u/Prestigious-Law65

Why ask a question, especially personal ones or ones that have a high likelihood of having a bad answer, and then get POed at the person because they didn't like the response?

A popular one is "Were/How were you spanked as a child?" No matter anyone's history with spanking, that question alone implies that answers involving child abuse would be accepted, since many people already view spanking as a form of child abuse. But say anything worse than "Yes but not much" and they act like your trauma dumping on them for no reason. Some parents can be very heavy handed, for better or for worse and I'm sure I'm not the only one who answers with "My parents liked using the belt."

Or when they ask if youre dating anyone and get mad when you say yes or they realize youre in a LGBT/interracial relationship.

Or ask about your plan for kids and don't like being told youre infertile or exploring other means of conception that dont align with their beliefs (like IVF or foster)

My personal favorite, and one I am now absolutely refusing to answer anymore, is "What is living in foster care like?" USA's foster system is notorious for abuse. Why ask that and get angry at me because my answer was depressing? Bro, foster as a whole is depressing. Every foster kid has had at least 1 bad experience no matter the state.

The world is not a utopia and nearly everyone has been through some shit. If one does not want to hear about said shit or cant emotionally regulate themselves when they do hear it, don't ask about it!

It does not seem to matter how hard I enforce boundaries nor does it matter how often I file police reports and provide eventual severe consequences for crossing boundaries. They *still* refuse to take "no" for an answer.

Why is that? I'm EXHAUSTED and don't want to keep fighting off roommates/strangers/coworkers/bosses/etc over mundane crap. They can't take the doctor's note? They can't not steal and sell my belongings? They can't not walk around naked? I'm tired of constantly relocating and changing jobs so often (and boy do I wish I can afford to live alone).

Do we give off some kind of aura or smell or neon sign above our heads that lets people know "This person is vulnerable!" No amount of snitching to the landlord/police/department of labor/lawyer is working and IDFK WHY?? My luck *can't* be that bad can it?

TL; DR

I caught him stealing and selling my things off a couple weeks ago, so I filed a police report, informed the landlord, and got permission to move out earlier than when my lease expires. I had hoped for an easy "pack up and leave asap" since he and his GF had been hazing me since the start of summer and acting all passive agressive, like I'm a third wheel they wanna get rid of (commandeering the shared spaces as their work spaces, keeping the AC off unless they are home and refusing to let me turn it on when I am, hurting my cat several times with rough play and ignoring my "stop"s, stealing my food, BF was walking around the house and barging into my room naked, I can go on). His GF keeps enabling him and telling me to have patience for he has ADHD. ADHD is not an excuse to be an ahole, I'm sorry.

He had also assaulted me twice before. So when I was packing up my cat to put into my car so I can gtfo already, he got in my space and kept demanding the house key. He refused to take "hold on" for an answer and kept looming over me, honestly scaring tf outta me. I took my key off my keyring, threw it somewhere (it hit a wall) and yelled at him to stop stealing my stuff and eff off already and ran into my car. I texted the landlord about the incident like I've done before when I stopped for gas.

He called the cops on me for assault. My fat butt and noodle arms from moving out apparently hurt him, a 7" taller veteran with combat training and a fire arm. Since I had made previous reports on him and communicated with the landlord and emailed my lawyer just in case, Im not too worried but WTF???

How hard is it to respect boundaries and not steal from others? Why are some people like this? 😩 All I do is work, then hang with my BF (who I won't let come over because my roommates keep making sex jokes about him. Its gross) before coming home to sleep. UGH

How does a college (Pellissippi in my case) approve everything a couple weeks ago and then suddenly remove TN Reconnect and insist I pay the full tuition? Could it be faculty error? System error? Is it some political bs again like in 2016? I had to drop out when Trump's tax cuts were taken out of education the first time around. Pell grant was slashed and former "fake foster" kids (long story) didn't get any support back then.

