u/Ok_Illustrator_3539

I was never one of those people who hated him, I did have some sympathy for his situation, but I sidelined him in my head and never gave his character much thought. I just finished rewatching it almost a year later, and I appreciate him so much more.

I don’t know how I missed such huge parts of his character, because a lot of it was quite literally spelled out, but I feel his envy for Ash so deeply.

I think my perspective has changed so drastically because when I first watched it, I didn’t understand where he was coming from, because I hadn’t been through it myself. Pure loneliness. I was a lot more like Ash. I had good friends that I could rely on, I even had an Eiji, if you will. But now, I’m truly and utterly alone and it’s the most awful feeling I’ve ever experienced.

I’m at my grandparents house and today has been horrific for me mentally. Nothing bad even happened, I just managed to get into my head, and can’t get out. I have no escape. I have no substances, I can’t relapse, I can’t even take a walk because it’s too late. I can’t cry how I want to because my family will hear. I don’t give a shit how unhealthy my coping mechanism or escapism is, I genuinely just want to fucking survive. At least this will all be over when I get home.

I don’t mean DMing people (I appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t do much for me). I mean just being held quietly.

It’s weird, because I despise physical touch. Even a brush of my shoulder can send shivers down my spine if I’m in a bad mood, yet it’s what I crave most. I can’t remember the last time I’ve just been truly comforted like that, if ever.

I’m an extremely logical person, but when my emotions get the better of me, all logic flys out the window and no amount of verbal reassurance is going to get through to me.

I don’t even know if this is what I even want, because whenever I get the attention that I constantly beg for I’m disgusted with myself.

I think I watched Banana fish around September of last year, so almost a year ago. It got me so hard the first time, I cried so much and the story really touched my heart. When the dub came out and it was on Netflix, I decided to rewatch watch it as I had wanted to for a while and the dub seemed like the perfect excuse to. I finished it less than 5 minutes ago and I started crying less than 10 minutes into the last episode because I knew what was going to happen. I think I’ll make a post once I can organise my thoughts, but right now I’m just fucked up over this. I’ve never been through anything remotely similar to any of the characters, but I haven’t had the easiest life and I resonate with these characters so deeply. This show means so much to me, I will never forget it until my dying breath. I want to slap and hug the author at the same time. Idk what the point of this post is, but I just needed to share my feelings so I don’t cry for the rest of the day.

TW : Mentions of SA and rape

I’m 16F, for context. I don’t know if scared is the right word, but definitely uncomfortable. I’m a feminist, sure, but I’m not a total man hater. I know that there are so many amazing men out there, and I also understand that it’s important to be cautious, but this goes beyond healthy self preservation.

Being near men in any non-public environment makes my skin crawl, no matter how close or trustworthy they are. I’m staying with my grandparents, and had to sit down next to my grandad, and I felt so uncomfortable. He’s not as warm as my grandma, but has never been anything but kind to me. I felt relieved when my mum took his spot. Even though my mum is abusive, I would rather sit next to her??

I’m constantly waiting to get harassed in public and suspect every man of being a predator for no real reason. I’ve never technically been SA’d and arguably encounter less harassment than the average woman in public, but and yet I can’t help but have these thoughts. My dad is far from a great guy, and he’s made weird comments to me my whole life, but he’s never laid a hand on me in a sexual capacity. I’ve had a nightmare of him raping me, that can’t be normal.

Brief context: My parents are separated and were never married, but now live together again and they are both very toxic. Also, I’m 16F.

So, my mum and I just landed in Poland from Ireland to see my grandparents and other relatives before school starts. My mum and I have an extremely strained relationship because I have pretty severe mental health issues, a lot of which I blame on her and my dad and my upbringing. I was very, very tired in the airport on the way in as I had pulled an all nighter (Stupid, I know) and was generally in a bad mood because I felt a bit sick earlier, I’m having problems with a friend, and my dad was very on edge which was really upsetting me.

I was being incredibly dry with her and had zero patience, constantly snapping at her. I admit that it was unreasonable in the moment, but deserved over all, imo. She takes it upon herself to start bringing up the fact that I always call her a bad mother (during arguments) and, how I’m so unhappy with my life, and blah, blah, blah. This turns into what I want to say was an hour straight of us going back and forth, just saying the most hurtful things we could think of in the moment. I almost started crying out of anger and frustration, but then I locked in when she kept trying to keep it going and was hitting her with the most bland one word answers and no giving her a reaction.

Immediately, she got SO much angrier and started losing the plot a bit, but it was cut off when we boarded the plane, we’re not that much of public menaces. Anyway, I started to get really nervous on the flight, because I was worried she’d be ignoring me the whole trip, which would be super inconvenient as my Polish isn’t as good as it used to be and I often forget words and need her to translate, but luckily, that didn’t happen.

