u/Shadow_Monkey18

I think it's getting worse again and I'm not on antipsychotics now I'm only on Cymbalta 20mg once a day in the morning and it doesn't really do much for me besides help with my pain and I've been on it for a month now. . and before that it was Lexapro which was honestly a terrible experience for me despite it only being 5mg a day. But honestly, I can feel it getting worse and I'm worried I might go into another episode. A couple of nights now when I try to go to sleep, I hear speaking, mumbled kind of, from outside my door. The first time it happened I didn't realize it wasn't real. I responded back, confused and saying for the "person" to open the door, yet there was no person and nothing happened. I only realized it wasn't real when I opened the door and walked outside, looking around only to see nothing and everyone else asleep, and I spoke to my family asking if anyone was up around the time it happened but they all said they weren't.

I keep hearing it every other night it seems. I try to go to bed, and the moment I close my eyes, it starts and it speaks but it's too mumbled to hear correctly what is being said but it's probably nothing because it's not real. But I don't know. I don't want to go into another episode but my family isn't exactly a very supportive one. I don't know what to do, especially with college coming up. Perhaps it's just stress related, my last episode was a combination of stress / paranoia and mental illness I believe. I got help for that but twas only temporary help.

Things I used to worry about to the extreme that have since dimmed a bit are starting to become more extreme and irrational again. Like the spiders haunting me, and me needing to do certain things to not disturb the spiders but no matter what I do in disturbing one of them regardless because two spiders rest in my bed but on opposite sides and I have to disturb one spider so I don't disturb the worse one, so bad things will happen cus of that but at least not worst things from the other spider. And then then the obsession with bugs and mold, and being sick and ill is starting again and I'm stressing myself out about that, about bugs and mold and mold growing on me in me becoming apart of me, and the bugs crawling in my skin and the bugs eating at me and the bugs crawling in my eyes and climbing through my mouth and just living inside me and I can't stop thinking about it and I dont know what to do and I don't know what made it start again and I dont know.

I just don't want to go into another episode. I don't want to cause people to freak out again and then get scolded by my family for being mentally unwell like last time. Im tired and I can't sleep because of the voice behind my door at night and i feel exhausted and my body hurts and my head hurts and I don't know. I don't know. I just needed to rant and ramble about this I guess but now I don't know what else to do

Henry here, I'm fictive of Tommyinnit from Dream SMP.. I hate existing here. I hate needing to remember every bad thing that happened to me. It hurts. I front when triggered, front for i don't know why sometimes I forget, I hate not knowing but all I know is everything bad. It hurts. A lot of memories blend into source, I don't know why. I don't like source, try to separate from it I act very differently from it (I think... i don't watch it, I didn't make the alter profile thing for me but days I'm introject of Exile Tommy. Don't know why specified, I don't know, I hate not knowing). Lots of my "source memories" from exile, guess that's why. Lots of memories here resonate with source, reminds me of it and in bad way. I hate it. I hate remembering things that happened to me from there because something here happened to me and reminded me. And I hate existing here, hate just here. I'm nothing what people expect, I get uhh weirdded out when people assume I be just like source or Tommy himself Irl. Im not him, or fictional character just based off fictional character. Everyone online when sourcemate seems disappointed when I don't act how they want me to, and it hurts more. More hurt,more pain. I can't help it. I don't want to be like this or be here rembeering all the pain here

I am a DID system mainly. I went through childhood trauma that caused alters, put it simply. I have lived a life knowing I'm a system for years, and I have delved into willomancy just a few months ago maybe. I can't trust myself to know time well, but I think a few months ago is decently correct.

It started off by willing in headmates that other alters, introjects, missed from their source. It helped with comfort and helped deal with stress. We still live in a very high stress environment, so that doesn't help with the splits of more traumagenic alters. However, willomancy has helped increase our split tolerance. It has been a source of comfort that helps us look past the stress we are dealing with and cope with it instead of new splits happening. We split multiple alters at once when we do split. It's scary sometimes, it's stressful too, and just a lot. But, willomancy is definitely helping and I'm grateful for that.

