u/TheSonderCollective

We have had a lot of life changes in the past year (which is around the time that I became co-host), and it has been very overwhelming for our long term host. We used to be very oppositional in a lot of ways. I am firm and am willing to walk away from anyone who doesn’t have our best interest in mind, whereas they were more apt to try to preserve relationships/connections even at our own expense.
The two of us have been working on trying to find balance between us, to understand each other, to compromise, and to support each other in our weak areas.. (ex: I help them uphold meaningful boundaries, they help me maintain our friendships).
Recently, I think because of the hardships we are facing, they don’t really front on their own anymore. Instead, they have been getting really blendy with me. And even more recently, I feel like I’m getting some of their memories. They were around when we were a child, but I wasn’t. And now I’m starting to see those childhood memories like they are mine?
I’m wondering if we are starting to legitimately fuse with one another, but I can’t be sure because I’ve never fused with someone before and I don’t know what it’s like.
I don’t think this would be a bad thing necessarily. Together I think we could be very strong and balanced.
But it is a change that feels a little scary.
If you have experienced fusions, what was the process like? And what was it like afterwards?

So this is my first time ever gardening, and I’m looking for some feedback for next year, or for fall. A few of my tomato plants don’t seem sturdy enough to support the fruit and stems are starting to break. I have tomato cages around them, but they grew so tall that doesn’t seem to help. One of my underripe brandy wine tomatoes has snapped off now :(. Can anyone share what their set up looks like so I can adapt/adjust? And/or if it’s not too late, does anyone know what I can do to help my tomato plants?

For context, it has been very hot where us live, with occasional very intense and windy storms

I’ve been putting off going to a rheumatologist for over 2 years now. My symptoms are getting worse the more I push through. It’s getting to a point where I can’t ignore it anymore. I’m so afraid to see a specialist and still be told they don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t really have a support system either and I’m just.. I guess I’m looking for any hope.
What was your diagnosis experience? Any words of wisdom or encouragement is very welcome.
Thank you <3

Our cousins wedding is in two weeks. We really want to be there, because she has never been weird about our queer identity unlike some of our family.

Our parents are presumably going to be there. We haven’t seen or spoken to our father in years. In fact his number is blocked. Our mom we haven’t seen but have texted, until last winter we decided it was best to go no contact for now. Some system members want to briefly talk to her at the reception to let her know we are grateful that she is respecting our boundaries…

It’s tough. Because some of us don’t think we are ready, some don’t want to ever speak to her again, but some want to have a mom again. I just hope we are strong enough as a unit to do the best thing for us.. I don’t know what that is yet.

We are always struggling because some of us want a partner so bad but others are aro/ace.
I’m one that wants a partner but.. everytime I put myself out there and try to date, I can’t find what I’m looking for.
And it’s because I wan her.
I don’t want just anyone, I want Pixie. But we are both alters in the same system.
I want to love her in her own body. I want it so bad I could scream. I don’t know what to do with this need for each other. We are romantic within the inner world, but we want more. We want each other in the real world, but it isn’t possible. And it’s heart breaking.

After suspecting (and then going into denial cyclically) we were a system for at least 6 years, we were finally diagnosed this year.
In the time of suspecting, we did a lot of meditation, shadow work, and general re-parenting and healing. We remembered a lot..
The thing is that there were so many things in our childhood that could have caused DID. It could have been the abuse/neglect, could have been from the medical trauma, could have been the constant fear of an undiagnosed autistic childhood, could have been the trauma from intense bodily dysphoria…
Does it matter? Does it make a difference what caused it? Is there any value in pin pointing exactly what it was?

I yearn for a femme.
Every time I try to get back into dating, I feel like my hopes are dashed. Not only do I yearn for a femme, but I am also on the ace spectrum and I have trauma with intimacy. I feel like I can’t find a femme in the first place let alone an ace spec femme. And I don’t want to disappoint a femme that is not ace spec.
I want to spoil and adore someone, though. It just feels so unlikely to happen for me