u/Strong-Resist6754

What places in America can a non conforming black girl thrive? The ideal response is everywhere but it’s unfortunately unrealistic. Geographical location , social dynamics and looks does impact how well your life can go and how far you can take your success, and in my case I’ve been very limited. I live in a white community and I feel like I’ve been stunted partially because of that. I love the idea of my state but actually living here has kept me stuck and depressed. I would just like to know what places you have felt like you’ve really succeeded or felt the most seen in your community. Thank you

I’m having those dark thoughts about leaving the world again, I could use some advice.
A lot of my life the way people have treated me was dictated by my appearance and while I like some aspects of my self that doesn’t seem to be enough for the world to treat me with respect and kindness- and additionally with my depression and neurodivergence it’s become such a big weight on me it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Changing my hair style to fit into certain environments, having to keep a specific personality so I can stay in them, being nice and polite when it doesn’t feel deserving, being expected to put up with mistreatment in order to survive, and worst of all the insecurities not being something I came up with in my head, but having real life impacts and consequences in my day to day. My head is filled with intrusive thoughts and memories of my dark past, and I wonder what I did to deserve all of it other than be born with my skin tone. I do my best to make myself beautiful , to feel beautiful, and all it seems to amount to is sexual advances and further degradation.
It’s heavy, I’m exhausted and I have no one else to help me carry how I feel. If you have any tips on how to get through times like this I would appreciate it so much. Thank you

It feels shitty hearing other people think you don’t deserve love because of your dark skin and features. I’ve gotten hit on and harassed (expressing my distress to them) and my ex friends genuinely didn’t believe it because I’m not a specific beauty standard. It feels like shit being dark skinned and finding out that they think that you “aren’t all that to be getting attention” like I go outside and ask for it. That I’m delusional for trying. I know they have their own struggles in their dating life and I have mine but why do I have to be the punching bag.

I live in a red white area and every time i work with another black girl i feel so relieved and happy. It feels like i can take a break from dealing with micro aggressions for a moment, being seen as a threat, having to read into every interaction to see if im safe with them, and just finally speak to someone else who most likely just gets how I feel. Someone who isn’t secretly looking down on me for the color of my skin.

I was looking for the sub for black girl makeup and I couldn’t find it😅 I have nooo idea how to contour my nose. It’s a bit unique- wide, I don’t really have a nose bridge between my eyes but I do like right after it. It’s a bit bulbous. I find it cute sometimes but when doing my makeup it just kind of sticks out and doing nothing w it messes with my look. If I could get a makeup map or a step by step process I would appreciate it 🙏 I can send a pic in DMs

I have 7 wisdom teeth that I have to remove but I’m not sure how to afford it because each tooth is 300+ and I can’t get a loan for it right now. But recently I noticed my face looks a lot longer + wider/bigger than it did a few weeks ago. Could this be because of my wisdom teeth? And does anyone have tips on how I could get them removed without having the money? Thank you so much.

Im obsessed with the guy I like. We lock eyes all the time, Everytime he talks to me. he speaks to me so gently. He calls me sweet nicknames and reached out to touch my back before I left today. But internally I feel so gross and unworthy around him. I feel too masculine for him. I’ve definately internalized all of the bullying or the awful things men have said to me in my past and I’m having such a hard time overlooking it, especially because he’s white. I go from such a high high because he’s what I’ve always imagined my future husband to be like (I know this is silly , unrealistic. I just never expected it to actually meet someone like this-) to such an incredible low almost instantly. I know that I could mess things up by being more of myself, being less dolled up. Men have said to me so many times that I look like a boy. Im worried that will scare him off. He flirts though while I look my worst at work and it confuses me. I keep thinking about what other people might say if they saw us together. I don’t know how to deal with this at all. I was hoping to get better looking before meeting someone like him.
I’d appreciate it if someone could help me figure out my feelings. He invited me to hang out with him but I’m honestly really scared to do so. I keep trying to like myself without makeup and imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with him flaws and all but I can’t see anyone loving me anymore, especially with the way he been treated in past relationships. I feel like a catfish. Please help

I was supposed to get a promotion but when I try to advocate for myself it gets docked and my position is threatened. I need to go to college but when I ask my family for help it’s crickets, or it’s patronizing talk. I have to figure everything out on my own. When I go out into the world to find better opportunities and friendships I get scraps, looked at with pity. Spoken down to. Smirked at. I keep moving from job to job hoping I’ll find a place that will treat me with respect and give me what I deserve but I keep hitting dead ends and getting the bare minimum pay/acceptance while they expect 1000% and ass kissing from me. I genuinely have no idea what to do. I’m trying, I’ve tried and now I’m completely burnt out and my body doesn’t want to move anymore. I’m so tired of people gaslighting me. If I was white in my community this shit wouldn’t be happening. I feel so invisible but in the worst way.