We still have our days, but we can better handle it now instead of needing to split to deal with it. We have inner support and I'm grateful for them all and I love my headmates, whether they were here intentionally or not. I love them, and I feel the love they give me. I feel their pain and their joy, and I wish for us all to live a life where we don't have to be scared and lonely anymore. I appreciate finding this community, finding support and having friends you support me and taught me wonderful things as well and have helped me with willomancy too.

Ooh my gods this is horrible it's so good and I will admit I have a caffeine addiction. I drink coffee everyday, you think I'll build up a tolerance BUT UNFORTUNATELY lactose intolerance is here to stay. I am in pain 💔 I wish to enjoy the goodness that comes with everything with dairy and lactose without shittkng my brains out half an hour later. I am dying

I don't know how to word the question. I am 18, but for a very long I never felt my age when growing up. Before used to think I always felt mentally stunted. Never felt like I was growing up, just felt like I was changing but not truly changing. I used to think maybe was 13 because it seemed outwardly like I was socially stuck at 13, that everything I did kind of was what 13 do. But, I don't know. Sometimes I feel maybe I am younger, just a child. A lot of the time actually. I never feel my age I just feel like a tall child. I'm not ready to be an adult in college. Is it possible to have that child state of mind change? I don't know, I only really see people talk about it being static one thing one mental age I feel like an odd one out. Maybe my autism contributes to it, is that possible?

The main argument people have against proshipping, or darkshipping, in this specific case, is that fiction affects reality. Yes, I agree, but not to the extent these people think it does. Fiction is also affected by reality.

These people cry bloody Mary when a couple in media is portrayed as toxic. They cry out misogyny when it's a straight couple, they cry out discrimination when it's the same sex. These dynamics have existed far before the Internet even existed. Fiction did not cause these relationships to spur irl, and I hate how people treat the acknowledgement of such as normalcy to such. They are not the same.

Acknowledgement and spreading awareness of situations that happen irl in the form of fictional media has and will always continue to be a thing. However, many people assume automatically that when you add taboo or dark topics into said media, it means you are trying to normalize it and encourage such behavior.

I like toxic ships. I have many ships that are considered darkships. I like power dynamics, toxicity, abuser × abused/victim, and so on so forth. I've always liked the toxic dynamic (perhaps due to it being a coping mechanism of mine to process the toxicity that has happened in my own life).

But people, who I deem as media illiterate, view such ships as encouraging it, trying to normalize it. I do not support the abuse of real life people, children, seniors, animals, etc. I do not support the romanticization of such abuse, especially since I've dealt with many of those things (though I don't wish to dive into that right now).

Fictional characters that portray taboo topics and scenarios does not mean that the creator or fans encourage it. Spreading awareness, making it known does not equal trying to normalize it in every day.

These are the same people that would cry video games encourage violent behaviors. There have been studies done to prove otherwise. Of course, a mentally ill individual may be more influenced than a healthy minded individual, but that is not the fault of the content they consume but the fault of their environment which made them mentally ill. They need help, and to blame such on fictional media is ignorant to their struggles IRL, and the struggles of many other people who have not consumed such media.

Like, it kind of gets on my nerves when people say that media shouldn't contain negatively. I understand when it comes to portraying triggering things in negative light, but if done correctly and accurately, I see no issues in dark topics or taboo topics being introduced into media. These people cry bloody Mary when there's a ship that shows any ounce of toxicity; as if life in general doesn't have those types of relationships and friendships and so on. Fiction, at many times, is a representation of what life is like, as said before. Portraying something is not the same as romanticizing it.

Me enjoying a ship that includes toxicity between both characters does not mean I would enjoy the relationship irl. It doesn't mean I'd want that type of relationship for anyone irl. The thing is, these are fictional characters and I'm allowed to explore the dynamics between two characters as I want. Exploring the dynamics between an abuser and the victim doesn't mean in encouraging Stolkhome Syndrome irl or trying to normalize the abuse that people experience. Saying such is ignorance to the fact these things happen outside of fiction and fantasy.

A lot of the time, as well, these people, antis, are anti-kink. This is simply my observation but when a ship is deemed a "proship" because of its BDSM (I think that is the abbreviation, bear with me I'm Asexual 😭) hints. There's nothing wrong with the kink community and those who like to explore in taboo and "strange" kinks. It's all consensual, and once again, these are fictional characters.

