u/OneManAround

i was in college with bunch of Indian guys and still work with many, since I’m in tech. the ones who were born-and-raised in America are fine but the expats be crazy when talking about dating.

their first priority is always to get married for some reason, when we discuss dating and relationships. there is no thought about testing out or seeing who or what you like, it’s always “i want to find love and get married”. i don’t even think i’ve seen mormons like them.

the reason i don’t pass it off as culture is because i’ve met many indian women and they are almost never like that - so many of them seem to fine with normal dating and casual sex and so on. why are the men there suddenly so much on the obsessive treadmill of getting married asap?

edit: I understand that generalizing is bad but it’s kind of hard to ignore as a trend, when I have such a big sample space. I literally know some good-looking, very socially fluent Indian guys who also seem to think the same. 

I’m a 5’3” 24yo guy in a very, very big city. I have 6 clear pictures and filled out bio and prompts. Very rarely get likes or matches and when I do, they do not reply or put in effort into the conversation. Been on the apps for over 3 months now.

I swipe left on any remotely attractive women or party girls so I don’t think I’m aiming out of my league. I swipe left on any woman over 5’4” too. Age is kept between 21-27, distance is less than 15 miles. I think I am fairly reasonable.

Am I fucked because of my height?

I saw that woman’s post about not having female clients, so thought about asking my case.

I work as a personal trainer in my society gym alongside another woman, during the evenings. We’re both fairly and visibly fit, yet most of the adult female clients tend to ask for (and pay) me as their trainer, while she gets teenagers and old uncles/aunties.

Loads of men have huge egos about being helped out so they don’t ask, I suppose. But pretty much any adult woman that comes for a dedicated trainer always asks for me - even if I actively suggest these ladies to go to my coworker, they still say they’d go for me or do it without a trainer.

We both have the same work hours (same company), so we can’t take different times exactly and anyway the society hires a separate person for mornings. Fwiw, she’s visibly fit, well-spoken and clearly competent, and very personable.

How do I usher women to go to her as a client?

I don’t know to get less attractive/unattractive women on my “feed” on dating apps. I seem to only see attractive women on my view on dating apps and never the ordinary looking ladies. I am a very unattractive man and these women I have no chance with so swipe left on all, and I’d like to see and swipe right on normal looking ladies.

I feel like dating‘s impossible for me if the only women I see or the only women that see my profile are these people. Is there any way to “trick” Tinder into making it not show hot people to you?

Fwiw, 24M in NYC, swiping between 18-27.

Any of you guys ever feel hopeless because women seem to be too impressive and as a result, you never a girlfriend, because you’ll never be able to reach that level?

Did you ever feel truly happy with her, wherein you genuinely liked her and found her attractive? Or has it always been someone you liked but didn’t find very attractive or someone you found attractive but didn’t like all that much? Someone you had to settle for because of a lack of options?Or been in a relationship where she obviously settled for you and wanted more/taller?

Have you ever had a relationship where there was love, desire, and all? Or is it just a pipe dream which is a life meant for taller men?

I don’t know if “feed” is the right word but I seem to only see attractive women on my view on dating apps and never the ordinary looking ladies. I am a very unattractive man and these women I have no chance with so swipe left on all, and I’d like to see and swipe right on normal looking ladies.

I feel like dating‘s impossible for me if the only women I see or the only women that see my profile are these people. Is there any way to “trick” Tinder into making it not show hot people to you?

Fwiw, 24M in NYC, swiping between 18-27.

Bengali in Bengaluru for the last 7 years, techbro with a sweet (rented) apartment, and a ironwill to not die alone.

I can speak in Bengali and Hindi, but far more comfortable with English as a first language. I read a ton across almost all genres. I love film (at a global level), film-making, and film-history. I love history in general too, so I read up a lot on this. Football is my choice of poison, which I play and watch weekly - and support a somewhat uncommonly supported European club.

I am, admittedly, slightly pretentious regarding books and movies, but I still enjoy of basic shit like FRIENDS, Harry Potter, LoTR, GoT, so on. My parents and extended family are chill as hell (most got love married) and will have no expectations of you to be sanskaari or Bengali. I am a potty-mouth, I drink, smoke up, so on - I care not if you do the same.

I consider myself a feminist, an ally, and just a generally progressive atheist, so I don’t believe someone on the more conservative/religious side will gel much with me. I grew up outside the country, so I have a slight preference for someone who’s done the same or at least grown up in a big city, just for compatibility.

I think I am kind, empathetic, and I’ve done a score of therapy sessions so I am less of an ass as compared to before. I am health-conscious so I always cook for myself and I am quite mean at that. I am no Monica, but I enjoy a clean environment and body. I have very limited dating and sexual experiences fwiw, to anyone that it matters to.

