u/South-Cockroach3592

Queens, I need you to bully me into finally getting my shit together because I genuinely don’t know how to take care of myself.

I’m 25F and I’ve struggled with my confidence since around 13, when I developed big boobs really young. Ever since then I’ve felt like they make me look much bigger than I actually am.

I’m what people would probably call “skinny fat”. I look fine in clothes, but I have a belly I’m insecure about. I just want to feel beautiful for once and actually feel good in my body.

But it’s not just my body. My hair is terrible, my face feels average, and I don’t know how to properly maintain myself. I’ll try little things like skincare, makeup, working out and hair care, but I’m so inconsistent that I barely see any improvement.

I’m tired of constantly thinking “I’m going to glow up” and then doing nothing.

I want better hair, skin, body, makeup, clothes and grooming. I want to look polished and well looked after.
So please, bully me into locking in 😭
What finally made you stop procrastinating and actually become consistent? Tell me the harsh truth I need to hear because I clearly need a reality check.

I’ve realised something recently and honestly… I feel like I’ve been living in a little bubble for years. 😭 I’m 25 now btw…

My motto was always: “I’m ugly, so why bother?”
Why learn makeup? Why learn how to dress? Why bother doing my hair? Why take care of my body?

I basically convinced myself that I should just be “naturally beautiful” and that I shouldn’t need makeup, styling or anything else to look good. “Just be natural. If you’re genuinely pretty, you shouldn’t need all that stuff anyway.”

And because I have very thin, low-density hair, that mindset honestly made me feel even worse. I’ve always been insecure about my hair, so I’d see women with gorgeous, full hair, beautiful skin, perfect features etc. and spend HOURS comparing myself.
“Look at her, she has such gorgeous hair.”
“Her face is perfect.”
“Look at her body.”
“You’re ugly.”

And there was never a point where the comparison ended. Instead of thinking, “Okay, what can I do to enhance what I already have?” I’d think, “Well, I don’t naturally look like that, so what’s the point?”
So I just stopped trying before I even started.
I didn’t learn makeup. I didn’t learn how to dress myself properly. I neglected my hair. I wasn’t active. I emotionally ate. I became comfortable being invisible because if nobody could really see me, nobody could really judge me either.

I also genuinely believed all the “looks don’t matter, it’s about what’s inside” stuff.
And yes, obviously your character matters. I’m funny, quirky, kind, loving, interesting, thoughtful and I can crack a joke 😂 I actually really like who I am on the inside.
But I’ve had to accept that the world IS superficial. People are visual. First impressions exist. Appearance affects how people perceive you. Pretending otherwise doesn’t magically make it untrue. And PLEASE don’t get me started on “men will cheat anyway, so why bother?” 😭
I still remember these two absolutely gorgeous girls telling me, “You don’t need makeup, you have such great skin!” Meanwhile they both had beautiful skin, were gorgeous AND wore lovely makeup.

The irony honestly 💀💀
I think sometimes people mean well, but those kinds of comments can make you more comfortable staying exactly where you are instead of encouraging you to explore what you could look like with a little effort.
And I’m finally done with that.
My hair is currently tangled, neglected and fighting for its life. 😭 But I’m picking up the pieces now.
I’m NOT doing all of this yet, but I’m finally ready to start.
I’m planning to learn makeup, learn how to dress myself, take my hair seriously, take better care of my body, eat better and basically learn how to be a woman who actually knows how to look after herself. 😭
I’m starting from ZERO, so if you have any advice,

**PLEASE** give it to me.

Especially when it comes to makeup, clothes, hair, skincare, fitness, eating better… literally anything. 😂
I have genuinely never been a gym girl and have basically never exercised in my life, so if you’re someone who started from that exact position, what would you recommend? Should I join a gym? What do I even do when I get there without looking like I’ve accidentally walked into the wrong building? 😭

I’m trying to approach this as learning how to take care of myself rather than trying to become someone else.
So girls, hold my hand through this transition because I clearly need the guidance. 😂💗❤️😭
Wish me luck. The rebrand is officially beginning.

