u/SomeguyTHROWAWAY17

For around 7 years now I have identified as a trans man. I have never transitioned as it wasn't possible due to my transphobic family as well as the fact the UK is awful for waiting lists. I was never a feminine child I never related to the concept of womanhood and never really liked being perceived as a woman. When I started puberty life was hell because I never wanted to develop a feminine body and my envy for men got worse. I found comfort in going by he/him and socially changing my name to Alan.

Recently though I think I have realised that I would probably never transition anyway. I hate my chest but I just bind to help with dysphoria and I don't think T would do much good for me. I still like the different pronouns and my new name but now I don't know what I am. These conflicting feelings came about more when I found out recently that a lot of butches share similar experiences with their masculinity. I didn't know it was possible for a butch to not go by she/her and their original name.

Living as a traditional woman makes me feel sick. I don't want to be a she or a miss. I have always cried wearing dresses I feel like a part of my identity is being stripped away from me. On the other hand, I don't know if I can be a man. If someone gave me a button to make me really masculine and another button to make me a man I think I'd pick the first one.

No one really takes queer identities seriously anyway so I feel like if I never transitioned then I wouldn't be respected in my masculinity and in my new name and pronouns and they'd just treat me as a feminine woman which is not what I want.

I have no idea what to do. I don't know what I am or what I can and cannot do and it feels lonely. Does anyone have an idea?

I know that not every lesbian likes the same stuff but what are some general things that make me seem good enough for a woman? I have never even held hands with a girl it's actually tragic.

Online I usually just see the same copy and pasted concepts like "bite your lip to get her attention" like no I'm not doing that she'd probably think I'm trying to discretely take dead skin off my lips.

So does anyone have any tips to increase my chances with women? I'm desperate at this point I genuinely feel so loney. To be honest I don't think I have any confidence left in me because I automatically think most girls hate me as my bullies in school used to make me think that I was disgusting and I only just recently left that place (sorry that was rambly)

This is honestly annoying me so much. I'm 18 and I don't understand why my mum feels the need to decide my preferences. Personally, I don't really have a preference for any type of lesbian, but I tend to be attracted to slightly more masculine women. Either way though that doesn't matter I don't get why she's the one that is fussy about it. It's not like she is having to date them.

My mum has a specific idea of what a "good" lesbian is. She thinks that fems/femmes are the normal ones and butches/mascs are trying to be like men who think that there "has to be a man in the relationship". When I came out to her, she told me that she doesn't want me bringing some "butch dog" home and wants me dating a "real woman" like what does that even mean 😭

Anyway, I developed a crush on this masculine girl. Looks like that will be a problem. I don't know if she is gay or not to be honest. She's not fully masculine or fully feminine, she is just more masc leaning and I really love that. I'm really scared to ask her out as I have never dated anyone before and I don't want to embarrass myself, but also because I am scared of what my mum will say if I was to have my feelings reciprocated. I don't even think my parents want me dating at my age anyway but that's a whole other issue. I just feel so lonely and I love this girl so much. I live in a small town so even if I listened to my mum's rules my dating pool would be even more smaller then it is now.

I don't get why this bothers her so much anyway. It's not like she raised a feminine daughter so why is she so pressed if my masculine leaning self wants a masc? She does try to feminise me which she has been doing more other time but I just ignore it the best I can.

I really have no idea what to do about any of this

I'm 18 and have known I was trans since I was 11 and have basically had dysphoria all of my life. Despite that, my parents ignore it and they also semi-hate trans people! (They'll tolerate it in strangers but say they'd never accept me).

Because of this I have grown angrier over the years over every little thing. I grew up with only male friends so seeing them become what I wanted was definitely an amazing experience as I totally did not suffer mentally. As well as this my only trans friend got T at 16 and top surgery at 18. I'm happy for him but of course I'm jealous. It's so great seeing everyone in my life get what they want except me :D I get more and more frustrated every single day of my life.

I'm a horrible person I know it. In my head I get so insecure about myself and paint myself out to be more of a man than anyone else as if I'm basically not just a woman in men's clothes. I used to hit myself in order to not take my anger out on anything else. I don't anymore but instead of I guess physical damage I'm mentally damaging myself. I make up fake scenarios in my head where I just verbally lash out at my friends just to make myself seem superior. I really hate myself for it and I know it's disgusting of me to think such things.

