I already have it 8 years and im not sure.. I thought I can control it now but in recent mixed episode i am not sure if such feeling was right.
I am not taking meds.
Is your bipolar getting better or worse over the years?
How can bipolar change EIi personality? Since they have weak SE PoLr
Im new but lived wiith bipolar for 8 years now.
I usually experience mixed states and depression, pure mania in my case is very short lived.
In my mixed states episodes i like to harm myself before i was fan of doing unnecessary dentist surgeries or other surgeries which messed up my face and i dislike my look now but eventually i got bored of it.
Now I started engaged in sex work during my episodes. I did it already one year ago It went smootly but I contracted 3 High risk hpv types (cancer risk). I managed to earn quite a lot it boosted my mania ego.
I thought i found some friends as well.
But This year it was brutal.
I met with one guy for meeting for cash during my mixed states episode ( I tried to keep calm at home for several days before this incident but was going crazy because i did not eat anything and did not sleep for some days already and had high energy)
so I eventually went and met with someone.
Bad for me he was psycho.
He drive me somewhere in forest.
and did very brutal and harsh sex while screaming on me to not be tensed all time. I was scared, tried to defend myself with hands to stop this pain but i am very slim and had no energy. I was telling him to stop but he stopped after he saw some blood.
He stopped, condom broke from force.
I am scared he could have hiv.. i took pep for hiv but now I will be live in big distress for over a month.
After he gave me money and I started crying from pain and afraid of this situation and laughing in same time from my stupidity. He was asking why am i crying and trying to force me 'smile'. I just ignored this psycho.
He dropped me back to city and meeting finished.
I feel really bad about this situation and I am in pain till now. Its already 6th day, my abdomen is hurting and vagina is sensitive as well. Never experienced it before.
I will obviously not report it to police because it was meeting for money.
I exluded non white people from my client base because I thought thats enough for my safety yet I was raped by white european guy..
feeling bad about it.
I am falling into depression right now.
I am tired of my self harm behaviour it will eventually led to my death.
It seems this psycho is doing it constantly and targetting sex workers since he told me they block him after one meeting.
I do not know if my bipolar is aggresive for me or people also experience it very harshly..
Can i take emergency contraceptive pill (ellaone) while on pep or its not recommended?
Does this reduce the effectiveness of PEP medications?
Fetish sides/femdom sites in Germany? Where to meet such people?
I m woman and would like to meet guy from Germany who is interesed in femdom or light version of it (gentle one) I am small woman but it really excite me to the point normal sex is too boring to me and pointless.
I do not wanna met guy thru dating app since most men on dating apps who do fwb are usually just egoistic and practice normal sex or where woman is submissive.
I have totally no orgasms in such sex so i stopped dating. I am curious where i can meet people who are interesed in such practices to serve their woman as good slave.
Its not necessary must be relationship, it can just be fwb but with fetish.
I am 26 years old.
Hello, everyone. I am woman and white ( I think its important since Europeans have more protective genes againts hiv)
My bizare story begins when i was raped by refugee in country where i currently stayed. It was june 2025.
He was hiv+ and on the beggining of infection so had very big viral load (based on his rash he was handling it quite poorly)Later It was confirmed he has virus but too late. I did not go on pep since my language skills in that country were poor but really regret it now:(
I went on test when i started experience symptoms. I had canker sores all over my mouth but it lasted short maybe 4 days. Then I had symptoms but more related to autoaggresion than acute retrovital sickness, like I had inflamation of tongue or skin(I had big red bumps which is sometimes when body attacks ur own skin) then it went away. I went on testing rna test and it showed viral load but it was low (below 1k copies but detectable).
When I caught virus i developed straight away periodontosis. I have never problems with it (Some people say its autoaggresion disease)
Bizzarre things are happening later.
Since my really aggresive symtoms and my initial positive test i was sure I got hiv and was really depressed to the point I thought about suicide.
I was scared I might be disowned by my family since they are religious and will see me as a 'dirty'.
I went to test 2 months later and got rapid test - negatve, then 4th generation test - negative too.
I was shocked and thought how is it possible?
I made finally another rna viral load test- undetectable.
According to doctors i did not have virus and they could not explain my first positive viral load test.
Also they could not explain why suddently after this rape, 2 autoimmune diseases developed in me.
I keep repeating 4th generation test (labolatory test from vein blood each time) and it keep being negative 6 months later, 10 months later and now 14 months later it is still negative.
But My health become worse since this event.
