u/Rich-Put4159

idk, it just feels like every thing I achieve, any amount of progress i make in improving at something just feels kind of pointless because of the way I and my body looks compared to other people, both on part of things i can change, and things i can't change. it almost feels futile to try to develop new relationships with people sometimes.

people* in title

That’s kind of it - either you already have friends, a relationship, etc., or it’s already too late. Vast majority of the time I ask if people want to hang out, they already have plans. When I do actually meet people, nothing hardly ever comes of it - either that, or everyone has people they’re already closer with. Suck to suck I suppose

I just wish so many things were different about it, and I can't change the way I feel, despite therapy and even meds. I'm only 5'8", I have gynecomastia, I have long femurs and a short torso, and I'm pretty sure I have a gap in my chest insertions. Then I have bunions and I don't like the way my feet look in general, I can't grow chest or facial hair, and I don't really like the way my facial features or my hair texture look either to be honest. My fat distribution leans towards my lower body too. There was another thing that I won't mention explicitly, and I'll keep it at that.

I know I can go to the gym to try to change things, and I do. I even use minoxidil and am planning on getting gyno surgery. But it doesn't feel like it'd addresses the other issues with my body. Hell, someone said that I might have Klinefelter's syndrome...

I just wanted to be able to feel attractive and masculine for myself, it's not about other people. I also wanted to say for the record that I understand that there are worse problems in the world and others do definitely have it worse in life, and I do admit that things could have been worse in my life. I also want to say that I don't tell people in my life how I feel since I know that it would be off-putting to hear about. Still, that doesn't really change the way I feel. I always feel really poorly about myself compared to other guys online and IRL that just seem to have it all, and it does eat away at my time feeling upset a lot of the time. Just wanted to vent since it doesn't seem like the way I feel is changing anytime soon.

I (23M) wish I was manlier. I’m only 5’8”, I have gynecomastia, I can’t grow facial hair that well (could never grow a beard), and I don’t have any chest hair. My voice doesn’t really sound as masculine as other men either. I also could never really get into sports like that. I do lift weights, but I’m not quite jacked yet.

On top of that, I feel like a lot of the muscle insertions on my body, don’t look good (namely chest and calves), and my fat distribution leans towards my lower body more than my upper body. Then apparently my testosterone is on the lower end of average. I just feel so poorly about myself compared to other guys online and IRL.

@ title - this is my favorite one from the Samantha EP and I really wanted to know of some other songs like it. One that I have at the moment is Michigan by BROCKHAMPTON.

I started on a new team at a..certain FAANG just a little over 3 months ago in late April, after being laid off in January, after working on another team for ~6 months (I graduated 2025).  I've been admittedly having trouble on the new team, namely in the way of the tasks taking slower since 1) I had been getting adjusted to the new services 2) things like bugs I encounter, more work being involved than originally anticipated, and 3) implementation details being decided upon differently over time. I've been working with other engineers on the team as I needed help. I had my first ever demo earlier this week for part of a new feature I'm working on for one service, and when I met with my manager for a 1:1 before it, he emphasized that he had very high expectations for me (both in specific reference to the demo and in general), and also mentioned picking up the pace for completing tasks. He also mentioned that I should leave a good impression on other people by delivering, and also that I tend to be quiet and encouraged me to engage with my teammates more (which is actually pretty understandable; I've always had a hangup with talking to people, even though I do socialize with my teammates from time to time). The talk about building trust with other people kind of struck me as an allusion to his superiors, but I'm not really sure.

Now, the demo actually did go well - my manager, PM, and teammates complimented me on it! But I was still having trouble interpreting the other feedback I received during the 1:1 before it.

During stand-ups, he had mentioned a lot about getting things delivered (even more than the other new hires). He also asks for estimates for how long things are going to take, and it had been hard to since everything almost always runs into a hiccup that slows things down. The current task I'm working on (which had the demo for the first part) had been ongoing for a few weeks now since there were bugs I worked around, more implementation steps than I originally anticipated, and other work I was assigned at the same time and finished. The PM I had been in communication with never seemed to focus on a particular date to finish it by, but my manager still wanted a date to keep track of how it's coming along.