She was still pissed when we got off the plane and she almost left me behind getting a mini bus to the airport. I was getting increasingly more worried, but refused to be the one to break the ice first, but then she started acting totally 100% normal.

The question is more rhetorical as I loosely understand the psychology behind it all, but I’m feeling really good about myself because I feel like I’ll finally be able to inact my plan to destroy her once we get back home, assuming I don’t end it immediately.

Obvious trigger warning for SI

Before anyone goes and reports this post or whatever, I’m safe for the next two weeks because I’ll be seeing my grandparents and I would never do that to them.

All but one of my friendships have dissolved, I’m more depressed than ever and barely keep up with basic hygiene, all I do is doomscroll and bed rot. I can’t sleep, schools starting in two weeks, I’m fucking covered in scars, my dad keeps threatening me and screaming the house down, my mum keeps manipulating me, I keep snapping for no reason. The mental health service I’m waiting for fucking ghosted me.

I can’t think of an aspect of my life that doesn’t fucking suck right now and I don’t care if it gets better because each and everyone of my days NOW it’s filled to the brim with suffering, if I’m not painfully numb.

My parents refuse to

So, I was adding back random guys on Snapchat, just to see where things would go I guess. I was talking to a few and this one guy starts asking me for nudes and he’d send in return. I told him I would send my top half with a bra and that’s all I’m comfortable with. He started pressing me, promising he wouldn’t save them and he doesn’t even know me so he couldn’t use them against me, things like that, but I held my ground and he wouldn’t back off. He kept begging and trying to convince me, and it was honestly pathetic. I told him he sounded like a kid throwing a tantrum. He started trying to back track. Saying that it’s fine with a bra and I was like hell no ur not getting shit after acting like that. He started pulling the “u said u would” card and I just told him bye and unadded him.

Before a bunch of incel woman haters run to the comments talking about how it was my fault for adding him and whatever, I don’t care about this specific instance. I had the option to block him the whole time and chose not to. I’m hardly a wreck after this situation, I’m just so pissed off that people like this exist in the first place. Men (Yes, and some women I’m sure, but let’s not be stupid and look at the numbers) who feel entitled to woman’s bodies and and won’t take no for an answer and will continue to try and manipulate someone after they made their boundaries explicitly clear. And, when they hold their ground, try to back track into getting some crumbs of their body that’s just so irresistible to you.

I use Youtube on my browser (Bing, I know it’s shitty, but I’m not doing research or anything so it doesn’t matter) and maybe a few months ago I noticed that the ads would get automatically skipped after a few seconds, whether they were skippable or not. I was confused, but didn’t think too hard about it because, hey, it was nice. I then started getting pop ups about how Youtube doesn’t allow ad-blockers, blah blah blah, capitalism. I would just refresh the page and get on with it, but how I’m totally locked out, even if I refresh and restart everything. I’m confused because I never downloaded an ad blocker. Use Proton VPN and Malwarebytes and my VPN and anti-virus respectively so I assumed it was one of those, but after checking both apps I can’t find the option to turn it off. Any advice appreciated.

TW : SI, SH, substance abuse

Before I end it, I am going to ruin my life. I will drink everyday once school starts. I’m going to smoke until I end up on the box. I going to get into weed and fry my brain cells. I’m going to leave scars that my corpse will rot with. I’m going to push everyone away. I’m going to put my parents through every bit of abuse that they have put me through and more. I’m going to go to parties and makeout with whoever.

And none of it will matter when I’m gone, and people can’t say they had no idea, or that there weren’t any signs, because there was, and there has been, and no one gave a fuck, so they won’t have a right to care once I start waving it in their fucking faces.

Fuck being the bigger person. I spent years of my childhood yearning for her genuine love, care, attention, and protection from my abusive father, but she only provided it when it suited her. When she could feel like a martyr. She would expect ME to care for her. No. Not anymore. She wants my attention now. I see how her face lights up when I tell her about my day. It’s not because she loves me, it’s because she needs my attention since she’s not getting it anywhere else. I will drive that woman crazy before I leave this house, or perhaps world.

Both 16F.

The reason I put broke up in quotation marks is because we were never really together. We have been best friends for years and got together around 8 months ago, but in those 8 months our relationship never progressed in terms of dates/ physical affection. We then drifted dramatically because my mental health became a lot worse. A few weeks ago we had our first ever real argument, which I think she handled very poorly and it sort of changed my view of her and made me realise some things.

