u/Oddly-Ordinary

Recently discovered I’m very attracted mascs but I’m worried they won’t be attracted to me because most T4T relationships I’ve seen were either straight, fem4fem trans lesbians, or masc4masc gay trans men and I’m feminine and nonbinary (medically transitioned). And most of the attention I get on dating apps comes from trans women looking for masculine, dominant trans guys :(

I’m in a support group for transmasc folks and ran into someone I haven’t seen in a long time. We’re both on T but I don’t identify as masc and prefer to present androgynous/femme.

He came up to me to say hi and told me I’m “looking very masculine” (complimentary) while I was wearing eyeliner, jewelry, fishnet sleeves… which confused me and now I feel self conscious about my appearance.

Kissing, sex, kink, or just very intimate cuddling. I haven’t had many queer friends but I know this isn’t uncommon. I grew up in a pretty conservative environment. Until recently most of my friends were straight and most these things were off-limits unless you were in a romantic relationship or at least established to be dating. So I never really learned how to integrate physical intimacy and friendships.

But it’s something I’d like to explore now that I’m making more queer friends. But I’m not sure how to go about it and how to bring it up. I’m afraid of being awkward, making people uncomfortable and ruining friendships. I thought about going to queer bars and just flirting with people but idk how to do that either. So advice would be great 🙏

I’m non-monogamous, still figuring out my preferences and gender, and what spaces I fit in. Right now I identify as nonbinary and bisexual. I’m pretty androgynous and whether I’m with men or women it feels “gay”. If it matters tho I have an anatomically “male” body and lean more feminine than masculine.

Seems like a common experience to get much less attention on apps after going on T. How do y’all cope and not let it get to you? How do you find partners? Despite feeling more comfortable in my skin I’m feel incredibly undesirable and unattractive lately. And comparing myself to my friends who are also nonbinary but didn’t transition. Who have no trouble finding dates and FWB. I feel like the ugly friend now like no one will ever love me :(

There are autoimmune diseases in my family. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis as a teenager but since I started testosterone (I’m FtM transgender) it’s gone into complete remission. Before that it was severe and not very responsive to medication.

Apparently I was born with an imperforate / cribriform hymen that was surgically removed when I was a toddler so I could eventually menstruate and have PIV sex. But I only menstruated every 3-3 1/2 months. And bled for 2 weeks straight. My gynecologist at the time said I didn’t have endometriosis and I didn’t have PCOS because she didn’t see any cysts. She said my hormones looked “normal” but this doctor was awful (she believed women didn’t need testosterone and said putting yogurt up your vagina prevented yeast infections) so idk how much I trust her diagnoses.

Testosterone cured (or at least masked the symptoms) of a lot of my undiagnosed health issues that all suddenly developed around puberty. I had chronic fatigue, so bad I’d sleep 12+ hours and still fall asleep mid-conversation after having multiple energy drinks. I had brain fog, got shin splints whenever I walked, I was very heavy and kept gaining weight despite being very active (15k steps) and eating under 1800 calories a day. Psychologically it’s like I just didn’t mature until I transitioned. I also had complete sexual dysfunction. And my white blood cells were off the charts. That’s all gone now.

I never had a growth spurt. I got my period at 14 and kept growing (very slowly) until I was about 19. I grew another 2 inches taller when I went on testosterone in my mid 20s. I’ve always been short. I used to be 5’1” now I’m 5’3”. Since I was a teen my shoulders have been wider than my hips.

When I went on testosterone physical changes happened VERY fast. Like abnormally fast. In general the way my body reacts to sex hormones seems abnormal (my own natural estrogen and prescribed testosterone). I also don’t feel symptoms when my testosterone levels get too high so my endocrinologist does regular bloodwork.

As far as I know I’m not intersex. I got my chromosomes tested, thyroid, etc. I was told it could be congenital adrenal hyperplasia, a growth hormone deficiency, or autoimmune disease. But so far no real answers.

Cis men chasers and queer women who want us to be “butch” and play a traditionally “masculine” role?

Because that’s been my experience more or less. I medically transitioned but I present androgynous-femme.