I’ve realised something recently and honestly… I feel like I’ve been living in a little bubble for years. 😭 I’m 25 now btw…

My motto was always: “I’m ugly, so why bother?”
Why learn makeup? Why learn how to dress? Why bother doing my hair? Why take care of my body?

I basically convinced myself that I should just be “naturally beautiful” and that I shouldn’t need makeup, styling or anything else to look good. “Just be natural. If you’re genuinely pretty, you shouldn’t need all that stuff anyway.”

And because I have very thin, low-density hair, that mindset honestly made me feel even worse. I’ve always been insecure about my hair, so I’d see women with gorgeous, full hair, beautiful skin, perfect features etc. and spend HOURS comparing myself.
“Look at her, she has such gorgeous hair.”
“Her face is perfect.”
“Look at her body.”
“You’re ugly.”

And there was never a point where the comparison ended. Instead of thinking, “Okay, what can I do to enhance what I already have?” I’d think, “Well, I don’t naturally look like that, so what’s the point?”
So I just stopped trying before I even started.
I didn’t learn makeup. I didn’t learn how to dress myself properly. I neglected my hair. I wasn’t active. I emotionally ate. I became comfortable being invisible because if nobody could really see me, nobody could really judge me either.

I also genuinely believed all the “looks don’t matter, it’s about what’s inside” stuff.
And yes, obviously your character matters. I’m funny, quirky, kind, loving, interesting, thoughtful and I can crack a joke 😂 I actually really like who I am on the inside.
But I’ve had to accept that the world IS superficial. People are visual. First impressions exist. Appearance affects how people perceive you. Pretending otherwise doesn’t magically make it untrue. And PLEASE don’t get me started on “men will cheat anyway, so why bother?” 😭
I still remember these two absolutely gorgeous girls telling me, “You don’t need makeup, you have such great skin!” Meanwhile they both had beautiful skin, were gorgeous AND wore lovely makeup.

The irony honestly 💀💀
I think sometimes people mean well, but those kinds of comments can make you more comfortable staying exactly where you are instead of encouraging you to explore what you could look like with a little effort.
And I’m finally done with that.
My hair is currently tangled, neglected and fighting for its life. 😭 But I’m picking up the pieces now.
I’m NOT doing all of this yet, but I’m finally ready to start.
I’m planning to learn makeup, learn how to dress myself, take my hair seriously, take better care of my body, eat better and basically learn how to be a woman who actually knows how to look after herself. 😭
I’m starting from ZERO, so if you have any advice,

**PLEASE** give it to me.

Especially when it comes to makeup, clothes, hair, skincare, fitness, eating better… literally anything. 😂
I have genuinely never been a gym girl and have basically never exercised in my life, so if you’re someone who started from that exact position, what would you recommend? Should I join a gym? What do I even do when I get there without looking like I’ve accidentally walked into the wrong building? 😭

I’m trying to approach this as learning how to take care of myself rather than trying to become someone else.
So girls, hold my hand through this transition because I clearly need the guidance. 😂💗❤️😭
Wish me luck. The rebrand is officially beginning.

I’m 25 and I genuinely feel like I’ve wasted years of my life.

I’ve spent so long on my phone that it’s become my default way of existing. I scroll for hours every day, compare myself to women online, call myself ugly, complain about my life, procrastinate, and then wonder why nothing changes.
The reality is that no amount of self-hatred is going to change my face. Complaining won’t make money appear. Comparing myself to other women won’t improve my circumstances. But I keep repeating the same cycle.
The scary part is I feel like my brain has changed. Being outside almost feels overwhelming now. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to go for a walk. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel anxious and trapped. I spend so much time indoors that leaving the house feels like a huge task.

I know what I should be doing😭😭😭applying for jobs, exercising, taking care of my hair and skin, building a routine…but instead I freeze and end up wasting all my time.Then I hate myself for wasting another day.
I’m so tired of living like this. I don’t want to wake up at 30 and realise I’ve lost another five years to scrolling and feeling sorry for myself.