A few days ago, she randomly texted me and essentially broke up with me. My issue isn’t that the RELATIONSHIP is over, since there was hardly one to begin with, but it sort of solidifies how much we’ve drifted. I don’t even know if I’d call her my best friend anymore. I think for the first time in almost 8 years, I don’t love her anymore and I don’t know what to do. I still care a lot about her, but I just don’t love her. I feel like an empty void whenever I think about her now. I don’t even know if it’s worth trying to fix our friendship anymore. She’s been the one and only constant my whole life and now that’s gone. I always imagined having her in my life at least well into adulthood, but clearly not.

I guess this is just how things go with teen relationships, but we’ve been basically attached at the hip for half of our lives and now it’s just gone. Maybe once school starts back up things will get better again, but I doubt it. I need some reassurance rn.

I (16F) often feel parentified to my older sister (19F). To be clear, she has no special needs (Though I suspect that she may have autism, but it would be high-functioning as she’s gone this long undiagnosed). For those who don’t know, parentification is when a child is put into a caretaker role either emotionally and/ or physically towards their parents or siblings.

I was parentified pretty heavily by my mum when I was around 10 or possibly younger when she’d constantly unload onto me her struggles with my dad (They’ve been separated since I was 9), her struggles with my sister, and just her general discontent with her life. I’ve since been able to but a stop to it for the most part because I’ve put a lot of figurative distance between us, but it still seems to be persisting through my sister.

She’s incredibly unorganised, which is fine when she is just in her room, but when we go on holidays she’ll forget a lot of stuff. My parents are always in a bad/ fragile mood when we’re on holidays because they get stressed very easily, so it feels like it always falls on me to sort things out for her at my expense to avoid my parents flipping out. I’m constantly having to keep tabs on her and remind her to do stuff, pick up the slack when she forgets, explain how and why to do certain things, just the role my parents never filled.

We both struggle pretty severely with mental health. She’s had struggles with a lot of anxiety and anorexia that resurfaces periodically and I struggle with depression and SH. During her initial struggles with anorexia, I wasn’t too involved with her directly, but my mum would always help her, and then go to me for advice? Every time after that, I’d stay up late with her listening and giving advice and reassurance. I’d talk her down from panic attacks. I fought, and I mean FOUGHT to get her the professional help that my parents were denying her. All of this while I was going through my own stuff.

At one point, she asked me about our childhood/ how I feel about our parents, and I started crying. She gave me a half hearted hug, and left to “go to the bathroom” and never came back. This has been a constant pattern. I’d always comfort her when she needed it, but whenever I needed it she’d have somewhere to be all of a sudden.

Also, with our parents, I’ve always tried to protect her. If you haven’t picked up on it, they’re quite toxic/ abusive. During arguments, I’d always be mediating or even take her side when she’s never done the same for me. In general, I’d always defend and advocate for her.

She seems significantly less affected by our upbringing and situation than I am, and I can’t help but feel like that’s partly because of me. As much as I’m glad that I’ve been able to help her, I also resent her for having a better life than me at my expense. She also doesn’t realise this and constantly tells me about how I’m “letting” our past affect me too much and to just not think about it, but I don’t have that luxury. She’s about to start college and will stay at home through it, but I’m moving out the second I graduate no matter what, so she’s going to have a fucking rude awakening when she realises what I’ve been dealing with all these years.

(16F) I’m trying to figure out why my period is so late. My usual cycle is around 20-22 days with a 5-6 day period. It’s quite regular, maybe 1-2 days early or late.

I’m currently 6 days late and showing no signs of it coming. I’m a virgin lesbian so the chances of pregnancy are zero. I traveled when I was two days late on my period already, but travel tends to trigger my period to come, not make it later. Plus, I was already late when I left so I suspect it didn’t make a difference. From what I can think of in the past month, I haven’t had any significant routine changes aside from a two week summer job, but that was only four hours a day. I’ve had a lot of stress recently, but I feel like it wouldn’t mess with my cycle that badly. I was two weeks late on my period a few months back from what I suspect to be stress, but more on the front that I was barely eating, rather than the stress itself and I have been eating normally this past month.

I’d appreciate any other suggestions, but if nothing else seems to fit then I’ll just chalk it up to stress and hope it comes eventually.

Okay, that makes her sound really bad, but there wasn’t necessarily a breakup to be had. It’s a bit of a complicated situation.

My GF (16F), or should I say ex, and I (16F) have been best friends since the age of 8. A few years back, I developed romantic feelings and she reciprocated. We didn’t get together for a while due to various reasons, but last December I asked her out and we officially started going out. The thing is, not only were we already in a situationship, we didn’t make any changes in terms of starting to hold hands, kiss, go on real dates, etc. so nothing really changed.