I feel like I made the choice between loving my own body and being desirable to others. I’ve been objectified and fetishized by every label under LGBTQ+ and I feel like the “wrong” kind of trans / nonbinary person.

I feel like dating or hooking up literally requires me to drop all standards. I refuse to do that. And I hate how much it’s getting me down esp during Pride. I feel incredibly isolated in a city full of other queer and trans folks. I don’t feel valid at all.

Seeing a lot more raising awareness of the harm trans men face under cishet patriarchy. And while it’s great seeing folks fight to not only “protect the dolls” but also “the kens” still everyone forgets we exist. I wish I could say I’m surprised but I’m not. It’s still disappointing and kinda infuriating.

I was in a spiritual class of mostly cishet women. The class was hosted by a cis gay man. The whole dynamic was so weird. I’m used to very queer spaces where there’s not really a “power dynamic” or feeling of “hierarchy” even when someone is explaining a subject to a group. If that makes sense? But these women treated this man as an authority figure, like he was leading them, as if they themselves had nothing to give to the space, like there was nothing he could also learn from them. It felt so one-directional. It was awkward and also sad. I forget how much power straight women give to men.

That scene where Pomni was able to reach Jax inside his abstracted form, he disappears into a flash of light right after his abstracted body steps on some flashbangs. We know abstracted characters are calmer in the dark. Maybe that scene didn’t show Jax disappearing for good, never to be seen again, but more like the bright lights causing a disruption in the “signal”. I’m thinking it’s possible Jax (and the other abstracted characters) might “reform” (internally) when it’s dark and the abstracted body is calm on the outside. Sort of like Kinger. Thoughts?

So I’ve heard folks say that sexual orientations caused by trauma are valid and I have mixed feelings about that. Mainly because the reasons usually given can be used as arguments to support conversion therapy and homophobia.

If growing up in a sexually repressive environment and being shamed for your sexuality can be a reason that someone is “ace” then why can’t sexual repression and shame turn someone straight? Or cis? If a woman can “become a lesbian” if she loses her attraction to men ONLY as a result of misogyny and violence, does that not also mean people can lose their attraction to the same sex, and become “straight” as a result of homophobic violence?

Just to be clear I do NOT support conversion therapy or “corrective violence” I myself am queer and trans and I’ve been sexually shamed and harmed because of who I am and who I love.

So please correct me if I’m mistaken, and apologies if my phrasing comes off as insensitive or invalidating, but I don’t really see the difference between these scenarios aside from one being “progressive” and the other being “politically incorrect”.

I’ve identified as bisexual/pansexual my whole life… fagdyke / nonbinary lesbian twink / sapphic-achillean / y’all get my point I like women the way women like other women and I like men the way men like other men.

But I find women, esp trans women, expect me to play a traditionally masculine role in relationships, take the lead and be a lot more dominant than I want to be. I’m clear about who I am and what I’m comfortable with and most of the time they straight up ignore it because it doesn’t fit their narrative. I’ve had women literally get hostile and blame me for being a “bad” partner because I didn’t meet the expectations they never should’ve had to begin with. Like I’m sorry your ex treated you like shit /gen but mine did too and I don’t exist just to be an idealized version of the last asshole who traumatized you and restore your faith in love. Idk a lot of the women I’ve dated seem to forget they’re not the only one’s who need to feel safe in a relationship. With trans women I feel like there’s the added layer of wanting a masculine partner to affirm their own femininity where they’re fine making someone else dysphoric if it means they can feel valid.

I know dating and hooking up with men comes with its own problems. A lot of problems from what I’ve heard. But I really can’t take this anymore I’d rather be single and celibate the rest of my life rather than deal with any more of what I’ve gone through dating women since I medically transitioned.

I guess I’m looking for support. Maybe advice. Idk is this a sign I’m not actually attracted to women? I know this post was a bit dramatic I’m just kinda going through it right now. Pride month is bringing up a lot of feelings and I’m not sure how to go forward or what sort of queer spaces I belong in.

Pride brings up a lot of complicated feelings for me. Most of them not good. I grew up in a very sex-negative household. I’ve been single most of my adult life. Literally only had one relationship with a parter who made me feel like shit. I don’t feel sexy or empowered. The last two people I dated / hooked up with both misgendered me. For context I’m nonbinary.