Has anyone else been this addicted to their phone
/ wasting time and managed to turn things around? What actually helped? I’m looking for practical advice because I don’t want to keep living like this🥹🥹😭❤️

I’m 25 and I genuinely feel like I’ve wasted years of my life.

I’ve spent so long on my phone that it’s become my default way of existing. I scroll for hours every day, compare myself to women online, call myself ugly, complain about my life, procrastinate, and then wonder why nothing changes.
The reality is that no amount of self-hatred is going to change my face. Complaining won’t make money appear. Comparing myself to other women won’t improve my circumstances. But I keep repeating the same cycle.
The scary part is I feel like my brain has changed. Being outside almost feels overwhelming now. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to go for a walk. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel anxious and trapped. I spend so much time indoors that leaving the house feels like a huge task.

I know what I should be doing😭😭😭applying for jobs, exercising, taking care of my hair and skin, building a routine…but instead I freeze and end up wasting all my time.Then I hate myself for wasting another day.
I’m so tired of living like this. I don’t want to wake up at 30 and realise I’ve lost another five years to scrolling and feeling sorry for myself.

Has anyone else been this addicted to their phone
/ wasting time and managed to turn things around? What actually helped? I’m looking for practical advice because I don’t want to keep living like this🥹🥹😭❤️

I’m 25 and honestly feel like I’ve been asleep for all these years 😭. I never learnt makeup, hair, fashion, skincare, etc. because I genuinely didn’t care, and now suddenly I really want to learn everything.
I’ve also neglected myself, especially my type 4 natural hair. It’s very short, thin, dry and damaged, and I barely , know how to care for or style it. I’ve always worn a scarf, but I’m considering not wearing one anymore.

The problem is I have no idea what to actually do with my hair.
I’ve thought about wigs, half wigs, braids and extensions, but I don’t know how to install them and I’m worried about traction alopecia because my hair is already thin. I also don’t love the idea of constantly having to blend my natural hair with extensions I’d really like to learn how to make my own hair look good too.
I have ONE MONTH before starting a new course and job, and I really want to use it to become more polished and confident. I’m completely overwhelmed by where to start: hair, makeup, clothes, skincare, nails, teeth, fitness, smelling good, etc. 😭

If you were starting from basically zero and had one month, what would you prioritise?
And especially for women with short/thin type 4 hair .. what would you recommend doing with it while trying to improve its health? I’d love practical advice because I genuinely have no idea what I’m doing.
I know I can’t transform everything in a month, but I really want to make the biggest difference possible and stop feeling like I’ve wasted years not learning these things.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I think I’m just hoping someone has been through something similar because I’m so confused by what’s happened to me.

I’ve never been this low in my deen before. My heart feels numb. I don’t feel connected to Allah anymore and that scares me so much.

I’ve stopped praying consistently. Some days I’ll pray a few salahs, other days I won’t. I’ll make dua and afterwards I just feel nothing. I hate admitting that because I used to love making dua.

The thing is, this isn’t who I used to be.

I was the person who would pray anywhere. If salah came in, I’d find somewhere to pray no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it was. I used to remind the people around me to pray too. Thinking about the afterlife used to motivate me. I genuinely tried my best to stay away from haram because I wanted Allah to be pleased with me.

I feel like everything changed after Ramadan. I slowly became tired of the deen. I don’t even know why.

Around the same time I started struggling a lot with hijab. I had so many doubts and frustrations. I’m still wearing it, but if I’m honest, part of it is because I’m incredibly insecure about how I look underneath. I’ve always struggled with my appearance, and lately I feel so ugly whether I wear the hijab or not. Sometimes it almost feels like I’m being punished because I don’t feel beautiful either way. I know that’s probably the wrong way to think about it, but it’s honestly how I feel.

I don’t know if all of this has affected my relationship with Allah or if it’s something else.

