u/Responsible-Maize-86

My kids, 27 and 30, are authentic, loving, hilarious individuals and I am their safe space. Generations of unhealed trauma. It ended with me. I won. Narc mother currently at high risk for cardiac arrest in the next 30 days. Family is pressuring me to make amends. Told them to let her know I loved her and hope she gets well soon. Best I can do. I will not risk how far I’ve come in my healing. The best way to beat a narcissist is become everything they aren’t.

Stress can make me very sick and my new health insurance doesn’t start until October. Started a new job this week, father in law had emergency brain aneurysm surgery in another state, mother admitted to hospital this morning with heart issues, and I got my 90 day student loan payment notice. Those are just the highlights. Thinking of dropping some Zycam or Emergen-C to combat the chaos that is starting in my body. Anyone have tricks that work?

Stressed at work? YouTube going on my 3rd screen with the pinball song and the Ladybug picnic. Smoking a little good stuff to numb the physical pains that come with age and chronic illness? Give me some Super Grover. Feeling sad? Sing. Sing a song… Core comfort that resets me. They have messages and songs that still resonate with me as adult. Kind of enlightening if you think about it. Anyone else have an interesting comfort zone from their childhood that they still revisit?
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Twe e e e e e elve!

Going back to my hometown in a few weeks. My best friend of over 40 years is flying in. It’s our 50th birthdays this year and she got us floor tickets to AC/DC. Jumping. Dancing. Singing. Still able to but the next day I’m nearly paraplegic. Battling the heat when I’m menopausal and have an intolerance to extreme temperatures anyway. I’m pre-gaming with extra walks, electrolytes, finally starting HRT, and building stamina. Taking my supplements and bringing my weed meds for sure. I know the next day is gonna hurt - especially with a 5 hour drive home. I’m ok with that. I’m realistic about the consequences but I’m not missing this reunion for the world. Some things are totally worth the increase in pain you know is coming. I need to feel alive again. I miss my best friend that I’m lucky to see once a year. Even for just one night. Anyone with similar events so important that you are willing to pay the physical price you know will happen?

I (50f) understand why she is who she is. I’ve given her a lot of grace because of it. 3 years no contact now. I send her a Christmas, birthday, and Mother’s card every year. It’s become a personal challenge to find a Mother’s Day card that doesn’t preach attributes she doesn’t show me. Her father was an abusive piece of shit that drank himself to death. She’s unhealed from trauma she didn’t deserve either. I’m the black sheep, the one who broke the chains for my daughters (healthy and happy adults btw). She’s 75. I always assumed I’d be there for my parents as their health declined. But my healing doesn’t allow her to be in my life. Am I still fantasizing that she could change if she just started therapy with a trauma specialist? She’s been to a lot of therapists but pretty sure it was all bitching about her husband and kids. I want her to heal regardless of our relationship status. I want her to find her peace. She’s my abuser but she’s still my mom and I love her. Thinking of sending her a kind letter then shutting the door again (for my peace).

I (50f) feel trapped by the American system as a whole. I originally borrowed $49k to get my Bachelor degree in my 30’s. Graduated into a recession- no work for 18 months. Paid for 7 years prior to the pandemic and SAVE. I now owe over $90k. Same story a lot of us have. To have to even consider a 3rd job to afford my second heart surgery -WITH INSURANCE- is crap. Health care should never be for profit. And student loans are predatory af.

Sitting at home. In a safe and calm environment yet am suddenly very aware of how physically tensed up I am. Happens. When I consciously relax my shoulders, it feels so damn goooood. Just me?

When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand with some neighborhood friends. I still think about the guy that that gave us a $20 and said keep the change. Friends and I took our profits and went to Pizza Hut feeling adultish at our first sit down meal with no adults. Dad asked how things went so I told him all the details. Same day, I also learned about tipping. Dad went to Pizza Hut, found the server, and made it right. I learned a LOT of lessons that day ❤️ Important ones. I still pay it forward at lemonade stands today.

My journey started with Episode 4 followed by 5 and 6. Played every holiday on local channels. Tried to watch the other movies but lost interest.

I’m the future SIL and I want her to feel beautiful. Small wedding.