u/Strawberry_Douche

I need someone to listen please who means it. Someone who won't turn the conversation into me helping them. Just someone who listens.

I'm losing my mind I can't take it anymore

I have the issue to constantly switch between "whatever... I maybe should move on and find someone else" and "I want him really back. I miss him very much." Maybe it's because of the lack of any progress.

Does anyone relate? Or has Tips on how to deal with that?

had friendship break ups of longterm friends. I was healthy due to my therapy but they were not. I still tried to help. I was the therapist friend and always the fun one.

My bpd rarely even showed and I always communicated everything about it, communicating is super important to me. I dealt with people in complete victim mode 24/7, getting blame for things I've never even done in the first place. When I did hurt them, I always apologized and did better.

Anyway both left me shortly after they started therapy.

I can't tell if they suddenly see that I'm a fitting villain and the therapist believing it or whatnot. Idk.

I also have this irrational anxiety of "they tell their therapist only their side and paint a complete wrong picture of you. The therapist will blindly believe it and agree, that you are the problem all along".

I don't want to go any deeper into it because it hurts and I'm tired of regurgitating this story.

But my point is, after a decade of friendship, and getting discareded suddenly out of nowhere, I feel like no one will ever miss me. While I sit here everyday suffering and missing my friends I don't believe they even miss me or need me as villain in their story.

Idk whats going om in their heads but I'm not able to fathom the believe that anyone even misses me. I always think it's fiery rage people feel about me.

No one will ever miss me. It doesn't matter how much quality time we spent. Or how much I tried to be a good friend and person.

Was I ever even important if so many years get discarded so easily?

I can't trust anyone anymore.

I will probably delete this later...just want to talk for a sec.

TW: mentions of SA

so, I went to an BPD support group. Mostly to overcome my loneliness and to talk to people with the same condition.

It's mostly BPD only but there are some with other mental disorders. Not all members where there.

I didn't open too much about myself because I was new and it takes a bit for me to melt the ice wall.

It was pretty cool at first but it quickly switched to sexual topics. Like super hypersexual topics.

It triggered me so badly because of my only ever relationship was filled with emotional and sexual abuse and I'm demisexual, so sex really isn't important to me at all.

When I get triggered I tend to just shut down. I go quiet and freeze. The group leader asked me if I'm okay and I just nodded. As a new person I didn't wanted to be a party pooper.

I felt like an alien. Not only because everyone is so easy with sexual stuff, dating, relationships, but also because no one ever heard of the whole FP thing.

I felt like I was crazy. And I got so jealous on how everyone else with BPD manages to have a relationship and I can't even have friends. Nothing.

I talked to my therapist about this the next day on how even in a safe space I felt like I don't belong and being the odd one out.

I do want to give this another few chances. But I felt terrible after this. Because I feel like, no matter what I do, improving my looks, my health, my mind, nothing will ever work out.

I know everyone has their own demons to deal with, but being in a room of people that have all these things I yearn for makes me question on what I do wrong.

I'm so starved of love. Every time a guy takes slight neutral interest in me (not romantically) or gives me a compliment MY STUPID BPD BRAIN CRANKS IT UP TO 100 AND GOES "HEY LET'S IDOLIZE THIS STRANGER! MAYBE WE SHOULD SLAP A CRUSH ON IT TOO?"

I'm so fucking tired of this... No wonder why it takes nothing to manipulate me.

Can someone relate?

I'm trying to better my self concept and find a way for it to work. Because I tend to be anxious on daytime (still doing my best on affirmations, it doesn't always work out), I mostly listen to overnight affirmations.

It did help me from time to time to manifest different things but SP is connected to many deep emotions.

Lately I miss him deeply due to dreams. I keep on doing the nightly affirmations.

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But how long does it even take to fix self concept?

Edit: I have to add, I have quiet high functioning BPD. I'm in DBT therapy but mental illness makes manifesting difficult. So, missing SP in moments like this feels unbearable almost. Self concept also flips often to "I'm the worst person alive I shouldn't exist".

