u/Noname_with_no_name

As far as I remember, I've always been a weird kid, barely learnt any social skills and prefered doomscrolling over that, I ended up insecure, depressed and unable to chat normally.

I usually try to compensate for that by being a bit wacky and stuff, acting random, making weird faces, making a funny cartoony voice, saying weird stuff like "I want to fuck that tree" or "Would you lick Mario's balls?", make quick comments on whatever's happening that mean nothing, anything to not show even the slightliest bit of fear and nervousness, and trust me, I am ALWAYS afraid and nervous.

Yet, I am not confident enough to be freely cringe and weird, in a way that could actually make people laugh, I often hesitate, unable to find words to say, stutter, look away, move my body around, stay quiet, zone out, try to speak as quickly as possible but it sounds incomprehensible.

In the end I seem like a fucking creep and people usually just ignore me, how do I fix that? I want to become confident enough to either fully lean into my weird side or become normal and casual, without forcing myself to put on a wacky facade.