u/OneEyedC4t

I know there are a lot of posts about how to conquer "lust" on Christian subreddits. Most of these are actually about stopping porn addiction. I'd like to offer my commentary on what and why this is.

Now, before we begin, a couple of notes. We should all know what lust is from Matthew 5. I note that the wording "committed adultery with her already in his heart" is the main indicator. If your fantasy / imagination has you committing acts with a person that you are not authorized, such as anything with a married woman who isn't your wife, or sexuality and the precursors or what they look like naked for those you aren't married to, etc., if it is not authorized by God, it's lust to engage in this fantasy. If the thought just pops into your head, in my opinion, that's temptation, so push it away. No sin. But if you engage in it, fantasize about it, seek it, it's likely sin. But I like the sex addicts anonymous concept: if the glance lasts longer than 2 seconds, it's likely fantasy/lust.

Second, the Bible does NOT say masturbation is wrong. I would argue that if you are using it for stress relief, it is going to take over your life and become addiction. If you can't go on a trip and refrain for a week or more (like on a business trip or whatever), it might be problematic. But that's not my point. I don't recommend that married couples engage in separate masturbation, generally, but I'm just quickly glancing over this.

So back to the topic: why do we struggle with this? I'd offer several ideas. I don't follow (for instance) John Piper's absolutely awful, "if you would refrain from doing it if someone was holding a gun to your wife's head" etc. explanation. Piper shoots his mouth off regularly, and did so in this sermon quote that's on the internet. He clearly doesn't understand addiction. Addiction is trying anything to stop a behavior and you can't. Addiction rewires the brain.

First, I think we struggle because we have unmet needs. Genesis 1 has God saying it is not good for man to be alone. Now I am NOT saying this means the solution to lust/porn is to be married. In fact, the opposite: anyone who cannot stop watching porn is ineligible for marriage until they fix it. Why drag another person into your personal hell hole? God made you to be in relationships such as friendships, family, church, and ultimately if God wants it for you, marriage. That's why it seems to me that those who have the least social relationships are also usually the ones who struggle the most. See the Seven Desires of Every Heart book by Laaser & Laaser. We need healthy safe touch (not necessarily sexual). We need to feel chosen. To be loved. To be included. To be blessed. Denying our real emotional needs is madness, and no matter how stoic you think you are, you are lying to yourself if you deny that you have human emotional needs, no matter how small.

Second, I think we struggle because we are using porn/lust to deal with stress and possibly mental needs and illnesses. If we need to reduce our stress, we should exercise, meditate, read the Bible, pray, etc. Even with exercise, see Genesis 2: we were made to WORK the garden, not sit around. Psychological science has shown that those who are unemployed deal with tons of elevated anxiety and stress.

Third, it could signal a lack of relationship with God. Refusing to fill the spiritual needs in our lives (for Christians at least) can lead to a feeling of loneliness and alienation.

So recapping, psychological (stress), emotional (needs), spiritual (God), social (others). I am not saying it is only these 4 things. But I am asking you to consider these factors if you struggle. I am no expert but I'm 8 years sober from porn by the grace of God, soli Deo Gloria. I am simply blessed that God chose to pull me out of the septic tank I jumped into. And God wants to do this for you, too.

I know there are a lot of posts about how to conquer "lust" on Christian subreddits. Most of these are actually about stopping porn addiction. I'd like to offer my commentary on what and why this is.

Now, before we begin, a couple of notes. We should all know what lust is from Matthew 5. I note that the wording "committed adultery with her already in his heart" is the main indicator. If your fantasy / imagination has you committing acts with a person that you are not authorized, such as anything with a married woman who isn't your wife, or sexuality and the precursors or what they look like naked for those you aren't married to, etc., if it is not authorized by God, it's lust to engage in this fantasy. If the thought just pops into your head, in my opinion, that's temptation, so push it away. No sin. But if you engage in it, fantasize about it, seek it, it's likely sin. But I like the sex addicts anonymous concept: if the glance lasts longer than 2 seconds, it's likely fantasy/lust.

Second, the Bible does NOT say masturbation is wrong. I would argue that if you are using it for stress relief, it is going to take over your life and become addiction. If you can't go on a trip and refrain for a week or more (like on a business trip or whatever), it might be problematic. But that's not my point. I don't recommend that married couples engage in separate masturbation, generally, but I'm just quickly glancing over this.

