u/No_Stress_4724

SO i previously posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/j4mIYjw5su

tldr: I had a bunch of really amazing dates with a woman which culminated in her inviting me round to her place. A week or two later, after talking every day, she said she couldn't take it further and needed to go to therapy and sort her head out.

Since then, we've been talking every few days, sharing music etc. She still follows me etc. I'm just wondering how to approach this? She was very obvious about the fact that she liked me, we were about to have sex until we decided to take it slower etc... she made plans and we talked about the near future. I don't want to push anything too soon and I'm happy that we're still talking... just wondering how best to approach a conversation in the near future. I really like her, god damn it!

SO i previously posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/j4mIYjw5su

tldr: I had a bunch of really amazing dates with a woman which culminated in her inviting me round to her place. A week or two later, after talking every day, she said she couldn't take it further and needed to go to therapy and sort her head out.

Since then, we've been talking every few days, sharing music etc. She still follows me etc. I'm just wondering how to approach this? She was very obvious about the fact that she liked me, we were about to have sex until we decided to take it slower etc... she made plans and we talked about the near future. I don't want to push anything too soon and I'm happy that we're still talking... just wondering how best to approach a conversation in the near future. I really like her, god damn it!

So I've been seeing this girl and she's great...

On date #1 we hit it off immediately, lay in the park listening to music and spent the entire afternoon together and kissed at the end... she suggested we meet again like 2 days later so we did, date #2 was great again, conversation flowed effortlessly, she was hyper flirty and we kissed multiple times. On date #3 she randomly invited me round to her place and we made food together, kissed for hours, held hands etc.

THEN she went on a trip, we were still talking every day, but she came back and said she needed to go to therapy, that she didn't want to drag me along as it wasn't fair, that she was 'in her head'. I said I understood but that I was confused/worried that I'd done something wrong, she assured me that it wasn't anything to do with me.

I'm just kinda stumped by this one, I liked her a lot and she was very forward about her feelings towards me. I guess I'm thinking either she realised she wasn't ready for something serious and needs time alone or something changed her mind. Anyone have any ideas?

So I've been seeing this girl and she's great...

On date #1 we hit it off immediately, lay in the park listening to music and spent the entire afternoon together and kissed at the end... she suggested we meet again like 2 days later so we did, date #2 was great again, conversation flowed effortlessly, she was hyper flirty and we kissed multiple times. On date #3 she randomly invited me round to her place and we made food together, kissed for hours, held hands etc.

THEN she went on a trip, we were still talking every day, but she came back and said she needed to go to therapy, that she didn't want to drag me along as it wasn't fair, that she was 'in her head'. I said I understood but that I was confused/worried that I'd done something wrong, she assured me that it wasn't anything to do with me.

I'm just kinda stumped by this one, I liked her a lot and she was very forward about her feelings towards me. I guess I'm thinking either she realised she wasn't ready for something serious and needs time alone or something changed her mind. Anyone have any ideas?

So I've been seeing this girl and she's great...

On date #1 we hit it off immediately, lay in the park listening to music and spent the entire afternoon together and kissed at the end... she suggested we meet again like 2 days later so we did, date #2 was great again, conversation flowed effortlessly, she was hyper flirty and we kissed multiple times. On date #3 she randomly invited me round to her place and we made food together, kissed for hours, held hands etc.

THEN she went on a trip, we were still talking every day, but she came back and said she needed to go to therapy, that she didn't want to drag me along as it wasn't fair, that she was 'in her head'. I said I understood but that I was confused/worried that I'd done something wrong, she assured me that it wasn't anything to do with me.

I'm just kinda stumped by this one, I liked her a lot and she was very forward about her feelings towards me. I guess I'm thinking either she realised she wasn't ready for something serious and needs time alone or something changed her mind. Anyone have any ideas?

So I've been seeing this girl and she's great...

On date #1 we hit it off immediately, lay in the park listening to music and spent the entire afternoon together and kissed at the end... she suggested we meet again like 2 days later so we did, date #2 was great again, conversation flowed effortlessly, she was hyper flirty and we kissed multiple times. On date #3 she randomly invited me round to her place and we made food together, kissed for hours, held hands etc.

