u/Outrageous_Ask_7297

Before anyone accuses me of body shaming, I will also say that I have protruding ribs too. I am also quite skinnier than anyone in Katseye. However, I found the frequent and constant zooming on Daniela’s ribs disgusting. I don’t know what they were going for. I know we’re deep in the GLP-1 obsession but showing that part of her so prominently just put me off. It wouldn’t be different from the director specifically zooming on fat rolls. It came across as weirdly obsessive especially since there are plenty of other ways to show her being sensual/sexy.

I think her relationship with him has received substantial criticism because of the hypocrisy of it all; being an artist but still getting into a relationship with someone who invests in AI, directly or indirectly. It hurt her image with a part of the public. When it comes to PR and preserving her career, I would have advised her to cut ties with him, or never make such a relationship public.

What do you think?

DA, trying not to text my recent crush so I am here, you can ask me questions and see how it goes.

edit: I’ve done about 6 months of therapy.

I used to struggle with nuclear RJ. I still suffer from it in some ways, but now it doesn’t really affect my mood.

So here are a few things I wrote in my notes app if anyone needs them. They’re not very politically correct especially by Reddit standards but I hope they’ll help you like they’ve helped me.

1. Differentiate between retroactive jealousy and betrayal: Many partners will gaslight you into thinking that perfectly valid feelings of insecurity and betrayal are RJ. If your significant other has already praised their ex, said they missed them or an aspect of their past relationship, or compared you to them in some way, you’re not feeling RJ, you’re feeling betrayed. For a lot of us, RJ starts with a trigger, a comment, an online post, a reason to doubt that our current relationship isn’t as secure as we thought it was. If you’re trying to cure betrayal with anti-RJ methods, you’re using the wrong tools.

2. Be picky about body counts and social circles. It’s easier to repair than prevent. If you know you can’t handle more than X bodies in your partner’s past, then simply don’t date that person. Be upfront about it, say you’d like someone with similar values and don’t cave in when an interested party begs you to reconsider. If you date someone with a promiscuous past while you’re more of a chill person, you know you’ll suffer down the line because you’ll always have this oppressive feeling that you’re disrespecting yourself by being with them, and that can be more difficult to handle than RJ. You also need to look at their social circle. If you know you can’t handle a partner with many friends from the opposite gender, or still in touch with their exes then don’t date them. It’s much easier to be picky about the partner you get in a relationship with than to spend said relationship fixing up ever lasting problems.

3. Don’t be jealous of their ex because they’ve already betrayed them: They’re with you, they’ve told you they loved you, they’ve slept with you, they’ve maybe told you intimate details about their past. Their former relationship is ruined now, even if they got back with their ex, the bond would be broken. You’ve destroyed it.

4. The current partner is always in a position of power. You‘re newer, shinier, brighter, you’re wrapped in mystique. You have details about how to keep them their previous partners didn’t have at the time. You get them at the present, their exes have a decaying memory. Just like you can’t go back to your childhood days, no one can go back to the past. It’s gone now, all we have now is the present.

5. Make sure you ACTUALLY like your partner. The worst cases of RJ happen when you have this nagging feeling that you could do better, that your partner isn’t that good of a catch, that they’re not your type or that you don’t really align in some ways. If they’re not to your taste and you don’t have a lot of affection for them, any flaw in them will be amplified. When you start dating someone you’re not really attracted to, it’s like your brain is accepting a concession, so EVERY mistake, big or small, past or present, that person makes will feel like a concession on top of another. You’ll feel taken advantage of and swindled. Whereas when you’re dating your dream girl/guy, that you know they're everything you could want and that you can’t do better, you’ll be much more likely to show lenience and understanding. Basically pick someone you really like and let go of those who aren’t worth enduring RJ for.

To go to the U.S.,I need 20k dollars. To go to Europe, I need my body weight in documents. In Asia, I need to contact each country and jump through whatever hoops they’ve put in place.

This is exhausting. I can’t just travel however I want even though I am not a bad person.

I got offered to go on a trip the other day but I can’t because of my passport.

I have a serious problem with the term “expat.” As soon as I hear a European talking about moving abroad, they use that word. I even see it in books that are considered reputable. I just read the summary of a book in which an Italian couple living in Germany is described as “expats.”

If a French person, even one without a penny to their name, moves to Australia, they’re an expat. If an African person, even one who is educated and well-off, moves to Germany, they’re an immigrant.

There is a huge taboo around the word “immigration” because it carries negative connotations. It must be difficult for people born in developed countries to admit that they have to leave their own country in the hope of finding a better life—or at least a different one—but changing the words does nothing to change the fact that, in a country that isn’t our own, we are immigrants.

Yes, I listened to the rest of the album and I know why they broke up, but God, when I come back to that song I can’t stop myself from crying my eyes out. I felt more in love listening to it than ever in my life. I am the most cynical, cold-hearted, cruel and unromantic woman in the world, but that song makes me believe in love. It’s so innocent, sugary, earnest, hopeful, sincere. I can’t stop myself from mourning their relationship even though I didn’t care at the time and don’t particularly like Olivia. I cry because such a beautiful love couldn’t be and died. How can you move on after feeling that kind of infatuation? Life is cruel.

If I were Louis and heard it I would have never left. It comes from such a place of pure adoration and gratitude and transmits this wonderful feeling of belonging.

Yes, I’ve listened to other songs but I am so in love with honeybee right now.