So, I wasn't really sure what my standing was. I know how sneaky this company can be when it comes to focus, PIP and all, so I'd rather know in advance so I can do what I guess is picking up LeetCode and system design again. I figured that things could be slower for me since I'm new, but considering how it felt like the manager was applying pressure, I wasn't sure. The uncertainty had been killing me, to say the least. I get nervous for stand-ups and sprint planning days. I had been having trouble sleeping some nights, I tended to skip out on everything except work and scrolling on my phone on evenings and weekends, and I had been getting pit-in-stomach feelings, which I didn't know whether to interpret as anxiety or intuition.

I'm a new grad SWE and I started on my current team back at the end of April. This was after being laid off and rehired at the same company. I recently started working on a new task (3 subtasks) that was part of a feature for an internal service. I got an extension on the deadline since the work looked to be extremely tight to finish by the end of the month (including since I was out-of-office for a few days). But now, I don't know if I gave myself enough time. I was aiming to complete two subtasks before I left, then finish the third after, but I might have spillover for the second task too. That was because I ended up spending more time on the first task that I was originally planning to because of revisions on a PR and feedback from other engineers, and accounting for this is going to take longer. This was after setting up the service locally for testing, which had (and still has) bugs I'm running into.

I'm feeling like I might need to reach out to the PM and manager to explain the newer development in the situation after mentioning needing more time yesterday, but I'm really, really worried about how they'd see it. My manager reassures me that sprint are just estimates and he just wants to see me get things done incrementally, but I still didn't want to end up taking a long time on this new task like I did with the others since those ended up having things that slowed development too. I might need to put together a doc for my approach to get alignment across the team, and that's also going to take longer like working out extra implementation details already has. Then, I have other tasks unrelated to this one that I'm expected to finish by the end of the sprint (Wednesday after this Wednesday) too.

I feel like I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm extremely stressed and feel extremely upset about myself. I've been working at night too, but it still doesn't quite help. I'm at a...certain FAANG company and I'm really didn't want to mess things up, and I'm trying not to. I'm starting to question if I'm even cut out for this sometimes.

I'm a new grad SWE and I started on my current team back at the end of April. I recently started working on a new task (3 subtasks) that was part of a feature for an internal service that the project manager for my team was aiming to launch on the 27th, after finishing other tasks I had been working on back on Friday. I got this new task assigned at the beginning of the sprint the Wednesday before this past Wednesday, but hadn't worked on it since I was working on the other things that I also had for the sprint. I've made a little bit of progress since Friday, namely in the form of understanding the requirements, and then setting up a local testing environment.

But, I've still been really anxious about whether or not I can actually finish it in time (bad sleep and a bit of crying last night and this morning), The tasks might have a deadline for the 21st or 24th (going off the sprint board which also said 27th, so not completely sure). The code implementation itself looks like it could be a bit long and getting it all approved/tested could take a while (especially since I've never worked with this specific service before). The last thing that I worked on took a while since the engineers I worked with and I changed our approach a few times as we found unforeseen limitations over time. Getting the PRs approved also took a while since I needed revisions.

I was considering letting the PM know now about the potential risks involving getting it done in time - either that or asking about how hard the deadline was. That way, there wouldn’t be any surprises for if I can’t finish in time. The manager also mentioned that he would tell the PM about other similar tasks that engineers were assigned taking longer than originally planned for because of a shift in priorities. At the same time, I understand that asking could be seen as a questionable thing to do. I could try grinding to get it done, but I don’t know of anything’s going to slow down the work. I was wondering if I could get advice from you all (and also possibly some stress management tips).

Does anyone else have things that they feel upset about on their body that started in their 20s? For me, it's stuff like gynecomastia, height, and not being able to grow chest/facial hair well. I feel like it's because I was holding out hope for those changing when I was still a teenager growing up, but now I know that likely won't be the case...

I feel like people act like people can just do “inner work” or whatever to reach a point of self-acceptance, but I don’t think that’s always possible. If there are things that someone dislikes about themselves, where the way they fell wouldn’t change (whether it be things that can be changed and things that can’t be changed), then that’s that a lot of the time. Inner work, therapy, etc. might not do anything. Just speaking from experience - I’ve been to therapy for three years across three therapists, and pretty much made no progress. I even started meds.