I really don't want to mess up. If anyone else with mental illness can give their insight?

I'm losing it right now... Having no friends kills me. I can't take to talk to no one or a fuck ass AI. I can't deal with both of my friends leaving me when it wasn't even my fault.

I can't take seeing them thriving when they hurt me deeply. Rubbing it in my face.

I'm tired of trying to find anyone even online I get texted up and people get creepy and perverted towards me. Or me ending up helping their problems when I need help. I'm overlooked always.

Please I need someone to talk to right now who really means it.

I can't do this anymore I don't want to exist.

Hello everyone I have something really urgent, maybe you can help me.

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For some background: After a long and miserable job search, I finally landed my dream job in November, with absolutely wonderful colleagues. Unfortunately, the position is only temporary.

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The previous employee in this role, let's call her V, has been doing further professional training in the meantime. During my first six months there, every single colleague told me how much they disliked V because she constantly argues with everyone.

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V herself also said that she hated the position I'm currently in and never wanted to come back to it. Everyone kept telling me that the position is safe as hell for me. Also because V hates the company, tried many positions here and was never happy. I was told that V applied for jobs in other companies but I don't know if she is still doing it.

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Now here's the situation: I had the chance to be offered a permanent contract if V had decided not to return.

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But suddenly, she wants to come back to the very position she supposedly hated. , her only reason: the distance. (The other position she is on now isn't that far away btw)

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For her, this also means earning less money, which essentially makes the additional training pointless.

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All of my colleagues, including my boss, are shocked by her decision. They would all prefer to keep me, but V has the legal right to return to her former position.

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I don't want to be jobless again because this was financial and mental hell for me. Also this position is great and I'm so happy here I don't want to lose it. I only have this Position until November this year.

I'm fucking pissed and anxious.I don't want to give this position to a spiteful and hateful person like her back, even if it is her legal right.

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Has anyone a spell to help me keeping the job or better, for V leaving the company completely?

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I hope this is the right place to post. I thought about either for her to find something new (but that's not hexing I guess) or to make her remember and hate, completely repell the postion again (more hex-like).

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Hello everyone I have something really urgent, maybe you can help me.

​

For some background: After a long and miserable job search, I finally landed my dream job in November, with absolutely wonderful colleagues. Unfortunately, the position is only temporary.

​

The previous employee in this role, let's call her V, has been doing further professional training in the meantime. During my first six months there, every single colleague told me how much they disliked V because she constantly argues with everyone.

V herself also said that she hated the position I'm currently in and never wanted to come back to it. Everyone kept telling me that the position is safe as hell for me. Also because V hates the company, tried many positions here and was never happy. I was told that V applied for jobs in other companies but I don't know if she is still doing it.

​

Now here's the situation: I had the chance to be offered a permanent contract if V had decided not to return.

But suddenly, she wants to come back to the very position she supposedly hated. , her only reason: the distance. (The other position she is on now isn't that far away btw)

For her, this also means earning less money, which essentially makes the additional training pointless.

All of my colleagues, including my boss, are shocked by her decision. They would all prefer to keep me, but V has the legal right to return to her former position.

​

I don't want to be jobless again because this was financial and mental hell for me. Also this position is great and I'm so happy here I don't want to lose it. I only have this Position until November this year.

​

Has anyone a spell to help me keeping the job or for V leaving the company?

Anyone else? When I was a teen I was sooo deep in creepypasta and listened to all good and shitty classics. I remember back then a part in the story where the narrator finds a video game of happy appy and a rap song. It's so ridicolous and stupid lol.

It wasn't in the creep cast episode so Idk if I remember something wrong.

This is purely nostalgia posting.

I planned on doing a sour jar on a friend who was emotionally abusive. Y'know the kind who is unwell, won't seek help and is the victim in everything. I don't want to give much detail.