What confuses me the most is that I still want to be a practising Muslim. I don’t want to leave Islam. I don’t want to go and do haram things. But I catch myself wishing I could just practise when I feel like it, pray when I feel like it, think about religion when I feel like it. I know that’s not how Islam works, and that makes me feel guilty because Allah deserves consistency whether I feel motivated or not.

I don’t understand why I’ve changed so much. I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t even know who I am spiritually anymore.

The thing that scares me most is dying like this. I keep thinking, what if I die while my heart feels this distant from Allah?

Has anyone else been through this? Did you ever get your connection back? What actually helped when you felt completely numb?

May Allah make it easy for us all ❤️❤️

Assalamu Alaikum sisters,

I'm posting because I would really appreciate some honest perspectives and advice. This is about my younger brother, who is now in his early twenties.

When he was around 11–13 years old, he spent some time living away with relatives while attending school and learning Qur'an. During that time, an older male cousin would often say they were "play fighting."

Over the years, my brother has described things that happened during these "play fights." They included my cousin holding him in a room so he couldn't leave, slapping his backside, trying to force him to smell his boxers, trying to put his hand inside my brother’s trousers, making him stroke his beard, and other behaviour that made him feel deeply uncomfortable. My brother has told me himself that he felt scared during these moments and felt that his cousin was using his size and strength against him.

When he eventually came back home, he wasn't the same child. As he got older, he became an incredibly angry teenager, especially towards our mum, me, and my sisters. He would explode over the smallest things, and none of us understood why. Looking back now, I can't help but wonder whether he was carrying everything inside.

A few years ago, he completely broke down in front of us and finally told us what had happened. We all cried with him. However, afterwards, he quickly backtracked and said it was probably just play fighting. He insisted nothing bad happened, and because of that, we didn’t know what to think. We wondered whether maybe we had misunderstood things.

Recently, he opened up again to my sister in much greater detail. She said he looked incredibly sad while talking about it. I later spoke to him because I wanted to understand properly, and we had a long conversation.

I apologised to him for what he went through and for carrying it on his own. I also told him how incredibly proud I am of the man he has become. He’s working hard, trying to build a future for himself, figuring out his studies, and doing his best despite life’s challenges. We haven’t always had the easiest sibling relationship, but I love him dearly, and I want him to know that I will always be in his corner.

This time, he told me that after really reflecting on everything as an adult, he now realises it wasn’t just play fighting. He said what happened was wrong and that he genuinely felt scared as a child.

At the same time, he still defends our cousin. He says he doesn’t believe our cousin was trying to be malicious and that maybe he wasn’t thinking properly. He told me he has forgiven him, has even made dua for him, and doesn’t consider himself a victim.

That honestly broke my heart.

I told him that being a man doesn’t mean he couldn’t have been hurt or taken advantage of. He was a child, he was vulnerable, and he deserved to feel safe.

One thing that stayed with me was when he admitted that, for a long time afterwards, memories of what happened would randomly come back to him. Whenever they did, he would have to wash his face to calm himself down. He says nowadays he is busy with work, trying to build his life, and focusing on his studies. He says he doesn’t think it affects him anymore and doesn’t want therapy because he feels he has moved on.

I’m not posting this to shame anyone or to attack my cousin. I genuinely want to understand how best to support my brother.

As his sister, is there anything more I can do for him? Or is the best thing to simply let him know I’m always here if he ever wants to talk and not bring it up unless he does? I don’t want to pressure him or make him relive something painful, but I also don’t want to stay silent if there is something I could be doing to help.

I would really appreciate honest advice from anyone who has experience supporting a loved one through something difficult like this. How do you balance being there for someone while also respecting that they may not want to talk about it?

Please be respectful. This is someone I love deeply, and I’m only trying to understand how I can support him in the best way possible.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Asalaamu Alaikum everyone.

I'm posting because I'd really appreciate some honest perspectives from fellow Somalis. This is about my younger brother, who is now in his early twenties.

When he was around 11–13 years old, he spent some time living back home in Somalia with our relatives while attending school and learning Qur'an. During that time, an older male cousin would often say they were "play fighting."

