u/Streetquats

Background:

Im 32 female and athletic (can run a, 8:30mile, can do 2 pull ups, 20 pushups etc). But I dont have great diet and my life is pretty stressful. I have never smoked and I drink 1-3x a year.

Over the past 3ish years, I have began experiencing chest pain that has increased in frequency. At first it would happen 2-3x a year, and now it happens 2-3x month. Its slowly increased over the past 3 years.

I took all the steps - bloodwork normal, labs normal, treadmill stress test normal, and i just got an echocardiogram done which came back normal!

The doc doing my echocardiogram said "stress can cause chest pain" and I was like "i know I know"

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Here is my dumb question:

When doctors say "stress can cause chest pain" does that mean:

"Its a symptom of anxiety and your heart is perfectly healthy. When you feel pain, its imaginary and you could theoretically ignore this pain for decades straight with no real problems since its imaginary pain. Just ignore the pain since its meaningless"

OR does it mean:

"your stressful lifestyle is actually damaging your heart, and eventually your heart will have physical damage from your stress. If you let this go on and ignore it, you will create lasting damage to your heart muscle. Every time you feel the pain, your heart is being damaged in a tiny way and it will add up"

Growing up I idolized my dad and my two brothers (I am in the middle). I was emotionally abused by my mom who is the the biggest "pick me" girl you could imagine. She shunned anything traditionally feminine and talked down to me about "girly" things such as caring about manicures or styling your hair etc. She experienced racism and bullying in her childhood, and she was raised in a culture that devalues women. Then she married a white man who also believed feminine things are pathetic and stupid and he also doesnt respect women.

So to keep it short, I was raised understanding from both my mom AND dad that women are lower than men and that the best way to be a woman is to gain the approval of men.

My mom did this by sexualizing herself and me, but also by performing "pick me" personality traits such as only enjoying mens hobbies and deferring to men constantly in her life for her opinions beliefs etc.

Now I am 32. I have spent most of my life in male dominated fields (military, EMS, construction).

I am realizing there is no way for me to "win" - the men I work with are NEVER going to take me seriously, they are NEVER going to see me as one of the boys no matter HOW much I try to people please, no matter how much I shun femininity. This week I stood up for myself and a coworker called me aggressive. At first I fawned and felt so bad that he perceived me as aggressive. But then I realized, my job actually requries me to have an aggressive personality and that is actually part of why I am good at it.

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I am realizing I need to somehow transform and realize that men dont rule the world and their opinion of me does not matter. I think essentially I am finally confronting some serious inner misogyny that was planted in me when I was very young. Has anyone else here experienced this? Does anyone have any advice? Also, how do I decenter men when I am unfortunately straight?

I am asking here because I believe my autism diagnosis adds nuance to my experience that NT people may not understand. After learning I had autism, I became aware I was performing in my social life - but I am more recently realizing I am specifically performing FOR MEN a lot of the time.

Are memory palaces used to memorize practical information? Or are they used as a fun tool to help you memorize difficult number sequences like Pi? Are they are used more strictly for people who do memory competitions? Or do normal people use them to study for tests/jobs/school?

I am trying to figure out if this is an appropriate tool to utilize for a challenges new career I am undertaking where I will need to learn a lot of new information in a short period of time. Are memory palaces right for me? Or are they mostly used by people who do memory competitions rather than "real world" uses?

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For example, my job requires me to memorize 26 different fire stations. I need to know their full addresses included different zip codes, and a list of all the different apparatus at each station. Quite a bit of random numbers and words to memorize for each station.

I decided to use the inside of my current workplace as a palace, and I have already stored 10 fire stations (+ their associated info) in this palace. I am working on filling in the rest of the 16 fire stations within this palace, but I am started to have my doubts.

My question is, once I fill up this whole palace with all 26 fire stations, I will never be able to use this location as a palace for anything else ever again right? This palace is essentially occupied and cannot be reused, right?

I am starting to wonder if memory palaces are even the most appropriate tool for this task. I would love to hear feedback.

I have a question for you all. I went to an acupuncturist who has 60+ reviews that are all 5 stars. She does acupuncture, dry needling, cupping, electric stim and guasha/massage therapy.

