u/Specialist-Answer-66

guys am i just subconsciously larping suicidal thoughts or are my anti depressants just carrying me? sometimes when i see my own face in the mirror (or when im in any other miserable mood) i get that unbearable urge to grab my pocket knife and cut my own fucking throat open but i just almost feel to lazy to do it

it feels like im procrastinating my own suicide and going "mehh... i'll kill myself later i guess" and later never comes which is a good thing i guess but then i get the feeling which im just pretending to be suicidal for attention despite the fact that

A. literally been hospitalized before
B. professionally diagnosed
C. doctor wouldnt perscribe me 20mg fluoxetine pills if i wasnt

what the fuck do i do here?