Superficialities (to get them out of the way):

I got those Lord Farquaad propertions - 5’3” guy, who everyone’s mother thinks is handsome, I am very fit, lean muscles with a 4-pack, and I gym 6 days a week, I still got hair on my head and I expect it there to last at least for the next 8 years, I have the entire Patrick Bateman-esque skincare routine, so I have a fairly enviable skin texture given where I live, and a lighter brown complexion for those who wanna envisage my face better.

Hope for someone 5’3” or shorter but happy to look up a couple of inches. Skinny or mid-size or thick or chubby, all’s wonderful; I do not expect an ounce of gym-work from yall dw. As long as you’re not sporting a beard, I don’t care much for how you look and complexion is as irrelevant as it could possibly be. Not expecting a fashionista or an MUA.

Hoping to find someone kind, mature, employed, and loyal. Do your thing, Reddit!

In the arranged marriage search (and quite aggressively so) for the last year, late 20s, Bengali, living and working in Tier-1, earning decently well, unattractive. I can veto, but my parents are the ones doing the green-flagging.

I do get “matched” often enough - but on chats, calls, and meetings, the ones I find attractive simply don’t show interest or seem actively annoyed at meeting me - at most, they just wanted me to “know” things about them or basically asked half-hidden questions about how much I can and am willing to spend on them. I’ve met some women, who I didn’t find attractive but were perfectly nice - should I go ahead?

Also, not to judge them, but I feel like so many of the women were people who have “lived their lives”, iykwim, and see me as a retirement home. Like women who partied, dated and slept around, but suddenly, because of arm-twisting from their mummy-daddy, have become exceptionally “sanskaari”. I don’t understand why change/hide their personality instead of going for men who have lived similar lifestyles like them. Why reel me into it?

Any other men who have been in the same position?

i am 5’3” and 24 and i only get likes/matches from women i don’t find attractive. not dissing them, just not my cuppa.

i feel like i am being too shallow because some of them seem like great people and given my height, there’s really no point of negotiation in this matter. there’s this one girl who seems like a really nice person and we’ve been on 2 (and a half) dates and i think she liked my company, but not really attracted to her

will it be unfair dating someone i don’t find attractive or am i just a shallow prick?

I am a 24m, working in a tier-I city; have grown up in and studied in other tier-I‘s too.

I have no dating experience and have never had any girls/women find me attractive all through school, college, and now workplace and adulthood. I have never gotten likes or matches on dating apps despite putting up 6 great pictures of me with a completely filled out profile on dating apps. I know this is all because I am 5’3“ and height is extremely important to (Indian) women.

All my friends are 5’9” and above and they do fine. My tall friends literally have women invite themselves over to their house after exchanging like 10 messages on the apps. I have learnt to resent women for this, even though I know it is not their fault - it is just a biological desire for you guys. When I see comments shitting on short men from women or them thirsting over tall men, I spiral and have really shitty thoughts about women.

I am not a bad person, at least I don’t think I am. I am fit, I am decent looking facially, I am groomed, I have interests, I read, I watch, I listen, I am kind and empathetic - which is not impressive, but I also don’t think I’m “off” all that much. My sister, parents, cousins and other members of extended family always ask about a ”girlfriend” and I feel so humiliated because I am almost 25 without any experience while they all are/were ”normal” - how can I explain that dating at my height doesn’t really happen at my height.

I have tried asking help on the more popular subs, but I feel like they all have very western opinions which do not help much.

I am a 24m, working in a tier-I city; have grown up in and studied in other tier-I‘s too.

I have no dating experience and have never had any girls/women find me attractive all through school, college, and now workplace and adulthood. I have never gotten likes or matches on dating apps despite putting up 6 great pictures of me with a completely filled out profile on dating apps. I know this is all because I am 5’3“ and height is extremely important to (Indian) women.

All my friends are 5’9” and above and they do fine. My tall friends literally have women invite themselves over to their house after exchanging like 10 messages on the apps. I have learnt to resent women for this, even though I know it is not their fault - it is just a biological desire for you guys. When I see comments shitting on short men from women or them thirsting over tall men, I spiral and have really shitty thoughts about women.

I am not a bad person, at least I don’t think I am. I am fit, I am decent looking facially, I am groomed, I have interests, I read, I watch, I listen, I am kind and empathetic - which is not impressive, but I also don’t think I’m “off” all that much. My sister, parents, cousins and other members of extended family always ask about a ”girlfriend” and I feel so humiliated because I am almost 25 without any experience while they all are/were ”normal” - how can I explain that dating at my height doesn’t really happen at my height.

I have tried asking help on the more popular subs, but I feel like they all have very western opinions which do not help much.

How can I stop my spiraling headspace?

I don’t mean pretty or hot, but the wealthy born and raised in a big city, perfect-looking type.

How are they different from average or even ordinarily attractive women?

Asking purely out of curiosity