u/Noname_with_no_name

While I was trying to type out this post I was getting multiple thoughts throughout it, changed topics to my other problems around 3-4 times, it hit me that the main issue for now is the scattered mind.

To put it, my mind is a mess, I think of multiple things at once, have a short attention span, get distracted by different thoughts, zone out and worst part is the forgetfulness, I keep forgetting everything! My recall abilities have gone south and I forget what I was doing or thinking only a second ago, then I get reminded of it later and then forget again.

I also repeat the same thought over and over, I can get a random thought for example "this weather sucks" and then my mind will start cycling this thought, circling it and obsessing over it!

I can also sometimes just say nonsence, I can think of a phrase that could fit what I'm saying, but doesn't make sense in context, it's like an LLM predicting the next word or phrase based on what it usually sees, for example that time I asked a teacher "Do you know what page it is?" Instead of "what page is it?" Just because it seemed be simillar in meaning, ignoring the context, obvioisly the teacher knows, duh!

It didn't use to be this bad when I was a kid, or maybe I just don't remember, that's the ironic part.

What do I do? I'm only 17 so I definitely don't have dementia, It could be ADHD, I don't deny the possibility, but I'm never getting any medication anyway

I am currently lvl 17, I didn't know what skill tree to take after finishing [School] event and picked the Tourism skill tree, but apparently it's completely useless and will get my character's career stats nowhere, the older players already signed my character to a university for this skill tree, I don't even like this skill tree nor do I have a lot of XP in it, I am afraid of getting [Student Debt] debuff for a useless artifact and waste 4 years of lifespan, what should my character do?

Hello, I am 17M, I used to be online friends with a person I admired a lot, they were talented, funny, smart, kind and generally nice to be around.

At first we were doing okay, but it slowly started getting toxic, not only was I desperate for their attention at all times and got mad when I didn't get it, but they also constantly made me feel insecure, they were overly rude for no reason, seeked attention a lot, made everything about themself, acted condescending to me and vented out of nowhere, which started exhausting me, I didn't have the spine to call it out properly so in return I started being passively aggressive with them, ghosting them, intentionally making them feel bad and criticizing them for the smallest things.

It started getting outright abusive, we apologized numerous times, we tried to make up numerous times, I tried leaving them numerous times but I just kept coming back, the admiration started turning into envy, I had nothing but them on my mind, I started hating them and then hating myself for hating them.

Eventually they just blocked me, I am still very bitter about this, I keep scrolling through their profile and thinking about them, I keep overthinking how I could've avoided it, how we could've stayed friends if I had the spine to set healthy boundaries like an adult. To cope I start to hate them, think how pathetic, horrible they are and that it was their fault so I wouldn't feel bad, but it just fuels my resentment.

I want to move on and live a normal life, but a single thought about them completely ruins my mood for the day and I end up overthinking it over and over.

How do I stop obsessing over them?

Okay so, I grew up with no friends, bullied at school, spent most of my time in negative online spaces and whenever my parents' friends would come I would feel so annoyed, I hated whenever they laughed loudly, drank, took up MY space and overall irritated me, whenever my father tries to preach to me, I just think "please stfu, when will he stop talking"

basically I had no social skills and was irritated by people having fun

I think this is sipping into my late teenhood, I get uncomfortable whenever people are loud, I can't take a dig or a joke at all, I always get defensive, everything feels like a threat to me, I can't listen to anybody talk without thinking "when will they shut up" I cant show affection and I can't feel love for anybody at all, at most I just force myself to smile and say compliments, but it comes off as ingenuine(because it is) and my negativity still slips up, I always feel uncomfortable and irritated talking to anybody, I start overthinking and zoning out so I simply cannot listen to them at all. Hearing about anybody having friends as a child makes me so sad, hearing about anybody being better than me makes me feel worthelss.

My mind is real mess, I get distracted by anything easily, often just go blank and zone out so I end up unable to think through everything in my mind, sometimes I end up looping the same thought, I can only think of words when I'm speaking or writing in real time, then I get distracted and forget what I was talking about, same happens in chess, I cannot think through my moves in my mind and just move randomly

I think I've lost the ability to think, how do I regain it?