I genuinely adopted toxic masculinity just to make myself feel better such as forcing myself not to cry when I enter these fits of anger because I believed I was weak and feminine if I did so. Yet I know if anyone else was to cry I wouldn't think of them as weak. Why do I have to be like this??

I would access therapy if I could but given my controlling parents and my lack of money combined with the piss take that is the NHS waiting list, I don't ever see myself getting help.

How do I actually stop being such a prick?

Yes it is fucking late for me. I have the body of a woman ffs and that will never change. Even when I get top surgery and on hormones I'll still be stuck with the damages puberty has done to my bone structure. I want to end it I genuinely cannot keep going. My best friend got on T at 16 and he just recently got surgery. I am stuck as the same I was when he started T. I am the same I was when I discovered I was trans at the age of 11. At 18 I have no chance of transitioning due to my transphobic family while people like my friend get everything they ever wanted because they had the fortune of having parents that care about their problems. I'm happy for him but deep down I am seething with jealousy. It'll only get worse too because it's the bloody UK where trans people aren't worth the NHS's time. I'll always be a woman and I know I can't end my life because then I would've achieved nothing as a man and be stuck with a feminine name on my grave.

God and it's not just my body is impacted by it being late but just my relationships with people in general. I'd like to be able to date one day but no woman will want a man that looks like one of their own. I'm actually sick to death of this prison that is my body!

People who transition young will never understand because they essentially get to live as cis whereas people like me are stuck with permanent changes being told it's "never too late" when realistically it is. I'm so useless.

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I'm actually so obsessed with this anime I finished it today and I'm hooked. I need to read the manga and luckily I found it online. It's so wholesome! Grace is one of my new favourite characters and I rarely get new favourites. I need the manga to get an official translation and a season 2 so badly. I don't tend to like Isekai but this is so good it's insane. And they even have a figure of Grace already?? I'll definitely get it once I get the money.

So what does everyone else think of this anime? I wish it was talked about more. Is it even popular enough to get an English manga and a season 2? I hope it is this is one of my most favourite anime now!

I don't know much of anything about this point in time so I'm curious. I've seen some images of fashion and they seem to adopt a more westernised rich look which makes me wonder if that was reserved for the rich in Japan or the general population. Also, how did social customs change for the common folk? What religions were popular?I don't see many people talk about this era so now I'm more curious on it :)

I'm an 18 FTM who is going to university soon in the UK. My parents don't accept trans people and given the UK waiting times, I will not be on T during my time at university. Despite this, I really want to go stealth as I meet new people and want to experience a new section of my live as a man. The only problems with this though is that as of now I do not pass. Most I can do is cut my hair short and maybe dress seemingly male before university, but that won't change my overall look. It also doesn't help that I'm 168cm (5ft 6) and have applied to uni with my dead name as I cannot legally change it as of now. So how should I go about being stealth? I don't want any of my classmates to find out I'm trans but I also don't want to give suspicion to my transphobic parents. An important factor to note before anyone mentions it is that no, just because I am a legal adult does not mean I can do what I want. I still live with my parents (as most do at this age) and they control the kinds of things I do.

Another thing I'm worried about is my name. I need to make sure I inform my tutors of my actual name so they don't refer to me as my dead name before my classmates arrive or find out in some way. I don't know it all seems so stressful.

So how do I go stealth?

This is a long one but I genuinely need help:

I've been trans for 7 years now but I keep having doubts about my identity a lot recently. I'm pre transition since I've never been allowed to speak of trans issues with my parents. I don't know if I'm trans anymore. Like what if I've been lying to myself this whole time? I love going by he/him and love being called Alan but what if I'm just a butch lesbian playing pretend?

There are times where I still get dysphoria and I want to look like a guy, but I also have days where I'm okay. I want people to treat me like a man though and I want to be perceived as one. But what if I'm not happy if I transition? My life is alright right now and I don't necessarily care if I'm seen as a girl as people have never treated me as one. I don't want to ruin my life by transitioning just in case it's not for me. I feel like such a coward and a faker, but I don't know what to do. I kinda despise being seen as a girl but I don't know if I'm fussy about transitioning even though I would like to be seen as a guy far more. I don't know what it's like to actually be seen as a guy by strangers because I've never been allowed to do anything with my appearance but I just know I'd love it. Am I just trying to take the safe route out? Am I not committed? I don't know anymore and it's messing with my head.