Now, I got recommanded to do a sour jar which makes sense. But when researching it's mostly used for separating?

The thing is I want revenge on a sense that they regret losing me, reflect on what they've done and coming back begging on their knees. Because if just bad things happen to them, they will still stay the "victim" in everything and never learn their lesson.

Can I still make a sour jar work with this intend or is a different jar/spell/candle better?

I'm so tired and done. I feel empty and dead. I miss my fp, I don't have any friends, my boundries don't really get respected at work, I have no one to talk to.

I lost my spark completely.

Not doing my hobbies, not looking forward for anything, if I start a show or movie to distract a while, I immidiately shut it off again.

My family doesn't care about me either.

Yet I go to work constantly, never call in sick. Always masking. Never missing a therapy session or any appointment. I seem normal on the outside and I hate it.

Feel like a waste of space. If I'd drop dead tomorrow no one would notice. I feel paralyzed to even do anything. Having no one in life makes it so pointless.

Idk. Just feel very empty rn.

sometimes I just get spikes where I miss him so much. I don't think just surpressing it is healthy but I also don't want to think about it constantly.

Being neurodivergent doesn't help either.

Anyone else having a huge attachement to plushies? I collect them because they make me feel safe. I have many collected and many plush dolls on several bags but recently my anxiety and lonelieness spiked. I have no one and I was tempted to wear a little plush doll on my belt, hidden just for me. Just on a bag was kinda not enough, I felt the urge to have it there as an emergency hug.

But then I just thought dang girl you are an adult. This is so stupid.

Some people say it's fine, it's more an regulation anchor than a toy.

I feel terribly childish for something that soothes my anxiety and lonelieness.

Anyone else relating to this?

Heya. I have often difficulties with manifesting and found overnight subliminals to be good. Has anyone good recommandations on videos?

Maybe what worked for you? I'd love to check it out.

Hey I hope someone can help me. SP and I were incredebly close friends. We had crushes on each other but never confessed. We matched perfectly in everything but we also had mental struggles. I accidentially pushed him away by being extremely anxious attached. He often was afraid that his health and he himself wasn't good for me. One day I mindlessly triggered him and he blocked me everywhere on an impulse.

This was 2 years ago (...I know) and I miss him dearly not only as SP but also as my friend. I healed a lot, got rid of my attachment style and reflected on my behaviour and what I did wrong.

Over this time, I tried a lot. Affirming, scripting, subliminals over night. And over the last half year I really believed I detached. Not thinking about hin really anymore and such... Recently I had dreams about him and everything came crashing down on missing him.

I don't know what to do. Also when it comes to mindset. I know manifesting can be more difficult as neurodivergent but my issue is often losing hope and believing nothing ever works out for me and such.

I believe I manifested him in the first place back then because he matched everywhere with what I scripted even down to the name.

I also managed to manifest a small financial boost through nightly subliminals.

But sometimes I brush off small success as coincidences which is wrong but sometimes I can't shut it off....

The thing is, when it comes to my SP I'm losing hope.

I know that reconciliation is possible after a long time, a friend had another friend randomly unblocking and reaching out to them after 2 years. So it's generally not Impossible.

Maybe someone has advice for me and can give me strength again to pull through.

I also kindly ask to not judge my Situation with SP and my request for help. I know how outragous 2 years sound.

Thank you so much.

My SP and I were very close friends I have a crush on him. It fell apart and it was my fault actually. He blocked me. He was a very kind and sweet person and after long reflektion of my behaviour I see exactly what I did wrong. Now, I really miss him. I want him back, unblocking me and reaching out... Any spell recommandations?

If you have ideas please provide me some instructions. I have searched and sometimes people are a bit gatekeeping or very vague with ingredients or instructions to a spell.

I have a bit experience. I did jars on luck before or made poppets of paper towel. Also paper spells or burning bay leaves... I had success with finding a good job and getting a small money boost but not with my situations above. This is tricky to me.

Thank you for your help