Over the years, my brother has described things that happened during these "play fights." They included my cousin holding him in a room so he couldn't leave, slapping his backside, trying to force him to smell his boxers, trying to put his hand inside my brother's trousers and towards his backside, making him stroke his beard, and other behaviour that made him feel deeply uncomfortable. My brother has told me himself that he felt scared during these moments and believed our cousin was using his size and strength against him.

When he eventually came back home, he wasn't the same child. As he got older, he became an incredibly angry teenager, especially towards our mum and even towards me and my sisters. He would explode over the smallest things, and none of us understood why. Looking back now, I can't help but wonder whether he was carrying everything inside.

A few years ago, he completely broke down in front of all of us and finally told us what had happened. We all cried with him. But afterwards, he quickly backtracked and said it was probably just play fighting. But not long afterwards, he completely backtracked. I still remember him looking me straight in the eye and saying, Nothing bad happened. He insisted it was play fighting. My mum also said that Somali boys and men can be very physically playful with one another, so at the time we all moved on. I even questioned whether maybe he had exaggerated things.

Recently, however, he opened up again to my sister in much greater detail. She said he looked incredibly sad while talking about it. I later called him because I wanted to understand properly, and we had a long conversation.

I apologised to him for what he went through and for carrying it on his own. I also told him how incredibly proud I am of the man he has become. He's working hard, trying to build a future for himself, figuring out his studies, and doing his best despite life's challenges. We haven't always had the easiest sibling relationship, but I love him dearly, and I want him to know that I'll always be in his corner.

This time, he told me that after really thinking back on everything as an adult, he now realises it wasn't just play-fighting. He said what happened was wrong and that he genuinely felt scared as a child.

At the same time, he still defends our cousin. He says he doesn't believe our cousin was being malicious and that maybe he wasn't thinking properly. He told me he has forgiven him, has even made dua for him, and doesn't consider himself a victim.

That honestly broke my heart.

I told him that just because he's a man doesn't mean he wasn't a victim. If a little girl described exactly the same experiences, I don't think anyone would hesitate to say she had been taken advantage of. He was a child, he was vulnerable, and he deserved to feel safe.

One thing that also stuck with me was when he admitted that, for a long time afterwards, memories of what happened would randomly come back to him. Whenever they did, he'd have to go and wash his face to calm himself down. He says nowadays he's busy with work, trying to build his life and figure out his studies, and doesn't think it affects him anymore. He doesn't want therapy and says he's moved on.

I'm not posting this to shame anyone or to attack my cousin. I genuinely want to understand, both culturally and personally.

I'm also worried that this might still affect him in ways he doesn't realise. Maybe it won't, and I hope with all my heart that it doesn't. But I love my brother so much, and I just want the best for him.

As his sister, is there anything I can do to support him? Or is the best thing to simply let him know I'm always here if he ever wants to talk and never bring it up again? I don't want to pressure him or make him relive something painful, but I also don't want to stay silent if there's something more I could be doing.

I'd also really appreciate hearing from Somali men. Have any of you experienced something that was dismissed as "play fighting" or normal behaviour growing up, only to realise later that it crossed a line? Is it common for men to minimise these experiences, forgive the person involved, or convince themselves there was no malicious intent?

Please be respectful. This is someone I love deeply, and I'm only trying to understand how I can support him in the best way possible.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

I feel so hideous with my hair. I think I got nerfed?
I mean I sometimes look like a boy with my hair.. I mean if it was thick then maybe I would feel better but it’s thin and short… for over 20 years 😭😭😭
it’s been ear length for over 20 years?
I’m so confused there are 5 year olds that have longer hair than me?
My face isn’t stunning either but I do have some nice features Allahumabarik like pretty eyes .. not saying I lol gorgeous .. but I’m okay..
If I had pretty hair I would look instantly better.
I’ve thought about wearing fake hair wigs etc but I feel like a fraud😭😭😭😭
I can’t help but think all Somali girls I see are way more prettier than me.. I mean they all have such thick pretty curly hair 😭😭😭😭Allahumabarik
I feel so hideous with my hair I can’t help myself 😭😭😭
Please be nice and don’t judge me..
deep down I just want pretty hair for me

I’ve made posts like this before so I probably sound like a broken record, but this feels like the first time I’m actually trying to take real steps basically ripping the bandaid off instead of just spiralling about it.