A few months ago, we actually started to drift a lot, largely due to my own poor mental health, so not only were we barely dating, I’d barely say we’re even best friends atp which devastates me to say because I still care so much about her.

Basically, I was trying to meet up with her one-on-one (We’re in the same friend group and usually see each other in a group) for ages, but she kept being busy and not rescheduling. I wanted to talk about the relationship and try and maybe get things moving, but we then had our first real argument over something kinda small and it legitimately sent me into a week long anxiety spiral, after which I decided that I wasn’t ready for a relationship in the first place. I was still trying to arrange a meet up, but then I had to go away to see family (Where I am now).

She texted me randomly “We’re not really dating anymore, right?” and I said yeah and asked why an she said she was “Just thinking about it”. She said she still cares about me, just not necessarily romantic, and we went on to talk about a movie coming out next month.

I just feel a little conflicted about it. I’m a little bothered by how unbothered she seems about it. I know we were never even together really in the first place so it’s hardly a break up, but it still felt like something worth an in person conversation to me. It’s exactly what I was trying so hard to meet up with her to talk about. Also, the fact that she said she was “Just thinking about it”. Like, this has been consistently on my mind for MONTHS and it was just a passing thought for her?? I could bring it up to her, but I’d feel a little stupid doing that because what’s the point? “I won’t do it again” what? if we break up again or something? Unlikely. And we’re so far drifted at this point that it doesn’t feel worth even bringing this up.

I (16F) was just talking to my sister (18F). We were talking about things like friends and she was telling me about drama and stuff, normal sister talk, but then the conversation steered towards me talking about my mum. Basically, my parents are both very toxic and abusive and this has naturally had a big impact on me and my mental health. In particular, my mum did something a few months ago that caused me to absolutely spiral mentally and I’m still going through it at the moment. I was complaining to my sister about my mum and talking about how I blame my parents for basically all of my problems, since most things I struggle with come down to my mental health in some capacity, and my mental health comes down to them and what they’ve put me through. My sister very quickly stopped me and said that she thinks I’m “letting myself get bogged down” by focusing on them and “the past”. I am aware that focusing on the negative is bad, and that it can influence me subconsciously. Honestly, I don’t really care, because I couldn’t even begin to think how I would change that, nor do I have any time, energy, or motivation to bother with it. Also, a good chunk of problems I have with my parents are painfully current and ongoing. I know that having a bad mindset can make things worse, but she was straight up framing it like “Oh, just don’t think about it” well I’d fucking love to not think about it, but it’s kinda hard not to when I’m having a panic attack every other day for no reason because my nervous system is a fucking mess from the years of abuse I endured and still am. I knew everything that she was saying to me already which I told her, but she kept going on and on about it. When I finally beat it into her head that I just want to fucking vent she was like “Okay, talk to me then.” No. I’m not going to talk to you when you’ve just proved to me that you’re not a safe person to talk to. Just because it was so easy for her to just detach doesn’t mean it’s not for me. She’s had such a vastly different experience in this house and she refuses to see my perspective. I’m so done.

TW : SH

I’m going to France to see family in two days and I have a load of self harm scars on my arms and legs. They’re all healed, but still quite fresh and very noticeable. I didn’t think about this in advance, and don’t have time to get a new swimsuit with sleeves or shorts. I don’t have any waterproof makeup, and even if I did, they’re quite textured so it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I’m not asking for advice on how to cover them because that seems unlikely, plus I’m probably going to have to wear shorts and tee-shirts since it’s going to be quite hot and I’ve given up on dying of heat stroke. I’m more looking for advice on the mental part of it and how to get over them probably staring or asking about them. I’m not close enough that I’m comfortable talking to them about my mental health, but not distant enough that I can just write them off.

There are genuinely so few times in my life that I’ve felt genuine love and care come my way. My parents love me, I know that, but they’re also horrible people and incapable of showing that in a positive way. I have friends, but the vast majority of them don’t care much for me past spending a decent amount of time with me. I have a GF/ situationship and she was my best friend for many years, and I know that she loves me, but I think that she’s scared to show it because of what I’ve been through and I’ve sort of ruined that relationship now. I have another girl who I’m very close with, but I still put up so many barriers around her. I can tell that she cares for me and loves me, but I can’t feel it, if that makes sense. I’m just scared that I’m wired to never experience love.

I know that this is a vague and deep question, but genuinely. I have a handful of hobbies that I once genuinely enjoyed, but nothing really scratches that itch anymore. Even when I’m doing something that’s meant to feel good, the only positive emotion I’ll get is a dull sense of accomplishment for not laying in bed all day.