u/NoddyElvis

I’m not Caribbean, but my boyfriend is Trini (born and raised). When I met his mum in Trinidad last year I was kind of shocked about how anti-LGBT+ they were. My bf’s and my best friends are lesbians and his mum said it was “disgusting”.

My family are Muslim so I’m used to religious people having kind of homophobic views but even my family aren’t overtly homophobic like my bf’s family who are Pentecostal Christian. Maybe because we are British-Pakistani and live in a country where LGBT+ people can get married. So my family are usually either pro LGBT+ or just don’t comment on it if they are homophobic.

My bf said he was raised homophobic and it wasn’t until he moved to the UK and had gay friends that he unlearnt his biases!

I’m curious how common being homophobic and transphobic is in your country?

Just want to preface by saying I love Germans and Germany. I’m British but I have many German friends because my brother lives in Berlin with his boyfriend. I love all the Germans I know very much!

One thing I find about Germans is that they are much more sincere than other people. Like the jokes they make tend to be way more silly and tend to not be sarcastic or mocking of other people. If they ever make a mean joke my friends often feel the need to say “that’s a joke” which is very sweet to me!

This is very different to how I have grown up. In the UK our humour is very rude usually. Often we “take the piss” out of each other. I find Dutch people also do this a lot (my best friend is Dutch). Dutch humour is very often more similar to British humour.

I’m just wondering if this sincerity is maybe a cultural thing?

My boyfriend and I keep having the same argument. It’s driving me to the point where we might break up!

Context:

Oats:

We were waiting at the bus stop and I was holding a box of oats that wouldn’t fit into my bag. I turned to him (he was empty handed) and said “can you hold this while I get my phone to pay for the bus?”

He said “no.”

From my pov idk why did he said no?! He then said it’s about consent and I have to listen to his “no.”

He told me to put it down on the wall. Which I did in the end so I could get my phone.

The bus turned up, and as we drove off I looked out the window and my oats were on the wall…

We did resolve the oat situation and he admitted he was grumpy that day but still he won’t admit he should have just said yes.

Key:

This weekend we had to look after my little cousins who are twin 8 years old girls. I love them very much of course but these girls have ATTITUDE!!!

I was wearing uncomfortable jeans. In my jean pocket was the key to my flat.

My bf wears baggy trousers with big pockets. I said “can you please hold the key?”

He then said “no” and the girls were watching.

I said “why?”

He said “I just don’t want to”

So as a kind of attempt to be a bit jokey but also imply to him he shouldn’t speak back to me in front of the girls, I said

“I don’t care, just do what I say!” With a bit of a smirk that I thought eased the blow.

He then did take the key so clearly the message came across.

Today, he called me and basically told me he didn’t like that I said that. I explained that I didn’t like the fact he undermined my authority in front of my cousins.

He then once again said that I need to listen to his consent when he says no.

Final summary:

I personally do not feel like I’m not listening to his consent. I actually feel like it seems like he’s purposefully trying to make my life harder when he says no to things he could easily say yes to!

How do I make him see my pov and understand I’m not ignoring his consent I just feel he’s being rude to me!?

TLDR:

My bf says no to the pettiest shit and it just feels like he wants me to struggle / is being selfish. I have no idea how to get him to see my pov!

Context of the party:

I was already stressed about going because 2 girls who no longer want to be friends with me are there and I just don’t want to see them.

This is something I made my friend aware of in advance and even told her I didn’t want to go because of this situation making me anxious so she told me I could bring a +1. But my +1 options either are busy or didn’t want to come.

So I kind of have been half in half out since the jump.

Why I didn’t go:

The party is in a different city to my parents house and I was visiting them this week.

Last night I was going to go back to my flat which is in the same city as the party but then my train last night back to my flat got cancelled because someone was on the railway line.

My train was supposed to leave at 22:40 (10:40pm) but we were basically waiting until 00:45 (12:45am) to get any update and the train line told us they’d pay for taxis for us all.

A taxi to where I needed to go would have taken 3hrs (instead of train that takes 1.5hrs). Whereas my boyfriend lives in between my parents and the city my flat is in so I asked to go there instead. This only takes 1hr to drive (instead of 30min train).

I got to my boyfriend’s flat at 1:30am and just passed out because I was so tired.

I then planned to get the 12:30pm train this afternoon but it got cancelled because of a signalling failure. Genuinely not my fault again I just had terrible luck.

When I got the next available train it got me in at 15:30 (3:30pm).

THE PARTY STARTED AT 16:00 (4PM)

I got to my flat and realised I’d forgotten my keys at my parents house. So I let my cousin know.

She told me she’d JUST LEFT to go get her hair braided which takes like a whole day and also the salon she goes to is about an hour from my flat. So I said all is fine I’ll just wait for her.

She ended up not getting back until 19:30 (7pm).

By this point the party had been on for a while. I just got back to my flat and I had a suitcase and needed to do my make up and also change my clothes and shower.

I had been texting my friends updates all day btw.

When I got into my flat I asked if it was still going and she said yes and I should come.

The distance to the party is an hour.

I told her this and she said “if you don’t wanna come just let me know!”

I told her “honestly I really wanted to come. I have your present and everything but now I’m so exhausted from everything that’s happened today I may need some time to decompress. Can we meet up a different time separately?”