I will be going to an advisor in person tomorrow to sort it all out but it is very disorienting to finish everything and double checking the greenlight during orientation only to find out this morning reconnect was removed while logging in to see if a class has dropped its schedule yet. Pell grant is still there, thankfully, but I cannot afford the $1600 tuition and fees especially since I'm a part time student juggling a fulltime job and a child (that I didn't give birth to, so I don't get support for that either. God forbid a girl cares about her little sister). Just how does that happen? I really hope it's a simple fix. I worked really hard to be in a better position to juggle education with everything, even took a pay cut for more flexibility. T^T

Long story about being a "fake foster" (TW, systemic BS): >!I'm no expert on the system nor do I know if any of this was legal or normal (although I doubt it). I was roughly 7 months from turning 18 when CPS removed me, and my 3 younger siblings, from my addict mom (and only because she was an accomplice in a murder. CPS here is a joke). I was told that since I was older and I would be 18 before all the paperwork could be fully completed, I would be placed in a temporary family situation until I could strike out on my own. I received no evaluations, no medical exams, nothing that my siblings received. I was removed, sat in a police station, then an office, then dropped off at a family that was nearby so I could graduate from the highschool I was already enrolled in. Due to not being a real foster case, I received none of the support and opportunities and programs my siblings received like therapy, healthcare, employment programs, housing programs. I was not eligible for any scholarships or financial support for foster kids due to the laziness my case was handled with. I was basically stored somewhere and forgotten about and my foster family certainly didn't want me around after the checks ended, let alone help me out with anything. And obviously my biofamily was not an option. I'd rather my money go towards necessities, not meth and cigarettes. !<

Pretty much the title. 2 weeks ago, I attempted a house meeting to address chores, lack of boundaries, disrespect, and general issues all around. It quickly turned into a "but you let your laundry build up!" After I addressed the dishes problem. At least my pile of laundry is contained to a basket in my room, not covered in moldy food scattered around the whole house attracting pests. 🙄

The whole meeting was not productive. I was made out to be some hypocritical asshole despite me being the only roommate that cleans up their mess. The house is looking like a hoarder's wet dream, none of us have been able to fully use the kitchen or dining room due to all the clutter. One room is completely blocked off by a wall of boxes and junk. I have been pressured over time to keep everything I own inside my bedroom, which is making it cramped because some of this shouldn't be in a bedroom, like my air fryer. But everyone else can just leave boxes of who knows what stacked in the hallway?

I think my main obstacle is probably the "mob" mentality here. 2 roommates are a couple and the 3rd knew them from a previous job. I got this room by knowing the girlfriend but obviously I'm not a "friend". Everyone is defending someone else like "it's ADHD" or "bad childhood" or "not how my brain works" which would be a valid excuse if I didnt have adhd too and have still been trying to keep this house manageable while being the only fulltime worker. I'm not the one medicated either, smh. I write a list of what needs to be done, pick a day I'm free, down some caffiene and weed, and boom chores are done in a few hours. When you've been denied healthcare your whole life, you figure out how to work around your issues. How no one else can manage, despite 2 being neurotypical, I'll never know. It's so obviously 2-3 against 1 at times that I may as well don't bother with communicating or negotiating anything.

And then there's the cats. They like to blame my older cat for everything the kitten does like pee on the ground and chew wires. I have caught the kitten doing both and haven't seen my cat do it at all. The only time he'll do his business on the ground is when the litterbox isnt available for some reason (like it being blocked off by boxes and a laundry cart full of junk). They have to be fed at the same time because the kitten will eat my cats food and get sick but the boyfriend is one this "your cat is your responsibility" thing that doesn't make sense because I am dealing with both because they shut their doors and I feed them in the morning while his GF feeds them at night when I work. He wants to complain about "responsibility" but doesn't do anything but manhandle them like toys.

Lease expires in several months so I can't move anytime soon. Landlord doesnt want to get involved in any interpersonal drama so no help there. IDK what to do. I've stopped with keeping up with housework, hoping they'll be inconvenienced enough to start doing their share, but now the house is worse and we have no dishes and everything is cluttered and gross. God I wish I could afford to live alone.

Edit: This post keeps getting removed in other subs for being too sensitive (or offensive) of a topic. If this is not where this goes, I am sorry but many of the psychology and dating subs have denied/removed this post but the reasons were too generic like "this post was removed for being a potentially offensive topic". I do not have a therapist I can ask (already attempted that sub) and I am struggling trying to understand why some people think like this. I cannot reword this any further to make it more "pallatable" so I apologize if this still comes off as offensive in any way.

TO BE CLEAR: I AM NOT TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT WITH THOSE WHO PREFER HAVING BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN, I AM ASKING WHY PEOPLE WHO DO HAVE THIS PREFERENCE INSIST ON BEING AROUND CHILDREN THEY SUPPOSEDLY DISLIKE. Like "why be a teacher if you hate kids?" kind of questions.