So back to the topic: why do we struggle with this? I'd offer several ideas. I don't follow (for instance) John Piper's absolutely awful, "if you would refrain from doing it if someone was holding a gun to your wife's head" etc. explanation. Piper shoots his mouth off regularly, and did so in this sermon quote that's on the internet. He clearly doesn't understand addiction. Addiction is trying anything to stop a behavior and you can't. Addiction rewires the brain.

First, I think we struggle because we have unmet needs. Genesis 1 has God saying it is not good for man to be alone. Now I am NOT saying this means the solution to lust/porn is to be married. In fact, the opposite: anyone who cannot stop watching porn is ineligible for marriage until they fix it. Why drag another person into your personal hell hole? God made you to be in relationships such as friendships, family, church, and ultimately if God wants it for you, marriage. That's why it seems to me that those who have the least social relationships are also usually the ones who struggle the most. See the Seven Desires of Every Heart book by Laaser & Laaser. We need healthy safe touch (not necessarily sexual). We need to feel chosen. To be loved. To be included. To be blessed. Denying our real emotional needs is madness, and no matter how stoic you think you are, you are lying to yourself if you deny that you have human emotional needs, no matter how small.

Second, I think we struggle because we are using porn/lust to deal with stress and possibly mental needs and illnesses. If we need to reduce our stress, we should exercise, meditate, read the Bible, pray, etc. Even with exercise, see Genesis 2: we were made to WORK the garden, not sit around. Psychological science has shown that those who are unemployed deal with tons of elevated anxiety and stress.

Third, it could signal a lack of relationship with God. Refusing to fill the spiritual needs in our lives (for Christians at least) can lead to a feeling of loneliness and alienation.

So recapping, psychological (stress), emotional (needs), spiritual (God), social (others). I am not saying it is only these 4 things. But I am asking you to consider these factors if you struggle. I am no expert but I'm 8 years sober from porn by the grace of God, soli Deo Gloria. I am simply blessed that God chose to pull me out of the septic tank I jumped into. And God wants to do this for you, too.

I wanted to write something encouraging for people. This is basically the sum of all my knowledge and experience about porn addiction (a subtype of sex addiction). I am not a professional. But in terms of what porn addiction is, here's my slightly educated opinion.

Addictions aren't just one thing or another, in my opinion. For example, Dr. Patrick Carnes found in a research project with 1000 people with a sex addiction that 97% had experienced abuse, trauma, neglect, and/or mental health. In my opinion, this means that usually people are self-medicating something with a porn addiction.

Why does it happen? I think one aspect is psychologically, people are self-medicating, but another aspect is that they are trying to medicate unfulfilled emotional needs (like the need for companionship, safe touch (not necessarily sexual), belonging, being loved, being chosen, etc.). (Per Dr. & Mrs Laaser, The Seven Desires of Every Heart).

It can also become convenience. It sort of fits the general constellation of symptoms considered "incel," but when it is easier for a person to use porn than to find a date or have meaningful friendships and other relationships, they may take the lazy way out. I'm not saying this to shame someone so much as to point out that it is easier to turn on porn than to find and maintain a relationship. Just being honest: I spend more time maintaining my marriage by far than I spend having sex with my wife. But of course I'm married because I want to truly satisfy my relationship and emotional needs, and do the same for her. It's worth being married, I'm just saying laziness can creep into things.

As for science, it's also a supernatural stimulus. Not to be crass, but the hand can do things the vagina cannot. Not to be crass, but nearly always, the women in porn are 1 abnormally beautiful (usually cosmetic surgery) and/or 2 abnormally receptive (doing things that one could argue a self-respecting person would not, or being willing to have sex with basically anyone). They are often 3 able to go an abnormally long time and 4 the sheer variety of all the women on even a basic porn website is unrealistic (try having a relationship with a dozen women in real life all at the same time). and 5 in those videos the relationship is entirely skipped (possibly the laziness/convenience factor). In a scientific experiment, a cardboard butterfly was constructed that was abnormally vividly colorful (to match what the males are programmed to seek out). Male butterflies ignored female butterflies in the cage with them and tried repeatedly to mate with the fake cardboard butterfly, to the point where they nearly killed themselves with exhaustion. Porn is the supernormal stimulus (look up the wiki if you want). It isn't real.

This leads to other adjacent thinking problems like, for single people, "if I just find a partner that is 'top 10' beautiful, I won't need porn." Many have discovered that they indeed found that top 1% partner and yet they still ended up in porn. Many men who have come out in the public to talk about the dangers of porn: you can look up their partner (not for perverted reasons) and see what I mean. It was never the sex. Porn is a supernormal stimulus that no partner can compete with.

