20 M; double standards in family; Is this kind of double standard with relatives common, or am I overreacting?
I truly appreciate your suggestions on this situation and genuinely wanted to know if this is common in most families.
This is going to be a long post.
I'm M20 and live in a tier-3 city near Patan, Gujarat.
We are 4 people in our family: me, my mom, my dad and my sister.
This story is about my mama's family. They are 5 people: my mama, my mami, their son (currently in 6th standard), their daughter (4th standard), and my nani.
About their income
- My nani was a teacher. She retired and gets her own pension.
- My nana passed away, but my nani also receives his pension.
- My mama is a government teacher earning around ₹1 lakh/month.
- My mami is a government employee (clerk) earning around ₹45,000/month.
I'm mentioning this only because you'll understand later that this isn't about financial problems.
The problem is that they have a mindset where they always want to save their own things and money, but they don't mind using or being careless with ours.
Story 1 - The car
We own an old Hyundai i10, and they used to own an old Tata Indica.
Whenever we planned family tours together, they almost always wanted to use our car.
Their reason was always: "Our car is diesel. Diesel costs a lot."
So we ended up taking our car on multiple trips.
Recently, they bought a brand-new Kia Seltos.
Now, recently, they planned a trip with our family and two other families.
Everyone was ready to bring their own cars.
Guess who wasn't?
My mama.
His reason? "Our new car will get damaged if we take it on such a long tour. Let's book a Traveller."
I honestly couldn't believe it.
When you had an old car, using our car for long trips was perfectly fine.
Now that you've bought a new Seltos, suddenly you don't want to use it because it might get damaged?
And instead of bringing your own car, you want everyone to spend much more money on hiring a Traveller.
It just felt so hypocritical.
Story 2 - Hotel food
Whenever they come to our house, both of their children almost always demand hotel food.
This isn't a one-time thing.
It's literally every single time they visit.
I've heard my mami tell them: "Ask your fuaji (my father) to bring food from a hotel."
My father ends up ordering food.
Honestly, I don't even care about eating outside food.
That's not the issue.
But when we visit their house, there is never any special treatment.
We happily eat whatever is cooked at home, i even my nani saying that "lets get hotel food tomorrow after these guys leaves so that we dont have to order a lot
Again, I'm completely okay with that.
What bothers me is why the expectation only exists when they're visiting us.
Story 3 - The AC room
They have an AC in one room.
Whenever they're in that room, they are extremely strict about keeping the door closed.
If either of their children leaves the door open for even a short time, my mama scolds them badly.
But when they visit our house, their kids keep our AC room door open all the time.
Running in and out.
Leaving it open.
Neither my mama nor my mami says a single word.
Story 4 - Their car vs our car
At their house, if either child sits in their Seltos with dirty legs or dirty hands, my mama immediately scolds them.
If they do anything that could dirty or damage the car, they get shouted at.
But when they're at our house...
Their kids:
- Spill water inside our i10.
- Climb all over the seats.
- Sit or climb on the bonnet.
- Hit the car with slippers while playing.
And their parents just watch.
Not even a simple scold
Nothing.
Story 5 - Electricity
When I visit their house, they're extremely careful about electricity usage.
I still remember one incident.
My mami had left for work in the morning.
I was sleeping in another room.
Around 7 AM, my nani literally woke me up and told me to go sleep in my mama's room so they wouldn't have to keep another fan running.
That incident stayed in my mind.
But when they come to our house...
Their children literally switch on lights in almost every room.
Fans are left running.
Sometimes TVs too.
And their parents never tell them to switch anything off.
Why this hurts me
Individually, none of these incidents are huge.
Ordering hotel food once isn't a big deal.
A little extra electricity isn't a big deal.
Kids making mistakes isn't a big deal.
What hurts is the constant double standard.
When it's their house...
- Save electricity.
- Protect the AC.
- Protect the car.
- Save fuel.
- Teach the kids discipline.
But when it's our house...
- Leave the AC door open.
- Leave lights and fans running.
- Let the kids do whatever they want with our car.
- Expect outside food every visit.
- Never correct the kids.
It's been happening for years now, and honestly, it has started bothering me a lot.
I'm not even angry about the money involved.
It's the lack of respect for our things while expecting everyone to respect theirs.
I can't even say anything because it'll create unnecessary family drama.
So I wanted to ask...
Is this kind of behavior actually common in Indian families?
Or am I just overthinking and being too sensitive about it?