I have no prior experience with acupuncture and on my second session, she placed a needle in my arm that felt really different than all the other needles currently placed. The other needles I would feel a really brief pinch, and then a soft pressure that slowly disappeared over 2-5 minutes. This one needle though, felt like a much stronger pinch/pain. And the pain did not dissipate at all, it stayed painful. I found it really uncomfortable so I told her, and her reaction was so strange.

She said "Oh, I must have got in there really good, let me readjust it." and it felt like she took the needle out and re-pushed the same needle back in at a slightly different angle. Then she asked "Is that better?"

i said "Not really" so she did it again. I could not visually see what she was doing since I was on my stomach, but it felt like she pulled the needle out and put it back in. Its possible she only pulled it out halfway and maybe re angled it back in??

Either way, she jokingly told me to "suck it up" so long as it wasnt hurting too bad, because she believed it was "what i needed" in order to help my carpal tunnel. Her joking phrase about "sucking it up" rubbed me the wrong way but I decided to trust her. She steps out of the room and and about 10 minutes go by and now my entire hand below the needle goes numb and tingles. I push the call button, she comes back in and when I tell her its gone numb she takes the needle out. She didnt explain or address what had happened. I also noticed after I left, the spot on my arm where she had placed this needle had a small scab/blood mark.

.....my question is: is this normal???

Is it normal for her to readjust the same needle back into my arm multiple times?

Arent you supposed to get a fresh needle rather than re-puncture with the same needle?

Is it normal for my hand to go numb?

The rest of the session went "fine" and my hand feels fine 2 days later. But the whole experience is making me side eye her. She also did cupping and needles on my back and 4 days later after that - my back injury is hurting a lot.. I cant tell if its from her treatment or just coincidence that my old back injury is flaring up.

Trying to decide what I will be using next year. Right now I use the Weeks + Original A6.

So far so good, with my biggest complaint being that there are SOME days where I run out of room writing in my daily section of the A6. 8/10 days I have plenty of space.

Aesthetically I enjoy the weeks so much. I love the size and shape and texture of the sneaker mega. My only complaint about the weeks is not having grid on the left hand side.

So for next year, I am thinking maybe I would enjoy cousin + weeks.

If you use cousin + weeks, please share here how you use these in combination with each other!

EDIT: I have gotten so many comments saying "this is why we do this procedure behind closed doors" or "this is why owners shouldnt be allowed to be present during medical care" - let me just clarify my stance: I agree with you all. I didnt enjoy being present and I didnt request it either, this weird vet ER was set up with this way without my input. I didnt ask the vet tech these questions because I knew it would be distracting. The reason I posted this question on reddit is because I knew it would be annoying to ask the vet tech so I chose to ask here instead.

ORIGINAL:

I have never been in an emergency vet office like this before. It was once giant room with 5 "stations" which were basically island cabinet/tabletops. Each station was equipped with anesthesia and various tools and everything. All in one room no dividers of any kind.

I took my cat in because he had a mysterious puncture wound (looked like a bite wound) about 2 weeks ago and I kept taking photos of it daily and today found it was infected.

So when it was my turn, they take me to a station and give my cat a shot in his butt to sedate him. I hangout at the station with my cat in his carrier for about 10 min as the vet tech preps the area and gets her tools ready. Then we take my cat out, lay him on the table and I stand at the table as she puts the anesthesia mask on his face and attach little monitors to his body.

I couldn't believe I was allowed to be there and able to pet him and talk to him while she shaved him. I noticed immediately when she put the anesthesia mask on him, his toes began twitching. I asked her what that meant, was he dreaming?

She said the twitching means "his body is trying to fight the sedation"

This made me feel very sad and worried. Does that mean he could still see and he was scared as the mask was placed over his face and he was trying to "fight it off" ?

It made me wonder can he hear me say his name while the doctor cut the incision?

I didnt ask the questions because I didnt want to be rude. Every so often as the doctor cut and cleaned his wound, he would twitch.

I came here to ask, are animals still vaguely aware of what is going on while under anesthesia? What did the vet tech mean when she told me "his body is trying to fight the sedation?"

Her specific phrasing made me think that his body is fighting it aka the sedation was not working and he was potentially half aware of what is going on.