To make this fit more with this sub, my controversial opinion is that "no matter your age or how you are concieved and/or raised, you are a human being deserving of love and respect."

Why do some people dislike children that are not biologically theirs but still choose to be around them in some capacity?

I'm asking as an affair baby and eventual foster kid. I have noticed that many people, especially someone who chooses to date a single parent, seem to dislike if not be outright vitriolic to others' kids.

Why agree to date a single parent if you are going to dislike their children? Especially after having your own with them later?

Why would someone agree to foster or adopt if you want nothing to do with those kids? Especially if you already have your own? It's not like many states pay foster parents all that much.

If someone doesn't want to adopt or do IVF, then why put down others who do, or absolutely refuse to break up or compromise when your partner wants to?

Why are IVF and surrogacy children seen as nonhuman to other relatives or even by the one of the parents themselves?

I've tried asking some people that I knew who were against these things and if they left it at personal preference (even if I think that's kinda narcissistic) I wouldn't be here asking. But some of the answers I've gotten are "I don't want to raise someone else's child"/"Not my kid not my problem" or my personal favorite "I don't want someone's leftovers" Children are not toys or accessories, so why are they treated as such by some?

What's with the "Hate the sin not the sinner" mentality? Why would anyone look down on (or straight up hate) kids like me for our conception? How is that the child's fault? Why all the hypocrisy? Personally, I want every child to have a loving home, even the ones who are really messed up mentally, and would love to foster or adopt if/when possible. I never cared for the experience of pregnancy and honestly its real intimidating now that my state is a prenatal desert. But to look down on children who are not concieved the "traditional" way or disrespect those who choose to have children nontraditionally does not make sense to me. It's not anyone's business but the parents and unless there's abuse involved, why butt in? Why be actively against it?

I understand situations like level 5 kids being too risky to foster or adopt, and I don't expect anyone to take on responsibilities they can't handle even when it comes to having children biologically. But I am real confused with those who do accept the responsibility but act like total jerks to our most vulnerable in our population, instead of IDK being honest and screwing off.

Does anyone understand this mentality? Or have this mentality and can explain it to me like I'm 5? Is it a lizard brain type thing that I do not have? I'm struggling wrapping my head around it honestly. Narcissism can't be the only answer to this, people are too complicated for that.

I joined a jiu jitsu class and have been reprimanded for swearing when being taken down, which is understandable since the adult class is sometimes side by side with the kids class, or the parents in my class have kids waiting until we're done.

I haven't quite figured out how to 'break fall' properly and when my head bashes against the ground often a sh*t or f*ck slips out. I'm not sure how to consciously avoid it when getting slammed to the ground. It's quite difficult trying to think about it during a drill. I don't swear regularly during conversations, only when getting super angry, so it's not exactly a habit. Anyone have any ideas?

After years of abuse, 1 dead cat, a massive legal shitshow, a couple restraining orders, and too much therapy later, I had pulled a miracle out of my bum and gotten myself out of homelessness and even found a place that was safe for me and my surviving cat.

Then I spent 3 days in HR arguing over my school schedule for college (HORRAY for TN reconnect) because they didn't want to accomadate and I couldn't find another job and won that battle again (they had also refused to accept summons letters and let me go to court hearings).

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Things were finally looking up, boundaries were being respected, I was healing physically and mentally, rebuilt the PC everyone refused to let me have, and...now its all started up again.

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Rent's going up another $100/mo in september which I can't afford and my current place is cheap compared to everywhere else, HR is gaslighting me over the meeting we had because I needed to go to class during a blackout week and was told no, and I had to go to court again because my sister's father thought embezzlement was a good idea and I'm involved because I have guardianship over my sister due to a previous screwup he had caused. And gas is freaking $5/gal and the job market is a ghost town.

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And to top it all off, I've been saving up and planning for a week vacay for months for when the new Fable releases in august. Except its not releasing in august anymore, it's releasing in february when I'll likely be homeless again and have no electricity. That was supposed to be my calm before the storm. One last good time before I'm back at the bullshit AGAIN. I loved the fable games as a kid and wanted to heal my inner child a bit before shit hits the fan again. But NOPE NOT ANYMORE

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What tf is the point of trying? I AM EXHAUSTED

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