I genuinely can’t stand having hijab on my head anymore and at this point I know nobody is stopping me but me. I’ve already had the uncomfortable conversation with my mum and told her I don’t want to keep living a two faced life or wearing something I’ve grown to resent. She wasn’t happy but she does respect that it’s my choice.
I have zero confidence in what I look like without it, but I also feel like I need this hijab off. I can’t keep doing this anymore. For years I didn’t really focus on beauty at all, I just hid myself away because I believed I didn’t really have any beauty to begin with. I’m deeply insecure about my appearance and I’ve struggled with that for a long time.

A big part of why I’ve stayed in hijab is insecurity. My hair is very thin, basically ear length for years, barely anything at the front, and I feel like I neglected it because I would just get tired and put the hijab on. I also struggle with internalised texturism having type 4 hair and always feeling like it’s “difficult” or unmanageable.e. And to make it worse, every Somali girl I know or see in real life who doesn’t wear hijab seems to have such beautiful thick and long hair, so I already feel behind and self conscious before I’ve even taken mine off🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥹

I’m also insecure in clothes without hijab because I’m slim but have a bigger chest so I feel like nothing sits right, and hijab has been a way of hiding that too.
Even with all of that, I do want to start working with what I have. I want to feel beautiful in my own way and not keep hiding forever. I want to experience simple things like the wind in my hair and actually live my young years instead of covering myself all the time.

I’m thinking of ordering a half wig or fake hair as a transition so I can feel a bit more confident while I adjust and grow my own hair underneath, but I’m unsure if that’s a good idea or if it will just make me feel worse because it’s not my real hair.Has anyone else taken their hijab off while feeling really insecure about their hair, body, or appearance? Did you use wigs or half wigs at first? What really helped in this journey as I feel so confused on what to do and how to start? I’d really appreciate genuine advice because I feel like I’m finally at the point where I can’t keep doing this anymore, I just need help taking the step.
THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE ❤️❤️❤️❤️

There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that comes with feeling like an ugly woman while also being a hijabi.

Watching your friends fall in love while men look through you like glass. Never having the “pretty girl experiences” other women casually talk about. No stories. No romantic canon events. No moments where someone looked at you like you were beautiful enough to remember.

And the hardest part is knowing even if you took the hijab off tomorrow, you still wouldn’t suddenly become prettier. So you can’t even comfort yourself with “maybe it’s just the hijab.” You know it’s just… you.

Sometimes it gets so extreme you start avoiding mirrors because one wrong glance at yourself can ruin your entire day. You look at other women and realise beauty isn’t just makeup or confidence like people love to say. Sometimes it really is genetics. Bone structure. Facial harmony. Features fitting together in the right way naturally🥹

And that’s the painful part because how do you compete with something that was decided before you were even born?

People don’t compliment you. Nobody gravitates toward you naturally. You notice how warmth exists around beautiful women in a way it never seems to exist around you. Sometimes you see women so beautiful it genuinely makes you feel pathetic and embarrassed for existing beside them, like beauty is something other people were born carrying effortlessly while you’re trying to build it out of nothing.

You tell yourself comparison is the thief of joy over and over again but eventually even that stops helping.

You leave conversations feeling pathetic for even existing in the same space as people who are effortlessly beautiful. Having a crush on someone feels humiliating because your first thought isn’t “I hope they like me back,” it’s “if they knew, they’d probably feel uncomfortable.”

And what makes it worse is knowing deep down how pathetic it feels to care this much about beauty when there are people carrying illnesses, grief, war, hunger, loss. You sit there devastated over your reflection while someone else is begging Allah for one more year with the person they love.

Sometimes I genuinely have to stop myself and think: be careful. Don’t become so consumed by appearance that Allah tests you with a hardship so heavy it makes you forget beauty was ever something you cried over in the first place.