I medically transitioned and had my last bottom surgery recently and it would be nice to be able to experience affirming intimacy and actually y’know BE gay IN PRACTICE. All my friends are partnered. We’re all polyam and I’m the only one who’s completely single and sexually inactive not by choice. I haven’t been on a date in almost 2 years. I feel extremely undesirable. I’m not even sure if I should bother trying to flirt with anyone. I don’t think anyone would want me anyway.

A lot of other things in my life are going well and tbh I feel a bit stupid for being so affected about this. I just feel like I’m watching everything from the outside.

Pride brings up a lot of complicated feelings for me. Most of them not good. I grew up in a very sex-negative household. I’ve been single most of my adult life. Literally only had one relationship with a parter who made me feel like shit. I don’t feel sexy or empowered. The last two people I dated / hooked up with both misgendered me. For context I’m nonbinary.

I medically transitioned and had my last bottom surgery recently and it would be nice to be able to experience affirming intimacy and actually y’know BE gay IN PRACTICE. All my friends are partnered. We’re all polyam and I’m the only one who’s completely single and sexually inactive not by choice. I haven’t been on a date in almost 2 years. I feel extremely undesirable. I’m not even sure if I should bother trying to flirt with anyone. I don’t think anyone would want me anyway.

A lot of other things in my life are going well and tbh I feel a bit stupid for being so affected about this. I just feel like I’m watching everything from the outside.

Pride brings up a lot of complicated feelings for me. Most of them not good. I grew up in a very sex-negative household. I’ve been single most of my adult life. Literally only had one relationship with a parter who made me feel like shit. I don’t feel sexy or empowered. The last two people I dated / hooked up with both misgendered me.

I medically transitioned and had my last bottom surgery recently and it would be nice to be able to experience affirming intimacy and actually y’know BE gay IN PRACTICE. All my friends are partnered. We’re all polyam and I’m the only one who’s completely single and sexually inactive not by choice. I haven’t been on a date in almost 2 years. I feel extremely undesirable. I’m not even sure if I should bother trying to flirt with anyone. I don’t think anyone would want me anyway.

A lot of other things in my life are going well and tbh I feel a bit stupid for being so affected about this. I just feel like I’m watching everything from the outside.

Pride brings up a lot of complicated feelings for me. Most of them not good. I grew up in a very sex-negative household. I’ve been single most of my adult life. Literally only had one relationship with a parter who made me feel like shit. I don’t feel sexy or empowered. The last two people I dated / hooked up with both misgendered me.

I medically transitioned and had my last bottom surgery recently and it would be nice to be able to experience affirming intimacy and actually y’know BE gay IN PRACTICE. All my friends are partnered. We’re all polyam and I’m the only one who’s completely single and sexually inactive not by choice. I haven’t been on a date in almost 2 years. I feel extremely undesirable. I’m not even sure if I should bother trying to flirt with anyone. I don’t think anyone would want me anyway.

A lot of other things in my life are going well and tbh I feel a bit stupid for being so affected about this. I just feel like I’m watching everything from the outside.

Ok so I medically transitioned so more or less I read as a cis man but with boobs

I want to be seen as an empowered, confident genderfucky fem / twink.

I wear eyeliner, fishnets, leggings, jewelry, I’m getting full body laser, I grew my nails out. I’m still being read as masc/butch?!

And I keep getting hit on by femmes looking for someone to top/dominate them and basically “be the man” in a relationship

Help 😭

When Fionna said he only broke up with her because “his feelings were getting too real and he was afraid” I think she was right.

The relationship was “too good” and Felix liked Fionna “too much” so he sabotaged their relationship. I don’t think Felix ever truly wanted to be with Fennel. She was just close enough to Fionna to fill the void, but not meaningful enough to Felix where he’d have to be vulnerable. He broke both Fennel and Fionna’s hearts before they had a chance to break his.

Which is super fucked up I’m def not making excuses for his actions. Makes me wonder though what his backstory and how it compares to Flame Princess.