I once dated this guy who was always very quick to text me and would apologize when he wasn’t available or didn’t keep me updated on his days. It was pretty obvious his ex was the kind to like constant texting and attention, and would make him pay for it. He was also very careful with his words because she had a short temper. Did I try to make him stop? No, I just enjoyed it. I can think of other instances where I just benefited from a quality someone developed to impress a former partner, but that I was the one to enjoy now, like going to the gym frequently or learning how to cook. All the fun, none of the effort.

And yes, I’m trying to cope, but I like to find some upsides to my misery.

Gym girl, party girl, clean girl… Would you be a career woman or a homemaker? What would you want to embody?

This was a whiiiile ago. I was 21 at the time and he was my first boyfriend into adulthood. I had had teenage flirts before but nothing deep or serious. We had been seeing each other for about 8 months but it was very much still platonic. We had only kissed because I was taking it slow and wanting to make sure he was a good person. Either way, we were hanging out one day at his place and watching a TV show. He out of nowhere said “this was my ex’s favorite show, she liked it a lot, I feel like I miss her.” I remember I let it sink for a few minutes and then grabbed my bag and left. I used some excuse I don’t remember to leave as quickly as possible.

I thought about it the whole night and then decided that I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I felt betrayed because someone was sitting next to me but not thinking entirely about me and valuing my company. At first I lied about the actual break up reason, but during the phone call I ended up admitting it and he swore that it was just a passing thought, that he wrongly used the word “miss”, that only I mattered now… etc etc etc. I still ended things because I knew the relationship was now broken and I didn’t want to see him again and wonder if he was thinking about someone else. I was called unfair and mean and a lot of other thing.

A lot of love and respect to mothers out there, obviously. But the older I get, the more I see it as a traumatic experience.

One of my mother’s friends once told me when I was a teenage. “Motherhood is like a form of possession. Sometimes all I can do and all I can be is mother. I am not my own self anymore.” And it was a woman with teenage children. It was the first time I heard someone speak of motherhood that way.

Then, my older friends started having children. It changed them. They were suddenly exhausted, their work became sloppy, their skin aged. They are almost bitter and they neglect their former social circle—they only call me to babysit their kids now for example. When I try to strike up a conversation, they can only speak of their children. They don’t really have any other interests anymore. It’s sad to witness because I knew a version of them that was bubblier, happier. I’m seeing them deteriorate year after year, and they don’t really take any joy in parenting. One of them clearly told me she regretted her twins and that she wouldn’t do it again if she could go back in time.

And while they take care of their children, I just sit there and see the friends I once knew slowly fade. They’re not the same anymore, far from so. I know things won’t go back to what they used to be. It took a part of their individuality away. Meanwhile, their husbands largely remained the same and don’t help anymore with the kids.

It’s like losing yourself is a price only women pay.

When they’re in France, they act like they’re 100% Algerian. They rotate between about 10 darja words including “wesh” used à la française. They say things like “censored” and they say it’s a horrible place to live. But when they come here, they suddenly remember they have a red passport and they act superior to everyone around them. They denigrate the food and the way people dress and the public transports or lack thereof, they don’t understand that Algerians are struggling because they can comfortably shop with 100 euros. They’re like, “Algeria is dirty but very cheap, I don’t understand why you want to leave.”

My extended family also treats them like they’re better than most people despite the fact they’re only here for a month or so.

And yes, I know I sound envious, but I think it’s unfair they get this treatment just because they were born in another country. They claim they hate France but they never want to leave it.

This is mostly a rant, not proud of it. I just feel bad about the situation now and then.

I’m huge on skin care and I usually ask family members to bring me serums and sunscreen from France or I buy them myself if I go there. Lately though I tried purchasing from local stores and I was SHOCKED.

I tried buying again some products I had bought in France and the price is disgustingly high. A serum I bought for 10 euros is sold here for 4000 DA. A toothpaste sold for 6 euros in a French pharmacy costs 2800 DA here. There is no way transportation and other logistical costs can add 40 to 50% in value to a product. Most Algerians are paid very little, how can these resellers sell their stock? If you want to buy imported products, you should always check the European price.

Living here is such a pain. Algerians are poor AND they get scammed by guys who are after making a disgustingly high profit. Keep in mind that they double or triple the price of dirt cheap and are considered low quality in Europe, but are sold and treated like premium items here. Same for chocolates like Milka or kit kates or sneakers.

Or mostly Algerians. I don't want to cheer on or support some French guy who has never lived in Algeria apart from a few summer vacations. I don't care if we don't get to the World Cup, I don't care if we lose all the time, I want us to train actual Algerians instead of paying Europeans to play for us. We should be spending our money on our own people instead of giving it to France. I don't understand us, we hate France but we cheer for French people who treat us like their second option? Mbappé's mother is Algerian, why isn't he playing in our team? The reason is because he is actually good enough to play for France, and all we get are the leftovers. I don't want my people to cheer on foreigners instead of wled bladi.

Throwaway because this is more of a rant.

We're not rich but my parents have spoiled me all my life. I get almost everything I want. I live in a good house and I am happy, I am in my early twenties and will soon get my degree, never worked a day in my life otherwise. Why would I marry someone who doesn't treat me as well? Most women who get married in our country end up living with their parents-in-law and being their maids. I was told yesterday that I needed to work for my future mother-in-law and help her with chores. Hello? She's not my mom. I won't marry and take care of another woman's son either.

I want to find a job and help my parents financially. That's it. Maid life for people I don't care about? Never. I don't even see the appeal.

Curious to get everyone else's perspective. I am looking to be challenged on this topic.