u/Physical-Plant8076

I have a question for those who have been involved with narcissists: Did they show a strong interest in meeting your friends? I’m currently seeing someone with these personality traits; he’s always helping others and is known by everyone, but I know it’s just a facade because I’ve seen a very depraved side of him in private. He has started to form a very strong—almost obsessive—bond with me. It’s a long, complex situation, but one thing I’ve noticed is how insistent he is on meeting my friend group. I try to avoid introducing him to them because something about him didn't feel safe to me. From what I’ve observed, I get the impression he wants to meet them to dig up information about me, see the kind of people I surround myself with, and get to know me better.

I have a question for those who have been involved with narcissists: Did they show a strong interest in meeting your friends? I’m currently seeing someone with these personality traits; he’s always helping others and is known by everyone, but I know it’s just a facade because I’ve seen a very depraved side of him in private. He has started to form a very strong—almost obsessive—bond with me. It’s a long, complex situation, but one thing I’ve noticed is how insistent he is on meeting my friend group. I try to avoid introducing him to them because something about him didn't feel safe to me. From what I’ve observed, I get the impression he wants to meet them to dig up information about me, see the kind of people I surround myself with, and get to know me better.

Okay, but can we talk about how older white men harbor a strange, terrifying lust for young Black women? On top of that, I feel like being thin makes you look younger, which turns them on even more. I’ve noticed this throughout my life; the demographic that was into me was older white men. I lived in a predominantly white town, and I vividly remember how some of them—I swear—would look at you as if they wanted to 🍇 you right there on the spot, and the law was the only thing stopping them. And I don’t care if anyone gets offended; it makes no difference to me. It’s incredibly weird; even on an emotional level, if you get involved with them, they become totally obsessed. They’re incredibly horny and have all these fetishes and fantasies about slavery.

People who frequent raves, hippie communes, and gatherings. I remember a friend giving me a calendar that had backpacker meetups, hippie trips, and other activities. And parties, but I can't find it. Does anyone know where these parties or venues are organized? Does this calendar actually exist? We're drawn to the alternative scene and these kinds of events. Where can we find information about this type of thing? I see a lot of people who have this lifestyle, and they're artistic. Is there a website or something that lists these kinds of places?

People who frequent raves, hippie communes, and gatherings. I remember a friend giving me a calendar that had backpacker meetups, hippie trips, and other activities. And parties, but I can't find it. Does anyone know where these parties or venues are organized? Does this calendar actually exist? We're drawn to the alternative scene and these kinds of events. Where can we find information about this type of thing? I see a lot of people who have this lifestyle, and they're artistic. Is there a website or something that lists these kinds of places?

People who frequent raves, hippie communes, and illegal gatherings. I remember a friend giving me a calendar that had backpacker meetups, hippie trips, and other illegal activities. And parties, but I can't find it. Does anyone know where these parties or venues are organized? Does this calendar actually exist? We're drawn to the alternative scene and these kinds of events. Where can we find information about this type of thing? I see a lot of people who have this lifestyle, and they're artistic. Is there a website or something that lists these kinds of places?

People who frequent raves, hippie communes, and illegal gatherings. I remember a friend giving me a calendar that had backpacker meetups, hippie trips, and other illegal activities. And parties, but I can't find it. Does anyone know where these parties or venues are organized? Does this calendar actually exist? We're drawn to the alternative scene and these kinds of events. Where can we find information about this type of thing? I see a lot of people who have this lifestyle, and they're artistic. Is there a website or something that lists these kinds of places?

¿Podemos hablar de cómo, cuando tienes TDAH, la gente está convencida —y absolutamente segura— de que sabe exactamente lo que te pasa? A menudo, en el trabajo o en otros entornos, me encuentro con personas que —de repente, mientras estoy tranquilamente en lo mío— empiezan a decir cosas como: «Noto que te falta confianza» o «Puedo ver que eres muy insegura», etc. Intentan psicoanalizarme, sacan conclusiones precipitadas y creen tener razón sobre lo que me pasa. Casi parece una forma de sentirse en control porque no logran «entenderme». Permítanme darles un ejemplo. Había una jefa en uno de mis trabajos que era terrible; era una fanática religiosa e increíblemente entrometida en absolutamente todo. Siempre quería saberlo todo, meterse en todo y dominar la sala para que toda la atención se centrara en ella. Era increíblemente autoritaria, y todos los que dejaban el trabajo se quejaban de ella. Por alguna razón, siempre esperaba que yo hablara con ella. Como dije, me cuesta entender las interacciones sociales —o hay ciertos aspectos que ignoro a propósito porque no me importan—, pero siento que le molestaba mucho no poder conectar conmigo: no podía usar esa voz cursi y falsa, no podía lograr que me abriera sobre mi vida y no podía obtener la reacción que esperaba. Todo eso la dejó intrigada, pero le negó la validación que anhelaba. Un día, mientras recogía para cerrar e irme a casa, empezó a decir cosas como: "Tienes baja autoestima porque no hablas", "Tienes miedos que debes enfrentar" o "Quieres suicidarte por X, Y y Z". Y ojo, sí tengo problemas, pero nada de lo que mencionó tenía relación con lo que sé que realmente me pasa. Esto también me ha ocurrido con hombres que intentan "enseñarme" sobre mí misma. Muchas de las cosas que intentan corregirme o enseñarme son, por ejemplo, que no hable mucho en el trabajo porque estoy concentrada en mi tarea, o que no comparta detalles de mi vida personal. También comentan que a veces parezco distraída cuando en realidad estoy escuchando; solo son mis expresiones faciales. Me he dado cuenta de cuánta gente intenta encontrar algo "sospechoso" en mí; es como si estuvieran obsesionados con la idea de desenterrar algún oscuro secreto mío que ni siquiera existe, un secreto que solo existe en sus suposiciones paranoicas, nacidas del hecho de que no actúo como "debería".