THEN she went on a trip, we were still talking every day, but she came back and said she needed to go to therapy, that she didn't want to drag me along as it wasn't fair, that she was 'in her head'. I said I understood but that I was confused/worried that I'd done something wrong, she assured me that it wasn't anything to do with me.

I'm just kinda stumped by this one, I liked her a lot and she was very forward about her feelings towards me. I guess I'm thinking either she realised she wasn't ready for something serious and needs time alone or something changed her mind. Anyone have any ideas?

So I've been seeing this girl and she's great...

On date #1 we hit it off immediately, lay in the park listening to music and spent the entire afternoon together and kissed at the end... she suggested we meet again like 2 days later so we did, date #2 was great again, conversation flowed effortlessly, she was hyper flirty and we kissed multiple times. On date #3 she randomly invited me round to her place and we made food together, kissed for hours, held hands etc.

THEN she went on a trip, we were still talking every day, but she came back and said she needed to go to therapy, that she didn't want to drag me along as it wasn't fair, that she was 'in her head'. I said I understood but that I was confused/worried that I'd done something wrong, she assured me that it wasn't anything to do with me.

I'm just kinda stumped by this one, I liked her a lot and she was very forward about her feelings towards me. I guess I'm thinking either she realised she wasn't ready for something serious and needs time alone or something changed her mind. Anyone have any ideas?

Hello fellow heartbroken friends!

Since a breakup in October I've frequented this sub in an attempt to feel less alone (sure I'm not alone there) and have found it really affirming to see other people's stories.

I just wanted to share the things that have helped me. As of last Sunday I had the first day where I didn't think about my ex ONCE, never thought I'd see that day. More on that in a second...

I fell in love with my ex insanely quickly, we hit it off within about 30 seconds, moved in together within a few months (yes, I know) and we had a beautiful time together. I'd never met anyone that made me feel so comfortable, secure and genuinely happy. She was excited to see me every day and I was too. Things ended last year and I was broken, on anti-depressants and FULLY suicidal. To make matters worse, she met me when I was in trouble with the police and chose to look past that, I was convinced no one would EVER be that understanding again.

My advice is this:

- Don't waste your time on social media too much, ESPECIALLY lingering on their socials. There's far too many so-called 'experts' on social media that will tell you they're 'coming back' that you're 'worthy of so much more' but guess what? The person you want to be with most in the world just told you they're content with the idea of not seeing you again. Of course your self-esteem is at an all time low! Don't fight it, I've been there twice. Wallow in it, listen to sad music, watch Charlie Kauffman films, or go for runs, find a new hobby... whatever comforts you. You're going to have some alone time, prioritise your needs.

- Don't look for hidden sub-text in their messages. I'm ashamed of how much I begged for second chances and looked for signs that they were going to be given in every shared reel, every message about finances... if they're reaching out might be because they still care, it might be because it's just logistics. Quit reading into it!

- Do WRITE! It doesn't matter if you suck at writing, just spew that crap onto a page. Write down what you miss and what you don't. Believe me, I idolised my ex, I thought she was perfect. Guess what? We're all just humans trying to have some peace and you'll never meet a perfect person. In time, you'll start to see the incompatibilities, but it really does just take time.

- Do your best to not wallow in self-hatred, or circular 'if only I'd...' thoughts. Relationships are a two-way street, I guarantee that you're not the sole reason a relationship ended... unless you cheated, but even then, relationships are complex and who am I to judge?

- When you're ready (could be 6 months, could be a year or more) DO go out and meet people, whether in person or on a dating app. 4 months after the breakup I had an impromptu date with a girl I met in a bookshop... we exchanged numbers etc. It was so affirming to feel desired again. I didn't want to hear it at the time, but meeting someone new switches something in your psyche... you start to realise that you miss the love and affection more than the person themselves.