It made me worry.

Also I am autistic so idk if I misunderstood what she meant.

This might be a niche experience, but the last time I was into running was around 2012. At this time, super lightweight/barefoot mimicking shoes were considered the peak of running technology. This was the era of the Nike Free Run and Flynit series. People talked about the Tarahumara and how barefoot running is the best for our feet and how our shoes should be as lightweight as possible.

In hindsight maybe I fell for this marketing ploy hook line and sinker.... but I feel like I remember a lot of dialogue during this time about how overly cushioned shoes actually really wreak havoc on your feet because it doesn't allow the small stabilizer muscles and tendons in your feet to get strong and it makes you more prone to injury.

I haven't really done any serious running or shopping for running shoes since the Nike Free Run was the gold standard and everyone wanted the most minimalist shoe possible.

I feel almost a culture shock looking for running shoes these days considering that the last time I was in the market for new shoes was like 2012ish.

The cushioned soles are HUGE!

Have we just completely abandoned the idea that our feet stabilizer muscles and tendons need to be strengthened?

Someone please fill me in because I feel completely out of the loop.

Is everything I thought I knew about running not actually true?

I am choosing to go to an event in support of an extremely close family member who i love, and my mom will be there who I have been strict no contact with for 8 years.

I have been crying for the past few days and truly feel panic at the thought of being there. I think what makes it worse is no one will be there who supports my decision to be no contact. At this point the close family members in my life ~tolerate~ me being no contact with her and dont bring it up (or only bring it up every rarely) - but I know none of them actually support my decision.

I feel such deep aloneness and loneliness knowing I will be in a room with her and all my closest family members who all have tried to convince me to re-establish a relationship with her at one point or another.

I feel so so alone and I feel like a teenager again, with no one "on my side" and me being the "bad" one in the family.

I am just looking for words of support and solidarity. It will only be a few hours. I truly dont know how I am going to get through it, or how I will interact with my mom.

Do I greet her? Will she try to hug me? Will I be unable to hold back tears of pain and anger? Will my other close family members judge me for not talking to her or will they recognize the discomfort on my face? Will they silently judge me for "rejecting" my mom?

All I can think about is how I spent my entire childhood being rejected and unloved by her and yet I am seen as the bad one for not letting her into my life.

I feel like an ostracized, hated little kid again.

---EDIT NEW INFO---

I recently ran a mile as fast as i could and when I view this activity in my app, it says my max HR for this run was 196 and it has my zones set as:

Zone 1 = 85-101

Zone 2 = 102-118

Zone 3 = 119-135

Zone 4 = 136-152

Zone 5 = > 152

Maybe this info helps? For reference I ran this mile as fast as I could not to try to test my max HR, but just because one of my personal goals is to improve my mile time. Also for extra info, my average resting HR for the past week is 58bpm.

---original post below--

I am 32, female, and moderately athletic. I workout 4x a week on average between boxing/muay thai, running, weightlifting. Been working out regularly for about 15 years now. I am at a healthy BMI with decent amount of visible muscle. Trying to paint a picture here so you can understand my confusion.

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Got a garmin about a week and a half ago to try to improve my runs and I am deeply confused by my heart rate.

When I am sitting down and truly resting, my HR is around 60-64bpm.

When I WALK literally ~W A L K~ before going on a run, my heart rate is 112-120bpm.

This puts me squarely into zone 3 just on a damn walk. This means my easy-ish runs are all zone 4-5. Do I have a freaking heart condition or what is going on?

Why does standing and walking at the slowest pace known to man make my heart rate go above 110?

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Even typing this sounded insane to me so I did a little test just now: sitting here typing my HR was 64. Got up from my couch and paced back and forth in my apartment and my HR rose to 95 in less than 2 min.

Question for the folks here who are disabled by their injuries/illnesses or have higher ratings.

Background info:

I am curious if anyone has wrestled with shifting their mindset from "I am disabled" to "I have a disability but I can still do challenging things"

Here me out. I am rated at 90% and have been essentially unemployed since I was medically retired in 2020 after 4 years of service. I have not been able to hold a job for more than a few months at a time and I have strictly worked part time aside from one full time job that I only lasted a month or so.