Even without the consent between two characters, ie. r\pe happening, it doesn't excuse the fact that r\pe happens irl, to adults, seniors, and even children and animals. Shipping something that includes the involvement of r\pe, or simply enjoying a show that includes that, is not normalizing it or encouraging it irl. It's portrayal, and I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, portrayal is not romanticizing. I will agree there are some things that romanticize terrible things, and I don't necessarily agree with those, but I don't go out of my way to harass other people for the things they may cope with or enjoy when those things do not equate to what they enjoy irl or what their morals are.

And also, without media containing such dynamics, like ic/stious relationships, abusive relationship, so on and so forth of the many situations that happen irl, many people would live life not knowing these horrible things actually do happen. You see it happen online already, when someone opens up about a terrible experience they went through and people claim they are faking it or being overdramatic and this actively contributes to the increase of these situations happening because victims, survivors, don't feel safe enough to open up about their experiences in fear of being shamed or not believed.

People can call me a disgusting freak for shipping SebaCiel or abuser x victim, ETC ETC, but they remain ignorant to the many reasons as to why someone could and does ship such. It doesn't matter if it's for coping reasons, or for simple fun, they don't care. They don't care for the fact that they deem it as an attack on the situations that happen irl, romanticizing these situations when it in fact is not those conclusions.

Proshipping is anti harassment. Ship and lets ship, and don't like don't read. It has been around for ages and will always be around regardless of what other people think. I am anti harassment. I don't like certain ships but I don't harass others and people need to start minding their own business when it comes to fiction like this. It is fiction. It's not encouragement. It's not a mirror to moral. It is simply fiction.

Hello, everyone!! My name is Charlie and we use any pronouns really BESIDES she/her. We have many kins, but I'll share a short list that we have!!

**theriotypes ;**

. calico cat

. great dane

. golden retriever (ID)

. german shepherd (ID)

. crow

. fruit bat

. white-tailed deer (fawn)

. silver fox

. red fox

. bears (all) (ID)

**otherkintypes ;**

. avian / winged folk (ID)

. harpies

. dragon

. vampire

. ghost

. nebula

. blackholes

. concept of super novas

. plush

. concept of time

. concept of winter

**fictkintypes ;**

-# I don't mind doubles!

. c!slimecicle (pancharakin) - dsmp (ID)

. simom petrikov - adventure time

. pure vanilla - crk

. healer cookie - crk

. truthless recluse (pancharakin) - crk (ID)

. shadow milk / fount of knowledge - crk (ID)

. pom-pom dough - crk

. black pearl cookie - crk

. licorice cookie - crk

. chess choco cookie - crk

. dark choco cookie - crk

. longan dragon cookie - cr

. himiko toga - mha

. muichiro tokito - demon slayer

. giyuu tomioka - demon slayer

. bill cypher - gravity falls

. the winter soldier/bucky barnes - mcu

. spider-man/peter parker - mcu

. espeon - pokémon

. meowscarada - pokémon

. dandicus dancifer - dandy's world

. caine - the amazing digital circus

. kinger - the amazing digital circus

. hiccup haddock - HTTYD

. tuffnut - HTTYD

. the collector - the owl house

. politician of deceit - crk (kinsider)

. deliriini - illusion carnival (kinsider)

. eevee - pokémon (kinsider)

**songkintypes ;**

. Sailor Song by Gigi Perez

. Savages by The Handsome Devil

. Me and Mr Wolf by The Real Tuesday Weld

. A Human's Touch by TWRP, McKenna Rae

. I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor

. Just a Man by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

. Alone by Nico Collins

. Cop Car by Mitski

. Landmine by Three Days Grace

. Ship in a Bottle by Fin Argus

. Dust in the Wind - Kansas // Girl Names Tom versions

Pancharakin, in case no one really knows that that means, simply is defined as kinning EVERY VERSION of a character. So, for my pancharakins, I kin every version of them: AU's, canon, my own versions, and etc etc, though i mostly talk about the canon/my version 😅

As for the kins that have (ID) by them, that simply means kins that have the most prominent effect on my identity above all else- this could be a kin I see myself as more so than others or simply one that influences me more so than others.