Lastly, one of the main things I've noticed about porn is it ended up making me "slippery," a term for a person with plenty of acquaintances but no real friendships. As an extrovert, I'd still feel completely alone in crowds and at social events. I had sunk into a pattern of talking to people for what they can give me, not for their good. Changing this pattern in my life helped me immensely. Learning to ask questions about the person. Getting to know THEM. I found that seeking to meet the friendship needs of others (Within reason) led to me having my own emotional needs met and feeling better.

Now in my own life, sure, I had tons to learn. I have generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and I had a porn addiction. Now my life is way better. I can't promise that doing the things I tend to post will help everyone. It's only my experience, after all. But I think that it's helpful to think about this problem as much more than just a plain addiction, just something to stop. When you stop it, ok, but what will you put in its place? Nature abhors a vacuum. Learn to care for yourself and love yourself. You are worth it, even if you feel like you aren't.

I wanted to write something encouraging for people. This is basically the sum of all my knowledge and experience about porn addiction (a subtype of sex addiction). I am not a professional. But in terms of what porn addiction is, here's my slightly educated opinion.

Addictions aren't just one thing or another, in my opinion. For example, Dr. Patrick Carnes found in a research project with 1000 people with a sex addiction that 97% had experienced abuse, trauma, neglect, and/or mental health. In my opinion, this means that usually people are self-medicating something with a porn addiction.

Why does it happen? I think one aspect is psychologically, people are self-medicating, but another aspect is that they are trying to medicate unfulfilled emotional needs (like the need for companionship, safe touch (not necessarily sexual), belonging, being loved, being chosen, etc.). (Per Dr. & Mrs Laaser, The Seven Desires of Every Heart).

It can also become convenience. It sort of fits the general constellation of symptoms considered "incel," but when it is easier for a person to use porn than to find a date or have meaningful friendships and other relationships, they may take the lazy way out. I'm not saying this to shame someone so much as to point out that it is easier to turn on porn than to find and maintain a relationship. Just being honest: I spend more time maintaining my marriage by far than I spend having sex with my wife. But of course I'm married because I want to truly satisfy my relationship and emotional needs, and do the same for her. It's worth being married, I'm just saying laziness can creep into things.

As for science, it's also a supernatural stimulus. Not to be crass, but the hand can do things the vagina cannot. Not to be crass, but nearly always, the women in porn are 1 abnormally beautiful (usually cosmetic surgery) and/or 2 abnormally receptive (doing things that one could argue a self-respecting person would not, or being willing to have sex with basically anyone). They are often 3 able to go an abnormally long time and 4 the sheer variety of all the women on even a basic porn website is unrealistic (try having a relationship with a dozen women in real life all at the same time). and 5 in those videos the relationship is entirely skipped (possibly the laziness/convenience factor). In a scientific experiment, a cardboard butterfly was constructed that was abnormally vividly colorful (to match what the males are programmed to seek out). Male butterflies ignored female butterflies in the cage with them and tried repeatedly to mate with the fake cardboard butterfly, to the point where they nearly killed themselves with exhaustion. Porn is the supernormal stimulus (look up the wiki if you want). It isn't real.

This leads to other adjacent thinking problems like, for single people, "if I just find a partner that is 'top 10' beautiful, I won't need porn." Many have discovered that they indeed found that top 1% partner and yet they still ended up in porn. Many men who have come out in the public to talk about the dangers of porn: you can look up their partner (not for perverted reasons) and see what I mean. It was never the sex. Porn is a supernormal stimulus that no partner can compete with.

Lastly, one of the main things I've noticed about porn is it ended up making me "slippery," a term for a person with plenty of acquaintances but no real friendships. As an extrovert, I'd still feel completely alone in crowds and at social events. I had sunk into a pattern of talking to people for what they can give me, not for their good. Changing this pattern in my life helped me immensely. Learning to ask questions about the person. Getting to know THEM. I found that seeking to meet the friendship needs of others (Within reason) led to me having my own emotional needs met and feeling better.

Now in my own life, sure, I had tons to learn. I have generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and I had a porn addiction. Now my life is way better. I can't promise that doing the things I tend to post will help everyone. It's only my experience, after all. But I think that it's helpful to think about this problem as much more than just a plain addiction, just something to stop. When you stop it, ok, but what will you put in its place? Nature abhors a vacuum. Learn to care for yourself and love yourself. You are worth it, even if you feel like you aren't.

I wanted to write something encouraging for people. This is basically the sum of all my knowledge and experience about porn addiction (a subtype of sex addiction). I am not a professional. But in terms of what porn addiction is, here's my slightly educated opinion.

