u/Taco_Bhel

I've made plenty of mistakes in this situation, I'll admit. But right now I have a high-performing direct report who was passed over for promotion. (Mistake 1: I told them to expect a promotion... and found myself angered, belittled and shocked with how things played out.)

In the year-end evaluation I provided, I told them to simply keep doing what they've been doing. And that I felt they were on track for a promotion in the next round. I couldn't offer insight into what (i.e. who) blocked the promo (mistake 2).

He then clapped back with, "What I've been doing clearly hasn't worked out for me even if it's worked out for you. I've fallen behind my peers by two years in just two year's time."

He is correct. But the problem was that he asserted, "I have no choice but to guess what they potential issue may be and then make changes accordingly, so you will notice a change in behavior. There will be no negotiations about that."

Since, he's been extremely difficult. Outspoken. Speaking out of turn for his level. Slowing down work. Pushing back. Delivering lower quality work. Demanding high-profile work. And I just don't know how to reign him back in.

Any advice?

Owner insists we can do nothing more than post on Indeed, and it's not going well, haha.

I just can't deal with the slog over to Maruichi routinely

And what % of your time is on the bar vs. in the office?

I left a client-facing role for an internal one, and I quickly learned the norms around promotion differ quite a bit.

Short story: My Director leads our group. They are extremely risk-averse, and a perfectionist's perfectionist. Perhaps consequently, I was told to never communicate with our C-level executive for any reason (he's around often, as our team is only a few dozen).

I was told to expect a promotion in two weeks. It didn't happen. No feedback offered. It was only obliquely intimated the the C-level executive objective. So I asked to address through some facetime over the next year. But my director absolutely refused to commit to anything... even a simple invite to a meeting where the C-level exec would be present.

Any tips on how to navigate? I left the discussion with the assumption that the rule about not talk to the C-level exec could no longer stand. Yet, at the same time, I'm left with an extreme amount of gatekeeping. It doesn't help the C-level exec is in one country, my team is location in a different country, and I work at a remote location.

Any tips for how I can get in front of the C-level exec? Without pissing off my leadership?

I work for a consulting firm with an up-or-out culture. IOW, there's a standard timeline for promotions, and if you are not selected for promotion, you're formally and informally managed out.

I interviewed for a post-MBA role. The came back with an offer at the next lower level. I pushed back, and they brought my title up to the post-MBA level but kept pay unchanged (i.e. I'm payed at a lower band).

My mid-year evaluation happened 5.5 months late. In that discussion, I was told to "expect a promotion" at year-end. I called out that we were effectively at year-end, and clarified whether I ought to expect a promotion in two weeks. I got a sheepish, "Yes."

Two weeks later I go into my first of two performance discussions. In the first, I'm read my mid-year evaluation for a second time... we're just presenting it as though it's a separate evaluation, I guess. No mention of promotion readiness (which our firm requires).

So I interrogate pretty aggressively, having prepared for this outcome. I get close to no information. It's suggested obliquely that I spend more time in a different city to gain more time with the C-level objector... who lives in a different country entirely.

I was previously told to never communicate with the C-level objector for any reason. So I ask how I'm to go about getting facetime... given the obstacles. I received nothing but deflections to these questions, including specific asks to be invited into the room when the C-level exec is present. I ask if I'm being managed out given that I've now fallen behind my peers by two years within two year's time. I get a pause, followed by a cautious, "no."

I go into my second performance eval, and it's starts with, "What's your plan for Partner?" Though I'm at a consulting firm, I'm not in a partner-track role. Pursuing partner literally requires me to leave my present role. Then I get, "Do you know you operate at the level of partner? And that you make your Director redundant?"

I'm not sure what happened here exactly. Promotions are messy. But I suspect things didn't work out for a reason that... doesn't reflect particularly well on the senior team (including "we had no good reason to pass you over, it just didn't happen"). I suspect if I stay another year the promotion will happen, even if I don't meet the new goalposts erected.