I think this issue of mine may have occurred as I stopped being a (type of bad trans person that dictates other trans people that I cannot say in this post) a fair few months back. I feel happier in myself and I can't tell if it's because I'm not actually trans or because I now perceive transitioning differently from what I used to. I've tried exploring my gender a bit with something called bigender, specifically being male and female. The thing is though is that I relate to the male side a whole lot more. Yet at the same I'm chill as a woman but then I want to curl up into a ball and cry and never go outside as new people will see me as a woman first when I don't want them to. I'm not non binary or at least I don't think I am. I have my sexuality figured out too as I only like women, but would that mean I'm a straight guy or a lesbian? Everything feels so conflicting.

I'm 18 and I feel like the clock is ticking. I don't want my breasts to get bigger and if I could flatten them right now I would, but I'm also small chested so I don't care as much. My hips disgust me but I have a more androgynous figure as of now; I don't want them developing further or else I think I'd do things I don't think I can mention here. My voice naturally sounds like a teen boy just starting puberty but I want it to be deeper. My shoulders are bigger than most girls yet not big and broad like a lot of men's. My eyebrows are thick and my eyes aren't wide like women's tend to be. I just feel like some weird amalgamation that needs to pick a side, yet the side I want is not attainable and will leave my grasp in a few years as I'm shoved into the side I don't want to be in. There will be a time when my body turns into something I'll want to destroy. My mum has already said that she'd never accept me if I transitioned as she "knows what she gave birth to".

I feel so hopeless. I can survive without the T I think, yet if people don't perceive me as a man I feel like my whole existence is worthless and a pathetic waste of space. Am I even trans or just a really Masculine woman who wants others to think she's a man upon a first encounter?

This is a long one but I genuinely need help:

I've been trans for 7 years now but I keep having doubts about my identity a lot recently. I'm pre transition since I've never been allowed to speak of trans issues with my parents. I don't know if I'm trans anymore. Like what if I've been lying to myself this whole time? I love going by he/him and love being called Alan but what if I'm just a butch lesbian playing pretend?

There are times where I still get dysphoria and I want to look like a guy, but I also have days where I'm okay. I want people to treat me like a man though and I want to be perceived as one. But what if I'm not happy if I transition? My life is alright right now and I don't necessarily care if I'm seen as a girl as people have never treated me as one. I don't want to ruin my life by transitioning just in case it's not for me. I feel like such a coward and a faker, but I don't know what to do. I kinda despise being seen as a girl but I don't know if I'm fussy about transitioning even though I would like to be seen as a guy far more. I don't know what it's like to actually be seen as a guy by strangers because I've never been allowed to do anything with my appearance but I just know I'd love it. Am I just trying to take the safe route out? Am I not committed? I don't know anymore and it's messing with my head.

I think this issue of mine may have occurred as I stopped being a (type of bad trans person that dictates other trans people that I cannot say in this post) a fair few months back. I feel happier in myself and I can't tell if it's because I'm not actually trans or because I now perceive transitioning differently from what I used to. I've tried exploring my gender a bit with something called bigender, specifically being male and female. The thing is though is that I relate to the male side a whole lot more. Yet at the same I'm chill as a woman but then I want to curl up into a ball and cry and never go outside as new people will see me as a woman first when I don't want them to. I'm not non binary or at least I don't think I am. I have my sexuality figured out too as I only like women, but would that mean I'm a straight guy or a lesbian? Everything feels so conflicting.

I'm 18 and I feel like the clock is ticking. I don't want my breasts to get bigger and if I could flatten them right now I would, but I'm also small chested so I don't care as much. My hips disgust me but I have a more androgynous figure as of now; I don't want them developing further or else I think I'd do things I don't think I can mention here. My voice naturally sounds like a teen boy just starting puberty but I want it to be deeper. My shoulders are bigger than most girls yet not big and broad like a lot of men's. My eyebrows are thick and my eyes aren't wide like women's tend to be. I just feel like some weird amalgamation that needs to pick a side, yet the side I want is not attainable and will leave my grasp in a few years as I'm shoved into the side I don't want to be in. There will be a time when my body turns into something I'll want to destroy. My mum has already said that she'd never accept me if I transitioned as she "knows what she gave birth to".

I feel so hopeless. I can survive without the T I think, yet if people don't perceive me as a man I feel like my whole existence is worthless and a pathetic waste of space. Am I even trans or just a really Masculine woman who wants others to think she's a man upon a first encounter?