I've (22M) been having trouble getting in shape for a long time. I know I need more discipline, but it's been really hard to get it. Stress from things (college, recent layoff I recovered from, work) makes things harder. Feeling poorly about my body compared to people IRL and online makes things harder too. Feeling poorly about parts of my body like height, chest gap, gynecomastia, calf genetics, etc. makes things harder also.

Enjoying ordering food wayy more than cooking and working out gets in the way too. I've tried BJJ, climbing, and lifting weights, and nothing really sticks that much as a way of trying to get in shape. I've still been trying to keep up with lifting weights since I know that that's how those guys online and IRL got in shape, and I can't get myself to completely enjoy it. I had a bad workout today where I got nauseous after only three exercises. None of my hobbies really hits like ordering food. I could feel very upset and the only thing that could help me feel better is ordering food. Nothing else would work.

I don't know if all this is a thing that therapy could help with, especially when I've spoken to three therapists through college to no avail. I've been considering starting it again, but I just feel a sense of dread thinking about knowing nothing will change. Other people are content and confident in themselves and enjoy diet and exercise (and other things) a lot, but I might just not be like them.

I had been feeling behind as a new grad. I started at Amazon back in July, then I worked for 6 months, then I got laid off back in January, and I got rehired late April. I had been having trouble getting adjusted both to my last team and the new one admittedly since there were a lot of moving parts for the services, and I was trying my best to figure things out on my own without asking for help too much. While that was the case though, I admit that I've been slow with the most recent task on my current team over a few weeks (which is my second one I've gotten overall). My manager mentioned that he'd like to see a deliverable for this sprint, and encouraged me to reach out for help. I guess I've been thinking about how it feels like I just started all over again, and it feels like I'm behind others already in my career. For one thing, other people I know are on the same team from when they started at their respective companies.. Plus, I know Amazon already has a questionable reputation and isn't always perceived well in terms of prestige etc.

I'm (22M) gay, and I haven't told anyone IRL, and I don't think I ever plan to. Thus, I've never been in a relationship (and I'm still a virgin) and will probably stay like that for the rest of my life. I just feel like I'd been seen differently for the worse by people in my life, including my parents. My dad was disappointed when I mentioned feeling uncertain about my sexuality when I was 14 - I ended up convincing him that I was straight, but confused at the time. He showed me porn when I was 14, then randomly comments on women's bodies (including two that looked like they were younger than me once), and randomly showed me a picture of a woman in a thong on Instagram, and I just pretend to like it. I feel like I'd feel more masculine if I were straight. And I wouldn't have to worry about the whole stay-in-the-clost-for-the-rest-of-my-life thing. I see other people happy in their relationships - hell, people I know my age that are getting married already. I wish I could eventually have that, but I don't know if I'd ever even try dating. I just feel so poorly about myself because of my sexuality, among other reasons. I feel like I wish I had different cards dealt to me in life.

I graduated back last year from undergrad, and I admittedly hadn't done all that much. I had friends and went to a hangouts and parties which were super fun, but not nearly as many as other people. I wasn't extremely close with anyone in the way other people were. I also didn't explore the city all that much.

For academics/achievements, I didn't have that much either. I got a bit below 3.5 overall (only Dean's list once). I had internships, but the work probably wasn't that impressive. I never did any research since I was originally aiming for industry rather than academia, but now I'm realizing that I should've accounted for both, especially since I'm in a volatile career field (software engineering). I never knew many professors that well – at most, decent rapport with about 3 or 4. Despite barely doing anything, the work still felt like it bogged down on me. Other than no research, I couldn't really be consistent with the gym, I hardly went out to do stuff, and I was only in one club but eventually left. I also felt pretty poorly about myself compared to other people on and off campus and that kind of discouraged me from things, but I feel like maybe I could have pushed past it a little more.