I noticed something when I go out. I will be criticized imminently by women for my looks unprovoked. I have no idea why that’s the case, because I’m just minding my own business but it’s clear when people are doing the most to make you feel small or like they look down on you. I remember being at work and this Hispanic lady literally wouldn’t look at me and would wait for another coworker to come back. When I spoke up and said I could help her she silenced me with her fingers. Then on top of that I deal with random white girls saying that I must be ugly because I cover up. Or just other girls who try to make me feel small by ignoring me in public. I don’t know what the problem is and why I deal with this stuff on a daily basis , but I wish it could stop.

I don’t talk about my agoraphobia with many people, but I’ve been getting outside more which I’m happy about. I still cover up but I wore different outfits other than the same jacket I always wear. I’m getting used to letting people see me even though the reaction isn’t always pleasant. Happy to feel like I’m a little more normal now.

Going to treat myself to pizza today 🍕🍰

Does anyone have tips for going out after being stalked? I really want to enjoy my summer, but it’s my biggest fear and I’m having a hard time overcoming it. Apparently I live in a smaller town so people can easily recognize me. Rumors have been spread about me to other people and it makes me incredibly angry because I just keep to myself. I don’t know anyone here but they know me. People have taken pictures to ridicule me and I’m worried that when I’m outside it’ll happen again. I just want to go out and have a good time like everyone else but I don’t know how to overcome this and I’m by myself. Normally I would follow the “no one cares” advice but it’s not true as I’ve been severely bullied in the past. I don’t want to waste another summer being hidden. Any advice helps me, thank you.

I wish I had feelings for my friend but I don’t. It’s hard for me to fall in love and when I do it’s so fleeting. It’s typically not even their fault.
They’ve been cuddly, flirting with me heavily. They compliment me a lot but I just don’t feel it. This has happened with so many people I’ve been in flings and relationships with , even a long term partner.. at first I’m obsessed. There’s so much passion and then all of a sudden it stops after a few weeks to a few months and I wish we were friends again. I’m probably completely asexual , just wish I wasn’t. I also struggle with empathy. I don’t feel connected to anyone around me. I used to feel so much as a kid, I’d cry and care so much about other people’s emotions and now it’s nothing. I don’t feel anything. On one hand I’m more at peace with myself and I’m able to protect myself in high stress situations but on the other hand I feel like there’s something missing and everyone around me can sense it.

I’m trying to get myself to go outside more so I can live my life normally after some traumatic events , but afterwards I stay in bed and can’t get myself to do anything else but work and shower talk a bit to friends and eat. I’m not completely sure why I do this but it’s getting me nowhere fast. Id appreciate the advice

I really want to go back to college to make my life better but I don’t have any one to co sign for me , can’t get approved, and I don’t have any collateral to get a secured loan. Are there any alternatives other than just saving up? Thank you

Does anyone have tips for going outside comfortably after being bullied? I’ve been bullied for being ugly and a minority. it got to the point where id deal with targeted harassment and verbal abuse by people on a daily basis. Sometimes id be stalked or recorded and made fun of. Other times people would make extremely loud comments about my appearance (just enough so i could hear) with their friends. Adults and teenagers. I’m trying to get it over it now but I don’t go anywhere without covering up , and only feel safe being outside (without these things) when it’s night time. It seems like people are nicer to me this way, but I can’t live like that anymore. If you have any tips I’d really appreciate it. Thank you

Idk how to navigate this. I’m a people pleaser when it comes to this stuff, I like them sometimes but I’m just not feeling it right now and I don’t want them to feel insulted or rejected without ruining the friendship , please help

Looking for someone to give me beauty advice on how I could look cuter, or softer in the face🥲 i love the kawaii aesthetic especially when it comes to makeup but im having a hard time finding a look that suits me because I have sharp/masculine features. I need all the help I can get! Thank you

Despite being gnc I noticed that gender roles still play a part when it comes to me socializing in public. My personality is very much fem leaning, but I can tell people expect me to act more masculine because of the way I look. I act “normally” with my friends but it’s hard navigating in public when people think you’re (possibly) a boy. How do you act when you’re interacting with strangers? Any advice on how I could keep myself safe during these interactions? Thank you so much

Edit: thank you all for your support! 🩷

Does anyone have advice for going outside after a traumatic event, or several? I’m having a hard time going outside to do anything, like running errands, meeting up with people or even going for a walk around my neighborhood… ive dealt with a lot of harassment. I understand it’s a heavy topic for the sub but it’s eroding my quality of life and I need all the help I can get. Thank you.