u/Only_Imagination6257

my type fluctuates between INTP > INFP > INTJ > INFJ precisely in that order. I’ve taken multiple mbti tests and cognitive functions tests to see which one comes out the most and INTP marginally comes out on top but it fluctuates enough that I pause to think what is my ~actual~ mbti type. It’s all a bit perplexing. what I think the problem is is that I’m too nuanced. I’ve noticed that the majority of people aren’t multi faceted like I am therefore they can fit very easily into an mbti type and cognitive stack. I’m very interested in mbti & cognitive functions and the world of typology but I’m close to just discarding it because I’m not monolith and it shows in my results. for some quick insight, I asked people closest to me whether they think I’m a logic or feeler. my mom said she thinks I lean towards logical thinking but not to an extreme and the same from my two closest friends… with another saying I’m on the borderline between the two but eventually settling on saying I’m a “feeling logic”
I think I resonate with all their feedback but the last one confirms why it’s hard for me to be absolute on an mbti type for myself. some days I feel like a logic, others a feeling logic and sometimes a logical feeler. I don’t get along with hardcore logics as I find them too brash and I don’t like being around hardcore feelers because I feel suffocated by their overwhelming feelings but if I had to pick I’d choose logics as friends and a feeler as a romantic interest.
attached are my results

I’m a diagnosed ND with a few mental illnesses to keep it company (yay😐🥂) one of them being psychosis and in recent months I’ve been in and out of reality (not entirely, but somewhat. It’s complicated) anyhow, it’s dulled my Ti.

there are moments where I become my normal self again, my mind is sharp, I’m able to mentally steam roll through complex ideas and thinking about things in depths ignites something within me again… excitement to explore. however, this is always short lived before I’m submerged in the irrational thoughts of ocd & psychosis. unfortunately, these periods always last longer than the period I go back to being myself (or at least, the closest thing to myself)
anti-psychotics don’t help matters either… it drastically slows down my processing time so I feel like I’m very dumb. which I think as fellow INTPs you’ll understand how upsetting that can be as our mind and intellect is our prized possession or comfort place.

when I’m really struggling I behave illogically which I’ll be ashamed about when I’m by myself and have the time to reflect. I present more as an unhealthy INFP. I’m reactive, demanding and high strung on thoughts that aren’t real. sometimes I’m able to use my logic to get out of the self destructing loop of buying into what “voices” tell me but other times I crumble. however, my inferior Fe still remains which means even if I’m reactive or high strung I struggle immensely to talk about what’s going on in my mind. It makes this all the more challenging as I’m so used to dealing with my emotions inwardly and privately when I’m by myself so it’s hard to change that. I’m a VERY private person so the exposure is deeply unsettling.
my psychiatrist and I were talking and he said I’m “a very pragmatic person” which means getting certain messages across to me is hard in our appointments… and over the years when I’ve had psych admissions staff members have routinely said I present more as a more serious and articulate patient but that comes with so many woes as it means I have a ton of unresolved feelings and issues therefore the mental illness continues.

the reason for my post is that I’m curious to hear from fellow INTPs that have mental illness in some way and how do I stop punishing myself for being illogical when mental illness takes over? It makes me feel like a fraud somehow

I get so confused on what my type is