u/Puzzled_Butterfly814

Why is it that I feel super good and happy when others smile? For example, I like helping out others who are down or need help and even if I don't get appreciation or love from them back. Obviously not simp like shit but helping like orphans, homeless, and etc.

I feel good like butterflies in my stomach can somebody tell me why that is? I used to think about doing bad stuff but realized it wasn't worth it and after deep thinking. I realized there's a lot of hurt already nowadays so I didn't feel like doing bad things.

I feel the bad things too but I learnt that deflecting bad people is better than engaging them because life is too short. Sometimes they do get into me but it's becoming rarer and rarer.

I know the moto, do whatever makes you happy in life. I feel like using my money or whatever to buy a homeless dude some food and hearing his story or going to an animal shelter would be soul food for me.

Am I wrong or is this a better way of using my life?

If I finally have nobody to disappoint at all and nothing to lose. I have no cages and chains around my neck. I have escaped them.

Would this be the biggest motivation and drive for me to get by and win? I've started having this and the feeling for a few months before I had toxicity relationship with my parents for 23 years and I never left or built any relationships and friends.

Now, that my frontal brain has almost developed the damage was already done and I couldn't feel anything or make friends even if I tried to. Many people confirmed that it was too late for me, including my own brother. A lot more contributed to it.

So, with all of this and if I have the drive and motivation to push through and stay disciplined could I build a good life? And no relationships won't work and I tried...a lot of people themselves nowadays especially seem mentally decapitated.

I also feel like I have gotten addicted to being alone and I'm at peace that I don't want to be with others even if I tried. It seems better and I try to keep some social connection otherwise it would be a problem later on but it doesn't seem like it's needed as much anymore.

This is just for me personally I think long-term. I'd do alright as it's been like this my whole life since a child where most people normally talked to the point with me.

Has made me less afraid of death and more displined than I could've imagined myself. Even though I thought I was disciplined already.

The military got rid of a severe addiction that I used to have. This freed up more of my time.

Without the military I would've ended up in a very shitty place by the end of my life.

It's the one place where I felt I could breathe for once. It's the one place where the staff invested so much time and effort into me that felt like they wanted to see me succeed.

It's the one time in my life where I am motivated and eager to fight for something with a cause and need. Even though I still felt alone...it's the one time when I was in the most intense part of the training that I felt someone cared for me especially one of the staff members who was higher up.

I didn't see a fake corporate smile but a genuine fierce push....I am not restricted by the cages of addiction I am free.