

i feel just a bit embarassed and im being very dramatic crying about it i dont know i think of her often but never reach out until now

i dont know if its my period coming or what but i swear i just had one😓

Ive never really had a woman celeb crush. Only men but very few. I feel more attraction to women IRL or know personally. Im asking this cos its just confusing on why i have men celeb crushes but not women idkkkkk :/

I feel so ashamed cos ever since i was 8 i thought i was lesbian and came our at 12 as lesbian and then until like not until 15 years old (im 16) i realised i liked guys also (it was very apparent before but i didnt realise it) i feel upset because idk having straight attraction isnt a moral failure or anything and thats not what im worried about im okay with being bisexual but lately ive been having doubts that im not actually bisexual at all and that im straight because i have more fantasies thinking of guys i like mens bodies more and i wish to have a boyfriend (ive never had one, nor a girlfriend but ive had experiences with girls and none guys) i know like bisexuality is the attraction to men and women but it feels like i am experiencing no attraction to women at all and i noticed that i dont instantly feel attraction for a girl then i would with a guy like its easier for me to find a guy physically attractive right away but i have to develop an emotional bond i guess with girls and do find girls like attractive and even ones i dont know but i dont know anymore if thats just me finding them pretty or being attracted and im always like hyper analysing myself to check if i still have attraction to women and i just feel upset because i also wish for a girlfriend 😅 but ive been having fantasies of guys?? Like and thats why i feel like i have to avoid girls because i will just end up leaving them for a man or something i fear i will if i ever end up with a girl and that even tho i will have emotional attraction to her i will stop finding her physically attractive and cheat or leave her for a guy or something. I feel very upset just because i dont want to give into the bi women just like men and will leave women for a man thing

i really just feel so much resentment towards myself when i feel any attraction towards men because it feels like that i dont like girls anymore and i dont know if like this is real or OCD can ocd even make u feel like no attraction to the other gender to convince you your not the sexuality you were sure you were??
either way i dont know i think its real and i hate it and i hate being attracted to men i dont hate men at all i just hate that it feels like i dont like girls anymore and i feel like im forcing myself to have interest in girls and that i actually dont like women

Im on 50mg of fluvoxamine rn i see a slight difference but hoping to go up to 100. If you are on or youve been on fluvoxamine. what dose did you take and what is/was your experience with it?

Im unsure if its related, but when i am waking up i feel very lightheaded and my body feels light like as if ive detached from myself or something. and my VSS is really bad and makes the world seem unreal because of how severe it gets and i get such bad palinopsia. Is this relatable or..?