u/Recreating_my_life

I’m only 27. He’s much older than me. He’s 42 and he has been an alcoholic since long before I met him. I never encountered alcoholics in my life other than my father who left when I was 6. So the little memories I had of loving an alcoholic were full of youthful adoration.

The past 3 years with him ruined my life. I lost friends, I became detached from my family, and I sold all my priced possessions to make up for the days he would be too drunk to pay a bill. The fights, the yelling, the crying, the moments when I wanted to jump off the ledge because I felt so alone in handling everything.

But they were also the most beautiful: the trips abroad, the beautiful hotels, houses, the beautiful family we built with our beautiful daughter. I would do it all again if it meant I get to keep my daughter. Even just to myself. I don’t care about anything or anyone else.

10 months ago he started working on being sober. The past 10 months have been the most beautiful growth I’ve seen in both him and me. Our family felt like a real family.

Until he stopped counting. And then he stopped talking about being sober. And then I start seeing signs of drinking. But never a drunk man until last night.

I didn’t confront him. I was too tired. I sent him this message instead:

“I genuinely hope you figure out what you want to do and how you want to do it.

You know that this home and this family would not survive without you, so there’s no question about where Mattie and I will be. This is where we’re supposed to be.

But you and I both know that she cannot grow up with alcoholism and disorder around her.

I will keep taking care of her, and I will keep holding it down here at home. But I also know that I cannot face this again. So I’m going to let you figure out what you need to do.

I cannot have a broken heart while still being a good mother. It’s just not possible.”

He responded bitterly. Saying he wanted to spend time with me and that’s why he took the time off work. He said he was feeling cooped up and lonely. He said when I felt the same, he made sure to take me out and make me happy. He said that he wishes the same care would be extended to him.

And from those words came a real anger inside me. He had the nerve to make me feel guilty for his drinking. The nerve to make me feel guilty over ever being sad. The nerve to tell me I do not extend the same care to him because I do not want to be around him when he’s drunk.

I turned my phone off and went to sleep.

So today, the morning after I find myself lost. A few comments from here told me this isn’t an emergency and as long as I am safe, I don’t have to think about the rest of my life now. This helped me get through the night.

But now I do not know how to get through the day, and the tomorrow, and the week after. Please help me, what’s next?

He works the night shift. Sometimes in the office, sometimes at home. He supposedly has been sober for 10 months except recently he stopped counting. He used to count every week.

I stopped keeping track too. Life was good. Life was stable. Now I’m scared again.

He went for a walk tonight. He came home slurring on his work call. I’m not sure if it’s paranoia.

I’m deep in it, I wish I could be like the others here— far removed or starting to move on.

What do I do tonight?

Sunday is pay day for me.

And yesterday I ran out of money. I had 500 pesos left. Usually I start feeling urges and panic when I’m sub 10k! Pero this week I just had a lot of bills and expenses so I got down to 500.

And kahit once di ko naisip: try ko kaya palaguin tong 500 ko!!!

Kasi alam kong hindi sya lalago. Ngayon alam ko na ang totoong value ng pera. Hindi na sya 100 spins. Hindi na sya 5 na taya.

It’s dinner, or toiletries, or new lashes.

I feel better. I’m doing better. Kaya mo din.

Today napaisip ako: do I want things or family?

2 months ago, nagkaron kami ng distance ng kapatid ko. I’m 28, she’s 23. We haven’t talked in 2 months and napansin ko na biglang out of nowhere afford ko na bumili ng designer bags, a new phone, go on trips, while still having savings.

At first, di ko na relate until I backtracked my expenses and realized how much I was giving her almost unnoticed.

I would give her 4k a month for allowance on top of allowance na binibigay nila mama. Tuwing aalis kami shopping spree sya na umaabot ng 10k. Every now and then may concert na pinapa sponsor nya. Every now and then may pinapaorder or pinapabili. Every now and then nagpapabili ng food. Or birthday ng friend, need help pang regalo, etc. etc.

I’m the eldest, I started working at 18, and I’ve been independent since. For a while, providing for her was fine because she was a teenager and I didn’t have anything to spend my money on but I now have a child and a partner. I pay bills, buy groceries, take care of my child…

This distance and time away from her started because I didn’t want to pay for her concert tickets. Since then feeling ko na mas yumaman ako nung di na kami naguusap.