- Try your absolute best to BELIEVE that there's someone else out there for you... I hate this constant 'there's billions of girls/boys on the planet' cliche, but do you really think the ONE person you're meant to spend your life with just happened to be within your area at the same time in the same country in the same year on an earth that's hundreds of millions of years old? Thought not. As Tim Minchin says 'Your love is 1 in a million, you couldn't buy it at any price, but after 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves, statistically some of them would be equally nice'. I went on a date last Sunday (as mentioned, the first day I didn't think about my ex once) and we hit it off within 20 seconds. She's similar in many ways to said ex, but here I am, fortunate enough to be able to use the lessons I learned in a potentially new relationship... a relationship that COULD be way better for me.

I'm sure we're all united by our hopeless romanticism. You can be bitter, believe that you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life or feel as if you've missed the boat. I'm 29 and I felt the same way... I thought I'd be married by now, but I'm not and that's okay. Stop comparing yourself to others, we all have our own shit going on. From the absolute pits of my soul I want you to consider that you might just make it out the other side in one piece... a piece that is more rounded and whole. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, please consider that the next ending will be the happy one.

Hello fellow heartbroken friends!

Since a breakup in October I've frequented this sub in an attempt to feel less alone (sure I'm not alone there) and have found it really affirming to see other people's stories.

I just wanted to share the things that have helped me. As of last Sunday I had the first day where I didn't think about my ex ONCE, never thought I'd see that day. More on that in a second...

I fell in love with my ex insanely quickly, we hit it off within about 30 seconds, moved in together within a few months (yes, I know) and we had a beautiful time together. I'd never met anyone that made me feel so comfortable, secure and genuinely happy. She was excited to see me every day and I was too. Things ended last year and I was broken, on anti-depressants and FULLY suicidal. To make matters worse, she met me when I was in trouble with the police and chose to look past that, I was convinced no one would EVER be that understanding again.

My advice is this:

- Don't waste your time on social media too much, ESPECIALLY lingering on their socials. There's far too many so-called 'experts' on social media that will tell you they're 'coming back' that you're 'worthy of so much more' but guess what? The person you want to be with most in the world just told you they're content with the idea of not seeing you again. Of course your self-esteem is at an all time low! Don't fight it, I've been there twice. Wallow in it, listen to sad music, watch Charlie Kauffman films, or go for runs, find a new hobby... whatever comforts you. You're going to have some alone time, prioritise your needs.

- Don't look for hidden sub-text in their messages. I'm ashamed of how much I begged for second chances and looked for signs that they were going to be given in every shared reel, every message about finances... if they're reaching out might be because they still care, it might be because it's just logistics. Quit reading into it!

- Do WRITE! It doesn't matter if you suck at writing, just spew that crap onto a page. Write down what you miss and what you don't. Believe me, I idolised my ex, I thought she was perfect. Guess what? We're all just humans trying to have some peace and you'll never meet a perfect person. In time, you'll start to see the incompatibilities, but it really does just take time.

- Do your best to not wallow in self-hatred, or circular 'if only I'd...' thoughts. Relationships are a two-way street, I guarantee that you're not the sole reason a relationship ended... unless you cheated, but even then, relationships are complex and who am I to judge?

- When you're ready (could be 6 months, could be a year or more) DO go out and meet people, whether in person or on a dating app. 4 months after the breakup I had an impromptu date with a girl I met in a bookshop... we exchanged numbers etc. It was so affirming to feel desired again. I didn't want to hear it at the time, but meeting someone new switches something in your psyche... you start to realise that you miss the love and affection more than the person themselves.

- Try your absolute best to BELIEVE that there's someone else out there for you... I hate this constant 'there's billions of girls/boys on the planet' cliche, but do you really think the ONE person you're meant to spend your life with just happened to be within your area at the same time in the same country in the same year on an earth that's hundreds of millions of years old? Thought not. As Tim Minchin says 'Your love is 1 in a million, you couldn't buy it at any price, but after 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves, statistically some of them would be equally nice'. I went on a date last Sunday (as mentioned, the first day I didn't think about my ex once) and we hit it off within 20 seconds. She's similar in many ways to said ex, but here I am, fortunate enough to be able to use the lessons I learned in a potentially new relationship... a relationship that COULD be way better for me.