Addictions aren't just one thing or another, in my opinion. For example, Dr. Patrick Carnes found in a research project with 1000 people with a sex addiction that 97% had experienced abuse, trauma, neglect, and/or mental health. In my opinion, this means that usually people are self-medicating something with a porn addiction.

Why does it happen? I think one aspect is psychologically, people are self-medicating, but another aspect is that they are trying to medicate unfulfilled emotional needs (like the need for companionship, safe touch (not necessarily sexual), belonging, being loved, being chosen, etc.). (Per Dr. & Mrs Laaser, The Seven Desires of Every Heart).

It can also become convenience. It sort of fits the general constellation of symptoms considered "incel," but when it is easier for a person to use porn than to find a date or have meaningful friendships and other relationships, they may take the lazy way out. I'm not saying this to shame someone so much as to point out that it is easier to turn on porn than to find and maintain a relationship. Just being honest: I spend more time maintaining my marriage by far than I spend having sex with my wife. But of course I'm married because I want to truly satisfy my relationship and emotional needs, and do the same for her. It's worth being married, I'm just saying laziness can creep into things.

As for science, it's also a supernatural stimulus. Not to be crass, but the hand can do things the vagina cannot. Not to be crass, but nearly always, the women in porn are 1 abnormally beautiful (usually cosmetic surgery) and/or 2 abnormally receptive (doing things that one could argue a self-respecting person would not, or being willing to have sex with basically anyone). They are often 3 able to go an abnormally long time and 4 the sheer variety of all the women on even a basic porn website is unrealistic (try having a relationship with a dozen women in real life all at the same time). and 5 in those videos the relationship is entirely skipped (possibly the laziness/convenience factor). In a scientific experiment, a cardboard butterfly was constructed that was abnormally vividly colorful (to match what the males are programmed to seek out). Male butterflies ignored female butterflies in the cage with them and tried repeatedly to mate with the fake cardboard butterfly, to the point where they nearly killed themselves with exhaustion. Porn is the supernormal stimulus (look up the wiki if you want). It isn't real.

This leads to other adjacent thinking problems like, for single people, "if I just find a partner that is 'top 10' beautiful, I won't need porn." Many have discovered that they indeed found that top 1% partner and yet they still ended up in porn. Many men who have come out in the public to talk about the dangers of porn: you can look up their partner (not for perverted reasons) and see what I mean. It was never the sex. Porn is a supernormal stimulus that no partner can compete with.

Lastly, one of the main things I've noticed about porn is it ended up making me "slippery," a term for a person with plenty of acquaintances but no real friendships. As an extrovert, I'd still feel completely alone in crowds and at social events. I had sunk into a pattern of talking to people for what they can give me, not for their good. Changing this pattern in my life helped me immensely. Learning to ask questions about the person. Getting to know THEM. I found that seeking to meet the friendship needs of others (Within reason) led to me having my own emotional needs met and feeling better.

Now in my own life, sure, I had tons to learn. I have generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and I had a porn addiction. Now my life is way better. I can't promise that doing the things I tend to post will help everyone. It's only my experience, after all. But I think that it's helpful to think about this problem as much more than just a plain addiction, just something to stop. When you stop it, ok, but what will you put in its place? Nature abhors a vacuum. Learn to care for yourself and love yourself. You are worth it, even if you feel like you aren't.

I wanted to write something encouraging for people. This is basically the sum of all my knowledge and experience about porn addiction (a subtype of sex addiction). I am not a professional. But in terms of what porn addiction is, here's my slightly educated opinion.

Addictions aren't just one thing or another, in my opinion. For example, Dr. Patrick Carnes found in a research project with 1000 people with a sex addiction that 97% had experienced abuse, trauma, neglect, and/or mental health. In my opinion, this means that usually people are self-medicating something with a porn addiction.

Why does it happen? I think one aspect is psychologically, people are self-medicating, but another aspect is that they are trying to medicate unfulfilled emotional needs (like the need for companionship, safe touch (not necessarily sexual), belonging, being loved, being chosen, etc.). (Per Dr. & Mrs Laaser, The Seven Desires of Every Heart).

It can also become convenience. It sort of fits the general constellation of symptoms considered "incel," but when it is easier for a person to use porn than to find a date or have meaningful friendships and other relationships, they may take the lazy way out. I'm not saying this to shame someone so much as to point out that it is easier to turn on porn than to find and maintain a relationship. Just being honest: I spend more time maintaining my marriage by far than I spend having sex with my wife. But of course I'm married because I want to truly satisfy my relationship and emotional needs, and do the same for her. It's worth being married, I'm just saying laziness can creep into things.