OA lang ba ko if I cut off my sister financially? This will probably create a permanent gap in our relationship but it now feels necessary.

Stop naming your sites

Games

Slots

Magkano panalo

WHATEVER kahit pagkwento pa yan sa losses nyo. Stop talking about specific names or numbers. It causes triggers for others and gives ideas to those trying to be sober.

Kung nagpa ban na sa lahat ng sites na alam nila tas nag post ka na natalo ka nanaman sa x site edi maiisip nila ay di ko alam yong site na yon, puntahan ko kaya

So 3 weeks ago I deactivated each account one by one. As in minessage ko talaga sila. It took 3 days but all accounts were deactivated na. Along with only using cash and giving my sim card to someone to keep, I have been sober straight for 3 weeks.

Today sobrang may urges ako. Buong araw. Siguro kasi medjo may extra. Nagshopping shopping ako. Imbis na magsave kasi alam ko gagawin nung balance na yun sa utak ko. Wala pa ko sa lugar na feeling ko kaya ko mag save. Okay na sakin maguilty sa shopping ko kesa maguilty sa inubos yung pera kakagambling. Pero ayun nga, naubusan na ko ng gustong bilhin na makatarungan… so andami kong urges mag sugal allll day.

Nung hapon I almost broke. I downloaded BP tapos dinelete ko din ulit. Then gabi naulit, nag try ako magregister and BANNED NA KO SA PAGCOR. TO MY SURPRISE. Nagulat ako! Banned na pala ko! Sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam. Sabi ko nalang talaga thank you Lord! Niligtas mo kami tonight!

Tuloy ang laban guys.

Hi moms! Need help, I will consult the OB once this goes any longer but has anyone experienced this before?

I restarted on my pill 8 months PP

Then I paused and got back on it again 7 weeks ago. I do the continuous cycle where I don’t take the placebo pills nor take a break. I go straight into a new pill.

On Thursday last week I started spotting, and then on Saturday I had some light bleeding. I’ve been bleeding like a small period amount since then. It’s been a 4-day period like bleeding essentially.

Is this breakthrough bleeding? Is this normal? What else could this be?

He was sober for almost 9 months, like, 5 days before 9 months. He had a 6 week work trip and he held strong for 4 weeks but on the beginning of the 5th week (2 days ago) he landed on the country that was his worst fear and he lost.

He called me like normal, and I saw it in his face and heard it in his voice. The way he slurred and the things he said. I confronted him about it. I broke down and said I was afraid to go back there, go back to it. I’m afraid he’ll come home and our 1 year old daughter will have to grow up with an alcoholic father. He denied it.

I ended the call and calmed down. It was 8AM here and I decided to follow some of the advice I got from alanon a few months ago: I should not let his disease infect me. I need to move on with my day and with my life. I need to care for my daughter. Whether he relapsed or not.

So for the time being, for the last 7 days of his trip, I am not addressing it nor am I fighting over it. I’m just living as I do.

But when he returns, his alcoholism will affect us — so what should I do? Should I be strict about rehab? Should I confront him about it? How do I approach it?

I would like to emphasize the fact that I know he is trying and remorseful. I know this addiction is a disease and relapse is part of recovery. I will not leave him today, nor a week from now. He is the father of my child and I am his partner and while there are still chances, we’ll take them.

I live in a condo in salcedo, where and how do I dispose of a big queen sized bedframe?

It’s disassembled already but I don’t know where to throw it away. The building doesn’t allow for big items in the garbage room.

but the moment you joke about being paid for their harassment YOU get banned

A guy literally messaged me random sexual stuff like: you like anal? Can I fuck you in the ass? Etc.

Tapos reply ko as a joke lang naman “di to libre” and I got reported and my account got banned??? What the fuck

I understand that they’re very busy and everyone has lives. But I’m not really asking for a whole week or for them to spend anything. In fact, papakainin ko pa nga sila.

But since becoming a mom, I’ve been unable to join their gatherings. Yung pickleball, tennis, parties, etc. and especially this week my husband left for the states for a few weeks so kami lang ng baby ko sa house.

We just live in the city, so it’s not that far of a drive either. Bale parang Mandaluyong to QC lang.

And so I’ve been asking family to visit one by one. And messaging on groupchats. Getting something together. Kahit one coffee date lang. all rejected.