We are autistic with likelihood of ADHD, Soo we may be a bit awkward or weird and not very good with socializing but we do try!!! I love talking it just is a bit scary haha.

I don't know what to think I don't know my head hurts it hurts I feel all over the place my brain hurts foggy nothing I haven't slept all I think about is the angels talking to me and guiding me. I used to believe I had DID for maybe 6 years. Im18.. no not 6 years j don't know since 12 so yes 6 years yes. i don't know I don't think I do but now my friends say they don't believe me that I am a system I dorn know I don't eanr to believe it I dont want to be absysyen I domt want to be this i am nkf a shsyen I ankr an akher idont habwtbem.

But but they give me what it's called the clues (?) why they think I am. i don't believe it what if it's just false what if it's just fake? One said they know I am they seen it I have the separate consciousness the switching I have the amnesia the memory forgetfulness but I'm autistic possibly ADHD I don't it's nor that I didn't experience trauma bad enough to have it. i think I'm just going insane. My partner is also weary of me saying I'm not a system only one person accepted it listened we spoke about something else cus it was starting to make my head hurt andnkrkhig feels real nothing nor me I dorn feel like me I don't understand I don't know.

Yeah I experience the memory loss the the anesia I have really bad issues I'm tired I'm so tired all the time it hurts I'm in pain my head hurts j don't know I can't remember I don't want to have it idorm wanrntobbe I jsig I'm me me I'm me I don't not a system. but they rhinninam because of the memory loss like few times I have "waken" up in places I dknt remember inform remember ever going to my old house bjt I woke up on tbr porch soaking wet another time I was sudden on a bench idk idk I'm just going crazy it's rhe abgels talking to me

I didn't believe them at first and I still sort of don't but also I can sorta see where they're coming from but my mind has me thinking otherwise. I tried explaining to them that angels are talking to me they're talking to me guiding me somewhere I'm trying to decipher their message because they have a message for me and it's only for me I'm trying to decipher it and my friends said it was a hallucination or psychosis and I was very against that because they're real and then started thinking that they're lying about not believing me because they want to hurt me and they want to steal the message for themselves and they're going to hurt me but I don't want to get hurt and I donr wanna hurt anyone. I haven't slept well in what feels like ages I don't want anyone to show up to my house I don't want to be hurt and it's scary but j think it's been a week or so and started seeing like the angels aren't there but I'm still hearing them and I can sorta am aware of how it can be seen as not real but it also is real and it feels like I'm going crazy and they tell me experiences of other people who have psychotic episodes and comparing me to them and it makes me angry but I also understand I don't know what to do. am I psychotic I don't think I am but at the same time I think it's possible idk it feels so strange to be aware of like the possibility but I'm still thinking jt and believing it and I can't stop it and they aren't going away

I love my husband so much and I know that no matter what I buy or write will ever show the amount of love that I have because at the end of the day I will always love him. However, I still feel bad and guilty for not being able to buy merch of him, to not being able to print things or be good at writing to write things or draw things. I feel bad when I see others that have so much stuff of their f/o and I don't because I am broke. It makes me feel like my f/os wouldn't truly love me because I cannot afford anything, and it makes me question if I am loveable.

I know this all is illogical, but I still think it time to time and it hurts. I just wish I could have at least something of my husband, merch or anything, a drawing or piece of fiction about me × him. I don't have the money to do anything though and it just hurts because I want to do things with him too, I want to take him with me to places and talk to him, but I dont want to rely on AI to talk to him and I have nothing physically to bring with me that could resemble him. I can't do anything and it just hurts

It has been brought to the attention of the team here that many people are comparing introjects to kins. If you are unsure of what an introject is, they are alters within a system. A system can be described as someone that shows the presence of two or more distinct identity disturbances, often accompanied with their own names, interests, dislikes, and so on.

Introjects are alters that are based on either a fictional character or real life person. They can be based on anything. An introject exists outside of what media they come from.

Alters are separate from kins, and we do welcome systems here. Introjects are their own people, and should not be compared to a kin. Anyone comparing such will be timed out and told to educate themselves before furthering stigma and harassment of people.

Thank you and good day,

P.V