Because there are trials that rearrange the human soul so completely that mirrors, attractiveness, validation — all of it becomes meaningless overnight.

And yet despite knowing all this intellectually, the ache still exists.

So you cope the best you can. You remind yourself at least Allah loves me. At least I have my health. At least I can still wake up tomorrow and try again.

And you keep searching for things to make life feel bigger than your appearance. New hobbies. New interests. Random passions. Anything to stop your mind from collapsing into itself.

Because when you spend too long hating the way you look, it can quietly start to consume your entire existence.

I think some people underestimate how much strength it takes to keep showing up in the world when you don’t feel beautiful in it.

There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that comes with feeling like an ugly woman while also being a hijabi.

Watching your friends fall in love while men look through you like glass. Never having the “pretty girl experiences” other women casually talk about. No stories. No romantic canon events. No moments where someone looked at you like you were beautiful enough to remember.

And the hardest part is knowing even if you took the hijab off tomorrow, you still wouldn’t suddenly become prettier. So you can’t even comfort yourself with “maybe it’s just the hijab.” You know it’s just… you.

Sometimes it gets so extreme you start avoiding mirrors because one wrong glance at yourself can ruin your entire day. You look at other women and realise beauty isn’t just makeup or confidence like people love to say. Sometimes it really is genetics. Bone structure. Facial harmony. Features fitting together in the right way naturally🥹

And that’s the painful part because how do you compete with something that was decided before you were even born?

People don’t compliment you. Nobody gravitates toward you naturally. You notice how warmth exists around beautiful women in a way it never seems to exist around you. Sometimes you see women so beautiful it genuinely makes you feel pathetic and embarrassed for existing beside them, like beauty is something other people were born carrying effortlessly while you’re trying to build it out of nothing.

You tell yourself comparison is the thief of joy over and over again but eventually even that stops helping.

You leave conversations feeling pathetic for even existing in the same space as people who are effortlessly beautiful. Having a crush on someone feels humiliating because your first thought isn’t “I hope they like me back,” it’s “if they knew, they’d probably feel uncomfortable.”

And what makes it worse is knowing deep down how pathetic it feels to care this much about beauty when there are people carrying illnesses, grief, war, hunger, loss. You sit there devastated over your reflection while someone else is begging Allah for one more year with the person they love.

Sometimes I genuinely have to stop myself and think: be careful. Don’t become so consumed by appearance that Allah tests you with a hardship so heavy it makes you forget beauty was ever something you cried over in the first place.

Because there are trials that rearrange the human soul so completely that mirrors, attractiveness, validation — all of it becomes meaningless overnight.

And yet despite knowing all this intellectually, the ache still exists.

So you cope the best you can. You remind yourself at least Allah loves me. At least I have my health. At least I can still wake up tomorrow and try again.

And you keep searching for things to make life feel bigger than your appearance. New hobbies. New interests. Random passions. Anything to stop your mind from collapsing into itself.

Because when you spend too long hating the way you look, it can quietly start to consume your entire existence.

I think some people underestimate how much strength it takes to keep showing up in the world when you don’t feel beautiful in it.

Not trying to start debates or make this negative about looks, just genuinely curious about real experiences that don’t get said out loud.

There’s this idea that being an attractive guy makes everything easier, confidence, dating, even marriage. At the same time, I’ve noticed people often come in with assumptions like you’re a player, arrogant, unserious, or not to be trusted before you even speak.

So what’s it actually been like for you in real life? Does that “pretty privilege” actually exist for you or is it more complicated than that? Is marriage genuinely easier or do people struggle to take you seriously long term?

Do people give you the benefit of the doubt or are they more skeptical of your intentions? Have you dealt with jealousy from other men or weird energy in friendships because of it? Are there any real downsides to it that people don’t talk about?

I’m especially interested in the side people don’t talk about, things that surprised you, situations where it worked against you, or ways it shaped how you move in the world.

Honest answers only 💯