I'm sure we're all united by our hopeless romanticism. You can be bitter, believe that you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life or feel as if you've missed the boat. I'm 29 and I felt the same way... I thought I'd be married by now, but I'm not and that's okay. Stop comparing yourself to others, we all have our own shit going on. From the absolute pits of my soul I want you to consider that you might just make it out the other side in one piece... a piece that is more rounded and whole. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, please consider that the next ending will be the happy one.

Hello fellow heartbroken friends!

Since a breakup in October I've frequented this sub in an attempt to feel less alone (sure I'm not alone there) and have found it really affirming to see other people's stories.

I just wanted to share the things that have helped me. As of last Sunday I had the first day where I didn't think about my ex ONCE, never thought I'd see that day. More on that in a second...

I fell in love with my ex insanely quickly, we hit it off within about 30 seconds, moved in together within a few months (yes, I know) and we had a beautiful time together. I'd never met anyone that made me feel so comfortable, secure and genuinely happy. She was excited to see me every day and I was too. Things ended last year and I was broken, on anti-depressants and FULLY suicidal. To make matters worse, she met me when I was in trouble with the police and chose to look past that, I was convinced no one would EVER be that understanding again.

My advice is this:

- Don't waste your time on social media too much, ESPECIALLY lingering on their socials. There's far too many so-called 'experts' on social media that will tell you they're 'coming back' that you're 'worthy of so much more' but guess what? The person you want to be with most in the world just told you they're content with the idea of not seeing you again. Of course your self-esteem is at an all time low! Don't fight it, I've been there twice. Wallow in it, listen to sad music, watch Charlie Kauffman films, or go for runs, find a new hobby... whatever comforts you. You're going to have some alone time, prioritise your needs.

- Don't look for hidden sub-text in their messages. I'm ashamed of how much I begged for second chances and looked for signs that they were going to be given in every shared reel, every message about finances... if they're reaching out might be because they still care, it might be because it's just logistics. Quit reading into it!

- I know this is the no-contact sub, but do what feels healthiest. If things ended amicably, you don't HAVE to cut ties with this person. My ex and I still share things with each other (I met a cute cat today and left her a voicenote) but be careful to do whatever you do for the right reasons. Are you hoping for an 'I made a mistake' message? Are you wanting to be the backup in case the rebound fails? If the answer is yes, then a polite message saying you need to not be in contact is probably best. Either way, you can wish them well and keep things civil/mature.

- Do WRITE! It doesn't matter if you suck at writing, just spew that crap onto a page. Write down what you miss and what you don't. Believe me, I idolised my ex, I thought she was perfect. Guess what? We're all just humans trying to have some peace and you'll never meet a perfect person. In time, you'll start to see the incompatibilities, but it really does just take time.

- Do your best to not wallow in self-hatred, or circular 'if only I'd...' thoughts. Relationships are a two-way street, I guarantee that you're not the sole reason a relationship ended... unless you cheated, but even then, relationships are complex and who am I to judge?

- When you're ready (could be 6 months, could be a year or more) DO go out and meet people, whether in person or on a dating app. 4 months after the breakup I had an impromptu date with a girl I met in a bookshop... we exchanged numbers etc. It was so affirming to feel desired again. I didn't want to hear it at the time, but meeting someone new switches something in your psyche... you start to realise that you miss the love and affection more than the person themselves.

- Try your absolute best to BELIEVE that there's someone else out there for you... I hate this constant 'there's billions of girls/boys on the planet' cliche, but do you really think the ONE person you're meant to spend your life with just happened to be within your area at the same time in the same country in the same year on an earth that's hundreds of millions of years old? Thought not. As Tim Minchin says 'Your love is 1 in a million, you couldn't buy it at any price, but after 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves, statistically some of them would be equally nice'. I went on a date last Sunday (as mentioned, the first day I didn't think about my ex once) and we hit it off within 20 seconds. She's similar in many ways to said ex, but here I am, fortunate enough to be able to use the lessons I learned in a potentially new relationship... a relationship that COULD be way better for me.

