u/No_Net_7163

I know this may seem ridiculous, but please hear me out. I was dating this recent friend of mine for a couple of weeks, and she broke it off almost 2 weeks ago. We were not even explicitly official. She was the first person I ever dated, my first kiss, so overall my hands on experience on how this goes is lacking, despite being in mid of my 20s.

I now know she won't be getting back and I would like to try asking out another girl. My confidence around women may have gone up, and so has my desire to date. I have a few girls that have caught my eye, but I still need to get to know them a bit.

I am scared that if I start asking out women more frequently than I had before (on the order of once every 2 or 3 weeks), when my baseline was asking for number twice a year, that info will get back to the girl who broke up with me and she will think I am desperate or just looking for a substitute. My social circle is not that big, I manged to encounter the "ex" a few times by pure accident, so it is not inconceivable that she could learn I've asked out someone new.

We dated for only 3 weeks and broke up 2 weeks ago, did not even get to having sex, but I was close and she was the first person I dated.

Now whenever I desire intimacy my mind goes to memories with her or fantasizes what it would be like if we slept together, which was quite likely if I had been less nervous. I do not even hope for anything with her, just enjoy the memory of intimate moments we had.

I find it less stressful to initiate conversations with women than men, I realize I may have some subconscious biases (see them as more friendly and so on).

However, I struggle actually making friends with women that I do not see frequently for other reasons, like classmates. I have a recurring idea that suggesting any kind of activity with a woman will be seen as sign I am romantically interested and that will push them away. Same goes for phone calls and texting. I feel especially strongly if this includes texting them to arrange to meet in any way unless I have a good reason.

There are women I am romantically interested in, where I have some of the similar problems, as I fear they send sign of romantic interest too early.

I recognize this sounds quite awkward to a well adjusted person, but can you please give me some pointers, to re-calibrate my social skills?

Edit: I get notifications, but cannot see comments for some reason. I will try to respond when this unbugs itself.

I hit it off with a girl, but said something dumb and in combination with awkward part of behavior she pulled back on dating me. I was a few days away from sleeping with her. I do not know if she has fully ended the thing between us or merely pulled back to reassess, but last time I saw her it was a mixed impression, saying something that could be seen as "it's over" but also wanting to hang out with me.

Either way, I am now overthinking if I have a shot with her or to just move on. I miss her for far more than physical affection, mostly emotional experience, but I find losing virginity symbolically important. Like a sign I am becoming a normal person, unlike weirdo who has not had sex by mid 20s. I came so close and now may be back to square one.

In my case, she broke up but perhaps not completely, may be open to getting back and definitely has some emotions still and likes talking to me. But that leads me to overthink what she actually feels and what I should do next.

Many of my problems connect to this at some level.

I don't see myself as physically attractive to women, as I am not tall, muscular or anything like that. I am not good at approaching women because I am too scared of openly showing I'm interested, afraid of being even in people's minds ridiculed or looked down on. I don't have developed dating skills and think I am strait up bad this, I don't know little details of what women expect when.

Only person I ever dated for a very short time had increased contact with me from a casual friend and she had to be fairly obvious for me to notice, so my role there was nearly zero, about the level of "would you notice she is into you if she sat so close that she was touching your legs"

Now I am basically out of that "relationship", and lost whatever confidence boost it had temporarily given me.

I would like to be back in the dating game I cannot imagine a woman being drawn to me, it feels unreal.

She broke up week ago over text rather suddenly when I was away and day before I would return. We were dating for 3 weeks before that.

She wants to return some of my beverages (worth like $3, which is why I suspect she may actually be open to talking) and I want to use the chance to talk to her and see if she is maybe open to getting back together.

I recognize my mistakes and what I did wrong (she was not sure about me being committed enough to relationship because of communication issues on my end, I was emotionally closed off). Her break up text was either not totally final or was softly euphemistic as she said we should slow down and could talk.

Is this a wrong thing to try? I don't want to seem pathetic, or that I am pressuring her.