It's common knowledge that people who hate themselves end up projecting it onto others and turning into assholes, but I've seen people who hate themselves who are able to be genuinely kind and hold healthy relationships with others. Are some people just born kind?

little did I know, I cared

First of all, hi, I'm M17, I was spoiled as a kid and was never taught how to handle hard situations

Whenever I'm faced with something uncomfortable, challenging or hard, I just keep telling myself "Who cares" "it doesn't matter" "you're gonna die someday, dont care" "stop trying, you're not gonna do it"

I did it so I wouldn't feel so bad about everything, but it doesn't actually stop me from caring, it just makes me numb

I've become much more insecure and lazy, my procrastionation has been getting terrible, my cognitive abilities got somehow worse, my depression keeps spiking and I can't do anything but distract myself with stimulation, doing anything beyond gaming or doomscrolling feels like a waste of time now.

How do I stop this mindset?

I am so close to ruining my only friendship

For the past 10-11 months, I've been friends with a really nice person, they were my first friend ever

I didn't know how to keep our friendship in a healthy way so I just started acting the way I thought they'd like.

I would pretend to be interested in what they like just so I could hang out with them more, I would agree on any occassion to spend time with them.

I don't think I've ever genuinely expressed whether I liked or didn't like something

I just kept pretending to like everything they did and laughed at their every joke

I'd get very insecure whenever they would talk to someone else, especially when that someone else was a better friend than me, but I never said anything about that.

Recently, they were hurt,

They realized that I've been being fake this entire time,

they said "The longer you fake something, the more noticable it becomes" and that couldn't be any more true,

they said they don't hate me for that, but I feel like they're lying.

I don't want their trust to be ruined completely, I don't want out friendship to end,

they're the best person I've ever met and I don't have any other friends but them.

I realized that my main problem is that I'm never my true self around people, I'm not even sure if I know my true self.

How do I stop being so fake and rebuild our trust? I've never been genuine friends with anyone before

For the past 10-11 months, I've been friends with a really nice person, they were my first friend ever

I didn't know how to keep our friendship in a healthy way so I just started acting the way I thought they'd like.

I would pretend to be interested in what they like just so I could hang out with them more, I would agree on any occassion to spend time with them.

I don't think I've ever genuinely expressed whether I liked or didn't like something

I just kept pretending to like everything they did and laughed at their every joke

I'd get very insecure whenever they would talk to someone else, especially when that someone else was a better friend than me, but I never said anything about that.

Recently, they were hurt,

They realized that I've been being fake this entire time,

they said "The longer you fake something, the more noticable it becomes" and that couldn't be any more true,

they said they don't hate me for that, but I feel like they're lying.

I don't want their trust to be ruined completely, I don't want out friendship to end,

they're the best person I've ever met and I don't have any other friends but them.

How do I stop being so fake and rebuild our trust? I've never been genuine friends with anyone before

She then had evil sex with me

I didn't wash the frog

I've never had any social skills, my parents would rarely talk to me and just give me a screen to distract me, I never made any genuine friends and got bullied a lot as a kid, I ended with very poor mental health and low self-esteem.

​

Whenever I consider someone cooler/smarter/funnier/more talented than me, I start trying to desperately get their validation and attention, matching their vibe, making jokes I think they would like rather than jokes I would find funny myself, trying to appear a lot cooler than I am and subtly flex. I get very upset whenever the person doesn't care/gets annoyed by me, sometimes I might even get passive aggressive and try to make them feel guilty.

​

I always subconsciously make up such perfect images of them in my head, that whenever they show their flaws I get twice as disappointed or hurt, I can't seem to stop it. Most of the time I don't care that much about the person and care way more how they perceive me.

​

Could this be an inferiority complex issue? How do I fix this? This is ruining a lot of my relationships.

If I read something, I'll forget what I just read. If I want to discuss something, I often forget all my talking points, go off-topic or even forget what i wanted to discuss. If someone says something to me, it'll fly right past my ears and I'll forget about it immediately. If I want to do something, I'll forget about it.

​

They're not always erased from my memory immediately, sometimes it's just hard to get them from my memory, I can get the memo out of my head with some time but it takes long.

​

Even now, when I wanted to add another example to the text, I forgot about it too.