u/Responsible_Panic242

This is not a shitpost. This is a 100%, factual, completely true story. No, seriously.

I’m aroace. I realise that now. But I didn’t consider it at all for LITERAL YEARS, because I didn’t like garlic bread.

Hear me out. You see, when I first came across the term asexual, I did briefly wonder if that could be me. But, when I looked it up, all that really came up were the memes. Memes about how garlic bread is better than sex.

And I looked at that, and legitimately thought “I’d rather have sex than eat garlic bread, so there’s no way I’m asexual.”

And that’s still true! I’d probably consider myself sex repulsed, but I would rather have sex than eat garlic bread.

But why do I hate garlic bread so much? Well, I have an oh so tragic backstory, you see.

One time, as a young child, I was sick with a stomach bug. My dad wanted to make me feel better, so he made me a dinner he thought would be easy to eat and comforting. Cheesy garlic bread. But you know how when you’re sick sometimes, everything tastes like ass? Yeah, it tasted like ass.

Then, I went to bed, still feeling sick. I woke up in the middle of the night, and puked cheesy garlic bread everywhere.

So, to this day, I avoid garlic bread of any kind like the plague.

Now wait, I hear you say! Garlic bread isn’t the only quintessential ace in the hole food! There’s also cake!

Well, guess what? I also hate cake. I saw memes all about garlic bread and cake, and much in the same way I would look at sexual things and say “no thanks, not for me, I’ll be leaving now” I left, and stayed clear of asexual spaces, simply to avoid the memes about the two foods I hate with a passion.

And so, for years, I failed to understand my sexuality. I kept coming back to the idea that I could be asexual. But I didn’t feel like I fit in with the asexual community, these cake loving, garlic bread worshipping gremlins. So I told myself all the classic lies; I haven’t met the right person, I’m bi but everyone’s ugly, I’m too young to know, etc etc.

So, you wonder, what exactly was it that finally slapped me in the face and told me: “You’re asexual, bitch!”?

Hazbin. Hazbin fucking hotel.

You know the guy.

Alastor the godamn radio demon was the relatable meme I needed to feel part of the asexual community. Am I a cannibal? No. Am I a serial killer? Nope. Do I have a fuckass neon pink bob haircut? Definitely not.

But he was sure as hell (pun intended) relatable.

And, watching the show, I found myself thinking: “Huh. There sure are a lot of relationships going on in this show. It’s almost like most people are genuinely interested in that as a plot device and get emotional over the ways they develop…” which only provided further evidence for my trial in both asexual and aromantic court.

Long story short, I HATE garlic bread, and because of that I denied my own asexuality. And it took a fruity red demon to force my eyes open and finally realise the truth.

Thank you for coming to my dumbass TED Talk.

Some colourised footage, because when it’s all black and white, it looks duller than it actually was. It’s actually pretty full of life, don’t you think? You can even see the streetcars we see Alastor using at the start of Rosie’s story. Idk, it’s all pretty cool to me. I feel like he must miss all this, and why he’s so insistent on sticking to the past ways.

Chapter one is officially out! There are eight chapters total, I will be posting one each day. Hope you enjoy!

Ok, so for now it looks like my surgery will be the end of august, right before school starts. I’m perfectly happy to miss however much time is needed, I do well at school and can catch up later no problem. A lot of our work is submitted online anyways. Obviously I’ll ask my surgeon to be sure, but I’m interested in other people’s thoughts.

When were you ready to go back? How did you handle books/bags? I’m wondering if a rolling bag is better? My locker is on the ground, would that be a problem? Because I can get a new locker pretty easily.

I can’t change dates, because this is the only way it all works out with insurance and my dad being able to travel with me. Any advice is appreciated.

It’s no secret that my dad is VERY invested in athletics. He coaches both adults and kids in his free time, and is constantly organising running events for our town. He took the local running club and pulled it completely off the ground to now being locally famous, being on the radio and all.

Now, when I first came out, my dad wasn’t fully supportive. He didn’t understand and he didn’t let me socially or medically transition. But, after a few years, I came out again, and that time he was supportive, because he understood more.

I was already an athlete at the time, competing and winning medals as female. He got the club to change my name and gender, so I then competed and won medals as male, against cis males, pre t.

Everything was great, until they changed the times the club ran, and I couldn’t go to that club anymore. So I joined a different club instead. But there was a problem, since this club was under a different body, and they followed the rules set by my country’s system, not their own rules.

This system said that in order for a trans man to compete as male, they had to go through the “medical officer”. It was a simple process really. But the problem was, they never appointed a medical officer. So therein lied more problems, meaning;

I couldn’t compete as female, because I was now on T, and essentially doping.

I couldn’t compete as male, because I had no medical officer to let me.

Which meant, I could not compete at all. Just because I was trans.

Now, could I have technically just competed anyway? Yep. Nobody was going around checking birth certificates or anything. But it wasn’t about that, it was about the system. I wanted it changed so no other trans athletes in the future would have to go through all this.

My dad and I agreed, we wanted a system that allowed trans men to compete as male, without excessive hassle. Not a loophole that let me, just one person in, but a systemic change that made sure no one would have to think twice about being allowed to compete.

So he started sending emails. And he got responses, but they weren’t promising. They said they couldn’t change anything, that they were just following policy etc. While all this is happening, I have to be outed to several of my coaches in order to explain why I couldn’t be an official member yet.

He got in touch with more senior management, explaining everything to them, and why he felt it was unfair. Especially since I had been allowed to compete as male in my other club before. They had meetings to discuss what to do, imagine that! They had a whole ass meeting just for one guy who was like, hey, can my kid run in this race please? An absurd idea for anyone but a trans person lol. Anyways, eventually they agreed on a solution: from now on, all a trans man would have to do is get a letter from their doctor saying “yo this guy’s a guy, let him run with the guys” and bam, gender changed, you can run now.

I got that letter no problem, and now I can compete as male.

But remember, all this comes from one nerdy cis man who just a few years ago didn’t know shit about trans people, and wouldn’t have even dreamt of becoming a trans activist. I won’t say his name for privacy reasons since he doesn’t know I’m making this post, but I hope someday his name will be in a book somewhere to remember what he did for trans men.

I just think he deserves some recognition for what he’s done, you know?

I mean, I can definitely imagine him singing this. Either in hell to Rosie, or as a human to people who pissed him off. The whole song is just so alastor coded, I had to share