u/Otherwise-One-7700

It took my psychiatrist and I forever to figure out that I have bipolar disorder. I’m a stereotypical Greek Chicagoan woman with a little extra passion. I’ve always thought that this is just my personality 😂

Do you guys forget what the entire topic of conversation is in the middle of talking to someone while high? I mean REALLY forget. I have to act like I’m understanding and pretending to go along with it nodding as if I have any idea what’s going on. I could be extremely into the conversation and paying attention and this happens out of nowhere. I can’t figure out what we’re even talking about unless I ask “wait what?”

I love eating pussy. However, I’m not the greatest at it. I know exactly what to do in my mind, but I get nervous when I’m actually down there- nervous to advance too quickly. I’m constantly worried and asking myself, “Am I doing a good job,” “Too fast or too slow,” “Am I rushing into this or should I take my time on her more?” Most of my encounters are hookups or one night stands. When I ask what a woman likes, she’ll usually just say that I’m doing good. However, I usually get told to come back up to kiss her and use my fingers instead… within five minutes. Like girl I’m just getting started. I’m obviously doing something wrong. I LOVE foreplay, but I think I take my time down there a little bit too much.

So I ask for some advice:
How long do you wait once you’re down there to really go in and eat it like you’re licking a plate clean and sucking the pit out of a cherry? Do you even wait at all?

I (18+F) have been best friends with a girl for over half of our lives. We both eventually caught feelings for each other, and I was the one who drunkenly brought it to attention after we’d made out the last times we’d drank together. I knew she’d been thinking the same for a while now. The way we kissed felt like we were in love. It was a level of passion I’d never felt before. We both had to get our pent up feelings out.

Eventually when we calmed down, we had a talk. At that point in time, our lives were about to split in different directions for almost a year… so basically the worst time to try to start a relationship. I told her that I couldn’t keep my feelings in anymore because they’d just been amplified by the amount of meaningful time we’d spent before her moving away. I wanted her to move though. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that was going to benefit her. Our love for each other was reciprocated. I wish I could share the sweet words we did that were so personal. I’ve never felt this way about someone.

However, I told her that I wouldn’t want to start something knowing I couldn’t give it my all. She agreed and seemed to understand. I thought we were on the same page that it was a bad idea to move forward with anything because of how separate our lives were though. We had to get out what we were feeling though. It was so obvious to both of us how the other was feeling. If anything, I think it’s worse to hold it in than to express it. I also wanted to be smart. Why attempt a relationship when we wouldn’t be able to see each other for months? Why try something so hard now when we could acknowledge how we feel so that we could stop suffocating by keeping it in and instead agree that we’d find the right time to be together after our lives calm down?

We agreed that now wasn’t the time to start something. She even said if I find someone else, it’s fine. Then, we’re texting every day. I love talking to her so I didn’t mind the actual act of texting but knew it was turning into the “talking stage” or whatever people call it. This just turned into planning calls and missing each other. I thought we’d agreed to not make it hard. I thought what we’d experienced was not going to impact our daily lives. It was truly just a conversation we had to have to acknowledge that we’d both kept our feelings in, not because we didn’t think the other felt the same, but because we knew it wasn’t the right time. Right person wrong time kind of thing.

Months later, I go to the bar and hook up with someone. My friend and I were still keeping in touch, but we weren’t girlfriends. She finds out through a mutual friend that I got with a stranger at the bar, someone I felt zero emotional connection to. Ever just been drunk and in the mood? I wake up to texts as if I was cheating and now we haven’t spoken in months. I didn’t go fall in love with someone else. I didn’t cheat on her either because we were never dating. I’m still in love with her. One drunk night doesn’t change the years I’ve loved her for. I told her how my feelings never changed for her and I was just trying to distract myself from being sad in the moment, which is true. I’ve hooked up with a lot of people to cope with insecurities and feeling lonely, before and after this thing with her. I understand why what I did hurt her, but I don’t think what I did was inherently wrong either. If we’re not girlfriends, we can’t expect each other to only be with each other. We agreed to not be girlfriends because it’d make life too hard. It’d make me happy to see her in love, even if it’s with another person. I don’t care if she hooks up with 100 people. We’re young and at the same time, that’s my best friend. I want her to live it up and have the most fun. I just want her to be happy and I’m very sad that I haven’t been able to see her at all lately. I hope we see each other again soon but I don’t know where we stand. It’s been months since we last talked. I think about her every day. I regret hooking up with that stranger.

Whenever I drink, I drink too much. Every time I drink, I wake up the next morning wishing I never did, wishing I didn’t do or say the things I’ve done. I’ve broken friendships over this, faced legal charges, was at risk of losing my job, and almost got kicked out of college. I recently learned that I have bipolar disorder. It’s advised for me to avoid alcohol.

