u/Odd_Day_5978

…without over-rationalizing everything because I can give myself a new diagnosis weekly.

I always felt misplaced except around my them.
I never lose my cool except around my tf.

I am in the process of analyzing my animus to integrate that masculine part of me that I so much abhor. I repress a lot.

I got distracted by landscapes and that missing sensation. Knowing I am not in the right place at this time, seeing where I should be but not being able to let go of expectations so just moving the opposite direction.

I was looking at my body and my moles.

The cancer constellation on my left arm.
He had another somewhere don’t remember where, but on the opposite side as mine.

I looked up the meaning,

- the "Gate of Mankind," where non-physical souls descend from the cosmos to take on human form and enter the material plane.
- Located within the constellation, the beehive cluster is historically seen as a spiritual beehive or a station of ghost lights where souls gather before birth.

- fierce protection, emotional resilience, and the instinct to nurture and shelter the vulnerable

- the heart, the safety of home, and a sacred space for emotional healing rather than just physical real estate.

So much written on my body. I spent my time hating this body so much I didn’t look at it.

I can’t trust my gut, I always trust my brain.
Trusting my gut means believing in myself, having faith.

I can’t do anything without expectations.
That person could.
The men in me can. He is spontaneous, seductive and witty. He is selfish, he doesn’t care, he likes what shines. He is assertive but not angry.

I am the opposite and feel stuck.
I hope one day I will be more of myself.

After a depression and a big heartbreak I stopped desiring things, people. Anything became extra after the pandemic. Everything was to not be desired.

Now I need to rebuild my relationship with myself and follow what my little inside toddler wants, but I didn’t know how since I don’t know what I want.

I feel disharmed in front of this request, to imagine myself doing something I want.

I can‘t feel hunger pangs so I eat around the usual times I did. I am trying to reintroduce trigger foods but they are in fact triggering me.

I am eating out the addictive food obsession again. I make sure I eat enough but I am eating often without feeling hungry and its so close to binging but I’m not zoning out this time.

I feel so guilty but I am letting myself have more.

Some times of the month I don’t even have cravings or that ticking food research nervousness?

I start saying it will be a little bite until dinner then I eat all I see. I’ll try cook dinner anyways.
Its crazy because last week I didn’t feel flavours or any joy in eating and now I am like a drug addict.

I also am not sure when I‘m full. I am uncomfortable I eat every two/4 hours I am not hungry and I should honor my hunger right? But I am stressed by the idea that I will miss a meal or feel sick due to sugar crashing.

Maybe I need a nap.

I binged on a vegan alternative of nutella :(

I have been reading to the intuitive eating book but as a binge eater I have a problem with uncountable high sugar foods.

I wanted to eat it in portions but I had a mental fight with myself to leave the tub alone. I have been pretty good with one dose nutella, if I have to open a package I will keep calm. Its also easy to stop if the portion is finished.

I had made the mistake of eating it for breakfast so I thought about it all day, until now, and I had like 7 teaspoons.
I feel a bit sad because I know I’m just hurting myself.

I dont like ‘permission to eat’ when its about carbs and sugars. This also happens with bread. Its like my mind gors crazy.

Last week I didn’t have any hunger or cravings because I had nothing left in the house of sugary or carby I had to make my own flat bread at some point which even then triggered the monkey brain.

Do you meditate, journal, talk to a friend?

I never know how to distinguish attachment from love so I can’t tell what to do. On one hand the rational self preserving side tells me to go on my own way, but my heart tells me it couldn’t bear an empty life without them.

Its between betraying myself or leaving my beloved.

What a pickle.

Whenever I start working on my spirituality and on being more aware of my spiritual growth, I can hear my "intuition" voice, it's my thoughts not someone else's. It's a warmer, calmer, soothing version of my voice.

I do not have schizophrenia, I am not having intrusive evil thoughts I am always calm. I do wonder if it could be ocd in case, but I am not in psychosis, I work, I ground myself, I paint and feel my emotions, journal etc.
Basically all easy steps, problem is that then I start having these intuitive thoughts about random things.

They're never scary, they're stuff like a feeling of knowing and then thinking random stuff that I wasn't thinking about?

The last one was like " I know you're gonna text me". I literally have nobody that should text me ahahah.

I ground myself, but this type of thing only happens when I am going in and doing all the more spiritual work that I always avoid.

I'll try go more outside, but this is always blocking me to meditate or go more deep with stuff because it doesn't feel normal, it feels right, but my mind judges it.

Last time it happened it was as if I could feel one of my friends feelings or thoughts without talking to him, then I'd check in and it was in fact happening.

we always talk about awakening and spiritual path but I am lost in this journey. Preferably if you’re a long hauler since I am :)

Because I felt seen

I thought if I just

explained myself to

you then you’d see me

for who I am.

Being seen was a

figment of my

imagination.

Left with a scar

of grief and

disdain now.

You broke part of me,

the responsibility is mine.

You never saw me,

like I saw you.

I was just a toy,

and you put me back on the shelf.

And yet, you’ll never see me

without labels

or judgement.

But this says more about me than you ever will.

I miss how I felt,

as if I found a gem out my door.

I now realize I was just looking

at my reflection on a rock.

literally under every thread I find an entp who wrote 3 unnecessary paragraphs about how an intp or an enfp does this or that because of xyz. Please, be more synthetic at least, nobody has time to read all of that.