u/Norman_Scum

You reached out to me again and you wanted to know if I was okay. I told you that I was doing well. That's not the entire truth. I'm still struggling to let go. And when you told me that you got the job you wanted so badly, I felt so fucking excited for you. It was overwhelming and I realized I'm still way too invested in you to be just friends.

And by the sound of it, you're still too hurt to be friends. I don't know what poems you saw of mine that made you feel the way that you do. I've been writing so much just to process and try to explore all of these feelings and how I interact with love. I pushed your love away because everything was so chaotic in the beginning and I'm scared. I was honest about that part.

And I'm really sorry about the discord name changes. Our last conversation on discord left me pretty upset and feeling like there was never a genuine connection on your end. I felt like a fool and just so incredibly vulnerable. But that doesn't justify the hurtful messages I was sending to you through that. I felt I was being breadcrumbed, but perhaps I wasn't.

I wish we could reconnect. I wish we both could be mature enough to communicate honestly and work things out. I genuinely enjoy you as a person and desperately want you in my life, even if it's just friends. But I also desperately want you completely and all to myself. So, maybe "just friends" isn't something we are capable of. And that really fucking hurts.

Sweet, sweet, divorce. After 7 years of separation I'm finally getting divorced and I'm feeling fucking fantastic.

Only one left

In the story of Orpheus, the real tragedy is the descent to hell in which Orpheus pursues the phantom of the woman he loves. He could have moved on. He could have allowed himself to be revitalized by the memories of love he shared and carried them on.

I'm not Orpheus. I'm not going to chase a woman who makes a ghost of herself. But thank you for reminding me that I really enjoy connecting with women. It's been far too long.