It’s just getting sad. I feel so lonely. I feel like being a mother is such a lonely thing to be.

We bought 2x Enfagrow A+ Three Nurapro 4.6kg Milk Supplement Powder for 1-3 Years Old — for our baby.

But it ended up being too much and she doesn’t take formula anymore.

We still have 1 box.

Where can we send it for much cheaper than SRP so I don’t have to waste it :(( I don’t know other moms who use enfagrow or formula.

The SRP would be around 6000, and I would like to it for 5000.

Do you know any fb groups?

I withdrew 10k sa rcbc atm with my gcash card. The transaction canceled pero nagtext si gcash that the amount was deducted and I also have it in my transaction history na nadeduct yung amount.

It was 9PM so walang pwedeng pagreportan.

Will the money be returned? What do I do? Gano katagal kaya? I have bills to pay huhu

Problem/goal: mapaalis ang kasambahay ko while still effectively running the house for the next 2 weeks and then finding another one soon after. I need to do it cleanly na walang away away. She knows too much about our home and our family.

Context: first time mom ako, first time wife, first time amo sa kasambahay. Feeling ko maayos naman lahat. 1 year and 6 months na samin yung kasambahay na to. In that time, she jumped from 10k a month to 16-20k a month depending on overtime. Mabuti din naman kami sakanya. Dito sya nakatira kasama gf nya na sa kapitbahay namin nagtatrabaho, kasama pa nya pusa nyang maingay (lol).

Recently, the past few months mejo nagiging entitled na sya either to more pay, more off days, or my gentleness. Ibig sabihin, examples:

1. Bawat kilos may extra pay. If after 7PM at biglaan need ko bumili ng gatas sa labas at pagiwanan ko bata sakanya saglit, the next day itetext ako asking for the 500 peso overtime pay.

2. Asked for 8 days off nung april (accumulated over 2 months naman) for holiday. I expected pagbalik then end of may na next off, turns out beginning of May daw ulit 4 days off nya. I’m kind so I give it to her. But now she is asking again beginning of June days off pero 8 days naman daw kasi may sakit mom nya… basically she adjusted her days off to the beginning of the month instead of the end of the month with this situation. Na sobrang hirap samin.

3. Kapag may nangyayari like pagod sya or bad mood ako at nasungitan kong konti (di ko sinagot kagad dahil sleep deprived ako) either nagpopost sa facebook ng patama or magsesend ng long message na nasaktan feelings nya. Na natrauma sya or may anxiety sya about it. It’s like every week, I have to carry the mental load of reassuring her that “everything is okay and I’m not mad at you.” And in turn I have to perform in my own home na lagi dapat smiling at welcoming. Bawal bad mood ever.

Magaling sya sa trabaho nya at mahal sya ng 1 yr old baby girl ko. Pero di ko na talaga kaya yung stress that I deal with her emotions and family issues every month. Kapag dinala ko yang mga ganyang issues sa trabaho ko fired na ko kinabukasan so I need this to move on now.

Previous attempts: kinausap ko na sya many times about her behavior. I talk and talk and talk. Nakakapagod na. Once a week may issue. And for the OT pay and all that, binibigay ko naman pero at this point sumosobra na. Days off binibigay ko because she’s entitled to rest but at the same time I do tell her about the days that I genuinely cannot let her go because those are days I discussed that I needed her the most.

Will she be okay? How will this affect her?

Context: I usually sleep in her bedroom while she sleeps in her crib so I can wake up immediately to take care of her if she cries.

Her dad works the night shift so this doesn’t matter.

Last night hindi pumasok si dad sa office so tabi kami natulog. And di ko pala naturn on yung baby monitor, usually naman di issue yon natuturn on ko naman yung monitor all the time. Pero last night kasi nga 3 times ako naghesitate kung pupunta ba ko sa room ni baby para matulog so 3 times ko din inon and off.

Anyway ayun nagising ako ng 6:09 out of instinct and tumakbo kagad ako sa room nya and umiiyak sya nakatayo sa crib at yung pacifiers nya binato nya sa labas ng crib. Probably looking for a way to get attention.

I checked the cameras and she was crying since 5:33.

Any experienced moms who can tell me ano mangyayari kay baby? What can I expect? How can I make it up to her??

A question to SAHMs who receive allowance: would 7k make you feel satisfied? Or would you still want to get a job or start a business?