We ran into each other few times and she said she needs to give me back some of my stuff. She had broken up a week ago over text (I was traveling), we were together for 3 weeks before that. I want to use the chance to talk to her and see if she is maybe open to getting back together as I recognize my mistake and what I did wrong (she was not sure about me being committed enough to the relationship). Her break up text was either not totally definitive or very euphemistic.

Is it overstepping a boundary that I texted her about talking to her? I am concerned she may get the wrong impression that I pathetically cannot get over her.

She said she needs to return some random worthless thing, I think she may want to talk. We hadn't really talked because break up was over a text message.

She broke up suddenly because she was receiving mixed signals and was not clear about my committment to being with her long term. We were together for two to three weeks, a she broke up a week ago.

I kinda accepted it is over, but now I keep wondering if she actually wants us to talk and waiting on a response. I am not sure what to say when we talk, I fear humiliating myself and appearing pathetic if I admit I miss her, realized my mistake and want to be with her.

I dated her very briefly around 2 weeks, but it definitely left a positive impression on me. It was my first time dating someone.

What I find confusing is where has the warmth gone? We barely talked after that, only because we ran into each other at and as we know some of the same people. I tried to be polite, but was afraid to talk to her to any substantial extent to avoid leaving the impression I am bothering her or that I am trying to restart the relationship.

However the distance, coldness and avoidance bothers me, I mean we used to be friends and used to talk when we saw each other. Why can't we be normally friendly? It feels awkward to be standing in proximity of each other with mutual friends while not talking to each other.

I also feel as, if the warmth could disappear that quickly, then almost like it never existed nor mattered? Maybe this is on me, as I on some level like approval and fear being disliked, and avoidance seems like a negation of that approval.

The break up was ok, I do not think she is mad at me or anything, she had some doubts about me and a few insecurities I think.

​

This is the first person I have dated. I am mostly stuck between surprise it went from talking about seeing soon to this and feeling dumb for being upset. I recognize where I messed up, but the switch from warm to cold has been jarring. I tend to worry what she thinks of me, and whether she thinks I am a fool. On the other hand, it was just two weeks, of course she could easily break up, and that makes me feel dumb for being surprised and sad.

I haven't had sex yet, but that may change in near future. I am a bit over four inches, maybe 4.2. I am not expecting my skill to be particularly good yet and I worry that in combination with size will disappoint her. She may have been able to estimate my erection once when making out so maybe it's not that much of surprise. I am anxious she will be clearly unthrilled when she sees it.

I probably shouldn't be nervous about it, but I feel slight pressure from myself that she expects me to proceed further and I suspect that I will project foolishness or that I am not into her enough if I don't cross the boundary when it becomes obvious.

I could be wrong but it seems that after certain amount of one form of intimacy, it is logical to progress further and if I don't I will appear potentially uninterested. Apply this to making out, touching, more intimate touch, clothes off and you get the sense that you are in a one way train to sex you cannot leave easily without looking dumb.

We have been making out and she seems to go along with longer make outs. I think she may be trying to use tongue, but I am not sure exactly how, Iike I still need to build reflex for putting it out while making out with lips and without teeth showing up.

I also need to ideas for what to do with hands and how to make the whole thing more intimate.

We have already been laying next and turned towards each other at hand length twice and cuddling whie watching a movie. She brushed my hair once when laying and lightly slapped my butt once when walking.

My expressions of affection so far are initiating kisses, hand holding, hand around shoulders and waist when walking.

What other touch and affection can I add at this level?

Before anyone says anything too strong, we started going out recently and this is the first person I dated, I am still learning the ropes and she knows this.

Asking as a guy whose first kiss was a few days ago and I'm trying to make it work. I tried making out for 10 or 15 seconds several times but each time it feels slightly awkward and I doubt the girl is enjoying it very much.

Lip to lip contact works out somehow, but as soon as I try to include tongue I get confused and often "feel" teeth a bit. I don't have any good sense what is happening mechanically and don't think it is super enjoyable for either of us, so much that I am worried the girl will get bored of it and I become wary of trying to make out too much.