Here’s the thing:
I love the bars and I love the clubs. It’s the social aspect. I love meeting new people and dancing to loud music. I love making out with strangers. Alcohol makes this very easy for me, but I always take it too far. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times for drinking too much. I’ve thrown up blood before. I’ve had family members die from drinking too much, so I know this might be evolving into what’s genetic.

I struggle because I don’t know how to feel normal without it. I’m a constant over-thinker and it gets in the way of having fun. The most fun I’ve ever had was when I was drunk, but my biggest regrets are from times I’ve been drunk. I don’t know how to have fun without it and every week, I can’t wait for the weekend with so much excitement yet fear and dread for what might happen.

I’m only a 21 year old woman but don’t want this to progress. Not sure if this is something I can work hard to overcome or if I should really put my mind to being sober. I’ve tried finding hobbies that fulfill me but it’s been so hard since finding the ultimate high of being intoxicated. I feel alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I’m lost and don’t know how to move forward. I’m scared to enter my last year of college. I just turned 21 and my friends have been wanting to celebrate at bars and clubs but it’s hard to be around alcohol without drinking. I’ve slipped it into conversation that I want to stop drinking, but I’m known as the crazy friend. They laugh and say, “That’s never happening!” That’s something that has stuck with me, because I’ve tried before and it didn’t happen.

Thank you for reading this.

Whenever I drink, I drink too much. Every time I drink, I wake up the next morning wishing I never did, wishing I didn’t do or say the things I’ve done. I’ve broken friendships over this, faced legal charges, was at risk of losing my job, and almost got kicked out of college. I recently learned that I have bipolar disorder. It’s advised for me to avoid alcohol.

Here’s the thing:
I love the bars and I love the clubs. It’s the social aspect. I love meeting new people and dancing to loud music. I love making out with strangers. Alcohol makes this very easy for me, but I always take it too far. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times for drinking too much. I’ve thrown up blood before. I’ve had family members die from drinking too much, so I know this might be evolving into what’s genetic.

I struggle because I don’t know how to feel normal without it. I’m a constant over-thinker and it gets in the way of having fun. The most fun I’ve ever had was when I was drunk, but my biggest regrets are from times I’ve been drunk. I don’t know how to have fun without it and every week, I can’t wait for the weekend with so much excitement yet fear and dread for what might happen.

I’m only a 21 year old woman but don’t want this to progress. Not sure if this is something I can work hard to overcome or if I should really put my mind to being sober. I’ve tried finding hobbies that fulfill me but it’s been so hard since finding the ultimate high of being intoxicated. I feel alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I’m lost and don’t know how to move forward. I’m scared to enter my last year of college. I just turned 21 and my friends have been wanting to celebrate at bars and clubs but it’s hard to be around alcohol without drinking. I’ve slipped it into conversation that I want to stop drinking, but I’m known as the crazy friend. They laugh and say, “That’s never happening!” That’s something that has stuck with me, because I’ve tried before and it didn’t happen.

Thank you for reading this.

Whenever I drink, I drink too much. Every time I drink, I wake up the next morning wishing I never did, wishing I didn’t do or say the things I’ve done. I’ve broken friendships over this, faced legal charges, was at risk of losing my job, and almost got kicked out of college. I recently learned that I have bipolar disorder. It’s advised for me to avoid alcohol.

Here’s the thing:
I love the bars and I love the clubs. It’s the social aspect. I love meeting new people and dancing to loud music. I love making out with strangers. Alcohol makes this very easy for me, but I always take it too far. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times for drinking too much. I’ve thrown up blood before. I’ve had family members die from drinking too much, so I know this might be evolving into what’s genetic.

I struggle because I don’t know how to feel normal without it. I’m a constant over-thinker and it gets in the way of having fun. The most fun I’ve ever had was when I was drunk, but my biggest regrets are from times I’ve been drunk. I don’t know how to have fun without it and every week, I can’t wait for the weekend with so much excitement yet fear and dread for what might happen.

I’m only a 21 year old woman but don’t want this to progress. Not sure if this is something I can work hard to overcome or if I should really put my mind to being sober. I’ve tried finding hobbies that fulfill me but it’s been so hard since finding the ultimate high of being intoxicated. I feel alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I’m lost and don’t know how to move forward. I’m scared to enter my last year of college. I just turned 21 and my friends have been wanting to celebrate at bars and clubs but it’s hard to be around alcohol without drinking. I’ve slipped it into conversation that I want to stop drinking, but I’m known as the crazy friend. They laugh and say, “That’s never happening!” That’s something that has stuck with me, because I’ve tried before and it didn’t happen.

Thank you for reading this.

My friends don’t like bars. I like big festivals. Are there bars/events/third spaces for people to go solo? I’ve tried but people nowadays are not as welcoming and more antisocial, just wanting to stick with their groups and not mesh. I go to the beach by myself but I love to party. #socializing