As for science, it's also a supernatural stimulus. Not to be crass, but the hand can do things the vagina cannot. Not to be crass, but nearly always, the women in porn are 1 abnormally beautiful (usually cosmetic surgery) and/or 2 abnormally receptive (doing things that one could argue a self-respecting person would not, or being willing to have sex with basically anyone). They are often 3 able to go an abnormally long time and 4 the sheer variety of all the women on even a basic porn website is unrealistic (try having a relationship with a dozen women in real life all at the same time). and 5 in those videos the relationship is entirely skipped (possibly the laziness/convenience factor). In a scientific experiment, a cardboard butterfly was constructed that was abnormally vividly colorful (to match what the males are programmed to seek out). Male butterflies ignored female butterflies in the cage with them and tried repeatedly to mate with the fake cardboard butterfly, to the point where they nearly killed themselves with exhaustion. Porn is the supernormal stimulus (look up the wiki if you want). It isn't real.

This leads to other adjacent thinking problems like, for single people, "if I just find a partner that is 'top 10' beautiful, I won't need porn." Many have discovered that they indeed found that top 1% partner and yet they still ended up in porn. Many men who have come out in the public to talk about the dangers of porn: you can look up their partner (not for perverted reasons) and see what I mean. It was never the sex. Porn is a supernormal stimulus that no partner can compete with.

Lastly, one of the main things I've noticed about porn is it ended up making me "slippery," a term for a person with plenty of acquaintances but no real friendships. As an extrovert, I'd still feel completely alone in crowds and at social events. I had sunk into a pattern of talking to people for what they can give me, not for their good. Changing this pattern in my life helped me immensely. Learning to ask questions about the person. Getting to know THEM. I found that seeking to meet the friendship needs of others (Within reason) led to me having my own emotional needs met and feeling better.

Now in my own life, sure, I had tons to learn. I have generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and I had a porn addiction. Now my life is way better. I can't promise that doing the things I tend to post will help everyone. It's only my experience, after all. But I think that it's helpful to think about this problem as much more than just a plain addiction, just something to stop. When you stop it, ok, but what will you put in its place? Nature abhors a vacuum. Learn to care for yourself and love yourself. You are worth it, even if you feel like you aren't.

I wanted to write something encouraging for people. This is basically the sum of all my knowledge and experience about porn addiction (a subtype of sex addiction). I am not a professional. But in terms of what porn addiction is, here's my slightly educated opinion.

Addictions aren't just one thing or another, in my opinion. For example, Dr. Patrick Carnes found in a research project with 1000 people with a sex addiction that 97% had experienced abuse, trauma, neglect, and/or mental health. In my opinion, this means that usually people are self-medicating something with a porn addiction.

Why does it happen? I think one aspect is psychologically, people are self-medicating, but another aspect is that they are trying to medicate unfulfilled emotional needs (like the need for companionship, safe touch (not necessarily sexual), belonging, being loved, being chosen, etc.). (Per Dr. & Mrs Laaser, The Seven Desires of Every Heart).

It can also become convenience. It sort of fits the general constellation of symptoms considered "incel," but when it is easier for a person to use porn than to find a date or have meaningful friendships and other relationships, they may take the lazy way out. I'm not saying this to shame someone so much as to point out that it is easier to turn on porn than to find and maintain a relationship. Just being honest: I spend more time maintaining my marriage by far than I spend having sex with my wife. But of course I'm married because I want to truly satisfy my relationship and emotional needs, and do the same for her. It's worth being married, I'm just saying laziness can creep into things.

As for science, it's also a supernatural stimulus. Not to be crass, but the hand can do things the vagina cannot. Not to be crass, but nearly always, the women in porn are 1 abnormally beautiful (usually cosmetic surgery) and/or 2 abnormally receptive (doing things that one could argue a self-respecting person would not, or being willing to have sex with basically anyone). They are often 3 able to go an abnormally long time and 4 the sheer variety of all the women on even a basic porn website is unrealistic (try having a relationship with a dozen women in real life all at the same time). and 5 in those videos the relationship is entirely skipped (possibly the laziness/convenience factor). In a scientific experiment, a cardboard butterfly was constructed that was abnormally vividly colorful (to match what the males are programmed to seek out). Male butterflies ignored female butterflies in the cage with them and tried repeatedly to mate with the fake cardboard butterfly, to the point where they nearly killed themselves with exhaustion. Porn is the supernormal stimulus (look up the wiki if you want). It isn't real.