I am not feeling sick tho I am completly fine but i have perceived my wounds do not heal as fast as it used be in past. For example I scratched myself accidently with nail in april and it did not heal completly till now lol and I still have scar. (Back then it would heal within month)
I must dealing with those autoimmune diseases too.
I made inflamatory test as well. And my Il-6 is 3,1 which is too high for young, petite girl and shows immune activation (low grade inflamation which is often observed in elite controlers).
I read sometimes when people received ART meds very fast they can never develop detectable antibodies by test. It is science proven but without meds its impossible according to them??
How is it possible my body is so powerful againts hiv then?
Why my antibodies are not detectable and im healthy person according to tests?
I was proposed to make dna hiv test to see if i have it inside my cells, its very specialistic examination.
I do not want to do it tho I am scared I will be considered hiv+ For my mental health i think its better to live with thoughts I am negative.
But all this story is really bizzarre and unsual.
It just shows maybe there are humans who can carry virus but are invisible for current medicine.
Probably if not this first viral load test i would never know i was infected, just started suddently see change in my health。
Also i dont know if its important but my lymphocytes 2 months after infection were 6k then it dropped 2,5k half year later and 1,7k one year later.
In 2020 (before infection) i had 1,7 lymphocytes around.
so it went back to norm.
I am really worried about my future.
Is here any doctor who can explain my case?
is it like prolonged seroconversion or i will stay this way forever?
When I came at first They told me its viral infection, also suspected hiv made this rna viral load test 1 week after exposure was positive and told me im hiv+ and told me to come back in next few weeks. When I came my viral load as well as 4th generation tests were negative. I have never taken any meds. But I must deal with inflamation and autoimmune diseases which I developed.
Do you have any idea what is it?
Im feeling ugly and I hate myself for it.
Even I have slim body it does not help me with anything due to ugly face.
I lost teeth in young age (long story) but I have dental implants now so I can chew normally but my face look changed forever.
I am skinny, I weight around 48 kg (106 lbs) and have 165 cm (5'5). I always was so skinny like that.
I am currently 26 years old so its good time for searching your forever long lasting partner but I found it very hard.
My face is square shape but slightly assymetrical (my right side is lower, my left side is more up so it always looks like I tilt my head a little to the right).
It is especially hurtful when you see how people changed attitude towards you since you become ugly, they are less nicer, rarely small talk and avoid you kinda.
People really care about how your face looks like.
Dating is way worse since people basically rate you based on how you look like, they do not really care about personality 🤔
Thats why now I did not go on dates for like 8 months now and did not have sex.over 1 year.
But from my experiences during dating spree, men prefer to write and annoy their ex girlfriends than being with me 🥲.
Some men will tell I only choose good looking men for dating and its completly not true.
I am not feeling enough confident to date good looking men as well as I know they have more options of good looking girls so I do not want to waste my time.
All of guys Ive dated were average looking ones, some were even quite old (35-40) and still mistreated me.
Basicslly most men Ive econcuered want to have fast sex with me and do not even treat me as a human being.
Because of my hideous face they do not want to introduce me to their parents or friends, do not consider me being worth to be their wife, just free prostitute.
I usually end up date when guy is trying force sex on me on first date because i am tired of being used by them. I lost interest in going on dates at all.
Thats why I do not date anyone almost one year but im feeling like I losing my young years on sitting in home instead of being happy.
My ex left me and went back to his ex gf who is 8 years older than me(34) because of my hideous face 💀
Even during sex im unhappy because they usually want to do doggy with me or simply do not look at me during sex (but not everyone) and Im already losing my mood.
They tell Europe have demography problems but how can to fix it?
I would like to have 1 or 2 kids but its impossible for me to find long term partner.
I think i will stay forever alone without family since dating sucks.
I have some kind of anxiety as well during meeting new people but I try to hide it (I already learnt it during school days) but such meeting are really tiresome for someone with anxiety and introvert.
I do not wanna being dissapointment after such meetings thru dating apps.
I think being ugly woman is same or worse than being ugly guy.
Men have more options to choose from since they can date immigrant poor woman and its not problem for them and women do not want to date poor immigrants especially since their legal status is under question.
Hello, I am curious being hiv elite controller means having autoimmune disease develop thru years of hiv control? is it always the case?
Or some elite controllers have good health and live without autoaggression?
I am 26F from Poland
feel free to DM me :p
I am interesed in geography, psychology and demography.
My mbti personality is INFP。