Is it worth staying at the firm? Other people in my group are getting promoted ahead of schedule. And it looks like it's all about facetime with a particular executive at this point. Once promoted, that facetime should be routine. It just seems that the current informal system disadvantages younger staff who are told not to speak to the C-level exec who apparently is the only voice that matters....

Because I swear, I can be obsessed in an unhealthy way for a day, and then the next day I'm completely over him for some trivial reason.

New to this particular dynamic/kink. How do your boys like to be treated?

Edit: Just trying to be a good new dad here and have some fun with it. Some of y'all triggered

And do you actively manage it? e.g. add folks if there's a lack of availability?

Because the big, progressive city has not been it.

Years ago we acknowledged strong mutual chemistry. He'd invite me to hang out.... euphemistically and otherwise. I'd say overnight, and this went on for months. And when I asked for an official date, he demurred.

Then the pandemic hit. Social distancing kept us apart, but we kept in touch. When lockdowns were lifted we hung out again at the first available opportunity. And then he ghosted me after that, so I moved on. He found a boyfriend apparently.

We recently crossed paths. Chemistry is still there. Same dynamic is emerging and he won't text me more than once a day, and it's clear I'm more interested in a potential relationship than he.

Is there any tips to develop this situation if I'm willing to be patient (and simultaneously hide my crazy 🤣)? I'm very rarely romantically attracted to people, so this feels like a second opportunity...

Just reflecting on my own experience. I never had a male role model, and I sometimes wonder if that impacted my own family formation choices.

In my case, I ended up too career-focused and to focused on "establishing myself." And the ideal timing left me behind while I wasn't even watching for it.

"not being ready" turned into... now facing limited realities, biological timeclocks, etc. Really wish I had a firm, respected voice telling me I needed to lock things down.

I can't find any info about it in my city, and I'd be willing to go if it meant meeting other bi people specifically. Less interested if you just get thrown in with it all.

PPMD sat me down for a year-end performance eval, and opened with, "So, what's your plan for Partner?"

But I'm not in a partner-track role.

This year my Director basically skipped my mid-year eval (conducting it 5.5 months late), and told me at the end of our discussion to expect a promotion in two weeks. It didn't happen, and I'm now a 4th year SC (everyone in my class got promoted at the 18-month mark). My Director basically refused to discuss promotions in our year-end discussion.

PPMD then said I operated at the level of partner, and that I made our Director redundant.

WTF is going on here? At this point I can't help to guess that this is their way of managing me out... encourage me to move on without doing the dirty work themselves. Comp revision and bonus definitely did not match the lofty feedback (3% and 3%).

How would you read this? All my Director would say is that I'm "on track" for next year...

I work at a large consulting firm. We have a standard promotional track, and in the two years since I joined the firm, I've fallen two years behind peers in reaching promotional milestones. The feedback has been nonsensical -- one one hand, they say I operate far above my actual level, but on the other, they refuse to give me work at the manager level and can't answer why I've been passing me over for promotion (at one point I was told to expect a promotion to manager in two weeks; and two weeks later, my Director read my mid-year eval for a second time and then refused to answer any questions about promotion beyond saying, "I think you're on track for next year.")

Today my Director unilaterally signed me up for a week of training at our corporate training site. The problem? She signed me up for entry-level training. I'd be the most senior person there by nearly a decade. She had sent other folks at my level to this same training, and they didn't push back... probably because they didn't investigate the content of the training before showing up.

Is it worth pushing back on this? We're clearly just checking a box, and it's very much against our culture to 'correct' someone more senior. I sense a risk in pushing back as I've grown increasingly difficult, but at the same time I've grown frustrated by how thoughtlessly the group's treated my career.

Should I jsut keep quiet and let my Director check the box?

And why are the only bi men I've ever met both architects? 😅

I'm a newly burnt out restaurant manager (fast casual), and I'm thinking about switching to a barback and eventually bartender role.

That said, Boston's expensive. And I still need to pay the rent for my studio. Any tips for finding a decent and well-paying place? Should I be looking at bars or bar & restaurant type places?