u/Super-Plum-9770

I f 38 went on a first date this weekend with a m 40 and I haven’t heard from him. I wouldn’t say the date was bad or good. There were no sparks on my end and I don’t think there were any on his end either. Not once did he call me beautiful of give me any compliments lol he did walk me to my car and put an arm around me. Anyway the point of this rant or whatever is because I’m disappointed and sad. Why is dating so hard and so disappointing. I met him on hinge. I just feel really bad about it.

If you haven’t heard from him all weekend he is not the one.

If he’s not drunk texting you he is not the one.

If he hasn’t asked to see you he is not the one.

If he wanted to he would!

So I recently decided to start dating again and it’s been a little confusing lol okay so there’s this guy that initiated contact and we messaged a bit before he gave me his number and then we texted for a few days before he asked to meet. I agreed and we made plans for Saturday. But on that day he texted and canceled. I felt some type of way about it but he did seem to have a legitimate reason and he did offer a different day. Basically my thing is that we don’t text consistently and when we text he doesn’t ask me any questions he just says something random and we go back and forth two or three times and that’s it. Granted it’s only been about 2 weeks but I still feel like it’s giving low effort or low interest. I should say that I’m used to men love bombing me and coming in hot and texting me all day and I don’t want to fall back into those kind of relationships or situationships. So this is very different for me. Idk some advice would be nice lol should I just wait and see how it all plays out should I be doing something different like maybe initiating something or idk lmk! I should say I’m in my late 30s and he seems to be a few years older than I am.

I’m going through a breakup and could really use some advice or maybe some tough love? We’ve remained intermittently in contact. He actually initiates contact more often than I do and I respond but lately my responses have become much shorter and sometimes it’s just a one word response or a reaction.

I have strong reason to believe he may be reconnecting with his ex or at least seeing her in some capacity. I don’t know exactly what’s going on and honestly the uncertainty is probably making this much harder.

I’m realizing that I’m stuck in a loop. I’ll go through days where I’m doing okay and feel like I’m accepting that the relationship is over and then something will trigger me and I’ll become extremely anxious, curious, jealous, and want to know what’s happening. Sometimes I act on those impulses by checking social media or looking for information and afterward I feel extremely disappointed in myself which adds to the anxiety. 😟

I really don’t want to continue doing this to myself. I’m trying to detach without constantly needing to know what he’s doing or whether he’s seeing someone. I’m extremely embarrassed to admit how difficult this has been for me especially because I know IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS! 🙄😬

Anyone been through something similar and what actually helped you break this cycle? How did you stop checking, wondering, hoping, and looking for information? What helped??

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me to let go and just move on because that’s what I’ve been desperately trying to do lol I’m genuinely looking for things that worked for you in real life. I’m a pretty accomplished woman. I have a great career, friends, family, I’m not isolating, and I go to the gym consistently. I’m still functioning and living my life but emotionally this keeps catching me.