u/TheFlukeging12

Being broke, ugly (3-4/10 facially), short (5’9) and non-white as a man at 21, i’m starting to accept the fact that i’ll likely die single. I’ve been labelled by women as off-putting, intimidating, or straight up ugly, and looking like a creep. Or worse - being told I look gay.

With how lookism being rampant due to how superficial people are nowadays, combined with unrealistic expectations thanks to social media, i’ll just lie down and rot until my death, or something, knowing no women will ever love me because of my chopped-looking face, and worse, i’m broke that I can’t even afford surgery to get my nose fixed, or at least fillers to some areas of my face that are un-ideal.

Note: lalaki po ako, as reading the post might make most of you guess i’m a girl.

I’ve been bullied as a kid for my looks. Yung tipong nananahimik lang ako sa labas and suddenly may kaaway na akong ibang bata for no reason, simply because I was fat or ugly in their eyes. Like naglalakad lang ako sa tabi and bigla bigla nalang may mananapak kasi ang sarap ko daw sapakin dahil sa mukha ko.

Even among family and relatives di ako safe. Being born na hindi maputi, madalas ako asarin sa family and relatives ng lutong or sunog or that pangit daw balat ko kasi di ako maputi (I got my skin tone from my mom, si dad yung maputi).

Now fast forward to adult life (i’m 21), naka move on na sana ako, until my ex girlfriend made fun of my looks to her friends kasi mukha daw akong bading sa looks ko, which triggered my past trauma to resurface. Now here I am posting on plastic surgery subreddits what else there is to alter on my facial features for me to be less ugly. And I had this unhealthy habit of constantly posting my pictures for validations of asking whether i’m ugly or not or how my face will be rated, just so to fill that gap of unhappiness i’ve felt from the past trauma.

Because of my bad memories of experiences over my looks, nagkaroon ako ng obsession with improving my looks kasi para bang every time may something negative happens in my life, napapaisip ako if it has to do my looks. And masyado akong fixated sa facial flaws ko, na most likely di naman napapansin ng normal people pero inooverthink ko pa.. :((

I've (21 M) been constantly accused of having BDD whenever I rant about my looks as to why girls reject me and even avoid me, when clearly how i've been treated by girls in my life proves otherwise of how chopped I am. Not only I get ghosted by them, I've been told straight to my face i'm ugly.

I don't know what to believe at this point, it's been making me feel helpless lately. I've tried being nice or being friendly to them, but then I ended up as coming off as creepy. :(

I've (21 M) been constantly accused of larping or having BDD when clearly how i've been treated by girls in my life proves otherwise of how chopped I am. Not only I get ghosted by them, I've been told straight to my face i'm ugly.

I don't know what to believe at this point, it's been making me feel helpless lately. I've tried being nice or being friendly to them, but then I ended up as coming off as creepy. :(

As the title suggest, they easily get repulsed merely by my face that they suddenly express a defensive body language whenever i’m around them, their tone suddenly becomes aggressive for no reason, or whenever i’m in a public place and I sit beside them, they often react by distancing away from me in an inch, or that when I confessed to my crush in school, I eavesdropped into her gossiping about me and she said it’s because i’m so genuinely chopped and she was even laughing while admitting it.

One of them claimed that it’s because of my personality or how I approach them, though when I first approached them, I can tell by their look that they already feel disgusted on their sight of me.

I’m basically a walking repellant against women at this point simply with my face.

I (21, male) know di ako pasok sa conventional standard of beauty here which is pagiging maputi (moreno ako), but lagi akong invisible sa girls and I don’t get matches/likes on dating apps. If any, trans woman mostly; feeling insecure na ako to myself😭😭

The worst part about being ethnic/non-white or not light skinned is that you’ll be often seen as unattractive or below average, as if being light skin toned is a prerequisite to attractiveness.

I know i’m only facially like 4/10 but if I were white maybe that 4/10 would be more tolerable to girls as I constantly gey rejected by them all the time.

I’ve observed this quite a lot lately ever since I turned 18.

Like for the past few years ever since I turned 18 in which I entered college, I see myself always being rash and impulsive when taking action, without thinking of doing it organized as what most Te users do, and that I see myself constantly playing the devil’s advocate that I always find myself being a lone wolf for how I feel disgust whenever blending in with trends of what most of my peers find as interesting. Especially in the sexual aspect that my Ni shuts down whenever horny hits me that i’m in the heat of the moment in which my Se functions at its fullest as if it’s my dominant function.

However, before that when I was younger, I tend to be rigid and analytical like a typical Te-Ni, that I organize rigidly with Te and then plan for it long term like a few months or even few years. Now I couldn’t even plan a week that I could only do it 3 days at best lol

For context, yung kwarto ko now is dating occupied ng ate ko before she moved out last year. Though before she moved out, laging mabango - like flowery yung kwarto niya until she moved out and ako na ung natutulog in which the scent was gone along with her. Since then kapag naglilinis si mom ng kwarto, lagi niyang reklamo na ang baho daw sa kwarto, parang amoy barracks daw ng lalaki, like something na pinaghalong kulob tsaka pawis? 😭

Kahit ako wondering like how the scent went from flowery to that, though I know for sure minimal lang b.o ko, judging by how my clothes smell kahit na it's been 3-4 years since I got them when I overhauled my wardrobe

I already know to myself that i’m ugly but I realized that dwelling here will only make me feel worse about myself not just physically but also mentally. It’s only making my mental health worse while making me feel uglier than I already am.

Anyways, I guess taking a break from this sub will be the best way for me, it’s fun while it lasted being here, finally get to interact with people I really relate to.