And she just responded “hm ok sure! X”

I can’t tell if I’m overthinking it but she seems mad.

But honestly I really did want to go FOR HER! Because I love her and I have her gift but just so much went wrong and I don’t wanna see those girls and just… I feel overwhelmed!

I think we should for many reasons:

1. We lose £billions a year to illegal drug economies. It’s estimated that if we legalised weed we’d get over £2billion more a year into the economy. I don’t smoke but I have some friends who do and they spend around £100 a month on weed on average.
2. Weed itself causes fewer deaths than alcohol.
3. It would create more jobs which would help with the employment crisis
4. We could use it to hire people who’s slates were wiped clean as weed sale would no longer be a criminal offence so anyone who’s then got a clean record could be prioritised for jobs in the new weed industry
5. It would allow entrepreneurs to create new businesses around weed. This is more than just the actual weed but things like selling edibles or selling paraphernalia.
6. We could make it a tourism thing like Amsterdam and California do!
7. It would actually take money from criminal gangs and hopefully help quash them a bit.
8. Finally, everyone would be so gassed. I feel like it would bring up the county’s morale for a while.

The only real issue I see with it is that maybe prices would be higher than street prices and then people might not want to go to the legal dispensaries. But maybe we just prioritise trying to make sure the weed remains the same as street value and also offer options for different strains that could be more expensive?

Anyway, what do you guys think?

I am a woman and I mostly date men except a couple girls. I’ve noticed that in bed men tend to basically do the opposite of what you say. When you say you’re loving it they suddenly speed up.

Why?

Just seriously what is the logic behind not listening to ur partner?

Send the most famous thing from your area, I wanna see if I can guess where you’re from.

It can be a monument / landscape / food / item or even just a famous phrase from your region? Like something that only exists where you’re from.

All the councillors broken down by area!

How is everyone feeling?

Why do so many people think

Culture = ethnic background

British = white

Muslim = brown

Nationality = ethnicity

Immigrant = not white (and usually Muslim)

Not white = not British

Chinese = an ethnicity (it’s around 100 different ethnic groups)

Do we need to be taught this at school because why is this simple concept so misunderstood?

I live in the UK (I’m mixed South Asian and white British) and I’ve noticed a worrying amount of conversations about racial purity coming up in our politics and online discussions.

If you don’t know the history of the UK my quick overview is Celtic (Scottish, Irish, Welsh, Cornish & Manx) people are the oldest known ethnic group here. Then 1500 years ago Anglo Saxons came (Germanic tribe) and 900 years ago the Normans came (French tribe) and these 2 ethnic groups created what we know as “English” people today. Obviously the English mixed with the celts too. But essentially in the UK there are around 6-7 different white ethnic groups and most white ppl have a mixture of these groups.

I don’t know if I’ve just been blind to it but recent years this whole “ethnically British” idea has come up. To me this is ludicrous because even WHITE Britain isn’t just one ethnicity so what is “ethnically British”?

I think particularly as a mixed race person to me this idea never made sense. I KNOW race is a construct because I’m living proof of it.

I’m not half a person or something just because half of me is Asian.

I know we all originated in Africa and different ethnic groups are just resulted from migration, evolution and generational mixing within a community.

Even in Britains history the country the white ppl aren’t even 100% Celtic so what does it mean to be “ethnically British”?

But when you question these ppl on what it means to be British they just talk about whiteness and white replacement. It sounds so much like eugenics it’s genuinely disturbing. Like do they not understand their family just lived in the same location for longer? That’s literally it! We are all just people and race is just a construct.

It also is bizarre to me as my dad (who is white) just doesn’t feel this way at all. So I never really realised so many white people see non white people and particularly mixed people as a threat. People even say things like we are trying to replace them and water down white genetics or some bullshit like that.

Is anyone else experiencing this and kind of concerned about the future?

Sorry if this is depressing!

I was raised atheist but my partner was raised Jehovah Witness.

At 15, he told his parents he didn’t believe but because he was still a child and had to live with them they still forced him to keep going to “Kingdom Hall”

He can no longer speak to his family but he always tells me beautiful stories about his siblings and now he has his own flat he says to me he “always wants a spare room incase any of them want to leave so he can house them”

I love him so much, I cannot believe everything he’s been through and still he’s so kind and sweet. However, sometimes I worry I cannot relate to him enough. I was raised atheist and also my parents never abused me and definitely never tried to force me to believe what they do.

I’m wondering if any ex JWs have any insight into this stuff and how i can support him?

Sometimes I’ll ask if he wants to come to a “meeting” with me (as I’m part of a few different clubs from politics to art to poetry club) and the word “meeting” really triggers him. There’s lots of other little stuff like this where I feel I don’t know what is best to do and how I can support him through this.

Hope this is the right place to post this!

I’m 26, but when I show my ID people say “wow you look so good for your age” or “I never would have guessed you were so old!”

I feel like it’s probably because my ID says 1999 but I literally was born right at the end of 1999, like last 2 months. I am closer to January 2000 than January 1999!

I find it so funny because what do people think 26 year olds / ppl born in 1999 look like? From my pov, 26 is not old. I do not really look different from when I was 21-24 but only now am I getting told I look “good for my age” 😭

ETA: I’m also a woman if this makes a difference! My bf never gets told this! 😭