u/Strange-Director-925

Hello everyone. I am very lost about my boyfriend’s (23M) drinking and I don’t know how to help him.

Alcoholism has been very prevalent in both of our families. Because of our family histories, we both kinda swore off alcohol.

That changed after he turned 21... His drinking started slowly but then it gradually became more frequent. He would say things like, “I had a hard day at work and need a beer to relax” or “It just makes me feel more content when I’m down”. And he also started drinking alone.

This pattern would come and go for a year or two, but over the last year it became much worse. He began getting extremely drunk, and he doesn’t become mean but, he does things while drunk that have affected our relationship. He has also developed what I believe may be a gambling problem…

One example: he promised me he wouldn’t drink at an event because he needed to come home that night but he ended up getting drunk, and his friend had to call me and tell me that he was staying with him at their hotel.
Another time, he got extremely drunk and sobbed in my arms and he didn’t remember any of it. He then told me that he had been drinking every day because he was having >!suicidal!< thoughts and depression. That was extremely frightening.

After that, he agreed to stop drinking for a while, although he always said he wouldn’t stop permanently. We then both agreed that he would only drink on weekends. I was very wary because we’ve been through this cycle many times (he promises to stop or cut back, does well for a while, and then goes back which deeply affects my trust).
But he was actually proving himself. He only drank on weekends, although he would still drink both weekend days and I didn’t enjoy spending time all of our time together him while he was under the influence.

Unfortunately, over the last few weeks, the drinking has gotten worse. It began with occasional exceptions, like having a drink on a Wednesday after a long day. For the last two weeks, he has gotten at least tipsy every single day (about 5 beers).
I’ve tried talking to him without judgment. I tell him that I’m worried that he’s going down a bad path again, especially given his history. He will sometimes acknowledge that he has a drinking problem, but other times he’ll say that his drinking isn’t that bad and will say “I’m not hurting anyone” or “I’m not an asshole.” He will call me controlling for bringing it up as well. He gets extremely defensive and dismissive when I try to talk to him.
He also refuses to seek professional help.
I don’t know how to help him. I know I can’t force him to get help, or threaten him, but we’ve been together for four years and I love him deeply. At the same time, watching this cycle repeat itself is becoming incredibly painful, and I don’t want to spend years waiting for it to get worse.

TL;DR My bf has a drinking problem and I don’t know how to help. For those who have dealt with a partner who has a drinking problem: What did you do? How can I help him?

Hello everyone. I am very lost about my boyfriend’s (23M) drinking and I don’t know how to help him.

Alcoholism has been very prevalent in both of our families. Because of our family histories, we both kinda swore off alcohol.

That changed after he turned 21... His drinking started slowly—> gradual —> frequently. He would say things like, “I had a hard day at work and need a beer to relax” or “It just makes me feel more content when I’m down”. And he also started drinking alone.

This pattern would come and go for a year or two, but over the last year it became much worse. He began getting extremely drunk, and he doesn’t become mean but, he does things while drunk that have affected our relationship. He has also developed what I believe may be a gambling problem…

One example: he promised me he wouldn’t drink at an event because he needed to come home that night but he ended up getting drunk, and his friend had to call me and tell me that he was staying with him at their hotel.
Another time, he got extremely drunk and sobbed in my arms and he didn’t remember any of it. He then told me that he had been drinking every day because he was having suicidal thoughts and depression. That was extremely frightening.

After that, he agreed to stop drinking for a while, although he always said he wouldn’t stop permanently. We then both agreed that he would only drink on weekends. I was very wary because we’ve been through this cycle many times (he promises to stop or cut back, does well for a while, and then goes back).
But he was actually proving himself. He only drank on weekends, although he would still drink both weekend days and I didn’t enjoy spending time all of our time together him while he was under the influence.

Unfortunately, over the last few weeks, the drinking has gotten worse. It began with occasional exceptions, like having a drink on a Wednesday after a long day. For the last two weeks, he has gotten at least tipsy **every single day (about 5 beers).**
I’ve tried talking to him without judgment. I tell him that I’m worried that he’s going down a bad path again, especially given his history. He will sometimes acknowledge that he has a drinking problem, but other times he’ll say that his drinking isn’t that bad and will say “I’m not hurting anyone” or “I’m not an asshole.” He will call me controlling for bringing it up as well.
He also refuses to seek professional help.
I don’t know how to help him. I know I can’t force him to get help, or threaten him, but we’ve been together for four years and I love him deeply. At the same time, watching this cycle repeat itself is becoming incredibly painful, and I don’t want to spend years waiting for it to get worse.

**TL;DR My bf has a drinking problem and I don’t know how to help. For those who have dealt with a partner who has a drinking problem: What did you do? How can I help him?**

This might be beating the dead horse kinda question but if I unadd someone that I was friends with, and I were to look at their profile after the fact, what is the difference between “add” vs “accept”? Because I did this to a friend once and their profile forever said “accept” until one day I decided to add them again. But I didn’t have to send a request. I just had to add them on my end and we were mutually friends on Snapchat again. BUT when I first unadded them, it did change to “add”, later changing to “accept”. But if they did readd me, wouldn’t it sent me a notification? Or did they just never unadd me back?