This leads to other adjacent thinking problems like, for single people, "if I just find a partner that is 'top 10' beautiful, I won't need porn." Many have discovered that they indeed found that top 1% partner and yet they still ended up in porn. Many men who have come out in the public to talk about the dangers of porn: you can look up their partner (not for perverted reasons) and see what I mean. It was never the sex. Porn is a supernormal stimulus that no partner can compete with.

Lastly, one of the main things I've noticed about porn is it ended up making me "slippery," a term for a person with plenty of acquaintances but no real friendships. As an extrovert, I'd still feel completely alone in crowds and at social events. I had sunk into a pattern of talking to people for what they can give me, not for their good. Changing this pattern in my life helped me immensely. Learning to ask questions about the person. Getting to know THEM. I found that seeking to meet the friendship needs of others (Within reason) led to me having my own emotional needs met and feeling better.

Now in my own life, sure, I had tons to learn. I have generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and I had a porn addiction. Now my life is way better. I can't promise that doing the things I tend to post will help everyone. It's only my experience, after all. But I think that it's helpful to think about this problem as much more than just a plain addiction, just something to stop. When you stop it, ok, but what will you put in its place? Nature abhors a vacuum. Learn to care for yourself and love yourself. You are worth it, even if you feel like you aren't.

I didn't know how else to title this, but I wanted to speak out of my own experience here. I'm 8 years sober from pornography and erotica. But I noticed something.

For some of us, the temptations go away after 3-5 years or so. I would like to say I think such people are blessed. But for me, the temptations haven't gone away so much as I have become far stronger. It's become easier and easier to say "no."

You see, our minds (neuroplasticity) can be like a path in the woods. If we stop taking the bad path (acting out), sure, eventually the shrubs and grass take over the path. But it's not like we can't take the path even after it's been years and the path seems lost.

The temptation for me to do something wrong is always there, and my mind is always coming up with new and sometimes shocking ways for me to act out. It was never really about the sex, it was about self-medicating anxiety and loneliness, at least for me.

The new path I have traveled in my mind is like the well-worn path of saying "no." But the old path is always there, no matter how obscure.

I cannot ever rest on my laurels and think that I don't need to stay in a recovery mindset any more. I still do not watch shows that have sex even though I've been sober 8 years. Sure, "I think I can handle this," and I might be able to. But the risk to my sobriety, the risk to metaphorically stabbing my wife in the heart, is too great for me. Sometimes risk isn't about how improbable it is and more about how severe the consequences are if I give in.

I can always choose to watch porn. I can always choose to even indulge in the vestiges of porn videos that are stuck in my brain. But I use thought stopping. I stick to my program. Many of you may have seen my laundry list of how I got sober. That was for the first 2 years or so. I don't have to go to SAA every week. I don't have to see a CSAT therapist every month any more. The majority of the heavy lifting has been done.

But if I am about to claw my way out of my own skin with temptation, I know what to do, and I can go back to SAA if I need to.

Most of this is learning to become comfortable in my own skin. Mainly learning to combat anxiety and loneliness. For me, sex addiction (porn addiction) was a sign that I needed to handle my emotional needs. No matter how tough a man you are, you have emotions. I couldn't deny my emotional needs even though I had been trying to. I was usually smart enough to outsmart the consequences to my actions but eventually it all caught up with me.

But today I am grateful that someone told me about SAA and that 8 years ago, I made the choice to get sober. It was tough as hell. But it was worth it. Now my relationship with my wife is near perfect and very rewarding. Now I am about to get my therapist license (I plan on becoming a CSAT), as I graduate this week. I am grateful for the people at SAA my first day who confronted me over what the problem really is. I am grateful to God. And I am grateful for everyone else in recovery.

I didn't know how else to title this, but I wanted to speak out of my own experience here. I'm 8 years sober from pornography and erotica. But I noticed something.

For some of us, the temptations go away after 3-5 years or so. I would like to say I think such people are blessed. But for me, the temptations haven't gone away so much as I have become far stronger. It's become easier and easier to say "no."

You see, our minds (neuroplasticity) can be like a path in the woods. If we stop taking the bad path (acting out), sure, eventually the shrubs and grass take over the path. But it's not like we can't take the path even after it's been years and the path seems lost.

The temptation for me to do something wrong is always there, and my mind is always coming up with new and sometimes shocking ways for me to act out. It was never really about the sex, it was about self-medicating anxiety and loneliness, at least for me.