Now, I'm in Austin and working as a SWE (got laid off, but thankfully rehired), and everything's just BLS (boring, lonely, and/or stressful). It's harder to make friends, I spend a lot of time alone, I worry about trying to truly be good at something to make up for not doing enough during college (and how far I can get in my career, all things considered). I feel I don’t really enjoy much in terms of hobbies, work, exercise, etc. And pardon my language, but Austin feels boring as fuck compared to NYC. I do have a license, but don't have a car, so it often feels really limiting. Food doesn't compare either lol. I've been feeling such a strong sense of FOMO seeing everyone enjoy their lives there, plus most of my family lived there. I might just need to make it back to NYC for things to get better, but job market's been super rough and I've been trying to build experience and skills some more to prepare. Guess I just wanted to vent.

To add bit more context, what I mean is if, say, a guy were to feel upset and insecure about being shorter than 6 feet, but then people say that his problem is his mindset and not his height. I never really understood that. Technically, if the guy were to be taller, then he wouldn't have a reason to feel insecure about it, and he would have a more positive mindset. All the guys that get to be over 6 feet don't have that issue with their mindset because they never had a reason to feel insecure about that part of themselves themselves – because of the cards that they were dealt in life. I'll admit that I am speaking to my own experience in various ways, like my height, not being able to grow chest/facial hair, my voice, my proportions, etc. And while that's the case, I stand by what I said.

I'm a new grad that started back in July last year, got laid off in January, then got rehired a month ago at the same company. I start oncall work as part of the team's rotation in about two months, and I feel kind of nervous about it. I've done oncall before, but it was always low severity requests from adjacent teams on my last team - never a high-severity incident. So, I don't really have experience with handling those. This new team has about 1 Sev2 every 1-3 days usually, and I worry that it'll stress me out, that I won't be able to resolve the incidents on my own, that I'll have to fix something late at night or early in the morning, etc. I was wondering if anyone happened to have any advice for tackling oncall, as well as potential stress management tips for it if any.

I (22M) used to be more consistent with exercise and dieting and was thus leaner, but I fell off from it since I was busy with college, then started working after college. It also got a bit worse since I hadn't was laid off for 3 and got rehired about a month ago. So, I've been trying to build up the habit of improving my diet and exercise (lifting weights) again, but it's been hard. I can't get myself to consistently enjoy lifting or anything for that matter, related and unrelated to fitness, with the exception of ordering food. It's also what I've been leaning on when I feel poorly about myself, upset, or stressed, which is most of the time. Genuinely, I could feel very, very upset about for whatever reason (like as I'm typing this, for example), and ordering food and eating it would be the only thing that could help me ever feel better. Nothing else works. I know a few recipes to cook, but those hardly tasted that good to me, and cooking always felt tedious and unenjoyable.

While that's the case, I can't help but feel that I'm at an impasse when it comes to getting in shape. That is, unless it's not just not meant to be enjoyable, but I can't help but feel that other people enjoy cooking, enjoy exercise, etc. I feel like having that for myself would make things a lot easier. Therapy won't work - I've tried it with three different therapists to shift my mindset about myself, to no avail. Finding hobbies to lean on for enjoyment won't work either since I can't get myself to consistently enjoy anything.

I (22M) used to be more consistent with exercise and dieting and was thus leaner, but I fell off from it since I was busy with college, then started working after college. It also got a bit worse since I hadn't was laid off for 3 and got rehired about a month ago. So, I've been trying to build up the habit of improving my diet and exercise (lifting weights) again, but it's been hard. I can't get myself to consistently enjoy lifting or anything for that matter, related and unrelated to fitness, with the exception of ordering food. It's also what I've been leaning on when I feel poorly about myself, upset, or stressed, which is most of the time. Genuinely, I could feel very, very upset about for whatever reason (like as I'm typing this, for example), and ordering food and eating it would be the only thing that could help me ever feel better. Nothing else works. I know a few recipes to cook, but those hardly tasted that good to me, and cooking always felt tedious and unenjoyable.

While that's the case, I can't help but feel that I'm at an impasse when it comes to getting in shape. That is, unless it's not just not meant to be enjoyable, but I can't help but feel that other people enjoy cooking, enjoy exercise, etc. I feel like having that for myself would make things a lot easier. Therapy won't work - I've tried it with three different therapists to shift my mindset about myself, to no avail. Finding hobbies to lean on for enjoyment won't work either since I can't get myself to consistently enjoy anything.