For women with autism or ADHD: do you find that you attract the strangest people? I’ve noticed something in particular—people with somewhat peculiar personalities seem to get obsessed with me. I don't mean to sound self-centered, but I swear it actually happens. In many places where I’ve been disliked, those very people have later popped up on my Tinder, checked out my social media, or tried to dig up information about me. And somehow, some of them get attached to me way too quickly. It’s not the first time friends have told me that someone was excited to see me, even though I’ve only met that person once or twice in my life. It’s really weird.

I know I’m being a bit of a pain, haha. But I’ve just started using this app, and I have a lot of experiences to share—I’m going to be opening up about everything pretty quickly. Can we talk about Black women or mixed-race girls who had white fathers or white relatives? Have you ever noticed your white male relatives—specifically fathers—treating you more like property than a daughter? To give you some context: I come from a truly abusive family. There were racist and even hyper-sexualizing patterns directed at me as a Black minor, which left me with a lot of trauma—I’ll talk about that in more detail someday. I had white cousins, and as the only Black girl, I noticed I was treated almost like property, unlike the white children in that side of the family. My mother’s husband—a white man—was obsessively controlling with me in a way he wasn't with the other kids. And believe me, it had nothing to do with him simply being a father figure (he had already hurled racist insults at my mother). Something I’ve noticed in families with biracial or adopted Black children is that when a white parent is abusive, they project their racist frustrations by controlling the child and acting in a hyper-vigilant way toward them. What I’m about to say might sound terrifying, but it almost seems like they harbor a fantasy of having a Black child to terrorize—like a "mini-slave" over whom they can exert control because the child is their own. Another thing I noticed growing up in that abusive family was that I felt heavily hyper-sexualized. Deep down, I could sense that the white men—including my father—harbored a strange, racially charged, sadomasochistic-erotic fantasy about having a vulnerable Black girl in the family. Sometimes they’d make sexual jokes or innuendos directed at me. My mother seemed aware of it, but she had strong narcissistic traits and actually loved seeing me suffer. Being a Black girl in abusive families makes you highly vulnerable to sexual abuse as well—something else that isn't talked about—and I feel those family members knew that perfectly well; I was their scapegoat. It’s striking how, once I left home, those male relatives started sending me requests on social media and even on dating apps. Society has a strange fixation on Black girls. I think it also has to do with my neurodivergent traits—which I felt were fetishized in a way—but when you’re a Black girl, adults will even try to control your sexuality.

Not to mention the insinuations from others accusing me of "trying to hit on" the white men in the family (even though I was a minor). Or the way my father was incredibly controlling about the men who approached me. It’s also mind-boggling how they automatically assume the Black girl is hypersexual and wants to sleep with every white man in the room just because she seems "more mature" than the other girls. This is all a bit jumbled, but there’s so much more I went through. I don’t know if this makes sense, but if this kind of experience resonates with anyone, please let me know—or feel free to vent here.

Black women: have you ever experienced a situation where people seem to be trying to force you to sexualize yourself? I know Black women's bodies have been hypersexualized throughout history, but I’ve always identified as a Black woman who has an alternative style and is queer. That style often rubs people the wrong way—add in the fact that I’m a bit neurodivergent, quiet, and socially awkward for some, and it’s a whole thing. It’s mind-blowing how often people insist on steering the conversation toward sex with me; I always try to give minimal information and avoid reacting much, because I’d even go so far as to say it pisses them off. They can't stand it when you’re "chill." They seem to hate not having sexual access to you—it’s almost like voyeurism, or like they just want to see that Black lady shaking her ass at a party.

I’ve noticed something: sometimes, as Black women, when you’re around white men, you get the feeling that you’re being used as an emotional crutch. To give you an example: I’ve noticed how many white men between the ages of 30 and 50 (I’m 20) talk to me and flatter me, only to suddenly start ranting about their emotional issues with their wives—and I’ve observed at work that they don’t do this with white women. For some reason, when they’re having trouble with "their women" and come to vent in a sexual or romantic way, they expect us to respond emotionally—no questions asked—and to console them. I’ve worked as a sex worker, and it’s astounding to see how white men—when I don’t meet their emotional needs or offer comfort (which usually comes with a hidden agenda to turn me into their mistress)—start getting annoyed for some reason. I’ve realized they also expect us to put up with their baggage. It’s appalling.

Para gente de España con tdah, podemos hablar de lo difícil que es el echo de lidiar con el tdah sin soporte familiar? Quiero y estoy tratando de hacerme el diagnóstico pero es alucinantemente caro y además por la salud pública es horrible la lista de espera. Odio el echo de que mis únicas opciones sean hosteleria soy malísima en eso y ni hablar de que tengo el sin hogarismo cerca de la oreja¿Cual ha sido vuestra experiencia?#