The new path I have traveled in my mind is like the well-worn path of saying "no." But the old path is always there, no matter how obscure.

I cannot ever rest on my laurels and think that I don't need to stay in a recovery mindset any more. I still do not watch shows that have sex even though I've been sober 8 years. Sure, "I think I can handle this," and I might be able to. But the risk to my sobriety, the risk to metaphorically stabbing my wife in the heart, is too great for me. Sometimes risk isn't about how improbable it is and more about how severe the consequences are if I give in.

I can always choose to watch porn. I can always choose to even indulge in the vestiges of porn videos that are stuck in my brain. But I use thought stopping. I stick to my program. Many of you may have seen my laundry list of how I got sober. That was for the first 2 years or so. I don't have to go to SAA every week. I don't have to see a CSAT therapist every month any more. The majority of the heavy lifting has been done.

But if I am about to claw my way out of my own skin with temptation, I know what to do, and I can go back to SAA if I need to.

Most of this is learning to become comfortable in my own skin. Mainly learning to combat anxiety and loneliness. For me, sex addiction (porn addiction) was a sign that I needed to handle my emotional needs. No matter how tough a man you are, you have emotions. I couldn't deny my emotional needs even though I had been trying to. I was usually smart enough to outsmart the consequences to my actions but eventually it all caught up with me.

But today I am grateful that someone told me about SAA and that 8 years ago, I made the choice to get sober. It was tough as hell. But it was worth it. Now my relationship with my wife is near perfect and very rewarding. Now I am about to get my therapist license (I plan on becoming a CSAT), as I graduate this week. I am grateful for the people at SAA my first day who confronted me over what the problem really is. I am grateful to God. And I am grateful for everyone else in recovery.

I didn't know how else to title this, but I wanted to speak out of my own experience here. I'm 8 years sober from pornography and erotica. But I noticed something.

For some of us, the temptations go away after 3-5 years or so. I would like to say I think such people are blessed. But for me, the temptations haven't gone away so much as I have become far stronger. It's become easier and easier to say "no."

You see, our minds (neuroplasticity) can be like a path in the woods. If we stop taking the bad path (acting out), sure, eventually the shrubs and grass take over the path. But it's not like we can't take the path even after it's been years and the path seems lost.

The temptation for me to do something wrong is always there, and my mind is always coming up with new and sometimes shocking ways for me to act out. It was never really about the sex, it was about self-medicating anxiety and loneliness, at least for me.

The new path I have traveled in my mind is like the well-worn path of saying "no." But the old path is always there, no matter how obscure.

I cannot ever rest on my laurels and think that I don't need to stay in a recovery mindset any more. I still do not watch shows that have sex even though I've been sober 8 years. Sure, "I think I can handle this," and I might be able to. But the risk to my sobriety, the risk to metaphorically stabbing my wife in the heart, is too great for me. Sometimes risk isn't about how improbable it is and more about how severe the consequences are if I give in.

I can always choose to watch porn. I can always choose to even indulge in the vestiges of porn videos that are stuck in my brain. But I use thought stopping. I stick to my program. Many of you may have seen my laundry list of how I got sober. That was for the first 2 years or so. I don't have to go to SAA every week. I don't have to see a CSAT therapist every month any more. The majority of the heavy lifting has been done.

But if I am about to claw my way out of my own skin with temptation, I know what to do, and I can go back to SAA if I need to.

Most of this is learning to become comfortable in my own skin. Mainly learning to combat anxiety and loneliness. For me, sex addiction (porn addiction) was a sign that I needed to handle my emotional needs. No matter how tough a man you are, you have emotions. I couldn't deny my emotional needs even though I had been trying to. I was usually smart enough to outsmart the consequences to my actions but eventually it all caught up with me.

But today I am grateful that someone told me about SAA and that 8 years ago, I made the choice to get sober. It was tough as hell. But it was worth it. Now my relationship with my wife is near perfect and very rewarding. Now I am about to get my therapist license (I plan on becoming a CSAT), as I graduate this week. I am grateful for the people at SAA my first day who confronted me over what the problem really is. I am grateful to God. And I am grateful for everyone else in recovery.

I didn't know how else to title this, but I wanted to speak out of my own experience here. I'm 8 years sober from pornography and erotica. But I noticed something.

For some of us, the temptations go away after 3-5 years or so. I would like to say I think such people are blessed. But for me, the temptations haven't gone away so much as I have become far stronger. It's become easier and easier to say "no."