My VSO has been pushing for me to file for TDIU because she says I havent been gainfully employed since 2020.

I am 32 years old and I am really really struggling with the label of "disabled" especially because my disabilities are all invisible.

For the past 4 years, I have basically accepted the label that I am disabled and I never really "challenged" it in my mind. Recently however, I had met a few veterans who are rated 100% and they still work really demanding jobs such as being a firefighter.

This has been really confusing for me - its not that I think they are lying about their rating, its more so where I am like wait..... people who are disabled can still do hard stuff? people who are disabled can still work challenging jobs? And it has made me start to question if my own mindset regarding my disability has been TOO self limiting.

My VA therapist basically told me "yes people who are disabled can still work tough jobs, it will just be 'harder' for them and they may have to make accommodations or be taking pain meds more than the average person"

I think my mindset has been too black and white.

My actual question:

I am wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any thoughts they would like to share.

As a young person, the label of 90% disabled has REALLY affected my identity especially because before I was medically retired, I was extremely athletic and very ambitious and successful in the military.

Now I am wondering if maybe my mindset has been erroneous and that being disabled CAN coexist with my old identity somehow? Has anyone else struggled with their identity as a "disabled" veteran?

I hear phrases like this a lot from people.

Phrases like: "the only way out is through" or "youll feel better once you let yourself have a good cry" or "it felt so good to get that off my chest" after they have cried or vented about something.

.....Does anyone else not relate to this at all? I have never once cried my way to the "end" (???) and felt like "wow I feel good I got all those tears and cries out and now its all out of my system and I feel better!"

I have never once felt relief from crying or venting. I dont understand the concept. People act like you somehow empty yourself of sadness by emptying all the tears out of your body?

The way I experience sadness and crying is that is a bottomless well. There is no bottom to the sadness or tears. Its endless.

I really get irritated when people insinuate I need to just let myself cry in order to feel better. And dont get me wrong, I DO cry.

I cry a few times a month at least.

But I have never experienced somehow being absolved of my sadness after crying.

I'm wondering if this is a consequence of emotional neglect or something else.

I've googled, I've read, I've seen all the common advice:

• do deadhangs to improve grip
• do scapula deadhangs to make sure youre engaging your lats
• do negatives or use bands

Maybe this is because I have autism but I need way more details than this.

1. How many sets and reps of each of these exercises should I be doing?
2. How many minutes should this entire pull up workout last?
3. And how often should I be doing this per week?

I have 6 months to get 3 strict pull ups for a job I am applying for. Is this possible?

BACKGROUND:

I am 32 years old and have been an average athlete for about 15 years, and right now I can do a HALF a pull up basically. I cant get my chin over the bar, I only can get up about halfway.

About ten years ago I was able to do 9 whole strict form pull ups in a row - that was my personal best.

But I was working with a trainer back then and I have no clue what he had me doing which enabled me to get there. I am also about 20 lbs heavier than I was back then (i used to be very underweight and now I have quite a lot of muscle + more fat).

I am able to eat my weight in protein and I get good sleep. I have plenty of free time to dedicate to this but I just need some more details.

Any idea what that was?

I feel confused because I was with an abuser who called me really bad names like bitch, cunt, whore etc. Luckily after 6+ years I escaped him.

3ish years went by of me being single.

And then recently I was with another long term partner who called me things like "broken" and "crazy" "retarded" "too sensitive" - is this still technically considered name calling?

The reason I ask is because I went to couples therapy with my recent partner, and me and my partner often discussed DURING session that he was calling me these things and it hurt my feelings.

Then when I read about abuse online, one of the most cited examples of emotional abuse is calling your partner crazy. So I feel really confused - how did our couples therapist not recognize this as emotional abuse?

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(I am single again now and just trying to make sense of it all. I am still not sure if this most recent partner was abusive or not. I wonder if I am just projecting the abuse from my FIRST terrible abuser onto my recent partner. My recent partner knew about my history with abuse and would often tell me to stop comparing him to my old abuser and to stop projecting those behaviors onto him. In many ways he was 100000% different than my first abuser and an incredible person. But this behavior of him name calling was the main thing that felt really wrong. But its confusing that our couples therapist never officially labeled the behavior as abusive.)