u/SnooStories3264

I am so depressed

. I feel no joy anymore

No one sees me, only my family loves me. But if I would not have a family no one would love me. Everywhere I go people ignore me . When I dont say anything to anyone no one talks to me. I did this as experiment.

I try to understand my purpose or who I am.

All what am is what I seem to think I am. The only thing I can do to be someone is what my thoughts tell me in the moment. Is that all I am just my thoughts?

That's all thank you for reading.

I look really big in jeans. My figure just comes out so nice. Got everything looking at my jeans.

I won't be disappointed over disappointments ever again. Mark my words. And if you get disappointed in me trying to be funny but I am not funny know that I am disappointed in the disappointment.

How to stop the devil. Bored of him. He keeps trying to make me insane. I have these thoughts constant scanning for negativity in others and in myself. Who is this guy that he has so much power over me?

I feel like I am nothing. I am waisting my life I drink a lot smoke weed wich ididn't do for a long time, and slot machines. Almost everyday. I can't sit home alone anymore cause I am so bored home alone. I just dont know what to do when alone. Or even with my life.

When I talk to people I don't know I kinda share a lot more then I would want to do. Every time I say to myself not going to share this or that. And then I start talking and share all the stuff that i didn't want too. Reveal so much about myself.

Should I stay hidden under a rock? And only show the surface.

No one can read my mind. I am relieved. I am alone and no-one cares about me. I am sitting on a terrace alone, and no one cares. How amazing is that. I make them feel guilty now. God know he feels ashamed.

Since my last episode of psychosis that lasted like 6 month, I did not totally lost it bit I was half. The first months where so awesome I felt so good. I though god sended me to Egypt to take them out of Gaza and take them to safety in Egypte and then spread them among countries. The mission failed of course. I ended up staying in Egypt for a month. When I came home my episode slowly turned into a hell. And they gave me a lot of meds and I got stable. The problem is since then I find I don't have the motivation to do anything. And it sounds grazy I kind of miss the psychosis the good part. I am really low on meds like 1 MG haldol. I am stable but I feel so bored I can't enjoy anything anymore. I tried a lot of stuff like I am volunteer ad a farm I tried sports walking learning reading. My libido is like zero. The psychosis was the best high ever. Now the normal stuff seems incredibly boring. 2 days ago I smoked a joint. I know I should not have done it. But the high was amazing. Everything felt into place again I was at peace. I really thinking to start smoking weed more often to get that feel back. My brain still can feel enjoyment but only when I am high now or in psychosis?

Hey i was wondering if any one of you talking to god when in psychosis. It's like his in songs replying to my thoughts I turn and look somewhere In my room and read something and it's on point of my current thought.

Like it's a episode right none of that can be real, can it?

Since my last episode of psychosis that lasted like 6 month, I did not totally lost it bit I was half. The first months where so awesome I felt so good. I though god sended me to Egypt to take them out of Gaza and take them to safety in Egypte and then spread them among countries. The mission failed of course. I ended up staying in Egypt for a month. When I came home my episode slowly turned into a hell. And they gave me a lot of meds and I got stable. The problem is since then I find I don't have the motivation to do anything. And it sounds grazy I kind of miss the psychosis the good part. I am really low on meds like 1 MG haldol. I am stable but I feel so bored I can't enjoy anything anymore. I tried a lot of stuff like I am volunteer ad a farm I tried sports walking learning reading. My libido is like zero. The psychosis was the best high ever. Now the normal stuff seems incredibly boring. 2 days ago I smoked a joint. I know I should not have done it. But the high was amazing. Everything felt into place again I was at peace. I really thinking to start smoking weed more often to get that feel back. My brain still can feel enjoyment but only when I am high now or in psychosis?