You see, our minds (neuroplasticity) can be like a path in the woods. If we stop taking the bad path (acting out), sure, eventually the shrubs and grass take over the path. But it's not like we can't take the path even after it's been years and the path seems lost.

The temptation for me to do something wrong is always there, and my mind is always coming up with new and sometimes shocking ways for me to act out. It was never really about the sex, it was about self-medicating anxiety and loneliness, at least for me.

The new path I have traveled in my mind is like the well-worn path of saying "no." But the old path is always there, no matter how obscure.

I cannot ever rest on my laurels and think that I don't need to stay in a recovery mindset any more. I still do not watch shows that have sex even though I've been sober 8 years. Sure, "I think I can handle this," and I might be able to. But the risk to my sobriety, the risk to metaphorically stabbing my wife in the heart, is too great for me. Sometimes risk isn't about how improbable it is and more about how severe the consequences are if I give in.

I can always choose to watch porn. I can always choose to even indulge in the vestiges of porn videos that are stuck in my brain. But I use thought stopping. I stick to my program. Many of you may have seen my laundry list of how I got sober. That was for the first 2 years or so. I don't have to go to SAA every week. I don't have to see a CSAT therapist every month any more. The majority of the heavy lifting has been done.

But if I am about to claw my way out of my own skin with temptation, I know what to do, and I can go back to SAA if I need to.

Most of this is learning to become comfortable in my own skin. Mainly learning to combat anxiety and loneliness. For me, sex addiction (porn addiction) was a sign that I needed to handle my emotional needs. No matter how tough a man you are, you have emotions. I couldn't deny my emotional needs even though I had been trying to. I was usually smart enough to outsmart the consequences to my actions but eventually it all caught up with me.

But today I am grateful that someone told me about SAA and that 8 years ago, I made the choice to get sober. It was tough as hell. But it was worth it. Now my relationship with my wife is near perfect and very rewarding. Now I am about to get my therapist license (I plan on becoming a CSAT), as I graduate this week. I am grateful for the people at SAA my first day who confronted me over what the problem really is. I am grateful to God. And I am grateful for everyone else in recovery.

I didn't know how else to title this, but I wanted to speak out of my own experience here. I'm 8 years sober from pornography and erotica. But I noticed something.

For some of us, the temptations go away after 3-5 years or so. I would like to say I think such people are blessed. But for me, the temptations haven't gone away so much as I have become far stronger. It's become easier and easier to say "no."

You see, our minds (neuroplasticity) can be like a path in the woods. If we stop taking the bad path (acting out), sure, eventually the shrubs and grass take over the path. But it's not like we can't take the path even after it's been years and the path seems lost.

The temptation for me to do something wrong is always there, and my mind is always coming up with new and sometimes shocking ways for me to act out. It was never really about the sex, it was about self-medicating anxiety and loneliness, at least for me.

The new path I have traveled in my mind is like the well-worn path of saying "no." But the old path is always there, no matter how obscure.

I cannot ever rest on my laurels and think that I don't need to stay in a recovery mindset any more. I still do not watch shows that have sex even though I've been sober 8 years. Sure, "I think I can handle this," and I might be able to. But the risk to my sobriety, the risk to metaphorically stabbing my wife in the heart, is too great for me. Sometimes risk isn't about how improbable it is and more about how severe the consequences are if I give in.

I can always choose to watch porn. I can always choose to even indulge in the vestiges of porn videos that are stuck in my brain. But I use thought stopping. I stick to my program. Many of you may have seen my laundry list of how I got sober. That was for the first 2 years or so. I don't have to go to SAA every week. I don't have to see a CSAT therapist every month any more. The majority of the heavy lifting has been done.

But if I am about to claw my way out of my own skin with temptation, I know what to do, and I can go back to SAA if I need to.

Most of this is learning to become comfortable in my own skin. Mainly learning to combat anxiety and loneliness. For me, sex addiction (porn addiction) was a sign that I needed to handle my emotional needs. No matter how tough a man you are, you have emotions. I couldn't deny my emotional needs even though I had been trying to. I was usually smart enough to outsmart the consequences to my actions but eventually it all caught up with me.

But today I am grateful that someone told me about SAA and that 8 years ago, I made the choice to get sober. It was tough as hell. But it was worth it. Now my relationship with my wife is near perfect and very rewarding. Now I am about to get my therapist license (I plan on becoming a CSAT), as I graduate this week. I am grateful for the people at SAA my first day who confronted me over what the problem really is. I am grateful to God. And I am grateful for everyone else in recovery.