I'm sure we're all united by our hopeless romanticism. You can be bitter, believe that you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life or feel as if you've missed the boat. I'm 29 and I felt the same way... I thought I'd be married by now, but I'm not and that's okay. Stop comparing yourself to others, we all have our own shit going on. From the absolute pits of my soul I want you to consider that you might just make it out the other side in one piece... a piece that is more rounded and whole. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, please consider that the next ending will be the happy one.

Hello fellow heartbroken friends!

Since a breakup in October I've frequented this sub in an attempt to feel less alone (sure I'm not alone there) and have found it really affirming to see other people's stories.

I just wanted to share the things that have helped me. As of last Sunday I had the first day where I didn't think about my ex ONCE, never thought I'd see that day. More on that in a second...

I fell in love with my ex insanely quickly, we hit it off within about 30 seconds, moved in together within a few months (yes, I know) and we had a beautiful time together. I'd never met anyone that made me feel so comfortable, secure and genuinely happy. She was excited to see me every day and I was too. Things ended last year and I was broken, on anti-depressants and FULLY suicidal. To make matters worse, she met me when I was in trouble with the police and chose to look past that, I was convinced no one would EVER be that understanding again.

My advice is this:

- Don't waste your time on social media too much, ESPECIALLY lingering on their socials. There's far too many so-called 'experts' on social media that will tell you they're 'coming back' that you're 'worthy of so much more' but guess what? The person you want to be with most in the world just told you they're content with the idea of not seeing you again. Of course your self-esteem is at an all time low! Don't fight it, I've been there twice. Wallow in it, listen to sad music, watch Charlie Kauffman films, or go for runs, find a new hobby... whatever comforts you. You're going to have some alone time, prioritise your needs.

- Don't look for hidden sub-text in their messages. I'm ashamed of how much I begged for second chances and looked for signs that they were going to be given in every shared reel, every message about finances... if they're reaching out might be because they still care, it might be because it's just logistics. Quit reading into it!

- Do WRITE! It doesn't matter if you suck at writing, just spew that crap onto a page. Write down what you miss and what you don't. Believe me, I idolised my ex, I thought she was perfect. Guess what? We're all just humans trying to have some peace and you'll never meet a perfect person. In time, you'll start to see the incompatibilities, but it really does just take time.

- Do your best to not wallow in self-hatred, or circular 'if only I'd...' thoughts. Relationships are a two-way street, I guarantee that you're not the sole reason a relationship ended... unless you cheated, but even then, relationships are complex and who am I to judge?

- When you're ready (could be 6 months, could be a year or more) DO go out and meet people, whether in person or on a dating app. 4 months after the breakup I had an impromptu date with a girl I met in a bookshop... we exchanged numbers etc. It was so affirming to feel desired again. I didn't want to hear it at the time, but meeting someone new switches something in your psyche... you start to realise that you miss the love and affection more than the person themselves.

- Try your absolute best to BELIEVE that there's someone else out there for you... I hate this constant 'there's billions of girls/boys on the planet' cliche, but do you really think the ONE person you're meant to spend your life with just happened to be within your area at the same time in the same country in the same year on an earth that's hundreds of millions of years old? Thought not. As Tim Minchin says 'Your love is 1 in a million, you couldn't buy it at any price, but after 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves, statistically some of them would be equally nice'. I went on a date last Sunday (as mentioned, the first day I didn't think about my ex once) and we hit it off within 20 seconds. She's similar in many ways to said ex, but here I am, fortunate enough to be able to use the lessons I learned in a potentially new relationship... a relationship that COULD be way better for me.

I'm sure we're all united by our hopeless romanticism. You can be bitter, believe that you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life or feel as if you've missed the boat. I'm 29 and I felt the same way... I thought I'd be married by now, but I'm not and that's okay. Stop comparing yourself to others, we all have our own shit going on. From the absolute pits of my soul I want you to consider that you might just make it out the other side in one piece... a piece that is more rounded and whole. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, please consider that the next ending will be the happy one.